I Want You To Want Me
by EppieG
Summary: With this story, I'm challenging myself to write the whole "realization and first kiss" thing without the use of role-playing, costumes, or major trauma. It may end up being really, really boring and require the intervention of an evil twin …
1. Chapter 1

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 1?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: With this story, I'm challenging myself to write the whole "realization and first kiss" thing without the use of role-playing, costumes, or major trauma. It may end up being really, really boring and require the intervention of an evil twin …

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Almost every muscle in Jane's body ached. She tried to tell herself that her age had nothing to do with it, that anyone who'd been through the week she'd had would be sore in a similar fashion … but she was also no fool. She wasn't getting any younger.

She kept herself in excellent physical condition, sure. And she knew she was tough. Strong. A little slower, maybe by just a step, but she could still run down most of the humps who made a break for it - most of them because they were pretty sure they could outrace or outdistance a girl.

She was in good shape and she was proud of it. It was just that she was weary. She got precious little sleep some nights. After years of practice, she was adept at handling a crazy schedule and never let her professional responsibilities suffer because of it. No one could ever say that Jane Rizzoli wasn't up to the tasks required of her.

Still, she was supremely glad that this Friday night she was in her sweats, on her couch, slumped comfortably with her legs stretched out, her feet resting on her coffee table. She certainly didn't have enough energy to go out. Even trekking to the Dirty Robber would have been too much of an effort.

The only wrinkle in her evening was that it had been Maura's turn to choose the movie. She'd groaned inwardly when she had seen that it was "Pride & Prejudice." If there were ever a night she needed a fast-paced, smash-em-up thriller, this was it. She'd been afraid that she'd be snoring fifteen minutes past the credits.

Dutifully – because it was fully expected – she'd complained loudly about the period setting and dreary costumes. And the accents. And the plot. All of this "hurry up and marry a suitable match" crap reminded her too much of her mother and her own situation. She would have thrown herself in front of a team of horses if she'd had to follow all those damn rules and never wear pants.

Naturally, she stopped her criticism before it could dampen any of Maura's enjoyment of the movie. She'd been nearly giddy that Jane had agreed to watch it with her. Of course that was the deal. It would be her turn next and since it seemed that Maura had a bit of a girl crush on Keira Knightley, she might just pick "Pirates Of The Caribbean" to liven things up a little.

And because she was feeling particularly generous, she might even admit that once she'd gotten past the hoity-toity nature of this flick, she was actually not hating it so much. Especially when the characters started insulting each other.

As she absently fumbled around in the large bowl next to her for another half-handful of popcorn, she realized that she hadn't had to shoo Jo Friday away from the snacks in a while. Glancing down and sideways, she saw that her fluffy little pest was curled in the crook of Maura's arm, snoozing away with her tiny head on Maura's lap.

Smiling as she chewed, she noted that everyone in her immediate circle was smitten by the attractive M.E. Why should Jo be any different? She was just about to tease Maura about having to take the small dog home with her, when it struck her that Maura hadn't moved or spoken for a similar length of time.

Shifting slightly, she angled her head so that she could see Maura's face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing was slow and steady, and it was patently obvious that she was sound asleep. Ha! And Jane had been worried about nodding off during the fancy love story! She was never going to let Maura hear the end of this.

Flicking the movie and the television off with the remote, she moved her feet to the floor and leaned to set the almost empty bowl on the coffee table. As she twisted back around to study her two oblivious companions, her smile widened. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen anything more adorable.

Carefully she eased back into her place, only this time she was propped on her hip, facing Maura. She rarely got to observe her friend this openly in such close proximity. Glancing down once again to where her traitorous canine cuddled happily, Jane amended her earlier qualification. Jo was adorable. Maura was something else entirely. Refocusing on the peaceful countenance of the woman she spent most of her free time with, she was struck for the thousandth time by how innately beautiful she was.

Jane had an immediate impulse to trace the planes and shape of her face - the way she had seen visually impaired people do when they wanted to "see" what someone looked like. Maybe it would help her memorize, absorb the full impact of Maura's exceptional appearance.

The effect was dulled only marginally by the fact that the gorgeous, expressive eyes were closed. Jane was grateful at this moment that they were. She wanted to take her time, stare without reservation, and consider why it was it was so important for her to do so.

It had long been true that Maura could turn her insides into a gooey, mushy mess. That was not news. But Jane had theorized that it was due in part to the fact that she always went into protective mode when confronted with an underdog, or someone who needed her strength. It's why Korsak had been so sure she'd take Jo Friday in and be completely devoted to her.

But Maura wasn't helpless or a stray. She was incredibly capable and quite strong herself. Still, something about her social awkwardness; the way her face fell when she felt she didn't fit in; the acute vulnerability she showed when she discussed her family situation … all of those things made Jane instantly crumble. And want to fix everything.

Those who really knew Jane Rizzoli saw past the gruff exterior and posturing. She had to constantly keep building walls and kicking ass so that no one else would know about her big heart and many soft spots. By being so difficult and prickly, she hoped the ones who had peeked behind the curtain might forget what they had seen, or at least question whether or not they'd been mistaken.

Except for Maura. She didn't want Maura to forget or question. She knew Maura found her outward persona as amusing as Jane found her over-the-top geekiness. That each of them actually impressed the other. She knew that Maura didn't judge her fears or weaknesses. Kept her secrets safe. Hell, somehow kept HER safe.

And if she were being completely honest right at this moment, the flood of warmth and feeling overtaking her as she marveled at Maura's sleep-softened appeal had absolutely nothing to do with any of those things.

It wasn't about wanting to protect her, or fix things for her, or share secrets with her … it was just about … wanting her.

Jesus.

Christ.

Suddenly, Jane's heart was in her throat, thudding ominously. Her stomach felt like it was just underneath, had floated upward as if it were filled with helium and butterflies. Swallowing rapidly to no avail, she tried to push away the thoughts that were affecting her so powerfully. Thoughts that were shocking and yet somewhat strangely familiar.

This was Maura. _Who is everything._

Your best friend. _Who could be so much more._

You're not gay. _Are you sure about that?_

You've never wanted another woman like this. _Other women aren't Maura._

You've been attracted to men. _And how did that work out for you?_

This would be a huge mistake. _Or the best thing that's ever happened to you._

People will talk, treat you differently. _I don't care. I honestly don't give a flying fuck._

She's out of your league.

There.

There it was.

Something to hold onto, halt the headlong rush of momentum that she was building up. Staring at the sleeping woman right in front of her, she was assailed for millionth time by the truth. She wasn't good enough for Maura. Not in that way. Someone so incredible, so very special, deserved better than a damaged, driven, loudmouth who was barely presentable to the public most days.

She could feel the anger that she needed to distract herself starting to simmer, competing with the flush of desire that had propelled her to the brink of a colossal misstep. But somewhere in between, somewhere that still managed to be quiet and deliberate, a voice was trying to break through. Present a softer, calmer case.

Maura has always accepted you for who you are. Encouraged you to stop being so hard on yourself, to stop seeing only the negatives. She would be furious if she heard you selling yourself short, even more so if she had a hint that you were elevating her above you at the same time.

Maura looks at you as if you are the most amazing person in the world. And she can't fake anything.

Jane wanted to listen. She wanted to believe. If anyone could smooth her rough edges, heal the wounds that were not visible to anyone else … it would be Maura. Jane had no doubt about that. And she would give Maura anything and everything she wanted in return, beyond that if necessary. More than she could imagine. Even if it killed her.

Her fingers trembled as she simultaneously willed them to curl back into her palm and reach to brush a caramel-colored lock of hair away from the delicate eyebrow that it had fallen across. She clenched her hand into a fist, wrestling with her impulses and her better judgment. In the end, she knew which one would win.

She'd always been impulsive.

Even as she brought her fingers closer, they felt clumsy and inadequate. Cursing the tremor that wouldn't go away, Jane ultimately allowed only her pinky finger to graze Maura's forehead, guiding the errant hair toward her temple and behind her ear.

She watched spellbound as Maura began to move at the contact, her eyelids barely flickering as her head slid further back against the sofa. The rest of her body shifted slightly with the subtlest of stretches. The only obvious, outward indication that her sleep was disturbed, however, was the way her arm adjusted Jo against her, cradling the unconscious ball of fur tighter to her side.

As Maura's breathing settled back down into a shallow, steady pattern, Jane felt a surge of affection. She was completely taken by this woman, and for the first time, she acknowledged the extent of her captivity. She was in love. IN love. Completely and totally surrounded, with no escape. Admitting it to herself should have made her panic, but somehow … she didn't want to fight or flee. She wanted to surrender.

Some detective you are, Rizzoli. It's taken you this long to piece the clues together? The truth has been as plain as the nose on your face this whole time.

But the cases you get too close to are the ones that cloud your thinking, shield you from the obvious and divert your emotions. And was she ever too close to this one.

Still, as she studied the rise and fall of Maura's chest, the elegant expanse of her neck, the faint pulse beneath the tantalizingly soft skin … she wasn't nearly close enough.

Her eyes focused on the way Maura's lips were parted and the powerful yearning claimed her once again. They were so inviting, so fucking irresistible … she could practically feel the electrical current, the tingling shock they would transfer to her own.

She could see the tiniest crumb of popcorn clinging to the bottom one, and that miniscule imperfection only fueled the fire that threatened to consume her. She wanted … no, needed … to flick it away with her tongue …

The compulsion that overwhelmed her, controlled her now, reminded her of when she was younger, a child … and her mother would tell her not to play with the candle flame. She would stare at it until she couldn't really see straight, the dancing colors drawing her in further and further, her brain telling her that it was dangerous, forbidden … but her finger itching to just plunge right into it. The thought that she might, the way it skipped and twirled through her, was exhilarating.

Or the time Pop had taken her up to the roof of a building where he was working a job, warning her about getting too close to the edge. As soon as he'd been immersed in his work and no longer paying attention to her, she'd eased closer and closer until she could look down. The height was dizzying and terrifying and exciting. The longer she'd looked, the more she imagined what it would be like to just step over. She remembered that it had nothing to do with wanting to harm herself, just an intoxicating siren song of being on the precipice …

Where she found herself now.

Her hand hovered along Maura's jaw. She knew … _knew_ … that if she touched her she would be free-falling. Into the flame.

Her own breath felt foreign to her, her heartbeat unnaturally harsh and loud. Leaning in slow motion, she wet her lips … shuddering to her toes when she felt the warm puff of Maura's exhalation wash over them. Nearly whimpering and unable to move forward any further, she allowed her thumb to gently travel across Maura's full bottom lip, unleashing a new round of exquisite shivers under her skin.

She'd barely had time to register the sensation when Maura's eyelids fluttered open … triggering the dozens of butterfly wings in her stomach. Before she could react or retreat, sleepy hazel eyes met hers and she was frozen in place.

Caught.

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end part 1  
>thanks for reading!<p>

The "short break" I took after finishing "I Want Candy" turned into a much longer span of time once I started reading the nominees for The Rizzles Awards. (rizzlesfanawards AT wordpress DOT com) There are some SPECTACULAR stories out there you guys! I was quite intimidated about picking up the keyboard again (doesn't sound quite the same as "picking up the pen" but whatever ;) Anyway! Like I said, I'm challenging myself. LOL


	2. Chapter 2

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 2?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Continuing with just the basics. Just another Friday night. Two women on a couch with a dog.

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Burned.

If you play with fire you get burned. Wounds so raw and so sensitive that any contact is agony. Even air hurts.

Every breath equals the anticipation, the stark dread, of pain.

Jane's thoughts tore through her like a rock from a slingshot. Everything else stood still. Time. Her ability to move. Hell, to process or react.

She had stepped from the ledge and now the only possible outcome inevitably involved concrete and carnage.

Fuck.

She was done. It was over before it had started.

If she had just been able to think, to grasp at straws. She might have been able to play it off that she was just brushing the crumb away from Maura's lip … that nothing serious was happening here.

But she was far too close for that to make sense. And completely exposed. Her eyes were broadcasting every truth she had accepted. Every emotion she had wrested with and couldn't defeat. And most damnably, her clear intention.

Maura's transition from untroubled slumber to gradual awareness played out in slow motion. Jane could only watch ... mere inches away from the oncoming crash.

The first flash of feeling fell short of fear — Maura was obviously startled to find Jane directly in front of her, their noses practically touching. That gave way to confusion, underscored almost adorably by the creasing of her forehead the way her eyebrows drew together.

Jane hated that she couldn't reassure her, explain. Stop this. That her voice had deserted her when she just needed to … do something.

She knew the instant that her secret was out … that Maura realized it … absorbed the meaning of it. The questioning look dissolved into one of stunned surprise. Her pupils widened and her expression altered, her mouth unconsciously forming an "oh" …

Jane's stomach clenched dramatically and her heart seemed to tighten in on itself, smaller and smaller until it felt like it left her altogether. She could tell she was crumbling, even prior to impact.

And then. And then …

As her own eyes were closing in protection, the one act she seemed capable of, she glimpsed a flash of concern, colored by something else mysteriously undefined. Before she could begin to acknowledge it, she heard her name in a hushed tone that mimicked the sensation of wind slightly ruffling her hair.

"Jane …"

She knew Maura was calling her back, but she couldn't look. Couldn't bear to see anymore. However, she wasn't going to be allowed to withdraw. Without warning or preamble, Maura's lips grazed hers, a fleeting yet soothing gesture that was repeated almost instantly.

"It's okay …" Whispers against her mouth coaxed her closer. "It's okay."

Something akin to relief washed over her, left her shaking. Daring to open her eyes once again, she met Maura's searching gaze. It wasn't going to be over. She wasn't going to crash and burn. She knew that she was totally transparent when Maura's hand moved to caress her cheek, dislodging Jo Friday and sending her scrambling to the corner of the couch.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Jane."

The gentle pressure of Maura's fingertips, the power of her words, melted the lump in her throat. Allowed her to breathe once more. She couldn't help but lean into Maura's palm, needing the warmth and reassurance it held.

How had she even attempted to assess the extent of Maura's beauty while her eyes had been closed? They were essential. They were restorative. They were live-saving.

And they were not critical or wary or dismissive at this moment. She was safe.

But she needed to be whole.

With only the slightest, barely detectable, hint of hesitation, Jane initiated the next kiss. A real one, like she had imagined, yearned for … risked everything for.

She brought the hand that had hovered anxiously over Maura's skin minutes before up to her jaw, slipping it under the cascade of hardly mussed hair, anchoring Maura in place. She tasted the traces of salt from the popcorn, marveled at the achingly soft warmth of Maura's lips, and nearly smiled at the recognition of the tingling current she had expected.

She loved this.

Deepening the contact, she teased with her tongue, nearly swooning at the shock of desire such a simple motion provoked in her. The fire that she had so feared destroying her suddenly flared, fueling her instead. Her fingernails gripped the back of Maura's scalp, causing shivers that Jane could feel in the midst of the kiss. Moaning in response, she captured Maura's mouth in relentless pursuit of more, needing so much.

She could feel the hunger growing between them and welcomed it. Did her best to stoke it, heighten the intensity. Her body was humming, completely wired to the sensations they were creating. Her heart was expanding steadily, engulfing the rest of her. It was exquisitely unbearable.

When she felt Maura shudder once again, she grasped her tightly, twisting her body so that she fell across her own, basically ending up in Jane's lap. Her free hand dropped to Maura's ribs, stroking up and down her side, just under her breast, as she continued to kiss and explore.

Unbelievable. This was all so unbelievably amazing. Maura in her arms this way, The freedom to express herself, her feelings, without boundaries. The fact that she wasn't petrified that this might be more … mean more. So fucking unbelievable.

Jesus Christ.

How could she have kept herself from this? Her fingers found the hem of Maura's blouse, the skin underneath scorching hot and so incredibly smooth. The muscles quivering at her touch. HER touch.

Running her tongue along the lusciousness of Maura's lower lip, she felt as if she would explode.

"Maura … Jesus."

Her voice sounded broken, crushed. Her chest was heaving with the effort it was taking her to breathe.

The hand that had been curled around Jane's neck, holding on for dear life, pressed and squeezed the muscle of her shoulder as Maura wet her lips. She seemed to be struggling to open her eyes as Jane's thumb continued to circle against her stomach.

With as much effort as she could muster, Maura finally made her eyelids obey, although they were still somewhat heavy. Her pupils almost imperceptibly widened at the look of raw emotion etched on Jane's face.

"Jane …" She swallowed and tried again. "We have to stop …"

Shaking her head in confusion, Jane slid her hand further up, her thumb barely grazing the curve of Maura's breast as she rasped her reply.

"I don't think I can."

Fighting hard not to arch her back at Jane's more intimate touch, Maura flattened her hand against the plane of Jane's chest. "We have to …" Closing her eyes once more and then opening them quickly, she directed her gaze and her words more pointedly. "I have to."

Jane's hand stilled as the statement sank in. Jesus. She was rushing things. Maura had just woken up for Christ's sake! While she had been working her way through her newly discovered circumstances, Maura had been innocently sleeping, oblivious to any of Jane's internal drama and deliberations. She hadn't given her any space, any opportunity to catch up.

Slipping her fingers free from beneath Maura's blouse, she ran them through her own thick hair as she tried to regain her composure. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she nodded, helping Maura sit up and slide from her lap back onto the sofa.

"You're right. We should slow down." Her arms suddenly empty, she fiddled with her fingers, threading them together and twisting them apart.

Shyly glancing sideways at Maura as the doctor straightened her clothing, she added, "I mean … this is all new to me too. I've never … we can figure it out together."

She felt her face flush as her coherence eluded her. She felt like an idiot. Thankfully, the way Maura was sitting, bent forward with her hands on her knees, her hair shielding her face, kept Jane's embarrassment a secret a little while longer. Still it did make it harder for Jane to decipher her next statement.

"There's nothing to figure out, really."

Perplexed, Jane reached for the wrist closest to her, trying to get Maura to look at her once again.

"Are you okay? Did I totally make a mess of things?"

Dammit. This was the one thing in her life she couldn't afford to screw up. She had to find a way to communicate the entirety of the situation to Maura. To establish that she was all in.

As Maura turned toward her, any relief Jane found in her answer was quickly erased by the haunted look in her eyes.

"It's fine, truly. There's nothing here that can't be fixed."

For the first time since Maura had kissed her, Jane felt a trickle of unease travel up her spine. Things didn't seem fine. She scraped her thumbnail lightly against Maura's wrist and drew her hand into her lap.

"I know this is scary, Maura. I'm bouncing back and forth between terrified and thrilled. I just … need you to know … if you're worried about what people will think … or if you're worried about … this type of relationship … with me … with another woman … or if you're worried that I don't feel, that I'm not as overwhelmed as you are … I just need you to know that I'm going to be here. Every step of the way."

Maura cleared her throat softly. Glancing down at where their hands were intertwined before looking back to Jane, she smiled a tight smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You should know by now that I don't care one whit what other people think of me. And that I would never let outside opinions direct any of my decisions."

"That's my girl." Jane squeezed Maura's hand gently, still dismayed that she was so apprehensive.

"And although I may not have been forthcoming about it before now, I've had … I've been with other women."

Wow.

Okay.

Jane shouldn't have been so thrown by that. Maura had never been shy about her sexual freedom. And it wasn't as if she'd ever asked. Or that they were a couple, truly, and that she had any right to know … The last thing she wanted right now was to seem judgmental or jealous, so she fought to keep her shocked reaction to herself.

She knew she hadn't quite pulled it off when Maura gripped her hand tighter, as if she were afraid Jane would snatch it back after her announcement.

Slowly, she formed the words. "That doesn't change anything for me, Maura."

Maura visibly relaxed for a brief moment, but then much to her horror, Jane could detect the onset of tears. It was obvious that Maura was holding something back. Something that was causing her deep distress. If wasn't that she was freaked out about making out with another woman, that she didn't care about the ramifications of a same-sex affair, that only left one thing …

"It's just that it's me, isn't it? You can't … with me."

Jesus Christ this was going to hurt. The knife plunged in quickly when Maura bit her lip and nodded, one tear slowly making its way down her cheek.

Jane needed her hand back. She needed both arms to fold across her middle, to try to keep the rest of her body from shredding apart like her heart was doing right this minute.

"Okay then."

All of her recriminations from earlier in the evening rushed back, twisting the knife in further. Maura was untouchable. Not just out of her league but not of her world. She was not the type someone so spectacular could end up with, would ever choose. And it goddamn hurt like a sonofabitch to realize how true that was.

And that she had made Maura cry because of it.

"It's not your fault, Maura. I crossed the line. It's not your fault you're not interested in me that way, not attracted to me …"

Even as she spoke, she could still feel how Maura had responded to her kisses, her hands. What the hell had that been about, then?

"Oh Janie …"

Maura seemed oblivious to her use of the endearment, but Jane flinched nevertheless. "Of course I'm attracted to you … that's what makes this so hard."

Something echoed in Jane's memory from another conversation in her apartment.

"Like you were attracted to Tommy."

A flicker of hope lit Maura's eyes. "Yes … not exactly, but yes."

"But you couldn't act on it, because you loved me." Bitterness crept into Jane's tone without warning.

"I do love you." Maura was adamant. Fierce in her reply.

This was the oddest rejection Jane had ever heard. Even as everything was slipping through her fingers, she was concerned enough to clarify.

With her heart in her eyes, she tried one last time to salvage her future, if not her dignity.

"But I'm IN love with you."

Maura winced as if she'd been stung, bracing herself against the force of the confession so that she wouldn't be blown away. Her voice barely above a whisper, she responded.

"I didn't know that for sure until tonight."

"Neither did I. But now that we both do …" She shrugged. "Where does that leave us?"

Maura choked back a sob. "I can't lose you, Jane."

Still hugging herself tightly, Jane pondered the way the earth seemed tilted. "You're not going to lose me, Maura. I'm the one spilling my guts here. I'm the one who's getting shut down. Did you hear an ultimatum from me that I'm unaware of?"

Sighing softly, Maura quirked an eyebrow toward her darker companion. "No, but …"

"But what, Maura? Tell me exactly what you want to happen next. I'm at a loss here, frankly."

"I've never, ever had a best friend, Jane. Until you I didn't really believe in the concept. I believed I was destined to be alone, to always remain alone. Sure, I expected I'd have my share of relationships, and … sexual encounters." She seemed to tiptoe around the topic. "But in my experience, those don't last, aren't permanent. The one consistent connection I've been able to count on is our friendship. It means the world to me. It's my cornerstone. It's been my salvation. I can't … fathom … my life without it. Without you."

As Maura took a long shuddering breath, Jane was compelled to reach out to her. Smoothing her hair away from her face, she softened her voice.

"Sweetie, much like you didn't believe a friendship like ours could exist and thrive, you aren't letting yourself see the possibility that it could develop into more. Just because none of our previous relationships were right, doesn't mean this one isn't. In fact, based on your own scientific sample, this thing between you and me – it's the strongest case you have for the foundation of a successful relationship. One that lasts. Maybe it's just time to build on it, see where it goes."

"I can't take that risk, Jane. I can't just hope. I have to know! And we know how to do this. We know how to be the best friend the other has ever had. There is nothing our friendship cannot withstand, I firmly believe that. But the rules for romantic relationships are different. I won't risk what we have on the chance we could have more. You were always braver than me. But you have more to fall back on."

Jane's exasperation was palpable.

"Fuck the rules, Maura! We can make up our own. Don't you get it? This … is whatever we choose to make it. We don't need rules or labels or past experiences. We both just need to have faith."

Maura didn't need to verbally respond for Jane to know she had lost the debate. The fear in her eyes, the fresh round of tears, the way her body crumpled into Jane's arms, all spoke of defeat. Jane couldn't bring herself to rail in anger or be more forceful in her argument, she was too busy wrapping Maura tightly to her, rocking her slowly, kissing the top of her head.

"Shhh. It's okay." She'd wallow in her own misery later. She couldn't take Maura's heartbreak on top of her own. "We're still fine. Just like you said. Nothing has happened that can't be fixed, sweetheart."

She could feel Maura's hot tears soaking her t-shirt. The smaller fingers clinging to her shoulders. Her love for this woman meant she needed for her to be happy. No matter what. Bending slightly, she tilted Maura's tear stained face up so that she could look into her eyes as she continued to speak.

"Look at me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm okay. We're exactly who we are, Maura, who we've always been. Best friends."

Maura's vulnerable smile was heart-wrenching. Jane carefully wiped her tears away with her thumbs and encouraged her once again. "Best friends?"

"Best friends."

Unexpectedly, Maura sealed her benediction with a whisper-soft kiss, causing Jane's heart to cartwheel into her stomach.

As she drew away, Jane murmured an admonition, "Maura … best friends don't kiss each other on the lips like that."

Somewhat dreamily, Maura replied with absolutely no remorse. "I know. I just wanted that last one to remember."

Swallowing hard, Jane committed it to memory as well. Commitment. She had one, albeit a different one than she'd wished. And she'd keep it.

She'd give Maura anything and everything she wanted.

Even if it killed her.

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end part 2  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 3?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: There's got to be a morning after …

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Of course the anger came later.

Much later as it turned out. Jane wasn't exactly sure what time it was when Jo Friday's persistent licking of her fingers woke her up.

All of the fatigue of the day and the emotionally draining episode with Maura had really put her under. And she wasn't alone.

As she semi-consciously attempted to escape the relentless tongue bath, her arm brushed Maura's body, still awkwardly nestled against her own. For a split second, she relished the warmth and contact, absorbed the profound satisfaction of waking up holding the woman she loved. But the thought was fleeting, a ghost disappearing into the stark reality of her waking world.

The sudden, intense ache was deeper than any she could remember. Beyond the tortured muscles screaming in protest about the uncomfortable position she had ended up in and her constant weariness. External bruises and strains she was all too familiar with. This … this pain was completely foreign.

Any of her previous experiences with emotional injuries may have seemed brutal … but she'd had nothing really to compare them to. Short of her grief over her grandmother's death, she realized she'd never truly known what it was like to lose someone who meant so much to her.

And she'd lost Maura in a way she'd never expected. Had lost a life she hadn't realized she wanted. And to top it all off, she was going to be confronted with that sad and crushing truth every day, multiple times a day, until she could overcome it.

Or until it broke her.

Sighing softly, careful not to disturb her … best friend … she started to shift, disentangle herself. Slip away. Gently adjusting Maura so that she could continue to sleep, Jane was assailed by the scent of her shampoo, her light perfume, the inherent element that was purely _her_. Lightheaded, she pushed against the cushions and stood to give herself some distance, perspective.

It was futile of course. She couldn't stop her eyes from roaming over Maura's face, any inch of her exposed skin. She couldn't stop her mind from returning to the moments she when was touching that skin so intimately, tasting ….

Christ.

She had to find a way to … do this.

Scrubbing her face roughly with the heels of her hands, she shook herself and popped her neck with a frightening crack. Padding away from the sofa and quietly snapping her fingers at Jo, she searched for a way to start putting some sort of protective cover over her open wounds. Something stronger than bandages that would be ripped off quickly every time she saw that stunningly gorgeous face, or was close enough to feel Maura's enticing warmth.

She'd worry about things like seeing her with other people … shit, or hearing about them from Maura herself … after she could handle the basics. Like how to be in the same place with her and still breathe in and out.

Right now her dog needed to pee and she needed some air.

Funny how things occasionally - and rarely - worked out.

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By the time they had made a few laps around the block, both she and Jo were feeling better. Jane had checked her watch when they left and found that it was only a few minutes past midnight. It was already tomorrow, and she had survived … somewhat, anyway.

With each step she had taken, she'd been psyching herself up to handle the immediate situation. She'd even let her mind wander past this particular set of circumstances and tried to prepare for the endurance test that was to follow.

She'd had a lifetime of practice at hiding certain aspects of herself, despite the very visible feelings she often wore on her sleeve. She'd made it this far without having a "soul mate" and had actually liked her life just fine. She was intrinsically a very private person, and that took discipline.

She'd simply apply that same type of structure and force of will to making sure she pushed her romantic leanings way, way, way down and kept them there. Bottled up. Hidden.

She was strong. She could do this.

After all, that's what it was going to take to keep Maura from bolting. Drawing away. It was worth whatever effort she could expend and struggle she could endure just to continue to be close to her. To guard and protect her, make sure she was okay.

To be the recipient of one of those smiles.

Jesus.

It was going to take quite a bit of conditioning to keep from noticeably melting when Maura flashed one of those her way.

As she trotted briskly up the steps to the apartment, she focused on one thing: If she were willing to take a bullet for Maura, and she knew without a doubt that she was and would, how could she not be willing to take on this gut-punch of a burden for her as well?

With renewed conviction, she stuck her key in the door.

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She'd barely closed it behind her when her newfound outlook and resolve evaporated.

As she leaned down to unhook Jo's leash, she made a grab for her neck so that she could keep the little mutt from bothering Maura. She was a half beat too late, but Jo surprised her by darting toward the kitchen. Straight to where Maura stood – heels on, purse slung over her shoulder – apparently searching for something on the counter.

"You're leaving?"

Maura turned, distracted by Jo Friday wiggling around her ankles, but didn't look toward Jane.

"Um … I was going to leave a note …"

"You were going to leave a note?" Jane hadn't moved since she'd entered the apartment. "You weren't going to even speak to me … say good-bye?"

Without making eye contact, Maura bent to scratch behind Jo's ears. "I just thought … I didn't think … I just …"

Maura rarely stammered or faltered, and Jane felt compelled to calm her, reassure her, get things back to normal.

"It's after midnight. You should just stay." Anything other than simple sentences seemed to elude her.

"You always stay if you get tired and it's late."

Straightening up once again, Maura braved a glance in Jane's direction, but just as quickly looked away.

"I don't think that's a good idea … tonight."

Jane was getting increasingly agitated. Throwing up her hands, she couldn't help but raise her voice.

"For Christ's sake, Maura! I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're out of it!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, and Maura's eyes locked with her own, she felt like she'd been slapped in the face. That's exactly what she had done. That's why they were having this stilted conversation. Why Maura could hardly stand to be in the same room with her. That's why everything had gone to hell.

She was infuriated.

"SHIT!"

The bulk of her anger was directed inward, as usual. White hot and damaging. But the fact that she deserved it, had earned every bit of it, wasn't going to keep her from spreading it around.

"So we've gone from 'It's okay … _Janie_ …" Her lips curled in disgust as she mocked the variation of her name and Maura's earlier assurances. "…'you haven't done anything wrong' … to 'I don't trust you not to molest me while I'm defenseless' … That's just fucking great! Fan-fucking-tastc! Unbelievable! Thanks … _friend_."

She practically spat the last word out.

"FUCK!"

Whirling completely around, she slammed her open hand into the door, rattling it with the impact. Sharp pain rippled from her wrist down her arm, but she found it preferable to the excruciating agony in her chest.

"Jane!"

Maura's voice was strident and horrified.

"Stop it this instant!"

Holding her throbbing wrist and glaring through the strands of her hair that had fallen across her face, Jane steeled against Maura's sudden presence behind her. Through gritted teeth, she responded.

"Don't worry. Give me just a minute and I'll be out of your way … you can flee to safety."

She heard Maura's purse hit the floor and was startled to find herself being spun around, Maura's grip firm and strong on her upper arm.

"You are impossible." With an exasperated huff, and while Jane was still off-balance, Maura reached for the hand she was favoring. Clinically, she examined it, pressing and squeezing in various spots around the wrist.

"Ow!" Jane snatched her arm back and tossed her hair back out of her way.

"It's going to be fine, despite your behavior. Nothing is broken or seriously compromised. You may have some swelling, but soreness is probably the main concern."

"Thanks, Doc." Jane's sarcastic reply brought a fresh expression of irritation to Maura's face, which childishly made her feel a tiny bit better.

But that dissolved quickly when a more ambiguous look took its place. Maura crossed her arms and tilted her head ever so slightly to one side as she studied Jane. The whole effect made her uneasy, but Jane held her ground … and her faint sneer.

"You're right. I shouldn't have contemplated leaving without discussing it with you. God knows, in the absence of conversation and explanation, you become dangerously irrational."

Even though she had just been insulted, Jane was gratified by Maura's admission that she was wrong to try to sneak out.

"I'm not going home because of you. As you said before, what happened … earlier … isn't fatal, doesn't have to adversely affect our relationship." Maura swallowed and seemed to gather herself.

When she met Jane's eyes again, hers were pleading for understanding.

"But I think, in order for that to be true … in order for us to preserve what is so monumentally valuable and special … I think we need some time and … space …to prepare, to regroup. Jane, … I'm palpably aware that this is painful … and difficult. I feel it too. I am just totally incapable of picking up the pieces and working to mend them while I'm so attuned to your thoughts and feelings. And confronted by my own fear, guilt and longing."

Jane felt all of her anger dissipate. If she truly wanted to fix this, to have Maura remain an integral part of her life, she needed to listen. She needed to tread carefully, something that obviously was not her strong suit.

Her voice and her demeanor had softened considerably when she spoke.

"How much? Time?"

Maura's visible relief was almost pitiful.

"I think that should be up to you. However much time you need."

Right . It took all of Jane's willpower not to snort. She _was_ the rejected party, after all. She was the one who had had her heart handed back to her. But dammit, she wasn't going to be a victim here.

"How about until Monday? We take the weekend, get things straight, then see each other at work, start the week off fresh. No harm, no foul."

If her answer surprised Maura, she didn't let it show. Bending to retrieve her purse and settling it once again over her shoulder, she smiled rather shyly and touched Jane lightly on the arm.

"It will take however long it takes. I'm not really going anywhere. I can be patient. Maybe patient enough for both of us."

Jane grinned wryly at the last statement.

"Sounds like a plan. Call me to let me know you made it home."

Maura seemed to hesitate, remaining still and silent for so long that Jane was beginning to fidget. Then, without warning, she pulled Jane into a full body hug.

"I will."

Her breath was warm near Jane's ear. As tightly as she hugged back, Jane couldn't relax into the embrace. She wanted to freeze the moment and never let Maura go. She wanted to rock her back and forth slowly and convince her that if she just gave them a chance … trusted Jane enough not to let it end badly, that they would never have to separate and pick up any pieces. She wanted to slide her hands up to the sides of Maura's face and kiss her like there was no tomorrow, much less a sketchy future.

She wanted this to be like one of those stories she'd read where when you finally kissed your true love, they automatically knew what was in your heart and all obstacles fell away, paled in comparison to the power of that connection.

But she knew of all that was fiction and fantasy. In real life, especially in hers, that's not how it worked. She also knew she needed to stop hugging first. For her sanity and to establish that she was willing to let it all go.

Pulling back, she leaned away to open the door.

"I'll see you Monday morning."

Taking a few steps and crossing the threshold, Maura responded with forced cheerfulness, "Bright and early!"

Bracing herself on the doorknob, Jane muttered. "You only get one of those before coffee."

With a small smile and a nod, Maura turned and walked away.

As she closed the door, Jane stayed next to it, listening to the sound of heels clicking down the hall. Fading. As the sound dimmed, she felt every ounce of her energy go with it. Rolling so that her back was against the inside of the door, she slid down it, slumping into a sitting position on the floor.

Immediately, Jo Friday was between her knees, front feet propped on her stomach, raining doggie kisses all over her chin and jaw. The affectionate assault was exactly what she needed. It was impossible not to chuckle as the frenzied licking and bouncing threatened to bowl her over.

Finally, she grabbed two handfuls of scruff and hugged the little monster close to her chest, dropping her own kiss on the top of the furry head.

"I know you're still here, little one. It's not the same, but it does help."

Damn this was going to be hard.

Everything was going to be new and strange and confusing. And she had no choice but to get through it. Maybe she'd never get to "the other side" but she couldn't avoid the journey.

Sighing, she held Jo away from her so that she could look sadly into her adoring brown eyes.

"Toto, I'm pretty sure we're not in Kansas anymore."

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end part three  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 4?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Where do we go from here? (Get out of my head, Alan Parsons Project!)

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So what if she sometimes slept in her clothes.

It wasn't like anyone else was there to see it. Except Jo, and she certainly didn't care.

Jane had collapsed into the bed and was fighting against the comfort of unconsciousness while she waited for Maura's call. Her exhaustion didn't allow her brain to process anything further.

When her cell trilled next to her on the pillow, she answered, feeling like she was underwater.

"Hey."

"I'm home. I'm here."

They were both speaking softly, as if they were very close to each other and having a hushed conversation.

"Good. Get some rest."

There was a long pause, and it was all Jane could do to keep her eyes open. She could almost hear Maura swallowing, wetting her lips.

"… are you okay?"

With a small shrug of her shoulders that was lost over the phone, Jane murmured an immediate reply.

"Yeah, you know me. I'm always okay."

This time she could hear Maura's reaction, although it was barely detectable. A shaky, almost stifled breath. And when she spoke, the tiniest crack in her voice.

"Jane …"

"G'night, Maura. See ya Monday."

Pressing the button to end the call, she slid the phone away from her on the mattress and let herself sink into blissful oblivion.

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Since it was Saturday, she didn't expect to be woken up at the crack of dawn, but when her text message alert sounded, it was too close for her to ignore it. Snaking her hand over the sheets, she located the cell and dragged it in front of her bleary eyes.

Maura.

Rubbing her face, she opened the text.

"I'm running the Esplanade route this morning."

The hell? Confused, Jane reread the message a few times. They had planned to run this morning. Together. But after last night …

Hadn't they agreed on Monday? Several times?

Screw it. She punched the call back option.

As soon as Maura answered, Jane's groggy growl didn't give her a much of a chance to speak.

"I thought we said Monday. That we wouldn't see each other until Monday, Maura. Monday. What the hell is this text about?"

"I woke you up."

Jane snorted. "It's 6:15 on a Saturday morning, what're the odds?"

She could hear Maura sigh.

"I was getting ready to go for my run, and I remembered … you were supposed to go with me … and … "

"And?"

"And I wanted to let you know where I would be … in case you decided to run … so that …"

It dawned on Jane what she was trying, miserably, to say. She finished the thought herself.

"So that I could avoid seeing you."

Jane would have laughed if the whole thing hadn't been so sad. The idea that she would get up and go jogging _without_ Maura … was hilarious in and of itself. She almost blurted out that the only reason that she ever went running was to be with Maura – but however that would have sounded … before … she knew that it would sound pathetic and needy now.

She cleared her throat.

"Good idea. Good call. Thanks."

There was a protracted silence, as if Maura was trying to decide what else to say. With each second that ticked by, Jane grew more and more depressed. She did need time. And space. She did need distance, or she wasn't going to get past this raw exposure.

Before Maura could find her voice, Jane cut the conversation off.

"Have a good run."

Pressing "end" she relaxed back onto her pillow and stared at the ceiling in the dim light of her cell.

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It had been impossible to go back to sleep.

Groaning her displeasure, she had decided to go ahead and get up. She fed Jo and took her for a short walk. And then …

She was facing the long empty day ahead.

Her first plan had been to go about a hundred rounds with the heavy bag, to pound away at it until she had worn herself out and had no energy left to miss Maura. But the soreness in her wrist had shut that down immediately.

Flexing her hand a few times to see if she could "shake it off" only made her grunt in frustration. Dammit. If Maura hadn't texted so early, she'd have dozed for a few more hours. She'd have that much less time to kill.

She thought about calling Frost or Frankie and going for breakfast later. It was only a fleeting thought because she realized that she didn't want to have company. Or be company. She didn't want to talk to or interact with anyone today.

God forbid Maura would change her own schedule due to the events of the previous evening. She had been up and prepared to follow her usual morning routine. And she had been "thoughtful" enough to alert Jane to steer clear of the area she'd be occupying.

As if it was even necessary. Jane ran because Maura asked her to. She could barely refuse her anything. She always ended up enjoying it, but she wasn't doing it for the health benefits.

Wait a minute.

Maura had once said that running was a great way to clear her head. Jane smirked as she remembered her own comeback. Something about Maura needing to run cross country if she were going to apply that concept to her giant brain.

Maybe that's why she had to make her run this morning. Not because she wasn't deviating from her usual activities, but _because_ last night had been so unusual. Jane hoped it worked for her.

Rotating her wrist once again, she eyed the heavy bag in the corner. If she couldn't take out her roiling feelings on it, she might as well run them out.

Not anywhere near Maura, of course. That would totally defeat the purpose. As much as she'd like to see the expression on her face when she realized Jane was out running. By herself.

Slightly defensive even though the scenario was imaginary, she vented to Jo.

"It's not like I'm _incapable_ of jogging without her."

I just don't want to.

That had to change. A lot of things had to change now.

But first, she needed to change her clothes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She'd chosen this park because it was so big.

And nowhere near the Esplanade.

As she stretched and twisted to warm up, she noticed several people with dogs and felt a twinge of guilt that she hadn't brought Jo Friday. So she reminded herself that the pace she intended to keep was far too much for those stubby little legs to handle.

She was a little bit chilly in her shorts and tank, but she knew that it would be temporary. Once she got going she'd be plenty warm. Her thoughts drifted toward the sexy outfits Maura never seemed to be aware of when she ran. All she cared about was how aerodynamic they were.

All anyone else cared about was how she looked in them. How they left very, very little to the imagination.

Jane jogged in place and tried to force her thoughts away from Maura's body clad in skintight breathable material. Instead she concentrated on those ugly shoes with the toes. There was nothing remotely attractive about those things. They made Maura walk like a duck.

But even as she managed to tone down her most prurient thoughts, she felt a rush of endearment toward the owner of such shoes. This adorable person who was openly quirky and unfazed by public opinion. Who was uninhibited in her enthusiasm for innovation and scientific advances, even if it was dorky and otherwise embarrassing.

She loved that person.

And she needed to run as fast and as far as she could to try to make the ache it caused go away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jesus Christ had she pushed herself.

Or punished herself.

Either way. She had flown. Like when she was chasing a perp or running from something particularly terrifying in her nightmares.

She had raced until her lungs burned, until the muscles in her legs felt like they were being braided. By her mother. Who always had a heavy hand and pulled very, very tight.

Her feet were probably going to look like raw hamburger.

Still, even though she could barely climb the stairs to the apartment, even though she knew all of it would be worse the next morning, she didn't mind.

This was going to be a process and she had made a great start. She hadn't had time to dwell as she was flying through the park, down the trails. She hadn't stayed stationary long enough to invite conversation. The type of running she had done was nothing like when she was with Maura.

She had gotten what she needed from her morning and had turned it into the afternoon.

Fuck baby steps. She was going to get through this full throttle.

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She was proud of herself.

Although she had been standing naked in the shower, she hadn't thought about Maura. She had been totally absorbed with how the near scalding water stung and soothed her screaming muscles. And she had formulated a plan for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

Fully dressed, she had headed down to the precinct. On a whim, she had brought Jo Friday along this time. It wasn't a romp in the park, but it was outside of the apartment, so it was an upgrade.

The bullpen was sparsely populated which suited her just fine. She didn't intend to hang around long enough to get stuck actually working. She had some hours to kill and since she wanted to be alone, she might as well catch up on some of the paperwork she had been putting off.

Tying Jo's leash to her drawer handle, she started loading files into a box. Not only was she going to stay busy so that she wasn't moping and pining away in the dark, she was going to actually accomplish something.

The proverbial two birds with one stone trick. Being rejected might actually make her more productive. She heard of people throwing themselves into their work to get over personal problems and right about now that sounded like an excellent strategy.

She finished packing up papers and tried not to think about how many times she'd see Maura in this building, at this very desk, in the coming week.

Settling the banker's box on her hip, she retrieved Jo's leash and headed for the elevator. Once inside, she smiled down at her shaggy companion.

"I'm thinking that take-out Chinese sounds pretty good paired with take-out work, what about you?"

As Jo wagged her tail in apparent agreement, she made up her mind to add a few slices of teriyaki beef to the little mongrel's kibble tonight.

"You're much more fun than a big ol' turtle, you know that?"

And I'm talking to you like a person. In public. Well, in an elevator, but still.

"I promise to stop the crazy before I start putting little dresses on you, okay?"

She could have sworn she saw Jo raise an eyebrow.

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Sunday morning she had a wakeup call of an entirely different sort.

She could barely move. In fact, she felt like a survivor of skydiving accident. There was no inch of her body that didn't hurt. Jesus. Screw being any more productive.

It was rainy and dreary, which perfectly matched her mood. With each creaky, halting step she took she chastised herself.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."

She thought she was going to be badass and barrel full speed ahead. Well, there was nothing badass about shuffling around like a ninety year old.

She couldn't even manage to really dress herself. With an umbrella and in her robe, she struggled outside far enough for Jo to reach the small patch of grass in the sidewalk. Just getting back inside was an effort.

Somewhere she had an emergency packet of pee pads. Those would have to work for the rest of the day. Downing a handful of ibuprofen and a half a bottle of orange juice, she was well into a full blown pity party.

She was supposed to be able to take care of herself. Now she couldn't even take care of her dog. And she was too proud to call anyone to come over to help. It would be too humiliating to explain.

After a brunch of cold lo mien, she dragged her comforter and a pillow to the couch and hunkered down for the duration. She watched "Pride & Prejudice" from the beginning. Flinching when she reached the part that had been on the screen when she had noticed that Maura was asleep. The part that marked her last moments of normalcy.

As soon as it ended, she crept to the bathroom and then into the kitchen. The six pack of beer she hauled back to the coffee table felt like it weighed a ton. She started the dvd over again, sipping at a steady pace throughout. She was out of beer before the end, but waited until the credits rolled before taking another bathroom break.

She was moving even slower, but feeling less pain. Sure she was unsteady as she brought her good friends, Jack and Jim, to the party, but that's what cuddling up on the couch was for. Steadying.

Scrolling through the list of movies on demand, she came across "Sense & Sensibility." What the hell. It made for an awesome rainy day double feature. Curled up in the covers and draining her whiskey – drowning her sorrows, she supposed – she got lost in yet another period love story. She cried like a girl when the handsome creep broke Kate Winslet's heart.

Her head was more than a touch fuzzy when they all lived mostly happily ever after. She fumbled with her phone, because there was something very, very important she needed to do.

She was sure of it. Squinting, she scrolled through the names and numbers. Somewhere deep inside her mind, she was giggling and scolding herself, warning that "drunk dialing" never led to anything good.

She pressed a button and burrowed back down into the pillow and comforter as the ringing started.

Her mother's voice sounded really, really loud when she answered, but Jane kept the phone pressed tightly to her ear. Maybe that's why her own words sounded so funny. And warped.

"I hated it when you braided my hair."

"What? Jane? What are you talking about?"

"I never wanted you to … but you always … you did it … and I didn't want …and it hurt …"

"Jane, are you drunk?"

For an instant Jane froze, then automatically started to lie as if she was busted and she'd get in trouble. Then she remembered that she was an adult with her own apartment who could legally drink whenever she wanted to. So there.

"Yes. Quite."

She tried not to chuckle but it slipped out anyway.

"Jane! Where are you? Do I need to come and get you?"

"No, Ma! I'm at home. On my couch."

"Baby … what's the matter? Do you need me to come over?"

Her mother's concerned tone struck deep. She could feel the tears starting and hurried to answer before she was sniffling.

"No, Ma … I think I just need to sleep it off. Thanks, though."

Silently, she prayed that her mother would, just this once, understand and not keep pressing.

"Janie … I'm not going to pretend I'm not worried, but … since you're home and you're safe, I'm going to let it go. For now. But you have to promise me that if you want to talk or you need me, you'll call. No matter how late."

Sniffling in spite of herself, Jane nodded. "I promise. And, Ma ... thank you."

"You're welcome and I love you. Don't do anything while you're like this. Just go on to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

"Love you too, Ma."

She clicked off the phone but didn't move to go to bed. She was too tired. And comfy.

In the morning. In the morning it would be Monday. And she wasn't nearly ready.

As strong as she'd felt yesterday, she was that weak and more tonight.

Any other time, the anxiety might have kept her up, but for better or worse, the alcohol was coaxing her under.

Monday. Tomorrow was Monday. She'd have to see Maura again.

She'd get to see Maura again.

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end part 4  
>thanks for reading!<p>

The pace should pick up in the next chapter …


	5. Chapter 5

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 5?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Monday, Monday … can't trust that day …

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It felt like the longest week of her life.

Of course, it didn't help that she started it off half-dead. She'd been woken up by an awful, ear-splitting racket that turned out to be her alarm. Almost instantly, what she could remember of the previous hours slammed into her like a physical blow.

Jesus, she was hung-over. And she hadn't had enough sleep. She didn't want to count the endless minutes she'd rested her head against the cool comfort of the porcelain toilet. She doubted she'd ever be able to eat lo mein again.

She'd brushed her teeth five times before she quit gagging at the taste of the toothpaste. And she'd downed enough ibuprofen to drop an elephant. The light in her apartment was way too bright and Jo's nails on the hardwood floor sounded like a jackhammer.

As she donned her dark glasses and gritted her teeth against the cacophony that greeted her outside her apartment, she tried to psych herself up for the inevitable gauntlet she'd be walking through at work.

It would be a hell of a lot easier to face if there was at least one part of her that didn't hurt.

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It figured that the first person she'd actually had to speak to would be her mother. There had been no way to avoid it and still get a decent shot of caffeine. Because she still had her sunglasses on, she felt free to roll her eyes. Two seconds later she vowed not to do that again until they didn't feel like shards of razor blades were embedded in them.

"Jane!"

Since she was carrying the box of files she'd taken home over the weekend, Jane couldn't defend herself when her mother reached out and pushed the glasses up on top of her head. The fluorescent lighting was brutal, and she winced.

"Geez, Ma!"

Unadvisedly spinning around, she placed the box down on a table and covered her face with one hand. Then she had to remain motionless until the room stopped rotating around her.

"Well, if someone had known when to say when, they wouldn't have such a hard time just walking into work."

Irritated that her mother wasn't more sympathetic to her condition, Jane glared. But before she could launch into the reasons why her mother should cut her some slack, she noticed Angela's expression change completely as her attention was drawn to something over Jane's shoulder.

Turning cautiously, Jane's mood was similarly altered.

Maura.

She'd thought that the first time she was confronted with Maura's presence she'd have time to brace herself, make her body language totally neutral. She'd even practiced how she'd react and appear. All of that flew out the window the minute she actually laid eyes on the M.E.

She couldn't stop her face from breaking into a wide smile that, blessedly, didn't hurt at all.

To her immense and utter relief, Maura returned it with one of her own. The kind that completely melted Jane inside.

"Maura, don't you just look lovely this morning! Jane, doesn't Maura look beautiful?"

Caught off guard by her mother's prodding, Jane answered automatically with the truth.

"Yeah, she does."

Their eyes held for a moment, the duration of which Jane also held her breath. Then Maura cut her eyes away and blushed, her hands fidgeting with the strap of her purse.

Shit. Here we go.

"Thank you, Angela, as always." She directed a small smile toward the older woman. "And you, too, Jane." She didn't look Jane's way again. "No special occasion."

"That's why it's so refreshing, sweetheart. You look amazing each and every day."

The genuine fondness in her mother's voice was sweet, and normally Jane would have been teeming with mock outrage and jealousy. Her usual comeback would have been something along the lines of "Thanks, Ma … I'm right here, ya know."

Instead, the awkwardness that had descended was too much for her to deal with in her current state. She could only manage to stand there silently.

"Who wants pancakes?"

Jesus Christ. Jane blanched. She was sure that the old adage about turning green was just that, but she didn't want to see herself in the mirror to confirm it. Her stomach was violently rejecting any notion of hot fluffy goodness. It was all she could do not to press both hands against it.

Bracing herself on the counter instead, and swallowing rapidly while shaking her head, she squeaked out, "No … no … none for me. Just black coffee."

Staring at the smooth surface in front of her, she missed Maura's sharp glance, the concern that creased her brow. All she heard was the distinctive, melodic ringtone of her phone.

"None for me either this morning, Angela. I've got to take this."

Jane could hear the receding sound of her heels on the floor and the distant tone of her voice as she answered, "Doctor Isles …" She took the opportunity to take some deep calming breaths and try to regain her equilibrium.

Her mother placed the large to-go cup near one of her slightly shaking hands and moved back around the counter to stand next to her.

"Janie …"

Before Jane could even shift towards her, Angela had reached up to gently hold her chin, tilting it upward so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

"I'm worried about you, baby."

"I know you are, Ma … I kind of am too." Jane's eyes were pleading. "I just can't … right now …I promise I will … talk to you, explain …"

"Soon?"

"Yeah. I promise."

Angela's expression softened even further. Her hand slid to Jane's cheek, lightly patting then caressing. Dropping it, she nodded.

"Okay then. When you're ready. As long as it's soon …"

Relieved, Jane reached in her pocket to pay for the coffee, only to be stopped by her mother's hand once again.

"I got this one, Janie. Let me."

The tone of her mother's voice was already pushing her dangerously close to crying. Jane had to get away, get back to the relatively routine grind at her desk. So she didn't argue, shoving her money back into place.

"Thanks."

Quickly, she kissed her mother's cheek and moved toward her box of paperwork as they separated.

"Drink lots of water …"

Neither of them was aware that Maura had subtly observed the entire scene as she maintained her end of the phone conversation in the hallway.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Although she'd hoped to avoid a grand entrance, Korsak and Frost were already at their desks when she arrived.

Keeping her head down and concentrating on making it to her own, despite her arms shaking, she let the box drop with a thud on its surface. She instantly regretted producing the extra noise.

Carefully easing into her chair, she took a deep breath and rotated her neck in a slow counter-clockwise motion. She didn't remove her sunglasses until she'd completed the maneuver.

"Frost, I think someone may have indulged a bit too much over the weekend."

Jane pointedly ignored the comment, reaching for and removing the top of the box so that she could extract her files.

"I concur. I'm sure if we could see her eyes, they'd have more red lines than a road map."

She heard Korsak lean back in his chair, the unmistakable creaking noise nearly piercing her skull.

"Do you think her drinking partner in crime looks just as God-awful as our mad Italian?"

Frost's response was playful, even if it sounded like he was almost shouting.

"Dr. Isles? Naw. I don't think that's even remotely possible."

Without moving any other part of her body, Jane raised her right hand and flipped them both off.

She endured a round of low chuckling before they mercifully left her alone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura brought her lunch.

Thankfully the morning had been mostly uneventful. Her headache had eased slightly and her sensitivity to light had seemed to evaporate over time. She was actually feeling almost human when she glanced up to see Maura hovering several paces away.

"Hey."

As soon as Jane spoke, Maura's face relaxed – only the faintest hint of concern still visible.

"I noticed … this morning … that you weren't quite yourself."

Jane sat back in her chair, one arm draped over the back. Maura's obvious nervousness was mildly irritating, but she bit back the sarcastic retort that had immediately formed in reply to her observation, and more importantly, the completely heartfelt and honest statement she wished she could give: "I'll be anyone you want me to be."

It was much safer just to stick to the unthreatening basics.

"So you came to check on me?"

"Yes … No …." Maura sighed. "You are certainly capable of taking care of yourself. And if you were seriously impaired or in acute distress, you wouldn't be here …"

Seeing the usually unflappable doctor so flustered was fascinating. And poignant.

"That wasn't an accusation, Maura."

Luckily, the simple response seemed to counter the uncomfortable atmosphere and release Maura from the spell of uncertainty. She raised the white paper bag in her hand to indicate she'd come bearing gifts and moved easily to the side of the desk.

"Eat this, it should help you feel better."

Frowning, Jane didn't reach for the offering.

"No thanks. I'm sticking to coffee for now."

She waved her fingers toward her cup and was shocked when Maura took it away – replacing it with a cold bottle of water.

"You shouldn't have any more of this today." She lifted the coffee cup. "It narrows your blood vessels and boosts your blood pressure. You should drink water instead to replace fluids you've lost and avoid dehydration. Or I could get you some juice."

Jane scowled.

"Water's fine." She snatched the bag from Maura's hand and let it drop to the desk in front of her. "So what's in here? Dr. Isles' Miracle Hangover Remedy?"

Maura settled into her "dealing with a surly patient" mode.

"Actually, prevention is the only known cure for your condition. Science isn't really even sure what causes what we commonly refer to as a "hangover" … it could simply be alcohol withdrawal after mass consumption, or disrupted biological rhythms. Some research suggests that it could be primarily brought on by the presence of congeners, which are toxic substances found in alcohol – especially whiskey."

Jane covered her face with both hands, her voice muffled by the contact.

"Then why did you bother bringing me anything?"

"Because despite the fact that there is no easy antidote, there is evidence that some things do alleviate the symptoms." She pointed toward the bag. "That's a honey sandwich, with toasted bread. It's something that's easily digestible, and you need to take in some calories to regain your strength."

Resigned, Jane pulled the wrapped square out of the bag and flattened the bag like a placemat. "I'd always heard you should try to eat something really greasy, like a big ol' cheeseburger with bacon."

Even just speaking the words made her stomach stage a minor revolt.

Maura wrinkled her nose daintily and shook her head.

"That's just an old wives tale."

Licking an errant drop of honey from the side of her thumb, Jane smiled.

"Well then, it's a good thing we don't have any old wives here …"

She wanted it back as soon as she said it. It was innocent enough, but it hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity. Reminding them both that there would probably be no "happily ever after."

Flushed, Maura cleared her throat and needlessly smoothed the top of her skirt with her hands.

"Okay, then."

Slowly chewing, Jane nodded toward the surprisingly delicious food she held.

"Thanks for this."

Backing away, Maura returned the nod.

"You're welcome. And you should really try to get a good night's sleep. That should help as well."

Jane wistfully watched her go and resumed her meal.

She seriously doubted her ability to sleep without memories of the honey-like sweetness of Maura's kiss haunting her dreams.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Subsequent days were only marginally easier, even though she was freed from hangover hell.

As long as work itself was in the forefront, interacting with Maura was a breeze. But as soon as a moment drifted into casual or personal territory, the uneasiness was back with a vengeance. At first, Jane went out of her way to try to smooth over the tension. When that didn't help, she decided that time would eventually be the key.

By Thursday afternoon, she was really getting pissed.

Maura's wariness and tentative participation in anything other than lab discussions was getting on her last nerve. Throw in her mother's random attempts to interrogate her, and she was at her boiling point.

Before she even left her apartment on Friday morning, she'd made up her mind to let both of them have it if they couldn't just get with the program. She was pretty much back to normal, why couldn't they just accept that and move on?

Mercifully, she spent most of the day out on the street with Frost and had very few opportunities to let her mind wander. Maura had some kind of board meeting at lunch so they avoided the weeklong dance of whether or not they should eat together.

Jane was sick of all the nonsense. Glancing at her watch as she slung herself into her chair, she made up her mind to suggest they all go for a drink at the Dirty Robber after work. It would be the first step toward bringing everything back in line.

And her first taste of alcohol since her misguided pity party binge.

A few hours later, the words on the page in front of her were starting to blur and her muscles were stiff. Stretching and running her hands through her hair, she called out to Frost – as much to see if he was awake as to break the monotony.

"Check this out. This loser kept sending YouTube videos and links as "song dedications" to his vic before he finally broke into her house. Almost all of them are 'Every Breath You Take' by The Police."

Frost snorted. "You'd think he would have wanted to avoid anything having to do with the boys in blue. And kick ass female detectives."

Jane spun around in her chair and grinned at him for the late addition.

"Thing is … he meant it as a romantic gesture." She shuddered slightly. "That song always gave me the creeps … I mean, it's not about love … it's stalker-ish, smothering and obsessive."

"Right, right. You'd be surprised how many people call it 'their song' or say it makes them think of their true love. Wildly inappropriate if you ask me."

He was flipping his pen through his fingers at a break-neck pace.

"Speaking of inappropriate love songs … and omitting the obvious ones like Nine Inch Nails stuff … 'I Want to Fuck You Like An Animal' ..." Jane rolled her eyes as he made an exaggerated 'sexy' face. "Name another one."

She thought for a moment and then snapped her fingers.

"When I was younger, this older guy in my neighborhood used to play a record constantly, really loud so that we always heard it when we were out playing … it was all soft rock and smarmy … um, Dr. Hook, I think …"

She looked up at the ceiling as if she were searching for something.

"It went like … 'When your body's had enough of me … and you're laying … flat out on the floor … when you think I've loved you all I can, I'm gonna love you a little bit more' … ugh." Jane scrunched up her face. "I was too young to get how really disgusting that is."

"Yeah, yeah … like that song a few years back…" Frost's fingers danced over the keyboard as he spoke. When he found what he was looking for he pointed his thumb and finger like a gun.

"More Than Words."

"Is that the one that basically says if you love me don't say it, show it?" Jane hated that song.

"Yeah … it's that old high school ploy guys …" He cleared his throat. "A lot of guys … would use: If you REALLY loved me you'd … uh .."

"Have sex with me? Let me put my dick in your mouth?"

Now she was laughing outright at the deer in headlights look on Frost's face.

"Hey, hey HEY!"

They were both startled by Korsak's interruption.

"There is no need to be so crass. Besides, I think I have a winner." He spun his laptop around so that they could view the screen and pressed play. "I wouldn't exactly call it 'inappropriate' in the way the songs are that you've been discussing, but it certainly is a crazy, strange, poor excuse for love song."

Frost and Jane cut their eyes at each other. Neither of them remembered asking Korsak to join in. Still they got up and moved closer as the music started.

"Muskrat, muskrat … candlelight … doin' the town and doin' it right in the evening … it's pretty pleasing …"

"What the hell?" Frost was astounded.

"I give you, Captain & Tennille." Korsak, obviously pleased by Frost's reaction, continued to talk over the music video. "Back in the 70's and early 80's, they were all the rage."

Leaning over to get a closer look, Jane nodded. "Ma used to be insane over that guy. I'm pretty sure she had this album."

"I used to have that same outfit. Cap, blazer … white pants the whole nine yards. I'll tell you what, when I wore that out to the clubs … I did just fine."

Frost was even more horrified. "TMI, _Dad_."

"… and they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed … singing and jinging the jango … floatin' lilke the heavens above … looks like … muskrat lo-o-o-o-ove …"

They were all too caught up in the campy weirdness of the song to notice Maura's approach.

"Muskrat mating is not the least bit romantic. They secrete a strong-smelling, yellowish substance from their anal glands to attract a partner. And they don't form attachments at all. In fact, muskrats are very promiscuous and have many, many mates."

Three pairs of stunned eyes turned her way and Korsak shut the computer.

Then the silence was broken by Frost's wolf whistle.

"Dr. Isles! Lookin' extra specially fine, tonight!"

Maura blushed and did a ghost of a curtsey in his direction.

It was true. Jane was frozen in place, speechless, as she took the full visual in.

Maura's hair was upswept and sophisticated, showing off the column of her neck which was accented by clearly expensive jewelry – dangling earrings and an exquisite necklace. She was wearing an incredible, shimmering formal dress that clung in all the right places and showed a hint of leg through a discreet slit in one side.

It was blatantly evident that she would not be joining them at the Dirty Robber.

"Hot date, Doc?"

Korsak was wearing his platonically smitten expression as he asked.

For a second, Maura's smile flickered and faded. Then she forced a new one, and without looking at Jane, made a point to address the older detective.

"I wouldn't call it that, Vince, but I do have a function to attend with someone."

Frost couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"That's one mighty lucky someone."

Her cheeks pink once more, Maura made the traditional "oh stop" wave and shook her head. Then as if it were happening in slow motion, she turned to face Jane, who could barely breathe.

As their gazes locked, Jane felt like she was paralyzed. She couldn't feel anything but her heart, which was being firmly twisted, tighter and tighter.

Maura paused, seemingly waiting for Jane to speak. When nothing was forthcoming, she briefly closed her eyes, breaking the connection.

"Goodnight, then."

Jane heard the guys wish her the same, but couldn't seem to form a coherent thought or sound.

She simply stared as Maura's mostly bare back moved farther and farther away.

Just before it disappeared from sight, she followed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

the end, part five  
>thanks for reading! (and super sorry for the delay)<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 6?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Everybody needs a little time away ….

She made it before the elevator doors closed.

With each step she had taken, her temper had flared. She was done dancing.

It was time to thrown down.

Maura was just turning around when Jane reached the rapidly closing silver doors. The M.E's face registered pure shock as Jane's arm jammed into the diminishing space between the heavy metal panels and forced them to withdraw.

Before Maura could speak or otherwise react, Jane had joined her in the confines of the elevator, angrily punching the "close door" indicator and barely waiting for the sides to meet in the middle before slamming her palm against the emergency stop button, holding the car in place.

She was fuming.

"What the HELL, Maura?"

For her part, the subject of her ire seemed genuinely confused, and more than a little bit caught off guard.

"I'm not sure what you …"

Jane didn't let her finish.

"What exactly were you doing just now? In there? You didn't bring up any evidence. You didn't come to deliver any message. It's not like it was on your way out … What in the hell were you hoping to accomplish by gracing us with your fancy presence?"

She waved her hand up and down to encompass Maura's spectacular evening attire.

"Jane, I didn't … I wasn't … I wanted to …"

"What?"

Maura's face resumed its usual color and, though clearly challenged by Jane's hostility, she regained her composure.

"Just let me speak!"

"This should be good …"

Ignoring Jane's last comment, Maura furrowed her brow as if she were replaying something in her memory.

"My board meeting ran long this afternoon, and by the time I got back to the lab, it was all I could do to finish the things that required completion before I left for the evening. I had fully intended to find you and talk to you before it was time for me to change … into this … but the next thing I knew, I received a call alerting me that a car was being sent … and I had to get ready."

The lines on her forehead deepened as she frowned.

"I see now that I should have just left the building without … bothering you … but, Jane …"

She made eye contact and hers were deeply clouded. "It's Friday."

"Otherwise known as 'date night' … what's your point?"

Maura swallowed.

"Well, as I was leaving, I realized that normally … on Friday, we would discuss plans or have plans … or do something …" She didn't quite meet Jane's glare. "I didn't want to just leave, just disappear without saying 'good-bye' or … talking to you, explaining … but you weren't alone and when I saw you …"

"Explaining that you had a date?"

Tilting her head back slightly, Maura offered earnestly, "Explaining that I had made this commitment at least two weeks ago … before … "

Jane's laugh was almost a bark.

"Before everything went to hell. Before I made an absolute fucking fool of myself …"

"No … please …"

"Nothing's _normal_ anymore, Maura! You can't even bring yourself to say it … 'date' … you have a date - not a commitment, not a function to attend … a 'wear your best, knock 'em dead' _date_ … the kind of thing that _normally_ you can't wait to tell your 'best friend' about …"

Jane exaggerated her use of air quotes as she mockingly emphasized the words "best friend."

Paling once again, Maura cringed. If Jane hadn't been so furious, so upset, she might have felt sorry for her.

"So tell me … why are you so dressed up tonight?"

Maura's reply was wooden.

"Because I have a date."

"See … not so hard … now, this is the part where I say, 'what's his name?' … It is a he, right?"

Nodding and trying mightily to maintain her hold on herself, Maura answered.

"His name is Bradford."

"He sounds swell. Is it serious?"

"Jane … please … stop …"

Wheeling almost completely around, Jane yanked her hands roughly through her hair before she exploded once more, stabbing her finger in the air just inches from Maura's face.

"NO!"

"YOU stop! Stop making everything so goddamned awkward and tense … Stop tiptoeing around me like I'm surrounded by some sort of mine field … Stop looking at me with such pity and guilt, all sad-eyes and pained expressions … And FOR FUCK'S SAKE … STOP acting like I'm going to shatter into a million pieces if you speak to me about anything other than DNA results or wound patterns! JUST FUCKING STOP BEING SO TIMID AND BE YOURSELF!"

She let her hand drop as most of the fire drained out of her.

"Nothing about _you_ was supposed to change. I'm the one who's supposed to get past what happened, learn to accept things as they are … or were. It's impossible to get past anything when you're not really here, if you've checked out. If your attitude and body language and absences are constantly reminding me that a line was crossed. That we're not who we were anymore."

Even in this moment, with emotions so raw between them, and Maura on the verge of completely falling apart, Jane couldn't escape noticing how breathtakingly gorgeous she was.

Maura reached toward her, but thought better of it in mid-air and allowed her arm to float back down.

"I can't stand seeing you hurt this way, Jane … to know that I'm … to not be able to …"

She took a shuddering breath.

"I can't keep hurting you over and over … and I'm not sure how to avoid it. I'm terrible at pretending, you know that. So, I'm honestly saying that I don't know if I can just … be my old self … around you right now."

Jane clenched her jaw, staring for long interval before she growled out a response.

"Then you're something that I never thought you'd be - a liar."

Stricken, Maura recoiled. Her words were barely a whisper.

"I didn't … I don't …"

"You're the one who said it was okay that night, that 'there's nothing here that can't be fixed' … and now, you're saying you can't be part of fixing it, that it's all too much for you …"

Jane was disgusted to realize that she was getting choked up, that her voice was becoming hoarse with the weight of her feelings.

"You couldn't take the chance, have the faith to be with me, believe in me … because you didn't want to lose our amazing friendship …"

Now she was sneering.

"But just know … just be very, very clear on this point … you gave up on me … you threw away something potentially remarkable and permanent to try to save something that you now admit you can't support, that has suddenly ceased to exist."

She was backing up against the cool metal of the elevator doors, feeling for the big red emergency button as she spoke, her voice cracking.

"I was willing to do anything for you … so, just know … if we never get back what we had … it's not on me. If you can't bring yourself to _be_ my best friend, neither of us get what we wanted … we both lose."

Jabbing the button emphatically, she glanced down to find the "open door" option. She pushed it quickly and looked up again at Maura's ghost-white face.

"Now I understand that the only thing I did wrong was fall in love with you."

The loud "ding" as the doors slid open seemed to echo all around them.

"Jane …"

It was hardly more than a gasp.

"Your car is downstairs. Don't keep Bradford waiting."

She strode away from the elevator without looking back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was lost inside herself as she returned to her desk.

So submerged in what had just occurred, what she had exorcised, that she missed Korsak and Frost sizing her up. And Korsak's wink toward the younger detective.

She wasn't aware of either of them until Korsak spoke.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Frost's attempt to smother a laugh was pathetic.

It was the last straw.

The vehemence that erupted from her caught all three of them by surprise.

"FUCK YOU, KORSAK! FUCK BOTH OF YOU!"

She snatched her jacket from the back of her chair with so much force that it sent it tumbling over.

The wheels, now off the floor, were still spinning as she stalked out of the bullpen, leaving both men speechless and stunned.

It was no ordinary Friday after all.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was staring blankly into her second drink when she felt rather than saw Korsak join her at the bar.

Without turning her head she greeted him tonelessly.

"Hey Tweedledee … where's Tweedledum … or is it Tweedledumber?"

Motioning toward the bartender that he'd have whatever Jane was drinking, Korsak good-naturedly replied.

"We prefer Batman and Robin."

As Jane raised a sarcastic eyebrow, he tried again.

"Crocket and Tubbs?"

That earned him a partial eye-roll.

"Holmes and Watson?"

Jane shifted just enough to flash him her patented "Really?" expression.

"How about that retired football player guy and Webster?"

That did it. Albeit reluctantly, she laughed.

"He didn't come because he's afraid of you."

"And you're not?"

Accepting his drink and settling closer to her, Korsak confided, "Oh no, I absolutely am. It's just that my concern for you is greater than my fear."

Jane's throat started to close with emotion, so she downed a large sip of her drink.

"Speaking of concern, you might want to slow down a bit. You don't want another headache like the one you survived Monday."

Nodding slightly, Jane assured him, "This is only my second." Still, she vowed to make it last.

After tipping his own glass twice, measuring the silence, he quietly offered, "I'm a good listener, remember."

Warily, Jane tried to gauge his persistence.

"I'm not sure this is something I can … talk about, Korsak."

"It's just you and me here, kid. And I got plenty of time."

When Jane made no indication that she had heard him or was willing to share, he continued.

"Would it help if you thought of me as 'Father Korsak'?"

Almost snorting, Jane gave him a wry smile. "God no!"

Grinning back at her, he shrugged. After a few minutes of watching Jane play with her little plastic drink stirrer, he spoke softly.

"Want me to start?"

Jane kept twirling and twisting the red piece of plastic. Finally, she flipped her hand toward him in a "suit yourself" gesture.

He took a healthy taste of his whiskey, giving her just a hint that he might not be so sure he wanted to do this, to "go there."

Once the glass was safely resting back on his cocktail napkin, Korsak leaned in, keeping his voice low.

"I think you should tell her how you feel."

Jane hoped her surprise that he had zeroed in on the issue so quickly didn't show.

"Been there. Done that."

Now it was Korsak's turn to be taken aback.

"Seriously?" He turned so that he was completely facing her. "And?"

"It didn't go well."

Korsak was still incredulous.

"When did this happen? This afternoon?"

Sighing, Jane toyed with the edge of her napkin.

"No, last weekend. A week ago tonight, to be precise."

Realization began to dawn.

"So that nasty hangover was on account of that discussion?

Jane nodded and remained silent.

Whistling softly and shaking his head, Korsak was still trying to process this bit of fascinating information.

"Are you sure she understood you? I mean, sometimes you can be … sort of ..."

Exasperated, Jane cut him off.

"Korsak, I was clear, she was clear … we talked about it … and she doesn't … feel the same about me."

"No way. There is absolutely no way that she doesn't."

His adamant rebuttal actually made her smile.

"That's very touching, Vince, but this is Maura we're talking about here. She doesn't know how to play games." Her voice turned wistful. "Trust me. There's no way it's gonna happen."

Not willing to give up so easily, Korsak prodded.

"What exactly did she say?"

"That she just wants to be friends."

Korsak pressed his palm over his heart dramatically. "OUCH."

"Yeah."

"That's the worst."

"You're tellin' me."

Never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine that she'd be commiserating over women with her former partner. It was surreal and strangely comforting.

"So what are you going to do? How are you going to handle it?" He tilted his head toward her glass. "Besides knocking back those."

Jane smoothed both hands over the bar.

"As best I can, I suppose. Put on my game face, give it the ol' college try. Avoid confrontations like the one this evening."

"No, no … that's not gonna work. You're too close. You need to get away, clear your head. Nurse your wounds and get a new game plan. If you don't, it's just going to grind away and eat at you until you do something really, really stupid."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence."

He put his hand on her arm, close to her wrist.

"Janie, this isn't about your ability to withstand big piles of shit or tough things out. This is about giving yourself time to heal - build some callouses over the weak spots so that the cuts and bruises don't hurt so much next time."

When she remained skeptical, he softly tightened his grip.

"Listen to someone who's gone through three painful divorces. You need a timeout. A vacation from seeing her, hearing her … dealing with how she makes you feel with everything so close to surface."

"So I'm just supposed to put in for some away time and drive down to Jersey?"

Patting her wrist and scoffing at her suggestion, Korsak brightened.

"I've got a much better idea. Something that will help the both of us."

Warily, Jane raised an eyebrow.

"You have plenty of days built up. I'll clear it with Lieu and cover while you're gone …" He looked over his shoulder as if to make sure no one was within earshot. "Now it's your turn to keep a secret."

"Sure thing. Spill it."

Korsak hesitated, appearing genuinely uncomfortable for the first time since he arrived.

"When Melody came back … and it looked like things might be … going well with us again ..." He paused briefly. "She talked me into … I mean … I decided to treat us to a nice little getaway. In the Caribbean. A two week, two location, all-inclusive package."

Amused and a little charmed that Korsak could still be such a hopeless romantic after the sum total of his personal experiences, Jane nodded but wasn't exactly sure what this had to do with her.

"After things went south again, I tried to back out of it, get a refund. Turns out that's not possible. I can postpone or transfer one or both of the tickets. I might eventually use one for myself … but I'm not going to be in position to use both any time soon …"

"Korsak, I can't accept something like that!"

"Sure you can. I'm going to have to eat it otherwise. I'd much rather help you out and not let it go to waste. Besides, when was the last time you let anyone do something for you? You deserve it, kid. After the last few years … let me do this. I'll make a few calls and you'll be on a plane tomorrow."

Once again, Jane was overwhelmed. Blinking rapidly, she astonished them both by throwing her arms around Korsak's neck. Just as quickly, she pushed away and lightly punched him in the upper arm, wiping her eyes with her other hand.

"You're going to have to stop being so sweet, ya know. Or I won't be able to keep it quiet. Speaking of … what will you tell everyone if you don't want them to know that you are the mastermind behind my island sabbatical?"

"Eh, I'll just say that you won it in a raffle. Nobody ever really remembers those things after the fact. "

Laughing, Jane warned. "My mother won't buy it. She's like a bloodhound when she smells something fishy. You might have to come clean with her."

"Wait. I'm telling your mother?" He looked distressed.

"You weren't volunteering?"

After a beat, she winked. "I'll let her know, Korsak. And she may just be so glad I'm taking some time off that she'll overlook my mystery benefactor."

Relieved, he raised his glass toward her. "To getting away."

She clinked her own against the rim of his. "The Caribbean, huh?"

"Two weeks of sun, surf and sand."

"Maybe the Pirates will let me join up …"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Korsak wasn't kidding.

He'd gotten everything arranged and squared away in record time. Saturday morning found Jane digging her suitcase out of the back of her closet. She didn't want to think about anything else besides getting on that plane and getting far, far away from the drama downtown.

She was carrying the suitcase into her living room when her mother burst through her front door like a thundercloud.

Without missing a beat she launched into a tirade.

"Jane, whatever you've done to Maura you need to make it right." The door closed loudly behind her.

Jane was flabbergasted by her entrance and her accusation.

"What? You have no idea what you're talking about, Ma. What do you mean, what I've done to Maura?"

Angela would not be deterred.

"She's broken, Jane! Broken. She hasn't been herself for a week now. This morning she came to breakfast without brushing her hair! And despite the fact that I had made all of her favorite things, she just pushed them around on her plate and barely nibbled at anything."

Slinging her purse down onto the coffee table, she continued full steam ahead.

"When I tried to get her to talk to me about was bothering her, she withdrew even more, so I suggested that if she couldn't talk to me about whatever it was, that she should call you … and then she got up and practically ran to her room! So no matter what it is, you go over there right now and apologize, this minute."

Jane slammed the suitcase onto the couch and took a step forward. She was so incensed by her mother's presupposition that she was shaking and could barely speak.

"I realize that this is hard for you to grasp sometimes, so I'm going to spell it out for you … I may not be a pretty, pretty, perfect princess who dresses impeccably and speaks properly and gave you a big fat snazzy guesthouse to live in, but I AM YOUR REAL DAUGHTER! … Me, Ma!"

Jane jabbed a finger into her own chest.

"Standing right here in front of you … with a shitload of her own problems. Maybe just ONCE you could see past your favoritism and wish fulfillment and not assume that I'm the one at fault. Maybe you could actually ask me what's going on without blaming me. Maybe you could see that I'M the one who is broken … maybe you could be on my side just this one time …"

She only stopped because she was about to cry. She hated that she couldn't ever get really good and pissed at times like this without tears threatening.

Angela stood stock-still, as if she were in a daze and unable to totally take in Jane's outburst, her eyes wide. Belatedly, they drifted toward the luggage on the sofa.

"What are you doing with that?"

Jane's head dropped, defeated. She'd just jealously spouted off to her mother, irrationally if truthfully stung by her apparent defection, and all Angela could comment on was the suitcase.

"I'm going away for a while."

Her mother was genuinely baffled. "There's too much going on here that I'm missing. Janie …"

As Jane looked up, her mother's arms opened wide. Without hesitating, she flung herself forward, sinking into her mother's embrace and letting the tears fall.

"Shhhh. I'm so sorry, Janie. Sometimes I forget that this tall, tough cop is still my baby girl."

She stroked Jane's hair over and over, holding her tight. "Nobody's going anywhere until we talk this out. It's going to be okay."

Shaking her head against her mother's neck and shoulder, Jane murmured. "Not this time, Ma. I don't see how."

Angela pulled back and started to wipe Jane's tears with her thumbs. "We won't know if we don't try and work on it, now will we?"

She sat on the sofa next to the rolling suitcase and tugged Jane down on her other side. Keeping her arm around her daughter she gently prompted, "Does this have something to do with why you called me when you were so … messed up … last weekend?"

Sniffling and nodding, Jane cleared her throat.

"Did you girls have a fight?"

Jane couldn't hold back a small, watery smile at her mother's reference. If only it were that simple. Two "girls" having a fight.

"No, it wasn't really like that. Something happened … and we tried to … get past it … work it out, but …"

Frustrated, she shifted so that she was leaning against the arm of the sofa, facing her mother. Seeing her encouraging expression, she tried again.

"I did do something, Ma … and it's not something I can take back."

Suddenly she was so nervous that she started rubbing her scars, again and again. Her hands were in constant motion. A familiar, troubling habit that did not get past her mother's scrutiny.

"Janie … you know that there is nothing in the world that you can't talk to me about. I'm here. I am on your side. You know that. I'll always be on your side."

Without taking her eyes off her own fingers, fidgeting and finding their target over and over, Jane confessed.

"I kissed her, Ma. I kissed Maura. Here on this couch, last Friday night."

"Oh."

Jane waited for more. When she heard nothing else, she looked up again. Her mother's head was cocked slightly to one side, her face showing only faint surprise. Jane witnessed the moment complete comprehension dawned.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh …"

Her own hand reached over to still Jane's compulsive ones. Her eyes were full of compassion and concern.

"Did she … uh … kiss you back?"

Awash in relief – and love for her mother – Jane readily answered.

"Yes. She did."

Angela seemed confused.

"So, then why … why are you both so upset now?"

Just when Jane thought she had gotten past the hard part.

"I'm in love with her, Ma. I want to spend the rest of my life dealing with her weird routines, her freakish pet, and impossible to understand explanations. I realized that my feelings for her go beyond just … the physical stuff."

She had to look away when she said that. This was still her mother.

"They go beyond the bond we already have. I'm totally, utterly, madly in love with her."

"I don't understand, Sweetie. Why would that be a bad thing?"

Tears pricked her eyes again. She didn't understand why it would be a bad thing either.

"Because she doesn't feel the same way. About me."

"Of course she does. Why wouldn't she? You're perfect for each other."

Her mother's certainty and apparent blessing made the deep ache in her chest even worse.

"We talked about it. She loves me, Ma. Just not in 'that way' ..."

Angela looked quizzical. "So, Maura's not … interested in … women?"

Shaking her head, Jane dispelled that train of thought. "No, that's not it. She's had relationships with women in the past. Unsuccessful ones, but that's not the reason she's not interested. It's because it's me. She's doesn't want to be in that kind of relationship with _me_."

Even now, after she'd had a week to accept it, Jane could barely say it out loud.

For the first time in their whole conversation, Angela Rizzoli stiffened. She seemed offended.

"That's ridiculous! She won't find anyone that would make a better partner … you know her better than anyone else and vice versa. _And_ you're beautiful."

She squeezed Jane's hands for emphasis.

Flattered, but still sad, Jane squeezed back. She should have never doubted that her mother would be in her corner.

"That's part of the reason why she won't look past anything we already have. She said she couldn't risk losing our current connection, that it's way too important to her. But, Ma … the way she's acting now, I think that's gone too."

Moving a few strands of hair away from her daughter's forehead, Angela leaned closer.

"Baby, I think she's scared out of her mind. That's got to be it. She's not as brave as you are. She's not used to rushing into a dangerous situation with full confidence that it's going to turn out alright. She wasn't raised in a family that saw love as security and strength. You just may need to give her some time to come around."

A small flicker of hope worked its way into Jane's mind as she listened to her mother's soothing tones.

"She's obviously as tortured by this whole thing as you are. She wouldn't be walking around like a zombie if she weren't turned inside out about you as well."

Jesus, she wanted to believe that was true. But she couldn't count on it. She had to protect herself.

"I think she's feeling guilty about letting me down, about not being able to make me happy, give me what I want. She's a good person, Ma. It has to be killing her that I'm so torn up. As my best friend, she's supposed to be the one who has my back, and she's crushed that in this case, she can't be there for me in a way that will make it better. I get it. I do. I just can't be around it."

Sympathetically, Angela patted her cheek.

"As long as you're not running away."

"That's not what this is. I swear. It's just that I can't sort anything out when I'm running into her all the time. I need to regroup, get my legs back under me. So that when I come back, I can deal with whatever I find."

Her mother seemed satisfied.

"Where are you going and when do you leave?"

Jane braced herself. She had planned to call Angela on the way to the airport.

"Um, I'm going to the Caymans and the Bahamas … for two weeks … and I leave in a few hours."

She resisted the urge to duck, to cover her face protectively.

"WHAT? Were you going to tell me or were you planning to make me worry myself to death?"

"Of course I was, Ma. I was going to call you …"

"CALL ME? Jane! You're going to be GONE for two weeks and you were going to CALL me?"

This was the mother she was used to. She sighed and took her mother's face between her hands. Speaking softly, she tried to calm the situation.

"Ma … I couldn't go over there this morning. You live with her."

It worked. Angela's face softened and she turned to kiss one of Jane's palms. Then she grabbed both of Jane's hands with hers.

"So who else knows?"

"About my vacation or about Maura?"

"Either … both."

Jane decided that honesty was the best policy.

"You and Korsak are the only ones who know about both. Frankie knows I'm going out of town for two weeks on a fabulous tropical getaway, because I called him to come over and get Jo earlier this morning. He's very jealous and snide about the whole thing. So let him be, okay Ma? Don't rush to my defense in a way that will cause him to try to uncover more information."

Her mother nodded and then turned thoughtful.

"Vince knows. So you talked to him."

Before her mother could go any further down that road, Jane interjected.

"He's the one who arranged this for me, Ma. And he saw a particularly rough episode at the office. So yeah, I had to talk to him."

"He's a good man."

"Yes, he is."

Angela released Jane's hands and popped her own against her knees, indicating the end of that topic and the beginning of a new one.

"Do you have sunscreen? And Band-aids? How can I help you?"

Stopping herself before she rolled her eyes or snapped back with snarky answers, Jane smiled.

"You can give me a lift to the airport."

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end part 6  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 7?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: I hear your name, in certain circles ….

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The ride back from Logan was not nearly long enough.

Angela Rizzoli needed much more time to process everything she had learned in the last several hours.

She was haunted by the depth of feeling and anguish she'd seen in her daughter's dark eyes. Her own heart ached because she couldn't just kiss it and make it all better like when Jane had been a small child. She hated seeing any of her children struggle or suffer, but since it was Jane … who so rarely let anyone witness her pain or helplessness, it affected her profoundly.

And then when her thoughts strayed to Maura … her obvious misery and confusion … Angela could scarcely bear it. Both of her girls were grieving, each of them in their own way. What was even more upsetting to her was that they were doing so separately.

For the past several years they'd weathered every storm together and were stronger as a pair than they were apart.

But this …

Angela should have been completely floored to hear that Jane was in love with - romantically interested in - her best friend. Instead, shortly after Jane professed her feelings, Angela couldn't believe she hadn't seen it sooner.

Sighing, she tried to replay all of the times she had subconsciously noticed the signs and indications. Jane's fierce devotion and Maura's constant presence … the subtle intimate touching … the way they spoke to each other with their eyes …

Her acceptance of the situation came easily. Once Jane had nervously admitted the kissing … she shocked herself by not being shocked. In many ways, she, and practically everyone else around them, with the exception of Tommy, had already been considering the two of them a couple. The fact that they were both women seemed irrelevant … _was_ irrelevant.

Angela had been the most disturbed that Jane somehow believed that she was not worthy of Maura. The very idea that her gorgeous, bright, amazingly accomplished, generous, funny, warm-hearted daughter would in some way not "measure up" … wouldn't be considered a complete catch … got right to her last nerve. She refused to even entertain the thought.

Jane had to be mistaken. Maura was in just as deep. She might not recognize it or be able to fully acknowledge it, but it wasn't because she didn't love or want Jane. And all of this business about needing to stay friends and not move forward … Angela knew that there was no putting that genie back in the bottle.

Her "adopted" daughter was frightened. Skittish beyond belief. She wasn't wired together for leaps of faith or emotional risks. If she'd never truly been head over heels in love with someone, the idea that she would utterly lose control … be overwhelmed with illogical impulses … probably scared the shit out of her. She needed to face it head on, but more than likely, she was going to puzzle over it and try to make sense of it. Come up with a solution or an exit strategy.

Angela almost chuckled at the futility of that course of action. She didn't want to sell Maura's genius short, but even her brilliance didn't stand a chance against the age-old force of nature she would be confronting.

Love made no sense. But it made perfect sense.

That was the problem.

Jane had filled in a few more blanks in the car on the way to catch her flight. With each distressing detail, Angela had yearned to clasp her hand, reassure her that this was all temporary, that it would all be okay in the end. But once she had gotten past her elation that Jane was actually confiding in her, openly sharing and showing all of her vulnerabilities, she realized that the most loving and supportive thing she could do was just listen.

Listen and let Jane work out her own issues in her own time. It was all she could stand not to offer suggestions, volunteer to be involved … well, further involved … but she held firm. She'd do anything Janie asked of her, but she wasn't going to push. For once in her life, Jane seemed delicate, and Angela, while protective and concerned, knew that it was a necessary state, part of a step she needed to take.

Her resolve nearly disappeared when Jane hugged her so tightly that she couldn't breathe. Clung to her like a lifeline. Murmured over and over how much she appreciated and loved her.

As Angela rocked her trembling oldest child, she almost insisted that Jane get back in the car and forget the notion of going anywhere. She wanted to drive her straight to Maura's house and sit them both down on the sofa and lecture them until they got married.

She felt exactly like she had the first day Janie had gone off to school, had waved sweetly and made her way down the sidewalk. She wasn't prepared at all to let her out of her sight. To let go of her hand. To let her go, period.

But she knew she had to. For her daughter to grow and learn and be the person she'd raised, she had to.

They'd both wiped their eyes and laughed about how silly it was to be so weepy about such an awesome vacation opportunity. Then Angela had insisted that Jane leave her cell phone behind.

She reiterated that Jane needed space. Real distance. To be able to think or to not think at all. There was no need to be tempted to check on things or stay involved in anything in Boston while she was away. If something came up that she absolutely needed to know, Vince Korsak knew how to get in touch with her.

Jane had balked at first. Had actually slightly panicked. But Angela gently reminded her about how she had drunkenly phoned the weekend before and Jane simply handed it over.

With one last hug and a promise to supervise how Frankie was taking care of Jo, they finally separated.

Angela had watched her until she disappeared inside the sliding doors. Saying a prayer for a safe flight and throwing in a request for a little bit of extra special guidance and protection for her baby, she had headed home.

Now that she was almost there, she had just about convinced herself that what she was about to do was the right thing. The only thing she could do.

As much as she might want to sit down with Maura and let her in on everything she now knew, she would resist the impulse to initiate that conversation. It would take everything she had not to gather her in like a wounded animal and try to tend to her, coax her into trusting Angela with her fears and secrets, but she would do it.

Besides, just like Jane needed time away from Maura to pull herself back together and make hard decisions, Maura needed to know what it was like to not have Jane around. Having Jane's mother living a few feet away was not going to be a ready substitute.

She wanted them both to be happy. So much. And more than anything in the world she didn't want to have to choose between them. But if it came to it … Jane was her first priority.

The relationship they ultimately worked out or settled for or fought for would need to be something they had decided for themselves. Not something she had a hand in manipulating. It might kill her to stay on the sidelines, but it would be for the best.

She hoped.

Psyching herself up for some tough love, she parked the car and quietly entered the main house. As expected, it was still and empty. After what happened at breakfast, she was sure that Maura had come up with plenty of reasons to be gone for the day.

Not wasting any time, she found what she needed and left a note in plain view on the counter.

"_Maura,_

_I'm sorry about this morning, Sweetheart. It was not my intention to interfere. If and when you should want to talk about it – about anything – I'm just next door. Day or night._

_I love you,_

_Angela"_

She wouldn't instigate another discussion, but she wouldn't shy away from one either. The poor child was almost all alone.

If she chose to keep to herself until Monday, she'd find out from someone else that Jane was gone.

And Angela would prepare to deal with the aftermath.

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Maura had been having nightmares.

The kind that wrapped cold fingers around her heart and woke her up in a fog of dread.

She had gone years without having one of this magnitude and now she was having them regularly. At least four times in the last week. Even if she hadn't gone through so much medical training, she'd have known they were tied to her emotional turmoil regarding Jane.

Some of them had included her specifically. They were the most obvious.

One that she could barely recall that played in her memory like a quick-cut eerie filmstrip, involved a small kitten that she was trying to keep from running away. She supposed that in the dream she was very, very young, but that barely seemed significant. All she knew that she was desperate to hold onto the small fuzzy animal and was in a state of heightened apprehension about it escaping.

Evidently she had gathered it to her and held on tighter and tighter, no matter how much it squirmed and fought. The whole horror of the situation came when she realized that she had literally squeezed the life out of it. The last thing she remembered was her own screaming.

As faint and hazy as the details were, the shock of the outcome sat in the pit of her stomach like a stone. She couldn't shake the thread of unease it had woven through her mind even though it was just a dream.

In a subsequent version, she had walked up on a scene that projected complete serenity and beauty. Jane was sitting in the sunshine, casual and cool despite the brightness of the day. As Maura drew closer she could make out the kitten in her lap. This time, instead of sparking anxiety, the sight of it safe and sleepy in Jane's cupped hands enveloped her with a sense of peace.

She could see the light breeze as it danced in the grass and rearranged Jane's hair, but strangely she couldn't feel it. As she continued to move toward the pair, she watched Jane smile and nuzzle the kitten's tiny face. The vision before her suffused her with warmth, but she noted that she didn't feel the sun on her skin.

Jane was clearly speaking softly to the little ball of fur, and despite her proximity, Maura was aware that she only heard silence. Disturbed, she hurried her steps trying to reach them … but was brought up short by an invisible, impenetrable barrier. It was flawless … and endless. Separating her from everything on the other side.

Disappointment and melancholy quickly turned to terror as she picked up an ominous darkness moving toward Jane. No matter how loudly she shouted or how hard she pounded on the window-like wall in front of her, she could not get her attention.

She searched in vain for something she could use to shatter the shield, to get to Jane or at least alert her of the danger … as the shapeless evil advanced. Her hands were battered and bruised, but she scarcely felt anything other than the extreme, overwhelming hysteria and helplessness that stole her breath.

She had woken up gasping and crying. Shaking so hard that she could feel her teeth chatter.

Plainly, her subconscious was flailing away at the strict compartmentalization she employed in her waking life. And her sleep was suffering for it.

Perhaps the worst one of all was also the most recent. The one that had overtaken her the night after Jane had confronted her in the elevator.

They had been standing facing each other, talking about something she could not recall, although she had a vague sense that it had been work related. Suddenly, without warning, the ground had opened up … like something out of a comic book … a gaping, bottomless gash in the earth. As the pavement beneath her disappeared, Jane had dropped along with it … frantically scrambling to grab onto anything solid as the edges continued to crumble.

Maura had been knocked off balance by the violent rending, had fallen flat on her face, but not before she had seen Jane vanish in front of her. She was on her knees and crawling forward before she could think, her sole purpose to try to help, to reach Jane.

With a quickness and co-ordination she didn't know she possessed, she managed to grab Jane's wrist just as the detective lost her grip. Swinging her other arm down to reinforce her grasp, she held on for dear life, the effort and strain making her muscles shriek.

"_I've got you."_

The wild look of fear had left Jane's face. Her eyes were shining with pure affection … and deep compassion.

"_No, honey … you don't. You just think you do." _

Determined to argue, to prove otherwise, Maura shook her head and adjusted her fingers.

"_I can do this …"_

Jane tried again to be gentle, even as her words drove a stake into Maura's heart.

"_You're not strong enough. It's too much for you … and that's okay. It will be okay. In the long run you'll accept it. And it won't matter as much …"_

Maura's arms were vibrating with fatigue and she could feel them going numb. She could feel Jane's hand beginning to slip even as she was determined to hang onto it. Tears were streaming down her face.

"_Don't say that … don't … I need you …"_

Jane looked down, breaking eye contact for only a moment as she contemplated the abyss below. When she looked back up, she seemed tranquil and composed.

"_I'll always love you, Maura …"_

She'd scarcely uttered the last syllable when her hand slipped free.

The pain that ripped through Maura's body as gravity ripped Jane away from her was still there when she jerked awake.

She was wracked with loneliness and loss.

As she stared at her ceiling, her face still streaked and wet, she marveled at the contrast to waking up with Jane.

The mild confusion that night at finding those striking features so close to her own, the glittering black eyes so full and open, stripped of any filter. Clearly showing every thought and emotion. Including the distress of being caught so blatantly exposed.

It had been so natural to kiss her then. To reassure her, keep her from bolting and blaming herself.

And then … and then …

The total transformation that occurred when Jane kissed her back … really kissed her. It was as if she had been entirely dissolved and reformed in that instant. The infiltration of emotion, the wave of completeness she felt …

It had been incredible. Unlike anything she'd ever known. Her body responding immediately, craving exponentially more and more of this new discovery. Being held by Jane in such a way that was all-encompassing. She felt claimed and anchored and yet so free, so open. It had penetrated her soul … or what others commonly referred to as a soul … so deeply that she was willing in that moment to concede its existence.

It was beyond beautiful. It felt like forever.

That single thought had sounded the alarm.

Forever. Nothing about romantic love was forever.

She wanted Jane so badly … she was literally throbbing, burning for her … but she wanted Jane to always be in her life.

That striking contradiction set off her paranoia and everything that had followed. Now her abject fear of losing Jane was tearing them both apart.

In her experience, in her world … once the concept of love on that level was introduced into a relationship, it was the beginning of the end.

Social pairings and sexual partnerships were different, defined by different conditions. As long as each individual was in agreement to the terms, there would be no issue. It was when these arrangements fell out of balance that all of the stress and conflict began.

With Ian, things had been magical at first. They seemed to have every aspect of a successful relationship covered. They could talk about anything, they worked well together … they dreamed of changing the world. And the sex was great. She had fallen under his spell.

However, once she confessed her feelings, stated them aloud, things had started to change. He spoke more and more of directions he might take that would mean long absences and impractical circumstances. He eventually chose a path that took him away from her all together. And because she loved him so much, she had agreed with his decision.

She knew now that it had been the right thing to do. That it wouldn't have lasted if they had tried to change for each other.

A little voice taunted her. Isn't that the opposite of what Jane is doing - even though she loves you enough to let you have your way? She's not asking you to change and you're not trying to get away. It's not the same at all.

The whole thing made her question her sanity. The one person she had been able to go to for help with these kinds of things was the one person she couldn't talk about this with. There was no one she could talk about this with.

She was on her own. And miserable.

A condition that was underscored when she'd tried to mind-over-matter her way through Angela's special, cheer-up breakfast.

Her argument with Jane and the stark picture it had drawn, her insufferable night at the banquet trying not to cry, the heart-wrenching nightmare, and then Angela's worried, loving eyes had all added up to critical mass.

It became startlingly clear to her that if she lost Jane she also lost her family. And probably her friends at the precinct. Her extended family.

Maura hadn't felt so bereft since her first week of boarding school. She had been so very young then. Now that she was an adult she needed to find a way to overcome it.

She needed to focus. She needed to soldier on. She needed to get her best friend back.

She showered and changed and, after making sure Angela was nowhere in sight, she went out to spend the day visiting art galleries.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It didn't help at all.

Far from the comfort and distraction she sought, everything was a reminder.

Staring at one bright and vibrant work, she could hear Jane going on and on about her mother painting swatches of color in her apartment after her split from Jane's father.

That humorous train of thought segued into wondering how in the world the Rizzoli's didn't make it after so many years and so much history.

As she passed by a darker, textured canvas, she could imagine Jane's loud disgust that it would be considered high art and that it was priced above the market value for some of the smaller houses in the vicinity.

She suppressed a giggle as she conjured up Jane's usual dramatic eye roll. In fact, she could practically hear Jane's description of the piece – "It looks like a monkey finger painted with its poo." Although it was unlikely she'd have used the word "poo" rather than the more common expletive.

Mid-smile she slumped against a marble column and blinked back tears. Jane had placated her occasionally by tagging along when Maura was excited about a particular unveiling or show, but it wasn't like she had always frequented galleries with the brunette. The experience shouldn't be so evocative and intertwined with her presence.

It was more that it made Maura aware that she might not have the experience again. That she couldn't just call Jane up this afternoon and plead with her to meet at the post-modernist exhibit. That she wasn't sure if Jane would even take her calls anymore.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to try a new restaurant on the outskirts of the city. One that should have no connection at all to the brash detective that seemed to have taken up residence in her thoughts and dreams.

By the time she got back home it should be past acceptable "visiting hours" even for Angela, and it would be safe to turn in.

If only she could be sure she would remain safe in her sleep.

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She didn't find Angela's note until she was on her way out for a run Sunday morning.

Immediately after she read it, she was struck with a sharp pang of guilt for avoiding the woman. She clearly cared about Maura and was concerned by her erratic behavior. It was hard for Maura to continue to shut her out.

Part of her just wasn't up to the psychic drain it would be to actually discuss any of this with Angela. She wasn't sure how she could do so without breaking down and she was wary of what that might lead to.

The other part of her was scared to let Angela know just how much she had hurt Jane. And why.

In addition, by telling the whole truth, which is the only way Maura could operate … she would basically be outing Jane to her mother. While she was absolutely certain that there was nothing that could possibly change how much Mrs. Rizzoli loved her children and that she would support them no matter what, it didn't seem like something she should hear from someone other than Jane.

As things stood now, there was really no reason for Jane to say anything at all. As private as she was, Maura couldn't imagine that she would feel the need to clarify something that was no longer going to be relevant. If they weren't going to ever be together in that way, there was no possible gain in publicizing that they had even considered it.

Depressed, she slid the note into a drawer and continued to reassure herself that staying out of Angela's reach for another day was best for everyone involved.

She'd spend most of the day researching a paper she'd been writing on and off, and generally occupying herself with scientific data. Science was stable and unchanging. The aspects of it that were thrilling to her still posed no threat and there was always a solution, even if it remained elusive for a long time. It was her oasis and she'd never needed it more.

Besides, she'd have to see both Jane and Angela tomorrow.

She could use one more day of pondering and preparation.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankfully her cumulative exhaustion and mental lassitude had helped to ward off another bout of night terrors.

As she showered Monday morning, she vowed to take Jane's advice … no matter how antagonistically it had been delivered. She would stop being timid. She would do or say whatever she needed to, unhindered by her feelings of responsibility and remorse.

Or at least she'd go through the motions of doing so until she could do so authentically.

As a peace offering, she stopped by Jane's favorite bakery and picked up three of her regular pastries. It would be rude to leave out Korsak and Frost.

She also stopped for an expensive cup of coffee that would make an extra good impression and give her a reason to bypass Angela for a little while longer.

All the way up in the elevator she concentrated on a ritual Hindu chant that was supposed to counteract nervousness. When that didn't seem to do the trick, she repeated over and over to herself, "It's just another day."

She entered the bullpen full of fake confidence.

Her smile faltered when she noticed that Jane's desk was empty.

She was sure that with her extra stops this morning that she would have arrived after Jane's normal start time. Disappointed, she turned toward Korsak – the only one in the room at the moment.

"Hey Doc!" His eyes went immediately to the bakery bag. "Did you do a breakfast run?"

Without answering him, she tilted her head toward the desk closest to her.

"Did I already miss Jane?"

Now it was Korsak's smile that wavered.

"Um … uh … Ang … Mrs. Rizzoli didn't tell you?"

He seemed inordinately uncomfortable.

Immediately dropping the bag onto Jane's desk and setting down the hot coffee, Maura moved forward.

"Tell me what, Vince?"

Her tone left no room for hesitation.

"She left. She's gone."

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end part seven  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 8?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: All the good girls are home with broken hearts …

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Maura felt like she was suddenly back in the midst of her last nightmare.

Only this time, the ground beneath _her_ was gone. She was the one free-falling into nothingness.

Questions flew rapidly around in her mind. Gone where? Why? How long? The noise they made inside her head was not unlike the flapping wings of a newly disturbed cluster of birds. It drowned out her ability to locate the power of speech. Her mouth would not form the words.

Jane was gone.

Gone.

And so was any rational response she might have mustered if she hadn't been spiraling into darkness.

As panic began to close her throat, she stumbled backward, oblivious to anything save her desperate need to flee.

She didn't hear Korsak call out to her. She couldn't feel her feet or legs as she moved.

Somehow she navigated her way around obstacles as she ran for the elevator, all of her distress from the past week nipping at her heels. Her lack of control, her pervasive fears, the yawning nothingness of loss … she needed to escape.

But how?

The terror that found her in her sleep was real. She held on too tight. She couldn't reach Jane, couldn't be heard. She couldn't hold on.

Jane was gone.

And she was awake.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vince Korsak was a veteran detective with the Boston Police Department and a veteran of three failed marriages.

Nothing in his experience had prepared him for what had just happened.

He had been completely blindsided when Dr. Isles asked about Jane.

Didn't she practically live with Angela Rizzoli? The same Angela Rizzoli he had spoken with after Jane's departure?

She had called him yesterday. She had sounded cheerful and upbeat as she let him know that Jane had made the flight and was comfortably settled at the resort, but then she had gotten very emotional.

His face reddened as he remembered his own barely reined in reaction as she thanked him profusely for looking after and supporting her daughter. He had tried to brush off the compliments and gratitude, but his own voice betrayed how moved he was by the discussion.

They had spoken at length about the situation Jane was struggling with. Both united in their agreement that the best solution was for the two estranged women to work out their problems and realize that they belonged together. They had even laughed about how ridiculous it was for either of them to believe otherwise.

He was not surprised at all by how fiercely protective Angela was of her oldest, but he was mildly caught off guard by her similar stance on Maura's behalf. He liked Dr. Isles very much, more than he would have ever expected in fact, but Jane owned part of his heart.

It never occurred to him to be startled by Angela's acceptance of them as a pair, and it didn't seem to strike her as odd that he felt likewise. He was more and more aware that he had a lot in common with Jane's mother. And that he'd like to find out even more about her.

He had enjoyed talking to her. Had enjoyed the idea that the two of them were jointly charged with making sure that Jane was okay, that she had what she needed. That both Jane and her mother trusted him to such a high degree. If he wasn't careful it could go to his head.

The conversation had ended with Angela professing that she'd never be able to thank him enough, but that she would certainly remember his kindness. He had repeatedly assured her that no "thank you" was necessary, that what he had done for Jane was due to his own concern for her well-being. That response had garnered a fresh wave of tearful appreciation and an insistence that he let Angela make him dinner soon.

He had come away from the whole thing feeling pretty damn good about himself. And looking forward to some authentic Italian cooking.

He was actually enjoying his Monday morning and thought that it was about to get better when he noticed Dr. Isles had brought something from Jane's favorite bakery spot.

Then everything went straight to hell in a hand basket.

She didn't know about Jane. He was flabbergasted. And completely useless in that moment.

How could she not know?

She had spoken so commandingly, posed the question to him so intensely, that he had just blurted out the first thing that came to his mind: the truth in its briefest form.

He hadn't gotten a chance to expound upon it because she had immediately fallen apart.

He had watched in dismay as the force of his answer slammed into her. Watched as she stood blinking, motionless and still for a few seconds, her face pinched and colorless.

Afraid that she would pass out, he had started up from his chair just as she staggered and braced herself on the desk. But before he could even get around the corner of his, she was turning … awkwardly moving … then with unbelievable speed given that she was wearing those freakishly high heels, sprinting toward the hallway.

Astounded, he'd gone after her … calling her name and wishing like hell he knew what to do.

It was no use. By the time he reached the corridor there was no sign of her.

Christ he felt bad. And confused.

Making his way back to his desk, he punched in the number for the cafeteria and barked at Stan to put Angela Rizzoli on the phone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Angela had taken the stairs.

The wait for the elevator would have been impossibly long in light of the urgency she felt.

Vince had sounded so shaken that she knew Maura's reaction had been worse than she'd imagined. She was already second-guessing her decision to wait until the M.E. was ready to come to her.

The poor thing.

And poor Vince! Such a sweet man … and to be the one that broke the news …

When she had grabbed the receiver away from an irritated Stanley - who was loudly complaining to her that "Korsak is shouting at me" - her first thought was that something had happened with Jane.

It was immediately dismissed as she heard Vince's plaintive statement.

"I swear to God, Angela, I thought she knew."

"Maura?"

"Yeah, geez … I didn't mean to …"

"Don't worry. I'm on my way."

"She's really, really upset, Angela …"

He didn't seem to be able to let it go. She softened her voice.

"Vince … it's okay. I've got this."

With that she hung up. Already moving around the counter, she stripped off her apron and tossed it to Stanley, who was glaring and scowling. Before he could reprimand her, she shouted out, "Family emergency!" and left the room.

She stopped outside the hallway to the lab to catch her breath. And smooth her hair. She knew that it didn't matter to Maura what she looked like, but she wanted to project the image of calm. It never occurred to her that Maura wouldn't be in her office. She was too smart to drive while she was distraught and her territory in the basement was a refuge.

Ready for whatever she was about to find, Angela breezed past the technicians in the outer area and made her way to Maura's door. Knocking softly to announce her presence, she didn't wait for an invitation before she walked in, closing the door behind her.

Maura looked so small as she sat trembling at her desk, head resting in both hands. Angela's heart went out to her.

"Oh, honey …"

Seemingly re-animated by Angela's voice, Maura lifted her head, her eyes flashing both accusation and betrayal.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Advancing cautiously and carefully modulating her tone, Angela pretended not to know what Maura was referring to.

"About what, sweetheart?"

For a split second Maura froze, paralyzed by the possibility that Angela might be just as in the dark as she was. That she might be visiting the same shock on Jane's mother that Korsak had handed her. Then her eyes narrowed once again.

"That she was leaving … that she left …"

Now that Angela was close enough to perch on the corner of Maura's desk, she leaned down so that she was at eye level with the suspicious young woman, making sure her own were as clear and as comforting as her voice was about to be. Reaching out with both hands, she gently cupped both sides of Maura's face.

"Sweetie … I would have told you everything if I had seen you."

There was no admonishment in her response, but instantly Maura appeared guilt-stricken. It was obvious from her expression that she realized that Angela knew that she'd been avoiding her. She tried to withdraw, but Angela slid her hands down to Maura's shoulders and directed her to stand.

"Come here."

In a flash Maura was enveloped in a fierce hug, her tears flowing freely. As Angela sat on the desk and held her, she wondered if she'd ever had the opportunity to be cherished and consoled by her own mother this way. So much about this child's life tore at her heart.

She hated that both of her girls were in such pain. If this thing wasn't _between_ the both of them, she'd be anxious to smash the other party's kneecaps.

Stroking Maura's hair repeatedly and then kissing her at the top of her forehead, Angela finally spoke.

"Let's move this over to that nice sofa you have in here. Your desk isn't doing any wonders for my back."

As Maura pushed herself away, she tried to indicate that she was fine but Angela shushed her immediately. Taking her hand and leading her toward the aforementioned couch, she pulled Maura down close to her side, distinctly aware that she had done the same thing with Jane just two days before.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

When Maura shook her head, still sniffling, Angela put her arm around her. Guiding the M.E.'s head down to rest on her shoulder, she patted it lightly and began to speak.

"Then I want you just to listen."

At Maura's faint nod, she continued.

"Janie told me everything." She felt Maura tense, so she began to soothingly stroke her hair again.

"She told me everything, poured her heart out … something she rarely does, you know. Anyway … she was at her wits end. She was scared to tell me, I think … which is ludicrous … you girls can always talk to me …"

Stopping herself before she went into full-blown lecture mode, she returned to her main point.

"She loves you very much. In every way. She doesn't understand right now where you are or where you're coming from … why you feel the way you do … so she's hurt and rejected."

When Maura started to protest, Angela talked over her.

"She needed to get away so that she could sort some things out. Get some perspective and decide what she's going to ultimately be able to handle."

She made her words gentler, her hand resting warmly on Maura's head.

"She would do anything for you. Of that I have no doubt. But she needs to find out what she can do for herself."

They both sat in the stillness for a few minutes. Angela with so much else to say but mindful of Maura's state of mind.

When Maura finally broke the silence, she sounded so pitiful that it restricted Angela's breathing.

"Is she coming back?"

"Oh, sweetie! Of course she is!" She twisted around so that she could see Maura's face and wipe her tears. "It's just a two-week vacation … to clear her head. To give you both some time … that's all."

Her eyes still brimming, Maura stammered, "We had this t-t-terrible fight in the elevator … I had a d-d-date that I had made a long time b-b-before any of this h-h-happened and I didn't know how to tell her … or if I should tell her … and then she c-c-called me a liar! "

Even in her current condition, Maura was still indignant about that.

"She called me a liar and s-s-said that I didn't have any faith in her! That I didn't b-b-believe in her! That's not true at all, Angela! And then she said …" Maura took a deep shaky breath. "She said that it was my fault if we were never friends again."

Her face crumpled and she covered it once again with her hands. Angela could barely make out her muffled words.

"I don't want to lose her, it's the LAST thing I wanted … but she was SO angry … so final …"

"Sweetheart …" Angela peeled both of Maura's hands away from face. Then tenderly tweaking her chin, she smiled softly.

"Jane is Italian. We have terrible tempers …"

When that failed to make an impression, she went with the serious approach.

"Maura … I know Jane about as well as a mother can know her child, but you know part of her that I can never reach. She's not going to give up on you, on that. In whatever form it continues to exist, she's connected to you forever. She's coming back. And you two will have to come to some agreement, some arrangement that works for you both."

She entwined Maura's fingers with her own.

"From what I heard when I was talking with her, you mean more to her than anything … than anyone … else in the world."

It warmed her heart when Maura squeezed back.

"Should I go after her?"

The storybook romantic in Angela leapt for joy at Maura's question. But the overprotective mother won out. She couldn't get the image of Jane's deeply wounded eyes out of her head. Pursing her lips for a moment before she answered, she chose her words carefully.

"If you're going only as her friend, or only because you don't want to be alone right now … then no. You should stay here. You should let her have this break."

She had intended to leave it at that, but she wanted to paint the full picture. Maura did better with stark contrasts.

"If you can't see the trip ending with the two of you making out in the sand while the surf rushes over you like in that movie … "From Here To Eternity "… then please, for her sake, stay home."

Maura's skin flushed pink as she stared at their fingers, her head tilted down.

"What if I'm not strong enough on my own … to get through this?"

"You? You're one of the strongest people I've ever met! Look at what you've been able to accomplish on your own! With your background and advantages, you could have gone the easy route at any step of the way, but you chose to do the work, put in the hours, and make your own way. You should be so damn proud of yourself! Don't you dare sell yourself short, Maura Isles … it will make me nuts."

That finally drew a smile, much to Angela's relief.

"And you won't be getting through it completely on your own. You have me."

Maura gripped her fingers so hard that it almost hurt before relaxing them again.

"So … she's at the beach?"

"Yes."

"For two weeks?"

"Mmm hmm."

As she pulled her hands away and wiped her face daintily, Maura seemed to regain some of her usual effortless poise.

"Thank you so much, Angela. I know this can't be easy for you considering that Jane is your daughter …"

"Oh pfffffft." She waved Maura's comment away. "You don't have to thank me. You, my dear, are family. And my heart is big enough for the both of you."

Standing up before she provoked another round of raw emotion, Angela started for the door.

"I have to get back before Stanley decides to pretend he's my boss and fire me … we'll talk more later … at home."

Brightening, Maura offered, "I can bring dinner …"

Turning back just as she reached the doorway, Angela waved this off as well. "Don't be silly, it's practically done already. You just get out there and concentrate on solving murder mysteries with your scientific mumbo jumbo magic."

With a full-blown grin on her face, Maura snapped to mock attention.

"Yes ma'am."

Angela's steps were lighter as she made her way back upstairs. If she had anything to say about it, her girls were going to be okay.

And it was highly unlikely that she'd ever have nothing to say.

She was their mother.

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the end part 8  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Additional author's note: I'm picking and choosing which parts of the actual series exist or have occurred in this story. Just so ya know.


	9. Chapter 9

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 9?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: And even though I know how very far apart we are …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vince Korsak was a lifesaver.

Jane wasn't sure she'd ever be able to properly express her gratitude for what he had done.

Arriving Saturday after an emotionally exhausting, yet truly invaluable, afternoon with her mother and an uneventful plane ride, she'd checked into the resort. Hardly noticing her surroundings, she'd been escorted to her room – which was ginormous – and had promptly collapsed on the luxurious bedding.

Waking a few hours later in near total darkness, she'd called her mother to assure her that she'd made it safely, speaking only as long as necessary to convey her message and remind Angela to check on Jo. It had been on the tip of her tongue to ask her mom to keep a close eye on Maura as well, but she thought better of mentioning the reason her world was so topsy-turvy at the moment.

She was too tired to unpack or even shower. Stumbling to the door, she'd placed the 'Do Not Disturb' notice in plain view and set all the locks. After stripping off everything but her shirt and underwear, she'd crawled into the most comfortable bed she'd ever met and quit fighting her body's pleas for rest.

The last thought she had before slipping completely into nothingness was the image of Maura's face as she'd left her in the elevator … the pain etched there … echoed by her own.

They weren't supposed to hurt each other.

Not like this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She had to be dreaming.

Except that she rarely, if ever, dreamed in such detail. Most of the time she was too deeply fatigued. Or she was just too unimaginative. Whichever.

When she woke up in the middle of a "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" photo layout with a postcard-perfect view, she almost felt like she should pinch herself. For only a split second, she was disoriented and apprehensive.

Then she remembered. The honeymoon suite. Grand Caymans. A week of all-inclusive indulgence. And to think she had almost turned this down.

Stretching slowly, she immersed herself once again in the coziness that was the incredible bed she had slept in. It was huge. And made of magic. Smiling and enjoying the fluffy cloud of the comforter, she thought that she might never get out of it.

Duh. That's what people on their honeymoon usually count on, dumbass. Of course the bed's going to be phenomenal.

Suddenly she felt somewhat like she was trespassing, being here alone.

Alone.

That hadn't taken long at all.

From idyllic awakening to depression, party of one … in less than three minutes.

Throwing both of her arms above her head onto the pillow, she stared at the ceiling. She was here to change that. She had to get her head on straight so that she wouldn't waste this golden, and obviously expensive, opportunity.

Sitting up, she glanced at the clock near the bed and was mildly surprised to see that it was after 9:30. She hadn't just slept great, she'd slept well into the morning. She had nowhere to go, no one to answer to, and no one to take care of except for herself.

She'd get right on that.

As soon as she could convince herself to get up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The bathroom was as unbelievable as the rest of the suite.

The mammoth tub had its own chandelier. The faucet was in the middle at the back, almost like a fountain. As tall as she was, Jane could lie down in it. She was going to spend at least half of her time here in that thing.

This morning, however, she decided on a shower. It was big enough for four people – although that thought instantly skeeved her out. There was a built in "bench" that she supposed was put to many uses other than sitting. The pressure from the shower heads was perfect.

Needless to say she wished she had the space in her luggage for some of the magnificent towels.

She was drying her hair with one of them, and ensconced in the most marvelous robe, when she exited the bathroom and spied an envelope that had been slipped under the door.

It was a note from the hotel. More specifically, it was from her personal attendant, Gerard.

"_Ms Janet,_

_For the duration of your stay with us, I am at your service. No matter what you wish, you may call me. At any time. If you are dissatisfied with this arrangement or disappointed in my efforts, please notify the front desk immediately._

_Personal Concierge,_

_Gerard"_

Underneath the message itself was the number for his direct extension.

Wow.

And what the hell was with "Janet"? She assumed that it was just a typo. Sure enough, when she located her check-in documents, she saw that the reservation had been made in the name of "Janet Rizzoli."

She'd just let Gerard know when she called.

Perched on the side of the bed, she dialed the number given. She was unprepared for how fast the phone was answered.

"Yes, Ms Janet?"

The accent was indeterminate islander – vaguely Jamaican? Completely charming. She smiled in spite of the incorrect name. The way he pronounced it the emphasis was on the second syllable and it came out, rather pleasantly, as 'ja- NETT'.

"Um … Gerard?"

"At your service. What may I do for you this morning?"

"I … uh …" She felt like an idiot. Gathering herself, she managed to remember why she had called. "I wanted some breakfast, but since it's so late, I didn't know if I could still get it from room service."

"You may have whatever you want from our kitchen regardless of the time. Might I ask what you wanted to order?"

Jane had not gotten that far. As usual, her impulsive nature moved her to call about the timing before she had thought through her request.

"I haven't even looked at a menu … um … some coffee, for sure. And maybe a pastry … or I guess … a muffin."

"I can certainly take care of that for you. Would you like me to add some of our most popular items?"

"Sure. That would be nice."

"It should take only about 15 minutes, Ms. Janet."

"Oh … thanks."

The line went dead before she could remember about correcting her name.

Whatever.

She was here practically as another person anyway. And she liked hearing him say it the wrong way.

As fully covered by the robe as she was, she hurried to put on some underwear and a bra anyway, unpacking her suitcase and putting her clothes away as she went.

She almost giggled as she realized which song was running through her head.

"_No, my first name ain't 'Baby' … It's 'Janet' … 'Ms. Jackson' if you're nasty …"_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gerard looked nothing like she had pictured him.

She hadn't expected him to deliver her meal in person, so she was startled when she opened the door for room service, almost exactly 15 minutes after she'd spoken with Gerard, and found the man himself smiling brightly at her. His gold name tag shiny and plainly visible.

He was much, much older than she would have guessed. His tight black curls were generously sprinkled with grey. His small, distinguished mustache was almost entirely white, standing in stark contrast to his smooth ebony skin. He moved with a regal bearing that made him seem taller than his actual height … which fell just short of Jane's eye level.

"I hope I have not kept you waiting long."

Jane stepped aside so that he could push the serving cart past her and towards the sitting area of the suite.

"Gosh, no … I barely had time to unpack …"

Gerard paused, his hand hovering above one of the silver serving covers. He looked faintly disturbed as he turned to look at her face.

"Did you need more time? I can return …"

"No! I mean … this is perfect … can I help?" She took a step toward the cart.

Relieved and smiling once again, Gerard waved her offer away. Instead he stepped behind one of the chairs at the table next to the large picture window and drew it back with a flourish.

"Please, Ms. Janet … have a seat here. I will get everything ready."

Dutifully, although she felt rather silly, Jane slid into the chair he held and allowed him to adjust it closer to the table. Almost immediately, Gerard began placing items in front of her. First he set her place, using lovely silverware and two crystal glasses. Even though she really would have been fine with just a muffin, she found herself enjoying the idea of a pampered breakfast.

Jane felt as if she were playing a role. And since she had not grown up in or spent much time around such a posh and polished setting, it was a role she was distinctly uneasy about. No doubt Maura would have felt right at home.

She smelled the coffee before he positioned the generous mug to the right of her placemat. It was all she could do to bite back the groan of pleasure she felt welling up inside her. The aroma was heavenly.

While she was anticipating the first taste of it, she saw Gerard deposit a bread basket full of scones, pastries, muffins and Danish down on the other side of the table. When he set a large, domed silver dish directly in front of her and removed the cover, she was treated to the sight of a fluffy cheese omelet, diced roasted potatoes, and three crisp strips of bacon.

She was shocked to realize how hungry she was. She glanced up at Gerard, confused.

"You said it would be okay if I added some things to your order."

His eyes were twinkling.

"Would you care for some fresh squeezed orange juice?"

Speechless, Jane could only nod.

He poured the juice in one glass and ice water into the other, leaving both pitchers and the white coffee carafe on the table.

"Can you think of anything else you might need, Ms. Janet?"

Jane grinned. "I think you've thought of all of it for me, Gerard."

He grinned back. Satisfied, he began to arrange the cart so that he could leave.

"OH!"

Jane was instantly flustered as a thought struck her.

"Is there something I need to sign?"

She moved in her chair as if she were about to stand, thinking rapidly about where she had put her cash so that she could tip him.

As if reading her mind, Gerard placed a steadying hand on her shoulder, stopping her motion. Looking kindly, yet pointedly into her eyes, he spoke in his quiet and distinctive manner.

"I am well compensated by the resort for my service here. The best thing you can do for me is to thoroughly enjoy your stay with us. And honestly let me know if there is any way I can help you or make you more comfortable."

Once he saw her relax, he continued with his clean-up process.

"When you are ready for this meal to be cleared, you can either call me or the room service number. I will send someone on my staff to take care of it. Unless you would like me to attend to it personally …"

If she had known him better, she might have thought he was teasing her with that last comment. As it were, she couldn't be sure.

"Ms. Janet?"

"Yes?"

"Your food is getting cold."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was beginning to wonder if Gerard had somehow been tipped off by her mother and Sgt. Korsak.

He was very subtle about it, but she was sure he was keeping a concerned eye on her.

Instead of ticking her off, it made her feel oddly secure. He was much more accomplished at staying out of the way than her Boston based nannies.

After she had spent the entire day Sunday in her suite, enjoying Gerard's suggestions and outright presentations for each meal … as well as mindless sitcoms and the vast movie selection on the epic flatscreen tv, he greeted her at breakfast Monday morning with a surprising offer.

He was serving her a beautiful selection of fruit and pastries on the balcony. The late morning air was warm, but the breeze off the ocean made it a perfect atmosphere. The balcony itself was something of an engineering marvel.

She had found out the night before that it was completely private, unless someone was in a helicopter or parasailing directly over the top of it. One side of the railing was a continuation of the large picture window that covered most of one side of the sitting area.

The floor surface was extended out far enough that no one down below could see onto the enclosure. She would be visible only if she were leaning over the rail. The closest room to the honeymoon suite on the other side had its own balcony of course, but it was at an angle so as to be sheltered as well.

Jane imagined that the secluded nature was particularly welcomed by the couples that frequented the resort. She appreciated the opportunity it afforded to avoid people entirely for a little while longer. The few hours she'd spent reclining on it the previous evening were incredibly calming, the night air and sound of the surf a perfect balm to her troubled mind.

She had drifted back into similar musings when Gerard interrupted them genially.

"I'm free for a while this morning if you would like a guided tour of the facilities."

His eyes were twinkling again as he poured her juice.

"Is that something you usually do for guests?"

Gerard was so casual for a moment that she half believed he was about to pull out the other chair at the small balcony table and join her. She would actually have been thrilled if he had.

"For those who seem interested in what's going on around them, yes."

Smiling wryly, Jane noted his skill in choosing his words.

"You don't get that many singles in the honeymoon suite, I take it."

Fleetingly she could tell that Gerard was on the verge of apologizing for making her aware of her situation with his comment. But it seemed that he had sized her up quite well during their encounters the previous day.

"It does happen occasionally, I assure you. And sometimes, once a guest is tired of being completely introspective, they find the amenities of the resort quite welcome. Some even find that they start having fun."

Jane was touched that he was making the effort to cheer her up.

"I'll think about it, I promise."

Gerard suppressed his own wry smile, but not before Jane caught the gleam in his eye. Some badass she was turning out to be. He totally had her number and they both knew it.

"I'll be waiting for your call."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She caved barely two hours later.

She was sipping her coffee and soaking up the sun and the sounds from the beach below, but her mind was back in Boston.

It was mid-morning on Monday. BPD headquarters would be in full swarm. If there was any chance that Maura had managed over the weekend to escape the knowledge that Jane had left, there was no way that she remained unaware now.

Jane couldn't help but imagine various reactions she might have had upon learning the news. Was she overwhelmed with relief? Regret that they had parted so contentiously? Guilt? Anger?

Or maybe, in the most distressing of the options she considered, it had barely mattered to Maura at all.

A small part of her wanted to harbor the hope that it was a profound wake up call. That such a drastic measure on her part would suddenly strike Maura like a bolt of lightning. Force her to confront her feelings and realize that they were meant to be so much more to each other.

She allowed the scenario to play out … imagining that Korsak and her mother would spill the beans in the wake of Maura's heartfelt demand to know where Jane was … that once Maura had the information, she would move heaven and earth to come after her right away … she would show up, breathless, at Jane's door just as she was changing for the night …

They would laugh and cry and kiss and hold each other, both trying to speak at the same time, simultaneously attempting to convey everything at once.

Jane closed her eyes as her thoughts strayed to how they would make explicit use of the fantastic bed, the super-sized tub … this very balcony …

It was all too real for a brief, blissful moment. Then Jane's common sense intervened. Jolting her back to her right mind so sharply that she spilled a bit of her coffee.

Her voice was bitter inside her head as she dabbed at the stain with a napkin.

Don't be stupid. Best friends don't come after you when you rush off with your heart broken … Lovers do. And only in scripted starry-eyed drivel … chick flicks and Lifetime movies.

Real life was so much more complicated. And boring. And rarely, if ever, punctuated with grand romantic gestures.

She was here to un-complicate things. At least from her side.

Sliding the napkin under her dark glasses to catch the single tear that had escaped, she stood and made her way back into the suite.

Jane may have come down here to hide from reality and lick her wounds, but Janet had other plans for her.

One of the first places she wanted Gerard to show her was the gift shop.

She needed new clothes to go with her new attitude.

By the time she hung up the phone, she was humming.

"_The only nasty thing I like … is a nasty groove … will this one do?"_

"_uh huh … I know …"_

Janet – Ms. Jackson – was absolutely right.

It was time for her to get her groove back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

end part 9  
>thanks for reading!<p>

-

"Nasty"  
>Songwriters: HARRIS III, JAMES  LEWIS, TERRY  
>Performed by: JACKSON, JANET<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 10?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Bodies in the sand, tropical drink melting in your hand …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When it came to enjoying the amenities the resort had to offer, "Janet" didn't just stick her toe in the water, she jumped right in.

The tour with Gerard had been a real eye-opener. The place was amazing. Apart from the gloriously appointed hotel, there was a full fitness center and spa, several hot tubs, two gorgeous pools, various courtyards with lush gardens and gazebos, and a fantastic gift shop. She had declined Gerard's offer to show her the tennis courts.

There was also a five-star restaurant that, while elegant and inviting, Jane had no plans to set foot in it. She was just fine dining alone in her suite. However, Gerard made a point to take her to the beach-side bar and restaurant and introduce her to the bartender, Miguel.

After spending a few minutes in the extremely casual setting, she knew she would be back. Despite the tropical background and lack of a real door, the Rusty Pelican would feel a lot like the Dirty Robber once she was seated at the bar.

And while it should have been quite obvious, the most spectacular feature of all was the beach itself. She had seen it from the balcony, but at ground level, it was breathtaking.

When Gerard escorted her back to the gift shop, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, thanking him yet again for showing her around. They both knew that she meant 'for getting her out of the room.' Jane could have sworn that he blushed, but it was impossible to tell with his complexion.

They parted with an agreement that he would make sure Jane was signed up for a kick-boxing class the next morning if Jane promised to be up in time to have a good breakfast before she had to get ready to attend.

Once she was alone, she'd enjoyed shopping and trying on clothes for perhaps the first time in her life. Well, she had actually enjoyed shopping with Maura even though she pretended not to. Now that she was aware of her feelings, she wished she paid closer attention while Maura had changed in and out of all of those endless ensembles and presented each one to her.

Okay, now she just sounded like a perv.

She was enjoying shopping for _herself_ for the first time she could remember. And she had to admit some of the things she'd chosen made her look pretty damn good. They'd look better with a tan, but she was going to fix that.

In the end, she went back upstairs with three new swimsuits, two pairs of sandals, and three outfits that were beachy, casual, and still evening appropriate. She hesitated to call them sexy, because she still didn't think of herself that way, but she supposed they qualified.

She was surprised to find a box containing running shoes in her size sitting on her bed when she returned. There was a small note from Gerard indicating that she should call him if they didn't fit.

Once again she was deeply impressed. While she had been gazing at the beach, she mentioned that she wished she had brought a pair so that she could jog in the mornings and evenings up and down the shoreline. Against all odds, she had found that she liked running alone and there wasn't a more perfect stretch of land to lose herself to than this one.

Gerard had not even commented at the time. He had just nodded and waited patiently for her to continue the tour. The rascal! There were several pairs of socks tucked into the side as well. Everything fit like a glove. The man had to be part angel.

He was going to get extra hugs and maybe even a kiss on the cheek the next time she saw him.

Checking her watch, she decided that it was time to find out what he had dreamed up for her late lunch options.

She tried not to be too disappointed by the absence of a blinking message light on the phone.

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Jane had forgotten what being totally relaxed felt like.

She was stretched out on one of the balcony beach recliners in one of her recently purchased bikinis. The sun felt marvelous.

Of course, she'd have to be careful. It would be a huge buzzkill to get sunburned so early in her vacation. She had dragged the phone closest to the balcony outside and fairly close to where she was sunbathing. In a few minutes, she'd take her top off and turn over.

Afraid that she'd fall asleep and bake bright red, she'd asked Gerard to call her at a prearranged time. She'd also spent countless minutes pondering how to convince him to give up this paradise and move back to Boston with her.

The idea made her smile. Ma would totally be jealous of the competition, but she'd still have Maura …

Fighting against the swell of melancholy even the name triggered in her, Jane tried to redirect her thoughts. It was impossible.

Maura.

What would she think about this place? Would it just be another posh hotel in a string of ritzy locations she'd frequented in her life?

She would like Gerard. That much Jane was sure of. And he would love her. Who wouldn't?

She couldn't stop herself from wondering what Maura would think of the very flattering yet very skimpy swimsuit she was wearing. She cringed when she flashed back to the bikini wax she'd had just after lunch in the hotel spa, but it had been worth it.

She looked great. Even if she was the only one who had seen the full effect.

Damn. She couldn't believe she was getting nervous just imagining Maura's reaction to her current appearance. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

She'd probably just be her usual supportive, complimentary self. "You are gorgeous, my friend." My friend. A friend who'd be instantly ready to set Jane up with the lifeguard at the country club.

Scowling, she reached up to untie her top and sling it aside. After rearranging the towels and lowering the top of the chair, she flipped over, disgusted with herself for her train of thought and the reality it revealed.

As she settled into her new position, she let her mind drift. She knew exactly how she'd respond if Maura walked out onto the balcony wearing something similar to what she had on.

Her body flushed warm as soon as the image formed. Jesus.

She shifted against the chaise, her nipples hardening as they scraped the towel and at the idea of seeing Maura so exposed and so unbearably hot.

She had to stop this.

There was nothing wrong with fantasizing. It had its time and place.

The giant bathtub. When she was finished here.

That would work.

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Tuesday morning she woke up feeling like she could take on the world.

But her first order of business was to give her new running shoes a test drive just after dawn. She'd had dinner in her room and turned in early knowing that she had a full morning planned.

Besides, she was pleasantly exhausted from her decadent bath and the, um, extracurricular activities she had indulged in. Activities she had still been mentally rewinding over and over when her head had hit the pillows.

Her morning jog along the beach was almost as fulfilling.

As she showered, she looked forward to breakfast … she'd quit actually ordering and had told Gerard to just go with his gut. Well, she'd told him to just bring her whatever he thought she'd like. So far he'd done a great job. Plus, the anticipation was fun. Like getting presents.

She had just finished dressing for her kick-boxing class when Gerard arrived. Hardly waiting for him to cross the threshold, she hugged him so enthusiastically that she practically lifted him off the ground.

The twinkle in his eye as they separated showed that he was delighted by the attention even as he shooed her away.

"They are perfect! I ran this morning and it was absolutely exhilarating! I mean, it takes some getting used to, running on the sand, but it's so amazing!"

Nodding and smiling, he just continued setting out her meal.

"I used to hate running, truly. I only ever did it because Maura was always asking me and bugging me to join her …"

Jane stopped so short that Gerard cut his eyes to her face, not missing the effort it took for her to reset her expression and continue.

"… but now, I'm so into it. I find it so … um, therapeutic. And I can do it alone. I've always been kind of a loner, anyway."

Stepping closer to the table, she surveyed the spread.

"This looks fantastic!"

"I'll have your running clothes laundered while you are out. And anything else you care to have done. Just leave them in the basket near the door."

Jane bit the end off of a crispy strip of bacon.

"You're too good to me, ya know that?"

Rather solemnly, Gerard looked her in the eye.

"No, Miss. You should always be treated well."

Although she suddenly found it hard to swallow, Jane managed to crack a wry grin.

"I need a better PR agent. You interested?"

Gerard was grinning now, too.

"I do have a suggestion, if you'd allow it."

Jane waved her hand impatiently.

"You can stop with all the formal stuff, Gerard. We both know I'm going to end up doing whatever you want me to."

His bright smile widened, but he controlled any triumphant gloating.

"I know that you have a kick-boxing class after breakfast. Since you ran this morning as well, I think it might be a good idea to schedule a massage for later this afternoon. There is a particular attendant I would recommend."

Downing a large sip of fresh-squeezed orange juice, Jane nodded.

"Okay, sounds like a plan. I don't want to stiffen up and not be able to run tomorrow."

Much to her surprise, Gerard patted her shoulder affectionately as he moved to leave.

"Good. Good. I'll send Celia to the room at 2:00. Lunch will be served at 12:30. I'm going into town today, so I won't see you again until dinner. If you need anything, anything at all, please ring the front desk."

While Jane was still digesting this, he paused with the cart.

"Things are looking up, are they not?"

With him in her corner, Jane mused, how could things be otherwise?

"Yes, they are, Gerard. Yes they are."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was surprised by how crowded the class was when she arrived.

That is, until the instructor walked in … just behind her.

There was a mild wave of murmuring that swept in with him, causing her to look up and see what all the fuss was about.

Wow.

He was phenomenally good-looking. Like a slightly bulked up Brad Pitt, only not as pretty. And he was almost a golden bronze color. His hair, his skin … she couldn't see his eyes from where she was toward the back of the group.

"Hi, Ivan."

Several of the women chorused together.

He smiled and … Jesus. He was attractive on a hit-you-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach level. She stretched and hopped in place as he addressed the class.

"Good morning, ladies."

There was some sort of accent, which only enhanced the overall package. She was surprised that some of the women didn't outright swoon. And yes, she confirmed as she looked around, there were only female participants present.

"I apologize that classes did not begin yesterday as planned. I had something to attend to. Hopefully we can catch up by escalating the rest of the week."

Slavic. His accent sounded Slavic. It stood out from the rest of the English derivatives, island languages and inflections she'd heard since she arrived. She wondered about his story and how he'd ended up here.

Then he transitioned them into warm-ups and she concentrated on keeping up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Damn. She didn't know if she could kick-box, but that class had certainly kicked her butt.

Ivan was no Ken Doll Cruise Director guy. He knew what he was doing and he was quite serious about it.

She was sure as hell going to be better prepared tomorrow. She hated it when she underestimated people almost as much as when she was underestimated. If he had done so, she was determined to set his impressions of her on their ear. She was up to the challenge. Welcomed it, even.

Game on.

Lunch was a light affair and she was grateful. She was familiar with the nice young server from a previous meal and didn't fell like she had to make small talk as they interacted.

She showered after she'd leisurely eaten out on the balcony and wanted nothing more than to take a nap, but then she heard a knock at the door. It was 2:00.

Right! The massage. With Celia, Gerard's hand-picked attendant.

She opened the door as quickly as she could, considering her general soreness.

There stood a fireplug of a woman. She might have reached Jane's upper arm. She was of indeterminate age, but whatever it was, it was well past 50. And she seemed to have a permanent, intimidating frown etched on her face.

She was carrying a portable message table and several large towels. It looked like an awkward burden, but there was no doubt that she was strong and capable.

Jane was speechless.

"Gerard sent me."

That was it. Her voice was softer than her appearance projected, but not without authority.

"Please … come in."

Jane hastily stepped out of the way.

With no further conversation, Celia marched into the suite and began to set up her station near the picture window. She was effortlessly efficient. Glancing toward where Jane stood like a teenager outside the principal's office, she jerked her head toward the bathroom.

"You get undressed."

Startled, but responsive, Jane almost answered, "Yes ma'am."

She had barely dressed at all after her shower. In fact, she was only wearing her panties and the cozy hotel robe. Chastened, she just stepped into the bathroom and waited a minute or two before coming back out.

Celia had everything arranged and ready. She had attached a small mp3 player to the in-room sound system and soon, soothing music filled the suite.

She unfolded and extended a towel wide between her arms and covering her face.

"Drop the robe and get onto the table, face down. I will not look."

She sounded tired and bored.

Jane did as she was told. The table was lower than standard height, owing to Celia's stature. Once Jane was in place, her face comfortably resting in the horseshoe shaped cushion, she felt Celia drape the towel across her backside.

The voice near her ear was matter of fact.

"This will hurt some. It is necessary."

And with that, she began.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was not like she hadn't been warned.

Several times the pressure of Celia's fingers caused pain so sharp she saw stars. And whimpered. Once, she almost flew up off of the table but Celia's strong hand held her down. Each time, her muscles were alternately tortured, soothed and loosened.

Jane lost track of time. She stopped trying to anticipate the next pain or pinch. She was being lulled into a rhythm of near hypnotic manipulations.

When it was time for her to turn over, the gentle pat on her shoulder was not unlike Gerard's earlier in the day.

At some point, Celia had turned the lights down. When Jane was comfortably on her back, the towel was draped over her chest and waist. Her eyes closed, Celia began working on her arms and hands. She was amazing. Even the sore spots felt good.

By the time Celia reached her feet, she was barely conscious. Her bones had turned to mush. A fierce flash of pain when Celia probed her instep caused only a minor moan.

She was in a daze when it was finished. She never wanted to move again.

Maybe her condition played games with her mind, because she was sure Celia sounded like a sweet grandmotherly type when she coaxed Jane back to the real world.

"Miss Janet … it's time to get up."

Jane also could have sworn the older woman brushed her hair back from her forehead.

"Let's get you off of this …"

Smooth, firm, blunt hands helped her sit, tucking the towel around her under her arms. Then she was holding the robe for Jane as she swung her legs over the side of the table.

"That's it. First this arm, then the other. Good girl."

As she stood, wobbly and off balance, Celia pulled the robe closed and removed the towel with one hand, slipping the other around Jane's back.

"It's a good time for a nap."

They shuffled together toward the bed, Celia only letting go of Jane long enough to pull back the covers.

Jane practically melted into the mattress.

She might have dreamed that Celia tucked her in. She was pretty sure she heard her say, "I'll see you tomorrow. Same time."

She never heard her pack up and leave.

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The ringing of the phone woke her up.

"Maura?"

She was mortified that she'd answered that way, still half asleep. There was a subtle throat-clearing before the person on the other end spoke.

"Miss Janet, it's Gerard. I'm incredibly sorry if I woke you. I have returned from town and was about to plan your dinner menu when I had a question …"

Closing her eyes and gathering herself, Jane reassured him. "No, I needed to wake up or I won't sleep tonight." She cleared her own throat. "What was your question?"

"It's going to be a very nice evening and I was wondering if you'd like to dine at the beachside bar?"

Jane smiled. Gerard knew that other than her jog and her kick-boxing class she'd been in her room all day. If she ate dinner in the room, she'd probably be alone all night. He was good, she knew that. And a master at deciding what was best for her. Maybe he was also a little afraid that she was getting too attached to him. He would be correct.

"That would be nice, Gerard. Do I need to make a reservation? What time is it, anyway?"

She could practically hear his smile.

"Goodness, no, there is no need for a reservation. I will let Miguel know you are coming, though. And it's just after six."

She didn't bother to hide her small gasp. After six! She had slept for hours. Then it dawned on her. Gerard knew that too. He wasn't sorry he woke her up at all.

"Gerard … are you an android?"

There was a long silence. Then a low chuckle.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean. I'll tell Miguel you'll be down around seven. Your laundry will be delivered while you are out."

"Hey, Gerard …"

"Yes, Miss?"

"That's quite a secret weapon you have there in Celia."

"She has been a dear friend for years. I am pleased you two are acquainted. She told me that you made another appointment for tomorrow."

Jane almost laughed. At home, she hated not being in complete control. She hated hovering and people trying to look out for her … but here … here and now … it was godsend. They were a godsend.

"I suppose I did."

"Good. I will also tell Miguel how much you enjoy the conch fritters."

The line went dead before she could call him on his teasing.

Stretching, she replaced the receiver.

Dinner and drinks on the beach sounded awesome.

All she had to do was decide which one of her new outfits she was going to wear.

Besides her class earlier in the day, this would be her first real mingling with the other guests. She didn't want to look like the poor, pathetic single woman in the honeymoon suite. She wanted to look like she felt … fantastic.

And at some point on this transformative vacation, she might want someone besides the seagulls and Celia to see her topless.

If that was going to have a chance of happening, she had to get out there.

Otherwise, she'd have to ask Gerard who he would recommend for _that_.

Giggling, she decided she might ask him anyway.

The look on his face would be priceless.

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the end part 10  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 11?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still tame, I'm afraid …<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Afternoon delight, cocktails and moonlit nights …

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It was an absolutely gorgeous evening on the beach.

The light background of steel drum music and the breeze off the ocean were instant atmosphere enhancements.

Jane felt is if she didn't have a care in the world as she strolled toward the bar. It was an amazingly uplifting change. She also knew she looked terrific. She hadn't missed the lingering looks and turned heads as she passed.

And man, was she hungry.

Unsure only of whether or not she should seat herself at a table or wait for an attendant, she approached the bartender.

As he turned toward her, she recognized Miguel from her earlier introduction. Before she could pose her question, he grinned widely and exclaimed, "My goodness, don't you look smashing!"

Startled by his proper British accent, which she was certain she would have remembered when she and Gerard spoke with him the day before, Jane just blinked.

Her expression and pause earned her a deep, totally unselfconscious belly laugh.

"It's okay, I'm just messing with you. Have a seat." He motioned her toward the chair at the far end of the polished wooden counter.

"Um, alright."

Jane eyed him warily, not entirely sure she was eager to spend more time in his "zany" company. As she settled herself in the high stool, she folded her arms in front of her and assessed her host.

He was probably in his late twenties or early thirties. Quite good-looking, darkly tanned, dark hair, dark eyes. Dimples. Those made the corners of her lips turn up. Subtle earring. The tight resort-issued polo shirt accentuated his biceps and toned body.

Miguel caught her looking and performed an exaggerated bow in her direction, causing her to flush bright pink.

"So you're the single lady who's been hiding out in the honeymoon suite …" He leaned on one elbow conspiratorially. "Jilted at the altar or pulled a Julia Roberts in 'Runaway Bride'?"

Jane's mouth dropped open at his brashness.

"It's okay, you can tell me. I'm a bartender. We're like priests." He winked at her. "There's not much that happens here that the staff doesn't hear about – a resort is just like a small town – but they won't hear a peep from me."

Still speechless, Jane cringed slightly as she focused on the fact that not much occurred there that didn't get around. She was kind of mortified that she'd lost count of the pieces of key lime pie she'd ordered in the last few days.

Sensing her unease in the silence, Miguel's smile vanished. His voice was much softer as he lightly touched her wrist.

"Hey, my bad. I didn't mean to imply that there's been a lot of gossip about you. And I especially didn't mean to make you think that Gerard would ever … He's the last one to … wow, I totally misread this. Grandpa Magic is going to murder me."

"Grandpa Magic?"

"Yeah, Gerard." His smile was back. "Some of us call him that, or G-Magic, or G-Man." It was clear that all of the terms were completely affectionate.

Jane grinned. She wondered if they called him that to his face. She might have to try it.

Miguel relaxed with relief and withdrew his hand as her mood changed. "So I'm not getting turned in?"

When Jane shook her head, he made an overly dramatic point of wiping his brow. "Whew."

Then, without missing a beat, he leaned back in and murmured, "So … jilted or Julia?"

She tried to pull her eyebrow into her patented, "Really?" face, but chuckled in spite of herself.

"Something like that."

Conceding, Miguel moved down the bar. "I know exactly what you need … besides a plate of conch fritters and our secret sauce …"

Jane rolled her eyes. Gerard had spilled the beans. She did love the conch fritters.

"Yeah?"

"Sex on the beach."

This time Jane had no difficulty in making the face.

"Excuse me?"

Laughing, Miguel held up a hand. "Relax, mama. It's a drink. One I am going to make for you right now. Which you WILL love."

Jane shook her head in amusement.

This was going to be an interesting night.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She had no idea.

The Rusty Pelican started getting busy around 8:00. In between customers, Miguel made sure to stay close to her end of the bar. They had developed quite a rapport in an extremely short amount of time and Jane was truly enjoying herself.

They also had an understanding that while Jane was comfortable being out and about, she wasn't keen on meeting and greeting or having anyone join her. Miguel was an excellent bodyguard-slash-protective brother figure. She had caught him waving several guys away from the empty barstool next to her, and was sure that he had managed to deter others without her notice.

She had devoured two plates of fresh conch fritters without regret. And several specialty drinks that Miguel had suggested, sometimes very suggestively. After she pushed her second platter away, she angled herself to be able to people watch as she sipped the latest concoction.

There were couples of all ages at the resort. Many picked up boxed meals and bottles of alcohol and made their way down the beach. The few tables that were beyond the main area of the restaurant were full, away from the bustle near the bar.

At one point, she saw Ivan making his way through the diners, headed toward the section past the restaurant where a band played and lights were strung all around a makeshift sand dance "floor."

Miguel caught the direction of her interest and leaned next to her.

"Ah … Ivan."

Only, the way he said the name, it came out sounding more like "E-vonn". Jane turned to look at him to see if he were playing with accents again.

At her look, he confided, "That's the way it's pronounced. He doesn't correct any of the guests. It's a way of staying somewhat disconnected, I suppose. If you pronounce it the right way, he knows you are more than just a groupie." He finished with a grin.

"I don't doubt that he has an abundance of those."

Just going by the group at the kick-boxing class that morning, he was definitely garnering his fair share.

"He's one of the resorts main attractions."

"I can see that. And I totally understand it." She grinned back. "Although, he's almost too attractive … if that's possible. And in my experience, that kind are usually total narcissists or not totally straight."

She was surprised that she had said that out loud. But she was sure that the drinks she had already downed weren't skimpy on the good stuff.

Miguel was shaking his head. "Not Ivan. Straight as an arrow. No bending. And believe me, I gave it my best shot."

Their eyes met and his were dancing at her reaction.

"Oh. Well, then. I'll take your word for it." She blatantly looked him over again. "You are very attractive yourself, you know, so if he passed that test …"

"Thank you very much, Janet … may I call you Janet?"

"No."

Now it was her turn to watch him falter. Smirking, she touched his forearm and beckoned him closer.

"That's not my name. But you have to promise not to tell Gerard. I love how he says it … and it's been kind of like a new identity, a new start for me here …"

He nodded.

"But since we're sharing … I'm Jane. There was a typo on my reservation."

They smiled at each other. Then he placed his hand over hers and responded, "It's so very nice to meet you, Jane. I'm Eric."

Both of them burst out laughing.

As she swiveled back around in her seat to face him head on once again, she mused. "That's not a typo."

"No ma'am."

Before he could elaborate, he was called to the other end of the bar. While she processed the last few minutes of information, she saw him signal to someone in the back, and then turn back to his new customer.

Another staffer appeared to whisk away her dinner platter and place a large piece of key lime pie in front of her.

Her initial reply was going to be that she was full and absolutely could not eat another bite, but then she realized that that was silly. She'd always have room for this pie. It was out of this world and she doubted she could ever get enough of it.

She made eye contact with Miguel …er, Eric … and sheepishly mouthed a 'thank you.' He nodded and finished his interaction a few yards away.

Moaning to herself over the first bite, she couldn't speak when he returned. But she could listen.

"So … I'm originally from Philly. Had the clichéd terrible childhood, bounced from place to place … always in some kind of trouble. Ended up hustling on the street …" He trailed off. "Anyway, I hooked up with what most people would call a 'sugar daddy' … he took me all over the world. Gave me everything I asked for … but I was miserable. He wasn't the nicest guy."

Jane's sympathy was written all over her face. Instinctively she reached for his arm again.

"Then we came here." His whole countenance brightened. "Gerard was our concierge. He read the situation right away …" His voice held a hint of awe that Jane could easily relate to.

"He managed to really reach me … make me understand that I had choices … that I wasn't trapped. And he got me a job on the grounds crew, in landscaping. That was ten years ago. I started going by Miguel because people asked fewer questions. Only a handful of folks here know me as anything else. And now you know."

If she hadn't already loved Gerard, this story would have put her over the top.

"He is magic, isn't he?"

Miguel nodded emphatically.

"So many places and people have tried to hire him away. He's legendary. One guy tried to buy the whole resort so that he could 'reassign' him as his personal valet. Gerard wouldn't have any of it. Said he would retire first. He's too happy where he is."

"So I guess there's no possible way I can convince him to come home with me to Boston."

"Not unless you can move most of the island. His family is here, and it's a pretty big family even if you don't count the 'strays' like me he's taken in. I've lost count of his grandchildren. And his wife is buried here."

Jane's heart immediately hurt for Gerard. That he'd suffered that loss.

"And he doesn't need the money. He's invested and saved. This IS the Caymans, after all. The resort pays him very, very well to keep him, or so they think." He laughed. "He trains all the new staff, monitors their progress. He works as a concierge less and less … pretty much when he feels like it. In fact, he wasn't scheduled to work this week until he found out there was going to be a single oc in the honeymoon suite."

Blinking, Jane realized what Miguel was saying. Gerard had been concerned about her even before he met her.

"He likes you a lot, you know. I bet he told you he'd be offended if you tried to tip him …"

Still too moved to speak, Jane nodded.

Laughing, Miguel continued. "He only does that to the ones he really likes. He lets the pretentious assholes throw all kinds of money at him. He usually passes most of it along to the staff."

Overwhelmed, Jane didn't know what to say. So she took another bite of fabulous pie.

Miguel was obviously pleased with her desert enchantment. He folded his arms on the bar and leaned toward her once again.

"I've told you my story … it's your turn to spill."

Talking with her mouth full, because they were friends now after all, Jane answered. "Not tonight … It's getting late and I have to go to bed early so that I can get up and run. And your drinks are too strong."

When he seemed disappointed, she hurriedly added, "Tomorrow night, I promise. Save my seat."

"You've got a date."

Noting that she still had pie on her plate and assuming correctly that she wasn't actually leaving until she finished it, he smiled widely again.

"I'm going to try to guess what you do, back in Boston, when you're not Janet."

"Go for it." She raised another forkful of pie.

He looked her up and down slowly, his brown somewhat furrowed.

"Former fashion model, turned fashion editor?"

Jane almost spit the pie in his face. Seriously? Her? The word "fashion" was like kryptonite to her. Maura would have a field day with that one …

Concentrating on not choking, she strongly shook her head.

"Okay … you're some kind of high level executive who has to be aloof and cutthroat for long hours at a time, sacrificing a personal life in order to be taken seriously and get to where you want to be …"

She had to hand it to him … he had a great imagination.

Swallowing, she coached, "You're aiming way above my head."

Skeptical at her comment, he put his chin in one hand and tried again.

"You're not a school teacher or a secretary … not that there's anything wrong with being either of those … or NOT being either of those …"

Jane finished the last bit of pie and scraped her plate with the fork.

"I got it!" He snapped his fingers. "You're some kind of government agent … and you have to have all these secrets that complicate your relationships and make it difficult to settle down."

Fighting hard not to smack her lips, Jane tilted her head to one side and pointed at him.

"Something like that."

Pushing away from the bar and sliding out of her seat before he could engage her in further conversation, she took his hand across the wooden surface.

"Thank you, Eric. For everything."

"It's truly been my pleasure, Jane."

With genuine fondness, she smiled back at him. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

"I'll be here. But no more conch fritters for you. I'll have something special waiting."

"Sweetie, you ARE something special."

Releasing his hand and drifting away, she was utterly content. Raising her face to the soft wind and letting it lift strands of her hair near her temple, she gazed up at the stars.

All of this would end soon enough, but while it lasted … she intended to soak it all in.

If she captured enough of it inside her, it wouldn't completely disappear when the clock finally struck midnight and she was plain ol' Cinderella again.

Suddenly, laughter bubbled up so effortlessly that she let it out in a burst.

She had just pictured Korsak as her Fairy Godmother.

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Her routine was almost identical on Wednesday.

The main difference was that besides herself, only three other women from the large group on Tuesday morning showed up again for kick-boxing class. Jane figured that the opportunity to spend time in Ivan's presence was canceled out by the amount of strenuous physical exertion required.

Ivan seemed to take it all in stride. In fact, he commented that it was to the benefit of the students remaining. They could go farther and faster without the others. He meant it. By the end of the time allotted, Jane was giving prayers of thanks that she had another appointment with Celia.

That had gone rather well, too. She wasn't as intimidated and picked up on Celia's more gentle aspects. Not that she was all that gentle.

When she had seen Gerard at breakfast, it was all she could do not to smother him with affection. Instead she tried to act like she didn't know everything Miguel … Eric … had shared with her the night before. Still, she couldn't keep a big smile off of her face the whole time he was there. She asked for another wake-up call so that she could nap in the afternoon again, and surprised the older man by kissing him sweetly on the cheek as he left.

Eric had greeted her warmly with a crab salad that was simply divine – and something called a 'screaming orgasm.' They agreed after some discussion that he was more comfortable being called Miguel now, and that she wanted him to call her Jane – as long as Gerard was out of earshot.

Over the course of the evening, she did reveal that she was a Boston police detective and he teased about not having such a high opinion of her profession from his time on the street. When it came time to talk about Maura … despite that fact that he had bared so much of his soul … she just didn't want to give details. Or dredge up the feelings she was trying so hard to master.

She truthfully told him that she had fallen hard for one of her co-workers. And that the sentiment wasn't returned in kind. That they were supposed to just remain close friends that saw each other nearly every day. She was sure he was curious about how the trip itself came about, but he didn't press and she was grateful.

She amused him with tales of her mother and siblings, and he had her cracking up over his favorite guest encounters. It was another lovely evening in paradise that was capped off, of course, by another generous helping of key lime pie.

When her head hit the pillow that night, she was wishing that she could call Maura and tell her all about it.

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Thursday morning dawned bright and clear, and it dawned on Jane as she finished her run that she only had two more mornings to adore this particular view.

When she'd first arrived, the days had stretched before her like an endless hike. Now she felt a pang of wistfulness that she'd be leaving soon. She knew nothing about the place she where she would be staying in the Bahamas the following week, but she knew that it would be different.

And that Gerard, Celia and Miguel wouldn't be there.

Having Gerard bring her breakfast every morning was something she had become very attached to. She supposed it was a good thing that she had to move along to a new location before returning home.

Kick-boxing class was down to her and one other woman, a cute little blonde cheerleader type named Amelia.

Ivan divided his time evenly between them, but that didn't stop Amelia from giving Jane the evil eye throughout the instruction. She was tempted to stick her tongue out at the back of Amelia's head, but there were mirrors everywhere so she resisted the urge. She was there to get a good workout, not troll for extracurricular activity.

She was rewarded with a shy smile from Celia when she greeted her enthusiastically at the door, so that was certainly a win.

And when she woke up before her call from Gerard, she felt like a million bucks. This whole pampered vacation thing was working. In fact, she felt so good that she wore one of her bikinis to dinner. She was covered by a sarong wrapped like a skirt and a blousy white shirt that hung open, but still. It was a beach bar after all and she was getting a fabulous tan. No reason not to show some of it off. Still, she felt slightly wicked.

The wolf whistle she got from Miguel was the icing on the cake.

"I'm going to have to bring in some extra muscle tonight, mama. Not sure I can keep the predators away with you looking so hot!"

Rolling her eyes, Jane tried to shush him.

"Oh stop. There are plenty of beach babes in here that are practically naked. And a lot younger and a lot more … top heavy … than I am."

"Girl, you are crazy! Do you have no idea what you look like?" He came around the bar and took her hand, lifting it high and forcing Jane to twirl around. "I mean, damn. Check out your abs!"

Before Jane could free herself, Miguel called out to one of the busboys. "Chico! " He raised his polo shirt to his chest, exposing an impressive six pack. Nodding toward Jane he prodded.

"Which one of us has the best cut, my man?"

Chico was blushing harder than Jane. "No contest, amigo. The lady is fine."

Dropping his shirt and hooting with laughter, Miguel ushered her to what had become her regular seat. As he helped her adjust toward the bar, he brushed her temple softly with his lips and murmured, "You sell yourself far too short, babe. You're the real deal."

He started to pull away and then angled her chin to look at her in the eye.

"Whoever this friend is … who just wants to be friends … that's the real crazy person, right there."

Jane would have teared up, but he flashed his amazing dimples and she couldn't help but smile. Instead she squeezed his fingers hard and whispered, "Thanks."

As he resumed his regular station across from her she caught his attention again.

"Hey Miguel?"

"Yeah?"

"How come no one has snapped you up? Being the real deal yourself, and all?"

His grin widened.

"Right now, there are just way too many choices on the menu, if you will … I'm still weighing my options … I haven't found my key lime pie, yet."

That was a direct hit. Jane died laughing.

"Speaking of choices … and sampling …" She waggled her eye brows at him. "Let's just stick to beer tonight, okay? It's really more my style."

"Whatever makes you happy, mama. 'Cause your even more gorgeous when you're smiling."

Lightly slapping his hand, Jane shot back, "Well, you're even cuter when you're doing what I want."

He popped the cap off an ice-cold Corona and handed it to her.

"These brothers you were talking about … are they as stunning as you are? And single?"

Jane took a long sip of beer as she considered his question, trying not to giggle as she thought about introducing Miguel to Frankie or Tommy.

"Well, first of all … Ew, they're my brothers so I don't think about them as stunning or the like, but yeah … I guess they'd be considered pretty attractive."

His eyes lit up.

"But, here's the thing. I think they both really like girls. Tommy especially."

His face started to fall, but then he cocked his head adorably and raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, but you aren't CERTAIN?"

Chuckling, Jane shrugged. Anything was possible she guessed. Three weeks ago, she would have claimed that she was a straight up heterosexual.

Before she kissed Maura. And realized how deep the desire was to go farther than that. How she ached for more.

She tilted her bottle back again for a drink and then raised it in his direction.

"Here's to possibilities …"

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the end part 11  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Additional note: I realize that this is moving far too slow for some of you. Duly noted. The story has progressed much farther in my head than I'm able to put into words due to factors too multiple to mention. I won't apologize for sticking to the "script," but I do understand the frustration some of you have expressed. If you need to hope off the train, do so with my blessing. You can hop back on at a later stop :)


	12. Chapter 12

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 12?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Higher this chapter, maybe R for language (and for some boygirl stuff ;)  
>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli &amp; Isles. No infringement intended.<br>Notes/Summary: Well there's a rose, in a fisted glove … and the eagle flies, with the dove … so if you can't be, with the one you love ….

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Jane didn't want to think of Friday as her last full day with her new friends.

When she referred to it as such to Miguel the night before, he encouraged her to take an entirely different approach. To look on it as a graduation of sorts. Still a bit melancholy, but with a much more positive outlook. More about growth and new beginnings than loss.

It was exactly that kind of inspiring pep talk she was going to miss. Along with the many, many resort perks.

Thursday night had been the most relaxed and social she had felt since arriving on the island. Maybe it was due to her comfort in exposing so much of herself outwardly that lent itself to opening her up in other ways. Confidence and support were key.

And beer. That always helped.

She bantered back and forth with Miguel, as usual, but included a few other guests in the game this time as well.

At one point in the evening she was laughing so hard that she couldn't stay upright. Miguel stood by, beaming like a proud parent. He was obviously her biggest cheerleader. Speaking of which, it was shortly after that that she caught Ivan's eye.

He was heading toward the dance floor again, but he was not alone. Draped all over him like a living, breathing hotel robe was Amelia. It appeared that Resort Ken had decided to throw Cheerleader Barbie a bone.

Her word choice made her laugh even harder.

As they made eye contact, Jane raised one eyebrow, sending him a silent and extremely judgmental, "Seriously?"

Managing to look slightly embarrassed and still pleased with himself, Ivan subtly shrugged his shoulders, answering her telepathic question and/or comment with a "what are ya gonna do?" expression that made Jane smile.

As the night wore on, Jane declined several invitations to dance. She was much more interested in hearing tips on what to check out on the short sight-seeing "tour" she had spontaneously decided to take the next day.

She'd realized earlier that she hadn't left the grounds of the resort since she'd arrived. With a little rearranging of her schedule – pushing back her message with Celia to later in the afternoon and deciding to start out as soon as her kick-boxing lesson was over – she could fit in a few of the island's attractions.

With a plan in place, she kissed Miguel goodnight and headed back to her room. Since her time was running short and her spirits were so high, it would have been easy to close down the bar with him. But she was determined to turn in while she still had a chance to get a full night's sleep.

She was going to try to pack as much experience as she could into her final day in this particular paradise.

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At breakfast Jane had extracted a promise from Gerard.

He would actually eat with her on Saturday morning. She had been working on him for the last few days to join her at the table, but he seemed to always invent somewhere he had to be. Friday morning, she could tell he was wavering.

As he followed the usual routine of getting her settled and serving her the latest culinary surprise, she filled him in on the day's new itinerary. She could tell that he was pleased that she wanted to explore a little. The paternal pat on the shoulder was no longer out of the ordinary.

He told her to let the front desk know when she was ready and he would have a car arranged for her. His nephew, Harold, would be her driver and follow her instructions implicitly.

Jane loved how he phrased everything. She loved everything about him.

She tried not to cling to him as she hugged him when he left.

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Kick-boxing class was now a one on one event.

Having either gotten what she wanted the night before or humiliating herself too much to show up again, Amelia was absent.

Grinning at him as he entered the room, Jane sing-songed a very perky, "Good morning, Ivan!"

He seemed startled when she pronounced it correctly.

Recovering in a flash, he instructed her to warm up. "You were the best student anyway. Now we can see what you're really made of."

"Yeah? Well, don't hold back because of your late night …"

He seemed to take that as a challenge. For the next hour and a half or so, Jane could barely catch her breath. It was exhilarating. They matched each other almost perfectly. He pulled some of his punches so as not to really hurt her, but she was still going to be sore.

She had connected enough of her own blows to rattle him a time or two. Toward the end of class, they were both sweating and smiling. Damn this was fun.

Ivan was bent over at the waist, obviously as drained as Jane was – much to her amusement – while she took a long drink of water from her sports bottle.

"I'm still the teacher, so I feel like I should point out a few things."

Nodding, Jane tossed the bottle and wiped her mouth with her hand.

He moved to face her, holding his hands up just in front of his shoulders.

"When you do the roundhouse kick, your foot should end up flat … here." He smacked one hand against his opposite palm.

Bracing himself on the mat, he popped his head briefly.

"Come at me and hold when you make contact …"

Jane backed up took a deep breath. Letting her leg whip around and up, she aimed her foot for his hand. Just as her toes touched his fingers, he snaked his other hand around her ankle, holding her in place.

"See … your heel should hit first, against the center or my palm. If you lead with your toes, you will get hurt more often."

Awkwardly balancing, Jane tried to nod. Ivan curled his fingers around the top of her foot and pressed the heel of his palm just under her heel. The hand at her ankle slid down her leg giving her more support.

And making her flush.

She had to fight not to close her eyes as his fingers brushed her thigh, definitely more of a caress than an adjustment.

Jesus it had been a long time since someone touched her like that.

She tried to attribute her sudden sexual awareness to the adrenaline rush and the physicality of their sparring. Not his undeniable appeal. And her long, long drought.

Flustered, she wavered too far. In a flash, Ivan had dropped her leg and gripped both of her upper arms, keeping her from falling.

Jane was in a less vulnerable position, but now they were face to face, and much closer together. Both of them were still breathing hard, and their body heat was practically combustible. She could tell by the look on his face, the way his eyes darkened … they were an odd golden brown now that she noticed … that he wanted to kiss her.

She was having a hard time deciding if she hoped he did.

He waited a beat too long. Jane cleared her throat and looked down. Immediately his fingers loosened and he withdrew. Turning and bending, he slung a towel around his neck, tossing her one as well.

She immediately buried her face in it, counting to ten as she slowly wiped her brow. When she emerged, he was draining his water bottle.

"It's been a pleasure having you in my class. I'm glad you stuck with it."

Jane agreed.

"I've really enjoyed it, thanks."

They were silent as she gathered her things.

"Maybe I'll see you later …"

He really was a profoundly handsome man.

Jane smiled.

"Maybe …"

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Just as Gerard had indicated, Harold was waiting for her in front of the hotel. He bore little resemblance to his uncle, but his manners obviously ran in the family.

She had spent the whole time in the shower thinking about her encounter with Ivan. If she were completely honest with herself, she had wanted him to keep touching her … and it was freaking her out a little.

More than a little.

She had just about convinced herself that the reason she was so unsuccessful with men was because she really belonged to the other team. And her incapacitating desire for Maura was exhibit A.

But now her mind was doing summersaults. Had she just kept herself too closed off? Was the constant confusion about where something might lead or how it would affect her life holding her back? She had never been able to bring herself to have what Maura referred to as "recreational sex." Her feelings were always too involved … or she assumed that they should be.

Maybe she had it all wrong.

Maybe she had fallen so hard for Maura because she was completely safe.

Maybe she was so overwhelmed by her craving because she had gone so long without having a satisfying sexual experience.

Maybe she could test her theory …

The first stop on her agenda did little to take her mind off of her confusion. The Cayman Turtle Farm and Wildlife Encounter was impressive, but hit a bit too close to home, and she didn't feel like sticking around. She made a donation in Maura's name to the conservation drive, and picked up a little black coral turtle paperweight for her friend.

She could almost hear Maura chiding, "I love it, Jane … but Bass is a tortoise."

Chuckling, she asked Harold to take her to Hell.

Hell, Grand Cayman, had been named for the bleak area of short, black limestone formations that covered its surface and was an obligatory tourist stop. The main attraction was the small post office. Dutifully joining in the tourist tradition, Jane purchased two postcards, scribbled a few lines on each, and handed them to the postal clerk to send.

On her way back to the car, she saw a shirt for sale with the image of a red devil on the front. "I Went To Hell" was emblazoned above his head and in a smaller font below his feet, it read, "Hell, Grand Cayman."

She veered over to purchase one for herself. After all, she felt like she HAD been there … and back.

She should at least get a damn t-shirt.

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Jane spent the rest of her free time shopping in Georgetown.

Normally, it wouldn't be an activity high on her list, but she wanted to make sure she brought something back for everyone.

Miguel had told her about a place where the locals bought alcohol that offered a better value than the tourist-oriented shops. She got Korsak a huge bottle of spiced rum and a smaller bottle of tequila. For the rest of the boys, she picked up a set of shot glasses with a half-naked island girl on each side. One for Frost, one for Frankie, one for Tommy …

Smirking, she pondered keeping the fourth one in the set for herself.

After a quick lunch – she couldn't get Harold to join her so she brought him a sandwich – she checked out some of the jewelry displays and stores. She found a beautiful bracelet for her mother and spent a great deal of time agonizing over whether or not to buy Maura anything.

Most of the items Maura wore were far more expensive and sophisticated than the pieces she was drawn to. And jewelry seemed to be a bit more … personal.

Jane stood staring at a case of rings for so long that she was nearly hypnotized. Wistfully, she touched a few, imagining different circumstances upon her return. This was not good. This was exactly the wrong direction for her thoughts to be drifting.

She had come so far in just a week.

Getting her feelings in the right compartments, facing the realities of her situation … Daydreaming on a busy, sunny street was not going to get her anywhere, and threatened to move her into reverse.

Shaking herself and vowing to put a stop to the "what ifs," she posed a mental question. What kind of gift would be appropriate to buy your best friend?

She immediately settled on a pair of tasteful, but striking earrings. She could picture Maura wearing them, and they didn't say anything more than, "I was thinking of you." They would work.

At the last moment, she bought herself a braided silver ring. She didn't know how often she'd wear it, but she wanted a memento, something special, to help her remember her time here.

Glancing at her watch, she noted that she had plenty of time to make her appointment with Celia.

On a whim she decided to buy her something as well. Her aching muscles concurred.

She had been a lifesaver.

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Jane was wearing the last of the outfits she had purchased at the gift shop.

While it didn't exactly bare as much skin as the bikini/sarong ensemble she'd worn the night before, it felt far more daring.

She didn't know the right word for it and Maura wasn't there to ask, so in her head she just called it a short jumpsuit-dress … thing. It gave the impression from the front of a short-skirted, belted dress. With a very short skirt. The only reason she felt okay wearing it was because the lower half was actually like a pair of shorts.

It was made of a silky, gauzy material that clung in the right places and draped comfortably elsewhere. The neckline was gathered but very loose, making somewhat of a U that dipped quite low between her breasts.

The back was completely open. There was no way she could wear a bra with it. The thing was so well constructed that it fit rather tightly above the waist. It was the draped and gathered material that gave the illusion that it might slide off of her shoulders at any moment.

She had tried it on that day in the salon as a personal dare. She had seen it and thought, "Who in the world could pull that off in public?" Since she was going to be alone in the dressing room, she had snatched it up and took it in with her.

She had donned it only to laugh at how ridiculously risqué it was, and how utterly wrong it would be for someone like her. But when she saw herself wearing it in the mirror, she was dumbfounded.

She looked amazing. Chic and carefree and the picture of someone confident in her own skin … a good bit of which was on display. She looked like someone who frequented high end resorts but also cared little of what the established social standards were.

The whole look screamed "fuck you if you don't like it, it's fabulous."

Even as she paid for it, she doubted she'd ever wear it in front of anyone, but here she was … unveiling it on her final evening at the bar.

Which she was entering later than usual due to her re-shuffled schedule.

She was still tickled by Celia's reaction to her gift.

Jane had presented it to her rather lamely, apologizing for not having a box or a gift bag, but making sure to say that she had wanted to do something to thank her.

Celia had taken it from her and had stared at it for a long moment as it lay in her palm. It was a simple design, an abstract muted copper accent. Nothing too garish or bright would have seemed right.

She had looked from it up to Jane's face, a faint blush on her cheeks, then she had nodded and slipped the pin into the front pocket of her tunic. After a pregnant pause, she patted the massage table.

"Come on. We're late today."

And that appeared to be that. Except that when Jane was finally in position, her face resting in the cradle, Celia's hand drifted over the back of her head. The first time, it didn't register as anything other than a brush of contact. But when the gesture was repeated, more deliberately, it was clear.

The older woman was not big on words. She communicated best with her hands. And she had just fondly stroked Jane's hair to show her thanks. Jane was glad she was lying on the table. Otherwise she would have been tempted to hug Celia … and that would have ruined everything.

Since she didn't have to check out and leave for the airport until 2:00 the following day – and she didn't have another kick-boxing class – she made a final appointment with Celia for 10:00 am.

Man it was going to be tough to leave these people behind.

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To say that her entrance that night caused a stir would have been a colossal understatement.

She tried to remain as casual about her arrival as she could, pushing back a brief flash of "oh shit, what did I do?" panic.

The expression on Miguel's face made the whole thing worth it. He looked as if he'd seen a ghost. Or an angel. His eyes were wide and fixed, frozen and unblinking. When she saw him cross himself, her triumph was complete.

He abandoned the bar to meet her, checking her over and cataloging every aspect of her appearance.

"Ay dios mio, baby! You're going to give these people heart attacks!"

Almost as if he thought she was an apparition that would vanish, he reached for her arm.

"You've been holding out on me! There is no way you are a police officer, mama. You are far too spectacular. You couldn't walk down the street …"

Jane cut him off. "Shush. I don't wear things like this to work."

"Doesn't matter. I think my original guess was right … supermodel."

Circling his wrist instantly, she spun him around and cocked his arm at an angle, upwards across his back. She was sure he would immediately recognize the 'perp position.'

"Ow!" He arched his back to lessen the pressure. "Okay, okay, okay …"

Pin-wheeling his arm and flexing his shoulder as she released him, he continued.

"Police officer by day … supermodel by night." He skipped back away from her just as she faked another grab.

"I'm serious, babe. I can't even …"

Now she was blushing. "Stop! Miguel! You're making me self-conscious …"

Serious now, he moved close again and gently touched her cheek. His voice was low but strong.

"Jane … you should never, ever feel uneasy about how beautiful you are. It's just a fact. One made even more special because you don't really seem to know it. You don't have to change, just … accept it. Own it a little."

His smile was as soft as his touch and for the millionth time since she'd left Boston, she fought the onset of tears.

Sensing what was about to happen, he lowered his voice suggestively.

"If I weren't a proud gay man, I'd be searching for a secluded spot right this minute so that I could show you what I mean."

Rolling her eyes, she shoved him in the center of the chest.

"I'm hungry, bartender. Feed me."

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Shortly after she'd eaten, Miguel cleared up a mystery that she'd pondered since her arrival.

After experiencing the incomparable hospitality at their current location, why would anyone cut it short and move on if they had blocked out enough time to stay?

It was a hard and fast rule, an ironclad policy of the resort to limit rental of the honeymoon suite to one week only. No matter how influential the guest or creative the story, the turnover would take place. There was just too much demand for them to operate otherwise.

Some revelers chose to relocate within the hotel or the grounds, but most took the opportunity to change venues entirely and broaden their horizons. He hadn't heard of the place in the Bahamas that Jane would be traveling to, but he reassured her that it would probably be fabulous.

Just not as fabulous as where she was now

It hadn't escaped Jane's notice that many of the men who came to the bar to order drinks lingered and tried to get her attention. Some of them smiled or nodded, pantomiming an offer to buy her a drink which she then would politely decline … a few were bolder, sliding up next to her and speaking. Most had the decency to wait until she had finished her meal. The few that didn't were quickly dispatched by Miguel.

She was polishing off her last bite of key lime pie while Miguel was wiping down the bar near her seat.

"You're dancing in your chair, ya know."

"It's the pie! It's just so a-ma-zing! I think I could do backflips, it's so good."

Smiling at her, Miguel prodded. "Are you sure you don't want to get out there for a little while, get down with your bad self?"

"Ha! You're hilarious. Not." Jane looked over to where the band was playing. "Even if I did, I'm not going by myself." Whipping her head back around suddenly, she covered his hand with hers. "Come with me! I bet you're a fantastic dancer."

"You would win that bet. But I can't. I have to wait until my shift's over or call in someone to cover for me …"

"Maybe I can help …"

Both of them turned to see who had volunteered. Neither of them had noted his arrival.

"Hey man." Miguel nodded at Ivan. "I didn't know you'd ever tended bar …"

Smiling at Jane as he answered, Ivan clarified.

"I haven't. I don't know a thing about it. I was actually offering to accompany our guest if she would care to dance."

Flattered, Jane returned the smile. He was strikingly good-looking in his white camp shirt and light-colored linen pants. He would be strikingly good-looking in a potato sack, but she was used to only seeing him up close in his workout clothes.

Miguel hastened to speak before Jane had to.

"We were just kidding around, dude. I was teasing her about getting out there … "

Ivan shifted so that his hand was on the back of Jane's barstool. His thumb grazing her upper arm as he moved, sending shivers down her spine.

"Oh, I see." He looked from Miguel back to Jane, his eyes questioning hers. "So you don't want to dance with me?"

It was her last night. She was dressed like someone far more adventurous than her normal self. She had been swaying and bouncing to the music. And he was freaking gorgeous.

"Um, sure … I'd like that."

He held out his hand for her to take and pulled her gracefully up next to him.

Jane threw Miguel a smirk, certain that he would be winking or waggling his eyebrows at her, and was surprised to see that he didn't look too happy about this turn of events. She knew he wasn't jealous … she'd learned enough about him over the past week to know that didn't come into play.

As Ivan drew her toward the lights and the band, she made an exaggerated "What?" face at Miguel.

In response, he forced a tight smile and called after them. "You kids have fun."

Jane was tempted to stomp back to the bar and ask him what the hell his problem was all of the sudden.

But then Ivan put his hand on her bare back to guide her and she was completely preoccupied.

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It was as much fun dancing with Ivan as it was kicking him in the gut.

Only much more intimate.

Jane's mind was racing the whole time, swirling with competing thoughts. She was attracted to him, but not in an overwhelming way … like she was with Maura. But was that because of their deeper connection? Or because Maura was a woman?

Maybe she was bisexual … and just extremely unsuccessful with both genders.

It felt wonderful to just let go and not worry about how he fit into her life, or if he would ever call … or what her family would think. He was an amazing dance partner, and like they had been in class, they matched each other in energy and ability. She couldn't stop smiling.

Then the music changed and he pulled her close. She remembered how she had semi-hoped he would kiss her. Partly because she wanted it and partly because she secretly wanted to compare the sensation …

She laid her head on his shoulder and his arms tightened around her. It felt great being held as they swayed in time to the steel drum backed melody. She had missed this feeling … being wanted.

And due to their positions, she could tell he did. Want her.

Jesus she was torn. He seemed like a swell guy. Sure, she had totally objectified him, but he had done the same in equal measure. She wasn't a user. But she wanted to know if she could go through with it. If her body would respond the same way it did when she kissed Maura … when she was dying to go further …

She was totally in a "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" situation and she might not get another chance so tailor made to her dilemma.

When the music stopped, he kept her close, tilting her head up to his as his other arm settled low on her back, pressing her lower body into his. For a brief but frozen moment, she was caught in those golden eyes … and then he kissed her.

It was a slow and sensual kiss. And he was very, very good at it. She tried not to think of how much practice he must have had. She tried not to think of Maura. The fact that she was thinking at all should have told her most of what she needed to know.

He tasted like rum and something she couldn't place. She ran her fingers up the back of his hair and melted into him. It felt good. But there were no fireworks …

Before she could ruminate any further, he broke away, kissing up her cheek and pressing his lips near her ear. After a pause, he murmured, his voice obviously affected, "Let's go to my room."

This was it. Now or never. In or out. Truth or dare.

She needed to know.

Nodding against his cheek, she whispered. "K."

As they made their way up the beach toward the staff quarters, Miguel threw his towel down on the bar in disgust.

She was a big girl, but he still felt like he had failed her in some way.

Now all he could do was wait.

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Things moved pretty quickly once Ivan had closed the door behind them.

Jane was able to slow the pace down a bit by methodically unbuttoning his shirt, but once he was free of it, he was a man on a mission. Pushing lightly on his shoulders to break up the latest kissing marathon, Jane gasped, "You do have protection?"

Without missing a beat he nodded and angled them closer to the bed.

"Plenty."

Jane winced at his reply. Of course he did. He probably did this several times a day. This whole deal was getting less and less appealing.

When the backs of her knees bumped the end of his bed, she realized how real everything had become. Stalling for time again, she climbed up on the mattress, high on her knees, so that she would still have some leverage.

He was wildly kissing her neck and unbuckling his pants. Just as they dropped to the floor, revealing some increasingly tight tighty whities, he managed to free her right breast from its covering.

Jane shuddered at the warmth of his palm covering her skin there. Damn he was making it hard for her to concentrate on talking her way out of this.

Then his lips closed around her nipple, causing her to groan and drop her head back. It felt so good. Ripples of pleasure flowed through her. But that's all. No wave of desire … no rush of warmth … no intense need to have him inside her …

Now if those were Maura's lips …

Instantly, as she imagined the difference, she was soaked. Trembling as a tongue circled and teased.

Fuck.

But it wasn't Maura … and she was horrified that she had the impulse to continue pretending that it was. Besides, she was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to convince him to only use his fingers.

With all her strength – mental as well as physical – she tugged his head away from her, urging him upward again.

He was feverishly murmuring against her collar bone as he peppered it with kisses. Only some of the phrases were in English, but she caught a few of them.

"So, so hot …" "Not like the other older women …" "Don't need gifts or anything but this …"

The second statement struck her and she pushed him away, her tone indignant.

"What do you mean … 'the other OLDER women'?"

He was dazed and clearly somewhat incapacitated by his arousal as he answered.

"You are so fucking hot that I don't care how old you are …"

Jane was thunderstruck. She could only repeat what he was saying.

"You don't care how old I am?"

"Yes, you are so amazingly attractive that the age difference doesn't matter to me … I need no other incentive."

Jesus Christ this was unbelievable. She struggled to straighten her clothing as she moved off the bed.

"How old ARE you?"

Ivan was just starting to realize that things were going south.

"I am 23 … but I said that I don't mind … that you are so sexy that it doesn't matter …"

He clearly thought that that last part made everything okay.

Jane was so flabbergasted that she started to laugh. He was 23. And didn't mind getting it on with someone _her age_ as long as she was hot enough or plied him with gifts.

She bent to find her sandals.

Her laughter and her apparent intention to leave made him angry.

"We aren't done here!"

Jane backed toward the door, smothering another round of laughter as she took in the picture before her. Gorgeous golden boy Ivan, in all his glory, with his pants around his ankles and a scowl on his face.

"Yes … we are. Thank you for the dances."

She was out of there like a shot, followed by a steady stream of Slavic curses. She hurried toward the beach as if she could somehow erase her ginormous lapse in judgment if she moved quickly enough.

Fuck. He was 23. And beautiful. And built. And an accomplished lover. And yet all that she could think about was how glad she was that there had been an opportunity to get the hell out of there.

Her experiment had gone far enough for her to find out that it wasn't just sex that she was missing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane wandered down the beach until it was late enough for most of the guests to have cleared out.

She was carrying her sandals, letting her feet feel each wave as it came up on shore. It was very soothing and peaceful. Which is exactly what she needed. It was only when she started to get too cool that she headed for "home."

The lights were still on around the dance area, but the band and the partiers were long gone. She looked longingly toward the bar, but it was dark. Sighing, she aimed for the path that would take her to the night entrance to the hotel.

"Hey, pretty lady."

Miguel was leaning against one of the palm trees outside the restaurant. He moved toward her, holding out a jacket and motioning for her to slip her arms in.

As she snuggled into it and pulled it around her, Jane tried to read his expression, but it was much too hard in the dim light. Something had been bothering him the last time she saw him.

"Thank you. I thought I'd missed you for the night."

"Nope. Just hanging out … waiting to see if you needed anything … wanted to talk about anything …"

He was standing with his arms crossed in front of him, none of his usual playfulness on display.

"What's going on, Miguel? Did I do something to upset you?"

Jane slipped sideways into a patio chair next to a small circular table, waving for Miguel to do the same. She needed to make this right.

"No! No way. I was just a little worried is all …"

The look on his face when she had walked off with Ivan hadn't been worry … that much she knew.

"You seem disappointed in me."

He looked down the beach for a moment, his elbows resting on the table. "Maybe a little bit … if I'm honest. I didn't peg you for one who would fall under the spell."

While Jane was grateful for his truthfulness, she was stung by his comment.

"You're judging me? You said yourself that you gave him your best shot …"

Agitated now, Miguel faced her. "I'm not talking about being attracted to him, hell … everybody who's breathing is attracted to him … but Jane …" He rubbed his hand through his hair. "He's the resort gigolo! You're better than that …"

She was speechless as he continued.

"I should have told you more about him, but I didn't think I needed to … I thought we were both on the same page … making jokes about the women hanging on him, chasing him … I didn't think you'd … I mean, if you needed to prove to yourself that someone wanted you … any straight man here tonight would have answered that call."

Jane slapped her hand down hard on the glass surface between them.

"First of all, you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Maybe it wasn't about whether or not he wanted me … maybe it was about whether or not I wanted him!"

Miguel was startled by the vehemence of her outburst.

"I knew he was … shallow and, well … popular … maybe that's what I needed to feel less guilty about what I was going to do …"

Frustrated that she had spilled too much and yet still couldn't explain it, she made a move to leave. Miguel stopped her with a firm grip on the arm of the jacket.

"Hey … hey … hey …" His voice was calming. "Just talk to me, mama."

Jane dropped her head into her hands and took deep breaths. When she raised it up, she was looking into the kind eyes of a friend.

"The co-worker I think I'm in love with … her name is Maura."

A slow smile spread across his face. "Go on."

"I've never felt … I've never even thought … and then … with her it was just … "

"Right?"

Jane nodded. "And it seemed like the most natural thing, loving her. Until she said that she didn't feel the same way … that even though she'd been with other women, she couldn't be with me …"

Miguel took both of her hands in his, warming them as she spoke, sympathizing with his eyes.

"Then I came here … and I questioned everything. If I had imagined the romantic connection I felt … if I had just gone too long not feeling worthy of someone else's attention in that way … If I'd screwed up all of my previous relationships by being too shut down and walled off …"

"So you were testing yourself … with Ivan."

Grasping his hands tightly, she nodded.

"And?"

Exhaling and lowering her eyes for a moment, she peeked up at him.

"Remember when you described Ivan as straight as an arrow, no bending?"

"Yes …"

"Well, after tonight … mine's pretty much broken. Snapped. Toast."

Miguel's grin widened. "Welcome to the family! So you didn't …"

She grinned back. "Nope. Couldn't go through with it."

"Poor Ivan."

Jane snatched her hands back.

"Kidding! Kidding!"

"He was pretty upset. All stripped down and then cut off …"

Miguel leaned forward. "Girlfriend, I need details."

Jane laughed and leaned in as well. She was about to start describing when she halted abruptly.

"Did you know he was only 23?"

"Yes. You didn't?"

"Of course not!" She slapped at his hand.

Miguel chuckled. "You might not be straight, but you've still got a bit of straight-laced Catholic girl in you."

Jane glared. "You take that back or I won't tell you anything about Ivan undressed …"

They laughed and talked into the night, with Miguel walking her to her door when she started to yawn.

As she returned the jacket and kissed him sweetly, he looked her up and down once more.

"You should just stay up and wear that for Grandpa Magic at breakfast."

Laughing and turning pink at the thought, she stroked his cheek.

"I'm going to miss you something awful, ya know?"

Choking up slightly, he covered her hand with his own.

"Right back atcha, baby."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Even though she had barely slept, Jane still got up early to run.

She could sleep at the next place when she arrived. She didn't want to miss a minute of this one.

And she was excited about breakfast with Gerard.

While she ran she counted her blessings. She had so many people in her corner. The ones she had met here were on her side without knowing her for very long and without knowing really knowing what she was trying to deal with.

It had all been set in motion due to Korsak, who along with her mother was behind her 100%. If Frankie or Frost knew the whole story, she was certain they would also be supportive.

And then there was Maura. Who was trying to do the right thing in her own way.

Jane had studiously avoided wondering how she was doing. It had been necessary for her to do so in order to try to get her shit in order. But occasionally her mind wandered back to Boston.

Her mother wouldn't let Maura slip too far away. She knew that much.

She was counting on it.

She sprinted the last hundred yards back to hotel.

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The time she spent with Gerard was bittersweet.

Neither of them was in a hurry for breakfast to end. He opened up more about his family and she did the same. She had him laughing about how her mother would try to outdo him in the "smothering her with love" department were the two ever to meet.

His voice had been tinged with pain as he talked about his late wife, and Jane was sure her eyes dimmed a bit when she explained about her father's new life.

The sun was higher in the sky and she felt the morning slipping away. They were finally silent, sitting together comfortably, each lost in thought for a moment.

"I'll never, ever be able to thank you."

He quirked one eyebrow up. "You have nothing to thank me for."

Jane threw her hands up. "Come on! You know exactly what I'm talking about. And I will be eternally grateful. I'd get you something but I'm pretty sure you have everything you need."

Smiling, he nodded. Then he turned contemplative once more.

"I can think of something …"

Eagerly she pounced. "Name it."

"It might be a difficult request to fill …"

She was pleading now. "Gerard …" She drew his name out like a whining child.

"Okay." He took her hand, patting it softly.

"I want you to promise me that, once you get home … back to the pace and pressure of your life … that you will remember what I'm going to say to you here and now."

Jane was hanging on every word.

"You, my dear, are exceptional. I've met and served many people over all of my years, and I know when I've encountered someone special. You are quite special and I want you believe it. To believe me. Hold yourself to high standards and expect only the best."

As she absorbed what he was saying, it felt almost like he had read her mind … back as far as the night she was trying to talk herself out of touching Maura while she slept on her couch. Because she wasn't worthy. Because her friend was out of her league.

The eerie sensation only heightened when he continued speaking.

"This … Maura …" He peered into her eyes, piercing them with his own. "If she is truly the one, she must earn that place. It seems that she has passed it by at least once, which has hurt you deeply."

When Jane tried to protest, he waved one finger, halting her speech.

"If you are to be together and be happy, it must be because she realizes her mistake. Because she has weighed her options and discovered that she's incomplete without you. You must not start a relationship this important wondering …"

"Wondering what?"

"If she just gave in. If you somehow wore her down. If she settled …"

At Jane's crestfallen expression he squeezed her fingers.

"There is no one alive who could 'settle' for you, dear. You are the grand prize."

That did it. The tears flowed freely.

"I'm not asking you to give up. I'm only asking you to promise to remember all of this."

Jane nodded, trying to wipe her eyes with her other hand.

"Here … let me do that."

Gerard took one of the elegant napkins and moved next to her to dab gently at her eyes.

As soon as he drew the cloth away, Jane buried him in a hug.

Patting her back and letting her cry it all out, Gerard murmured to her.

"Of course, if you find things don't eventually work out …"

Jane stopped sniffling long enough to listen.

"… I have a beautiful niece …"

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The rest of the day passed way too quickly.

Celia had been wearing her pin when she arrived for Jane's last massage. Somehow, she restrained herself from hugging the woman.

She had raided the gift shop and the ATM before her appointment. She had two sealed envelopes with good-bye cards in them for Miguel and Celia. Along with a crisp $100 bill for each. Gerard would hand them out after she left so that they wouldn't be able to decline the gift.

Miguel's card also contained her email address so that they could keep in touch. She could find out how the others were doing through communication with him.

She knew better than to give Gerard anything tangible.

He was waiting in the lobby as she finalized her checkout. Her bags had been loaded into Harold's car for her trip to the airport. If she could just get through the next few minutes without completely falling apart, she'd be good.

The odds were not in her favor.

Unexpectedly, Miguel came jogging up with a take-out container. She was thrilled to see him one last time. And even more so when he told her that he was sending some key lime pie with her for the trip.

"We're going to see each other again, babe."

She couldn't hug him tight enough.

"Well, I can't afford to come back here, so you'll need to come up to Boston."

"It's a date. I'll just stroll into BPD and ask them to send out the sexiest police detective they've got."

Laughing, Jane ruffled his hair.

"That's a good way for you to meet Detective Frost …"

Reluctantly he released her as Gerard touched her arm.

She whispered "Don't forget!" to Miguel and tilted her head toward Gerard as he turned away.

Miguel had promised to tell the old man her real name after she was gone. Along with the fact that she really, really loved being called 'Janet' by him during her stay.

He nodded and blew her a kiss.

Then she was hugging Gerard again. Trying to memorize him, the feel of his uniform, the smell of his cologne …

As they separated, he tweaked her chin tenderly.

"You're going to be just fine."

Smiling through her tears, Jane nodded. Leaning down next to his ear, she fulfilled his only request.

"I promise."

She was rewarded with a brilliant smile.

She was astounded by how much she'd come to care for this man. "I think I'm going to miss you most of all."

He placed his palm over his heart as she moved away. "I'll always be right here."

With that, she turned and fled toward the spot where Harold held the car door for her.

She couldn't risk looking back.

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the end part 12  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 13?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Back to mild<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Go on and go free …. Maybe you're too close to see …

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Jane had officially been gone one week.

However, Maura had only been aware of it for five days, eleven hours, and approximately twenty-seven minutes.

She checked her watch again. It was impossible to say exactly.

Impossible was probably the wrong choice of words. Inaccurate even. It would be extremely difficult to determine the precise moment when she found out Jane had left town, but it could most likely be done … Korsak had just hung up the phone when she arrived. The time stamp on that call would serve as a starting point …

"You've barely touched your ossobuco."

Phillip's voice halted her mental calculations.

Embarrassed to be caught with her mind wandering, Maura laid her fork down.

"It's quite delicious … I guess I'm just not as hungry as I thought."

That was partially true. Which was enough to allow her to say it. She'd gotten better at stopping short of full disclosure. Especially to spare feelings.

She hadn't really been hungry all day.

Her companion's face was tinged with concern.

"You said that you had to work today. I can only imagine what that does to an appetite."

Maura opened her mouth to say that she had no issues at all with eating due to her work-related activities. She could satisfactorily enjoy her food right there in the lab. Then she realized how that might sound to her date and pressed her lips closed again.

"I know you've had a rough week …" His hand closed over hers on the table. "But I was hoping this might take your mind off of it … even for just a little while."

He was really a very nice man. She had met him earlier in the week when she'd had to testify at a forensics inquiry. After she'd been dismissed, she was walking down the hallway when her heel caught the edge of groove in the floor. She had managed to keep herself from falling, but the presentation boards she was carrying scattered everywhere.

Phillip had come to her rescue.

He'd picked up the discarded visual aids, some of them covered with quite graphic images, and secured them in the portfolio case. Then he'd insisted on seeing her to her car.

Maura wasn't used to being clumsy. It was not part of her make-up or within her frame of reference. Her ankle was starting to throb slightly and she just wanted to get back to her office. But she was grateful for his assistance and even more for his tact. Some people would have immediately recoiled from the exposure to autopsy photos, or at the very least started to question why she had them.

After brief introductions, she learned that he was there providing special financial counsel to one of the many advisory boards the city had installed. She didn't ask what the acronym stood for when he gave it. He didn't seem to be taken aback that she was the chief medical examiner, and thankfully made no comment along the lines of how it was so strange for her to be so attractive and have to deal with such unattractive matters.

When he'd finished helping her load her things in the back of the Prius, they had stood and talked for a while. Maura found him appealing on many levels. He was obviously educated, he dressed well, he had very kind eyes, and he was in good shape for his age – which she estimated at about 42 years old. His hair was a tad too wavy for the cut that he was sporting, but it might just be time for his regular appointment.

He noticed that she was favoring her ankle after a few minutes and offered to take her to have it checked out. Demurring, she assured him that a little bit of ice would be all that it required, but that she should probably get going.

As he helped her into the driver's seat and closed the door, he motioned for her to roll down the window. She found herself smiling and saying "yes" when he asked if he could call her. And he had. The very next morning.

Now, here they were on a Saturday night, having a very pleasant dinner, and she was still distracted by Jane's absence. After more than five days had passed.

"Yes … it has been a rough week."

His fingers squeezed hers in sympathy.

"But this is very nice."

That was completely true. It was very nice. She just couldn't stop wondering how Jane was doing.

And worrying about what her return would mean.

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Angela had left work early again.

It had become a pattern since the day she had consoled Maura in her office.

Worried that the shaken medical examiner might once again retreat into her own world to try to deal with her fragile emotions that night, Angela had made sure to be in the main kitchen when she arrived, the aroma of a home cooked dinner filling the house.

She had portioned out enough for Tommy and Frankie, but she would take those containers with her and give them to the boys later. She and Maura needed to be alone this time. She needed to be able to speak freely and so did the woman who'd been thrown so off balance that morning.

The doctor looked incredibly tired and listless when she came in and Angela's heart ached for her. Wiping her hands and removing her apron, she'd welcomed her with a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"The lasagna's done and the garlic bread is almost ready …"

She could see that Maura was about to protest … probably claim that she couldn't possibly eat … so Angela continued without allowing an opening.

"… why don't you go change while I set the table." And she wasn't above using a little maternal guilt. "I've been looking forward to this all day."

They'd gotten through dinner without mentioning Jane. Angela had asked questions about Maura's recent cases and a few about her experiences before she went into her current field. It was a nice evening, and she could see that Maura was beginning to relax, warm up.

She hadn't eaten as much as Angela would have expected from a Rizzoli, but she'd had enough to keep a mother from worrying. They'd almost gotten into an argument over who would clean up, but Angela had used a stern voice and a sweet plea to shut that down right away.

Maura had opened a bottle of wine and was settled on the sofa when Angela finished in the kitchen and joined her.

"I like this … I can have as many glasses as I want and not have to worry about driving home."

When Maura smiled, she added before thinking, "And Jane's not here to give me grief about it."

Instantly she regretted bringing up her daughter's name because Maura's entire demeanor changed.

Her eyes grew clouded, missing their usual clear intensity. She seemed to draw into herself, her legs outwardly mimicking her mood as she tucked them closer on the couch. Her tone was plaintive and hushed.

"Do you really think she's okay?"

Angela was torn. She wanted to make Maura feel better, wrap her up in assurances … take that wounded look off of her face. But she also wanted to be honest. To be the kind of friend and confidant that would ultimately do what was best. To make sure that this healing process was what it needed to be for both of her girls.

Softly, she replied with conviction, "I think she will be."

Maura gave a curt nod and took a long sip of her wine. Angela could see she was struggling.

"What is it, sweetheart? You know you can say anything to me …"

Blinking rapidly, Maura seemed to be wavering. Angela put a gentle hand on her arm.

"I meant it when I said I was here for you. Jane is my daughter, but I love you too, honey."

Wiping her eyes carefully, Maura set her wineglass down. Her voice was much steadier than Angela would have expected when she spoke.

"I just want to take it all back."

When she didn't continue, Angela warmly tightened her fingers in encouragement.

Looking at a fixed point in the distance, the younger woman was obviously replaying things in her mind.

"I should have handled this much better … I should have been more aware … I should have been the one who she could trust, not the one who …"

She almost choked on the next phrase.

"… caused her so much pain."

Depositing her own glass on the table, Angela slid closer.

"Sweetie … neither of you was prepared for this. These kinds of things, by their nature, kind of have a way of sneaking up on us and smacking us in the face. Emotions are wild and wonderful mysteries. We can be overwhelmed by them, consumed by them …"

She softly patted Maura's arm to take the sting out of what she was about to say.

"You, my dear, are not used to being caught by surprise. You've channeled your feelings and approaches to them a certain way for many years. You are a natural organizer, having a place for everything, keeping everything in its place. You study, you contemplate, you … what's that word … hypothesize? You measure and predict odds and outcomes …"

"And it's wonderful. You are wonderful. But darling, you can't use any of that when it comes to this kind of raw emotion. You're completely out of your element."

Absorbing everything Angela said, Maura looked lost. She captured Angela's other hand and clung to it.

"I don't know what to do."

"I know. And that's exactly where you should be right now. It's okay, Maura. It's okay not to have all the answers right away. It's okay to feel like your feet aren't completely under you as you go forward. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to need people."

She smiled and kissed the younger woman's fingers.

"It's okay to be human just like the rest of us."

That line earned her a soft laugh.

"Jane is always teasing me about being some sort of android …" She pulled her hand free to move her hair away from her eyes. "If she could see me now …"

As her voice trailed off, Angela completed her sentence.

"She'd do anything to make you feel better. To make you see how incredible you are. Even if it meant ignoring everything her own heart was telling her."

She picked up her wine and took a generous sip.

"Which is the only other reason I'm glad she's not here. She needs this time, Maura. You both do."

Reaching she handed Maura her glass and indicated that she wanted to toast.

"Besides, I'm here to make you feel better … to make you see how incredible you are. To make sure you eat …" She gave Maura a knowing look. "And to make sure you go to bed at a decent hour."

She touched the rim of her glass lightly to the one in Maura's hand.

"To finding our way."

After drawing a shaky breath, Maura repeated the sentiment.

"To finding our way."

Without warning, she clinked the glasses together again.

"And to being human."

"Amen."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura had tried to go to sleep right away on Monday night. She really had.

After dinner and wine and heartfelt discussions with Angela, she thought she would be settled down enough after her shock earlier in the day to drift off. Besides, she was exhausted.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, she saw Jane's face as she left the elevator. The hurt, anger … and disgust … so evident … and so hard to take when it was directed at her. She should have gone after her. Ignored the date she didn't' want to go on in the first place.

She'd thought she'd have time to make it right.

Now all she had was time.

Over and over she echoed the same thought. Jane needed to get away . Jane needed to get away from HER.

It was nearly unbearable.

What in the world was going on when the one person she'd cherished above all others needed to be out of her reach in order to feel safe and sound?

It was the last thing she'd wanted. For Jane to be apart from her.

She'd made the choice not to explore any extension of their relationship in order to keep Jane close, not to drive her completely away.

But oh ... how she'd miscalculated.

If she concentrated hard enough, she could still feel Jane's arms around her, rocking her slowly. Jane's lips kissing her hair as she soothingly spoke.

_"Shhh. It's okay. We're still fine. Just like you said. Nothing has happened that can't be fixed, sweetheart."_

She could see the depth of concern and love in Jane's eyes as she'd held her face and reassured her.

"_I'm not going anywhere. I'm okay. We're exactly who we are, Maura, who we've always been. Best friends."_

A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye, trailing down her cheek onto her pillow.

She wanted to freeze everything there. To throw her arms around Jane and never let go.

Never let her go.

But the movie inside her head kept playing, the soundtrack loud and clear. Her inability to be in the same room with Jane without worrying about how to act around her. Her unease driving a huge wedge between them. Her terror that she would mess things up doing exactly that.

Jane's voice in the elevator, shouting at her, so full of pain and rage.

Then impossibly worse, the same voice, the one that she usually found so extraordinary, thick with tears as she poured her heart out.

_"You couldn't take the chance, have the faith to be with me, believe in me … because you didn't want to lose our amazing friendship …" _

Even now, the sneer that went with the last line felt like a slap.

It wasn't true. She hadn't been able to respond then, to make Jane understand. She DID believe in her. She had nothing BUT faith in her. She just didn't believe in herself.

_"But just know … just be very, very clear on this point … you gave up on me … you threw away something potentially remarkable and permanent to try to save something that you now admit you can't support, that has suddenly ceased to exist."_

Ceased. Past tense. Already over.

_"I was willing to do anything for you … so, just know … if we never get back what we had … it's not on me. If you can't bring yourself to _be_ my best friend, neither of us get what we wanted … we both lose."_

If … she had said "if." There might still be some small thread of hope …

Jane. Always willing to do anything. She'd never doubted it. But had she taken it for granted? She didn't want to believe that she was the kind of person that would selfishly abuse that type of loyalty and commitment. Had she just asked for too much?

Just as she'd told Angela earlier, she didn't know what to do. And she hated it. She hated this separation. She hated feeling helpless. She hated not knowing how Jane was. But most of all, she hated not knowing what she wanted.

Did she want Jane to come home and be her best friend? That's what she'd said, what she'd thought she meant. For things to go back to where they were before the kiss.

But dear God ...

That kiss.

Restlessly she flipped over.

She loved Jane. That much she knew. She didn't want to send her mixed signals. She didn't want to ever hurt her again.

She had to be sure before she did any more damage.

Angela had said that it was okay if she didn't have all the answers.

But she had to have at least this one.

And it had to be right.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Angela had been conditioned to expect that any phone ringing in the middle of the night meant trouble.

Or worse.

Two of her children were police officers. Being awakened for any kind of news sent her heart racing in fear.

But she hadn't as of yet been stirred out of a sound sleep by a text message notification.

She didn't know whether to be annoyed or apprehensive.

And for the first few moments she was just confused. She could hear the soft trill being repeated at regular intervals, but she couldn't place where it was coming from. Her own phone was silent next to the bed.

Then she remembered that she had left Jane's cell on the dresser.

Once her eyes could focus, she saw the faint glow coming from the underside of it. When she finally reached it and turned it over, she was dismayed by what she saw.

The display was clearly indicating an incoming message from Maura.

Angela sat on the bed and bit her lip. She hadn't told Maura about "confiscating" Jane's phone. It would be natural for her to think that Jane had taken it with her.

And it would be natural for her in her gnawing guilt and depression over what had happened between them to want to reach out, to make contact across the miles.

Sighing, Angela tried to decide what to do. She'd come this far being honest. She knew that she would tell Maura in the morning, as gently as possible, that her message, and any future messages, would not be received while Jane was away.

She'd let Maura be the one to instruct her whether or not to delete it.

Still, she wouldn't be Angela Rizzoli if she could resist looking.

Quickly pressing the key that opened the text, she read the few lines that appeared.

"I'm so, so sorry. For everything. I miss you."

Turning the phone off to avoid any further noise – and to keep her impulse to answer as Jane at bay – Angela looked up at the ceiling.

These two!

They were killing her, here.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

end part 13  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Note: This was originally going to be a much longer chapter … but as of yesterday it's been 2 weeks since I last updated. I decided it would be better to put this much up than none at all ... for however long it takes me to do the rest ;)

Patience is NOT one of my virtues, so I once again apologize for testing yours


	14. Chapter 14

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 14?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Back to mild<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: When you need somebody around …. On the nights that try you …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Maura didn't dream about Jane until Wednesday.

She'd barely slept at all Monday night, so there had been little opportunity.

For hours she'd struggled with her thoughts and emotions, trying to rein in her obsession to analyze every problem to its inevitable solution so that she might get some rest. When that hadn't worked, she'd given in to pure impulse.

She had texted a message to Jane.

As soon as she had pressed the send option, she'd been gripped by an overwhelming sense of trepidation. What if Jane was still angry with her and rejected her overture? What if she woke her up in the middle of the night only to erase any progress Jane had made in putting her own emotions back in order? What if the reply Jane sent back stung more than the words they'd already exchanged?

Or worse, what if she didn't answer at all?

Maura replayed the same words she'd offered to Angela over and over in her head: "I just want to take it all back."

Now she'd added to the list.

She couldn't seem to get out of her own way.

Staring at the screen of her phone and willing something to appear … anything … she marveled for possibly the thousandth time how completely Jane had shattered the shield of isolation that she'd operated from behind for so long. She had trouble absorbing the extent to which she'd come to rely on another person's presence, opinions, and acceptance.

It had been unfathomably lonely being so fiercely independent, but it had been safer. She had been in control and in charge. Her mistakes and their consequences only resonated in her own life.

And she had never hurt like this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At some point she had succumbed to sleep.

When her eyes fluttered open, the light had changed. She smelled coffee and groggily tried to establish what day it was and whether or not she'd set the timer. Then she saw the phone next to her, an immediate reminder of her exhaustive emotional marathon.

With gnawing trepidation she brought it to life.

No message. Nothing. Jane had not responded.

She tried to tell herself that she should be relieved. Harsh words would have been tough to take. But the absence of any reply was more telling. It said "leave me alone" louder than actually hearing or reading the phrase.

Swallowing the fresh grief that threatened to spill over, she sat up and checked the time on the screen. Before she could react to the hour displayed there, a soft knock on her partially open door distracted her.

"Maura … honey …"

Angela slowly pushed the door wider and peered around it.

"I thought you might've overslept. IF you slept."

Like the concerned mother that she was, she strode toward the bed.

"I must not have set my alarm."

Maura tried to slide the phone under the pillow without being obvious. It didn't work. Angela's expression changed immediately when she noticed.

Settling onto the side of the bed just in front of the younger woman, she placed her hand lightly on the sheet covering Maura's knee.

"I was going to wait until later to tell you this, but it looks like you need to hear it now."

"Is it about Jane?"

She couldn't control the fear in her voice.

"Yes ..."

"Is she okay?" Maura could feel the panic rising in her throat.

Narrowing her eyes, and patting Maura's knee at the same time, Angela's tone was both calming and stern.

"You need to stop interrupting me so that I can explain."

Chastened, Maura nodded. But she was teeming with questions.

"In all that was going on over the weekend, how we kept missing each other, and then what happened at the precinct yesterday and how upset you were when you found out Jane had taken two weeks off … and the horrible way you found out … there was one detail that I didn't mention, it didn't seem important at the time. I didn't even think about it again really, until last night after I'd gone to bed …"

Maura wanted to scream. It was so unlike her to snap at anyone, much less Jane's mother, but she was on the verge of yelling, "Just get to the point!"

"Anyway, I realized I needed to tell you, even if it's a little bit upsetting ..."

As she trailed off, Maura's impatience got the best of her.

"Angela!"

Taken aback by the outburst, Mrs. Rizzoli blurted, "Jane didn't take her phone with her."

It took a few seconds for Maura to absorb the information.

"So she didn't get your message."

Oh. Jane wasn't ignoring her or shutting her out. Wait …

Her eyes wary, Maura whispered, "How did you know that I …"

Squeezing her knee as she answered, Angela voice was kind.

"I have Jane's phone. It woke me up."

Maura's face turned pink and she ducked her head.

"I'm sorry … I just …"

"Miss her. I know."

Angela leaned over and tilted Maura's chin up.

"Darling, it's only natural with your feelings all mixed up that you would reach out to the person you usually turn to in situations like this. Why do you think I made Jane leave her cell with me?"

She pulled Maura's hand into hers.

"You two are so tangled up with each other that you can't think straight. And this is something you both have to figure out on your own. Her decision can't be based on yours or vice versa."

Angela smiled. "As Jane would say, 'the ball is in your court' …"

Slowly, Maura returned the smile.

"Thank you. Again."

Waving off the comment and giving an accompanying shrug, Angela was once again concentrating on Maura's tired appearance.

"You didn't sleep much, did you? You have dark circles …" Her thumb gently brushed under one eye. "I don't suppose I could convince you to just stay home today and rest?"

Shaking her head, Maura countered, "I really need to work. It helps me. If I stayed here I would just dwell and fret and let my thoughts spiral into disturbing territory … Besides, that's why I have makeup."

She forced a cheery expression.

Standing, Angela was skeptical. "If you think that's best …"

"Did you know that during the Renaissance period and afterward, they didn't just use cosmetics to enhance appearance or to cover flaws, but to project status? … Because the poorer classes generally worked outdoors, darker skin was an indication of low standing. Some women were so desperate to appear prominent that they used white lead paint on their faces, which often caused poisoning that led to serious illness or even death."

"That's fascinating, dear, but I if I don't get moving I'm going to be late for work as well. I've already filled your travel mug with coffee. Come by the café as soon as you get in and I'll make you some pancakes. You need to eat."

And with that she was gone.

There was no mystery about where Jane's "force of nature" personality had come from.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Work really was her sanctuary.

With her mind occupied and focused, she was back on solid ground. Although she was constantly reminded of Jane's absence, she could redirect her wandering thoughts with renewed concentration on her tasks and challenges.

Sgt. Korsak had largely avoided her since the previous morning.

She was peering through her microscope, engrossed in the thin slice of tissue magnified there, when she heard someone softly clear his throat.

Glancing up, she encountered a very nervous Barry Frost.

"It's okay, all of the graphic wounds are covered."

That statement would usually immediately assuage him, but he didn't relax.

"Is there something wrong detective?"

She could tell he was trying to maintain eye contact, but he desperately wanted to be anywhere but standing there, near her, at this moment.

"Mrs. Rizzoli sent me down here …"

Ah, the intimidation of Angela.

"Yes?"

"She wanted me to see if you had lunch."

Smiling in spite of herself, Maura nodded in affirmation.

"Yes, I do. Tell her 'thank you' for asking."

He didn't move to leave. In fact, his discomfort level seemed to increase. She was beginning to be concerned about him.

"Um … here's the thing, though. She instructed me …" He paused as if he were still a little bit bewildered that he was obeying Jane's mother. "She pretty much insisted that I SEE your lunch … not just ask about it."

Maura stood up straight. Poor Frost. As uncomfortable as he was pressing her for visual evidence of her meal, he was more afraid to find out what would happen to him if he returned upstairs without such confirmation. Trying to keep her voice professional and not let the amusement she felt slip out, she motioned for him to follow her.

"Come with me, detective."

Leading him over to a small refrigerator, the one Jane called 'the normal people fridge,' she opened it and pulled out two small containers. Without removing their lids, she pointed at each one.

"I have a small beet and goat cheese salad, along with some sliced Fuji pears and pine nuts."

She leaned to place both items back inside and closed the small door. With a slightly impish look on her face, she turned back to face him.

"However, just between you and me, after Angela hovered over me and watched me eat all my pancakes this morning, I am probably going to save one or both of those until tomorrow for lunch."

Frost blanched.

Before he could start stammering, Maura placed her hand on his arm and smiled.

"Barry … you don't have to lie. You can tell her you saw my lunch, because you did exactly that. Mission accomplished. But my suggestion to you is that after you deliver your report, you make yourself scarce around the café for the rest of the afternoon …"

Exhaling deeply, Frost gave her a wry grin.

"Duly noted."

Maura shook her head slowly as she watched him go. It was hard to be irritated with Angela and her recruits. In fact, it felt nice to be the center of such loving concern.

She should have known that even with Jane gone, Jane's extended family would – in the words of Jane and Sgt Korsak – have her back.

Would she still be 'one of them' if she chose incorrectly? If she ruined her relationship with Jane?

It disturbed her deeply to acknowledge that she didn't honestly know the answer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Later in the afternoon, she had been able to convince Angela to let her bring home dinner.

As much as she loved Mrs. Rizzoli's cooking, she wasn't sure she could keep up the pace of eating it every night. If she were in charge of the menu, she could lighten it up a little.

Tonight she'd treat Angela to Chef Raphael's choice selections of fresh fish and vegetables. She had the perfect bottle of wine in mind for accompaniment.

Her lack of sleep the night before was starting to affect her energy level. She was looking forward to a nice meal, a long bath, and the comforting welcome of a deep sleep.

She had made a fragile peace with the fact that Jane would be gone a while. And despite the fact that it meant she couldn't communicate with her at all, the separation would also mean she had time to think … to consider … to work through some of her issues and obstacles. She didn't have to have this wrapped up today.

With a bit of breathing room, she was positive she could ascertain the correct outcome. Or at least give it her best attempt.

The glaring reality was that how all of this would end was not entirely up to her.

She would have to commit to an approach without a guaranteed result.

And she had never liked guessing. Even well-educated guesses left room for error and defeat.

And there had never been more at stake for her than there was now.

If she thought about it too much she'd lose tiny thread of normalcy she'd managed to cling to throughout the day.

No, it was much better to take her time and examine all options.

She was a genius.

That had to count for something.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

Wednesday morning was the polar opposite of the day before.

Maura was dressed and ready in the kitchen when Angela came in.

If Mrs. Rizzoli was surprised, she didn't show it. Instead she beamed at Maura's suggestion that they ride into work together.

It was Maura's turn to smile widely when Angela complimented her appearance.

"You look so lovely this morning. A good night's sleep does wonders for your eyes."

"Thank you, Angela. And you look very nice yourself."

Blushing, Angela took the mug of coffee Maura offered.

"If it's okay with you, I would like to invite the boys … and Sgt. Korsak … over for dinner Friday night …"

Ignoring the pause in the middle of Angela's presentation, Maura started rinsing the dishes and casually answered.

"Of course it is, Angela. On one condition …"

The older woman blinked at the ultimatum and waited.

"Frankie has to bring Jo Friday. I miss playing with her. And I'm sure Bass does as well."

Making a face, Angela readily agreed. "O...okay. Since we're going ahead … I'd like to try out a new recipe on you tonight. It's really just a twist on something I've made for years, but I don't want to do it for the first time when Vince … Sgt. Korsak … is over."

Again pointedly avoiding the obvious, unlike her daughter would have done, Maura nodded her approval.

"That's fine. I'd love to be your guinea pig."

"Are you sure? That means you'd have to eat the same thing twice …"

"I'm not as regimented and uptight as people would have you believe, Angela."

Smiling warmly, Jane's mother slid her arm around Maura's shoulders and squeezed.

"You're perfect just the way you are, sweetheart."

She tilted her head briefly to touch Maura's and then jerked it up straight.

"OH!"

Startled, Maura turned to face her.

"What is it? What's the matter?"

"Nothing, honey … it's just … I'm going to need to go to the store before dinner, so we probably shouldn't ride to work together."

Sagging with relief, Maura countered.

"Why don't we go in my car and then you can take it to run your errands and get dinner started. I'll get a ride home from someone. It's no trouble really. I'd enjoy having you ride to work with me."

"You wouldn't mind? Letting me drive it? I've wondered about those hybrids, with the push buttons and everything. Besides, it's so cute!"

"Of course I don't mind. You can drive it anytime you want."

"And here I was beginning to worry if I was becoming a burden … being around you so much and practically smothering you."

Maura was frozen for a moment. Stopping and starting a few times before she could answer, her voice was soft.

"I think it's wonderful. And not something I'm used to. I love my mother dearly, but she wasn't … isn't … her natural tendencies … are not the same as yours."

Angela's heart shown in her eyes as she took both of Maura's hands.

"Then it's just something we'll have to get you used to."

Releasing Maura and fumbling for her keys in her purse, she wiped her eyes hastily as soon as she turned away.

"Pretty soon you'll be pushing me away just like my three."

She was almost at the door when Maura gathered up her own things and followed, whispering more to herself than to Angela.

"I can't imagine that ever happening."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As it turned out, Frankie was the one to give her a ride home.

She was so grateful when she saw him and he offered that she didn't have a chance to think about what it would mean to be alone with him and keep up her side of the conversation.

He didn't know anything about the current circumstances involving Jane.

And of course, it seemed like Jane was the only subject he wanted to talk about.

Her ankle was throbbing slightly from her earlier misstep and she was balancing the distraction of that with the need to stay on guard with Frankie. It was not an entirely enjoyable ride.

"I'm still surprised ya know."

"About what, Frankie?"

"That you didn't go with her. Who wins a trip for one? And even if she did, she could've still invited you … you can afford it. Oh geez. No offense intended."

"None taken … and …"

Despite her attempt to explain, he kept going with his original train of thought.

"It's just that you two never do anything without the other. I can't see Jane being alone anywhere for two whole weeks. What in the hell is she going to do with herself?"

"I had some things I had to take care of here, so it wasn't plausible …"

As if she hadn't spoken, Frankie barreled ahead.

"Knowing her, she's going to get into some kind of trouble. No, she's going to get involved in some sort of big incident and come out smelling like a rose. She'll probably uncover some international drug smuggling ring based out of whatever island she's staying at … bust the whole thing wide open and bring down the kingpin …"

Even though he had started out sounding seemingly resentful of his sister's good fortune, he couldn't keep the obvious pride out of his voice as he imagined the latest scenario.

"Maybe she just needed the down time, Frankie. She's had a rough year."

"Down time? Have you MET my sister?" He looked at her with an exaggerated incredulous expression before continuing. "Besides, the person who really needed a break from things is Ma. You'd think after all she'd been through, Jane would have given the trip to Ma."

Maura's head was beginning to hurt. She was trying not to be angry with Jane's brother because, after all, he didn't have the facts about the situation. But that didn't mean she didn't want to scream at him. Instead she sighed.

"I'm pretty sure it was non-transferable. I think it's a good thing that Jane took the time off. She works too hard and too much."

"She's a cop, Maura. That's what we do."

Closing her eyes and tilting her head back, trying to stretch her ankle into a more comfortable position, Maura gave up.

"I'm too wiped out to argue with you Frankie."

She felt his hand on her arm. The Rizzoli family believed in touching.

"Oh, hey … Maura … I was just letting off a little steam. You know I'm happy for Janie. It's a sibling thing … we have to dog each other a little bit to keep in practice."

He sounded completely mortified that he'd upset his passenger.

"Speaking of dogs … Ma said you wanted me to bring Jo over Friday night. She's been doing really good. I'm trying to teach her a few tricks to surprise Janie with when she gets back."

Maura rolled her head toward him, opened her eyes, and smiled.

"I bet she'll love that."

Relieved that Maura wasn't ticked off at him, Frankie settled back into his seat and draped one hand over the wheel.

"So Ma's inviting Sgt. Korsak over to eat with us … what's that about?"

"She hasn't spoken about it in any detail to me, but I think she enjoys his company and she knows he's alone most of the time. She doesn't like anyone to feel left out."

"Yeah."

They rode in silence for the next few minutes before pulling up to Maura's house.

"Thanks for the ride, Frankie."

"No problem … tell Ma I looked rested and handsome." He winked at her. "And Maura … we're good?"

"Of course." She smiled through the window as she closed the door and gingerly took a step back. "I'm looking forward to Friday night."

"Me too. It's a date."

A date.

As Frankie pulled away in the squad car, Maura remembered telling Phillip that he could call her. If she did agree to a date with him, she'd have to tell Angela at some point. And if she didn't accept an invitation to see him, what would that mean? He was exactly the type of man she _would_ date.

Shaking her head and testing pressure on her ankle, she started for the front door.

There was no need to cross bridges that hadn't even been built yet.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She was completely and utterly relaxed.

It felt wonderful. She hadn't been at peace like this is so long.

The sun was warm on her face, balanced by the cool breeze off the ocean. She had no idea how long she'd been there, but she wanted to stay.

She could lie here and listen to the waves kiss the shore forever.

In the back of her mind, something tickled her memory about that word … "forever."

To ward off any impulse to follow its path, she stretched. Arms high over her head against the back of her lounge chair. Toes reaching and curling, back arching. She was loving this.

Surely there was somewhere she was supposed to be, someone she was supposed to meet, but she didn't care.

Her hand dropped down into the sand. Sifting the grains through her fingers, she marveled at their seemingly infinite number. Equating her problems and issues with the tiny particles in her grasp, she let them fall away.

Vaguely she wondered what time the sun would set, when the colors would explode across the horizon, painting an even more incredible canvas than the one she was absorbing right now.

She leaned to feel around for her watch … discarded some time earlier, lying in the center of the open pages of her research book … but before she could turn the dial towards her, something further down the beach grabbed her attention.

A woman. Tall and brunette … strolling along the sand at an unhurried pace, the wind lifting her long dark hair in random patterns.

She was wearing a sleeveless button down white shirt, open in the front. As she moved, Maura could catch glimpses of a vibrant red bikini top. Occasionally, she would bend down, more than likely entranced by a shell, then deposit the treasure into the pocket of her white cuffed shorts.

The stark white of her outfit was a startling contrast to her deeply tanned skin and her coal black tresses.

She was gorgeous. And somehow familiar.

Squinting, Maura tried to make out her face.

As if suddenly aware of the scrutiny, the woman turned fully toward her. And smiled.

Maura couldn't breathe.

It was Jane.

A Jane like no other she'd ever seen, but there was no mistaking those features. Those eyes.

Her heart almost burst with excitement and joy. She wanted to sprint down the beach. Instead she sat in suspended animation, afraid that if she moved, everything would disappear.

Jane waved her fingers, her smile widening as she walked. Maura's gaze traveled every inch of her, all the way down to where her feet were being caressed by the remnants of the waves moving in and out.

When she was only about ten yards away, she veered higher up on the sand, at an angle that would bring her right to Maura's position.

Her heart pounding in her chest, Maura sat upright, swinging her legs over the side of the chair, anticipating Jane's arrival.

"I can't believe … you look so …"

Jane stopped in front of her, laughing softly.

"It's great to see you too."

She offered her hand and Maura took it. Unprepared for the strength behind Jane's pull, she found herself stumbling forward into Jane's embrace.

She nearly melted everywhere her skin met Jane's … her hands clung to bare upper arms as Jane slid them around her, anchoring her in place.

Maura no choice but to lean back in order to meet Jane's eyes, forcing her hips into closer contact. When she did, she felt herself falling, even as Jane held her.

"You're so beautiful."

Still grinning, Jane's amazing voice burred huskily back at her.

"I think that's my line."

When Maura didn't reply, Jane's face sobered slightly, one eyebrow gracefully arching.

"How did you find me?"

Genuinely stumped, Maura fumbled for an answer.

"I don't know … I was just … here."

"It's okay. That's all that matters."

Maura could feel the warmth and strength of Jane's hands as they smoothed down her lower back, over the curve of her bottom. She was almost incapacitated.

She wanted, no, needed … so much more.

"MAURA!"

Hearing her name shouted with such urgency behind her, she spun around.

Her sanity wavered.

Beyond her beach chair, the seashore disappeared. In its place was the familiar terrain of a downtown Boston street.

Jogging toward her, her expression etched with alarm, was Jane.

Her hair pulled back in a ponytail, her blazer flapping as she ran, she called out again.

"Maura!"

Fascinated by this development and inordinately distressed, Maura did a double take to check on the person who was possessively holding her forearm and pressing into her back.

It was Jane. Confusion and wariness darkening her demeanor.

When Boston Jane reached the spot just on the other side of the chair, she drew her gun. Fiercely gripping it, she barked out a command.

"Let her go!"

"Jane … I'm fine … this isn't …"

Maura was at a loss. She had no idea what was happening and even less of clue as to how to stop it.

Anguished, Boston Jane pleaded.

"Maura, move away from her … ease this way … I've got this. I'm here now."

Trying to diffuse the tension, Maura started to take a step forward. The grip on her arm tightened and the rumbled tone that gave her goose bumps murmured in her ear.

"Don't leave me. We've just gotten started here."

As Maura let herself lean back into Beach Jane's hold, she soothingly tried to reason with the Jane holding the gun.

"It's okay. You can put that away … she's not going to hurt me."

Her eyes full of emotion, Boston Jane growled. "You don't know that! You have no way of knowing that!"

Her voice broke. "I'm your best friend. You have to trust me."

Maura wavered.

The Jane she had met on the beach turned her firmly around so that she could see her face.

"You DO know." She cupped Maura's cheek, tenderly stroking it with her thumb. "You know this is right. You know I love you."

Her eyes searched deep into Maura's soul as she whispered.

"Don't go back. Don't give this up." She placed her palm over the bare skin just above Maura's swimsuit top, the heat of it searing into her over her heart. "You know it here. You have to trust me."

"MAURA! Move out of the way!"

"Maura, I love you."

All at once the sound of the waves crashing on the sand was ominous. The traffic noises and sirens in the background shrill and piercing.

She had no air. No voice.

Paralyzing fear gripped her.

The pressure built and built and built and she was going to black out.

Just as she lost consciousness her heart splintered into a million pieces.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Maura …"

No. She couldn't take anymore.

"Maura, honey …"

She pushed the hands away from her.

"Wake up."

She felt like someone was holding her head under water. Struggling she pushed toward the surface.

Angela's hand was cool on her forehead. Her eyes darted everywhere around the room as soon as they opened. It was dark except for the lamp on her bedside table. They were alone. She was in her room. It had been a nightmare.

Exhaling, she felt all of the crippling tension seep from her body.

"You were crying out in your sleep. Saying 'no, no, no' over and over again." Angela moved to press the backs of her fingers against Maura's flushed cheek.

Wetting her lips, Maura apologized.

"I'm sorry to bother you." She shifted so that she was higher up on the pillow. "Was I screaming loud enough to wake you in the guest house?"

Withdrawing her hand, Angela sighed and met her eyes.

"No. I've been sleeping on your couch the past two nights."

"Angela!"

"It's not something we need to discuss. I've been worried since you didn't sleep Monday night. I wanted to be close by in case you needed me."

Her pointed look said what she did not. "Like tonight."

She pushed a few strands of damp hair away from Maura's temple.

"Right now, I'm going to fix you some warm milk. Why don't you go wash your face and get settled."

It wasn't a suggestion and Maura was too worn out to protest. Even though there was little or no scientific evidence that ingesting such a small amount of tryptophan could increase serotonin levels as dramatically as necessary to induce sleep any faster than NOT drinking it, it wouldn't hurt either.

She was tucked into bed like a good little girl when Angela came back.

"I tested it, so it should be cool enough to drink."

She watched like a hawk as Maura took a few frothy sips.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Downing another gulp, Maura shook her head. Her emotions were still too raw.

Angela nodded and stood quietly while Maura drained the glass. When it was emptied to her satisfaction, she took it and left the room. Since she hadn't said "goodnight," Maura anticipated her return.

What she hadn't anticipated was that Angela would walk to the other side of the bed and start removing her robe.

"Um, Angela …"

"I'm sleeping in here the rest of the night."

Maura was speechless.

Without waiting for any response, Angela pulled back the covers and rearranged the pillows on her side of the bed.

"I don't snore."

The mattress dipped as she slid into place.

"Is the alarm set?"

Maura nodded, still unable to speak.

"Turn off the lamp, honey."

As Maura switched off the light and squirmed back down under the covers, she stifled a nervous laugh. So much had happened to assault her mental stability tonight, she could hardly believe that Angela Rizzoli was spending the night with her.

"Goodnight sweetheart."

"Goodnight Angela."

Just as Maura closed her eyes and snuggled into her pillow, she felt Angela shift closer. Then without warning, gently start rubbing her back over and over in a circular motion.

"What are you doing?"

"What I used to do when Janie couldn't fall asleep."

"Oh."

It felt really nice. And hypnotic. And maternal.

Maura could feel herself drifting away and was grateful that she could detect no anxiety.

In fact, she felt totally secure. Safe.

Falling asleep with either one of the Rizzoli women seemed to have that effect on her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

***** Edited slightly to change the part about which car they took to the office on Wednesday. I had referenced Phillip helping to put things into Maura's car when they met, and then referred back to them meeting the day Frankie gave her a ride hom. Both of these things would have happened on Wednesday, so she had to have her car with her. Sorry for the lapse! Sometimes I should reread these things before posting ;) - Ep.**

end part 14  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Author's Note: You guys know my apology drill, so there's no point in going into all that. Updates happen when they happen and I'm commited to seeing this through to the end ... so your mileage may vary.

A "thank you" to whover nominated me for a Rizzles Award at rizzlesfanawards DOT wordpress Dot com!


	15. Chapter 15

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 15?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still fairly tame<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Not to say that I'm in love with you … But who's to say that I'm not …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Other than the call from Phillip, Thursday was largely uneventful.

It had been her turn to provide dinner, and she and Angela had enjoyed a nice quiet evening. Without discussing it, they mutually ignored the previous night's activities.

Maura was grateful that when it was time to turn in, Mrs. Rizzoli just kissed her on the cheek and said, "goodnight."

She didn't check the living room before she got into bed to see if Angela was spending the night on the sofa. She imagined that both of them felt better about it if it was not acknowledged.

She was glad to be alone because she needed to process her feelings about the bizarre dream that had troubled her so much throughout the day.

On the surface, the components of the dream were representative of the obvious. The two Janes were personified stand-ins for each side of her struggle. That would certainly follow Jung's subjective theory of dreams – where everyone in the dream represents an aspect of the dreamer.

She had been literally participating in the tug of war her emotions were experiencing. So drawn to one side, but unable to leave the other.

The details of the dream escaped her now, but the feelings and impressions were still new.

She had wanted Jane so much, with a nearly visceral desire. Try as she might, she couldn't will the images and precise actions back into focus, but she could feel Jane's arms around her, her hands touching her … she could hear the low tone of her voice as she'd spoken … even though she couldn't remember the words.

She didn't really need them.

Even now, the mere hint of Jane whispering to her intimately, her hands roaming as she pressed closer and closer …

Maura shifted in the bed. God, she was achingly aware of how her drifting thoughts were arousing her.

Her nipples tightened almost painfully as she imagined the heat from Jane's skin merging with her own, the deftness of Jane's strong fingers cradling her ass and tugging her hips possessively into her. She could feel the tingles that raced down her neck as Jane leaned in, her warm breath and silksoft lips brushing under her jaw …

With a frustrated whimper, Maura threw back the sheets.

Right now she'd give anything to know if Angela Rizzoli was in her living room, her semi-conscious or unconscious instincts trained on the sounds coming from behind the slightly ajar bedroom door.

Exhaling deeply, she tried to force her brain more towards the cognitive and away from the carnal.

Could she be so affected by Jane … or projected thoughts of Jane … if she was going to be content to remain friends?

She supposed it was possible. Sexually charged fantasizing was healthy and normal. Granted, she'd never placed Jane in any of those situations before, but did that have to mean she couldn't enjoy doing so and still maintain a strictly platonic relationship with her in reality?

The logical, and patently more honest, side of her interrupted.

You're fooling yourself and you know it.

It would be way too volatile and unstable to mix both sides of the equation.

If you ask her to give up any designs on a fully formed romantic and sexual partnership, if you ask her to deny her feelings and impulses so that she can be the person you need and count on, you can't harbor the same urges and not expect the whole thing to explode in spectacular fashion, injuring everyone.

Maura rolled over on her side, lightly punching the edge of her pillow.

She'd always found the "have your cake and eat it too" expression to be silly and selfish. You had a cake, you ate it and then you moved on. You'd either got more cake or you didn't, but it was stupid not to enjoy it while it was there and presumably fresh.

Now she found herself in a position to understand it and she detested that fact. Neither option was safe. If she tried to save the cake, as it were, it wouldn't hold up over time and would most certainly devolve into worthlessness. If she satisfied herself by eating it … she banished the explicit connotations away as soon as they flared … then the truth might be that she'd never find anything like it again. That it could never be replaced.

The biggest screaming question that she was trying so hard to suppress finally broke through.

Why are you so afraid?

Suddenly cold, she reached for the discarded covers and huddled under them.

The easy answer was that she was afraid of the unknown. So much of her identity was tied up in knowing. She wasn't big on faith or reckless abandon. That was part of her hesitation and fear.

But since she was being honest … that explanation, while truthful, didn't completely account for her crippling indecision.

She was scared of being found out. Of finally getting everything she'd always wanted and hoped for … real love, a family, a place to belong … and subsequently being exposed. Her inability to be like other people, to fit in, be "normal," the lingering effects of her stunted emotional growth … It might eventually become clear that she wasn't ever going to be any better at it. She might be forever unable to blend in and not require others to make allowances for her.

She could be an excellent friend because doing so stopped short of necessitating her ultimate vulnerability. There was a limit to the openness required.

Being with Jane the way she now knew deep down that she wanted to … would mean no boundaries. Nothing held back. Nothing left unexposed.

And while she had nothing at all to be ashamed of, the idea of the person she admired most in the world for her generous spirit and wide open heart seeing into her soul and finding it lacking …

Was horrifying.

Jane wouldn't be able to stay with her, no matter how loyal. No matter how much she loved her. The emptiness and damage would inevitably drive her away. And Maura would be so much worse for having allowed it.

The idea that it could all end up that way …

That's what frightened the hell out of her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura skipped lunch and prioritized her deadline work on Friday so that she could leave early and help Angela get ready for the big dinner.

She could tell that the older woman was equal parts excited and nervous, and she wanted to be there for her in any way she could be of service.

Smiling, she wondered what Jane would make of her mother's apparent crush on Sgt. Korsak.

It was sweet. And Angela deserved to think of herself for a change.

Besides, if the sampling of the new pollo scarpariello recipe she'd served Maura Wednesday night as a preview was any indication, she would win him over through his appetite alone.

She was stirring the aborio rice for the risotto ai porcini when Frankie arrived.

Before Maura could greet him, or make a move to grab Jo Friday out of his arms, Angela yelled from behind her, "We need ice!"

Quickly leaving her post and meeting him just inside the door, Maura whispered, "She's a little anxious about dinner."

Handing the small wiggling dog to her, Frankie nodded.

"I'll run out and get some, Ma. You need anything else?"

"About five hands and an extra hour!"

Rolling his eyes in a distinctly familiar manner, Frankie turned around and left.

Maura collapsed on the couch and let Jo cover her in kisses. She was giggling and petting and trying to kiss the top of the squirming animal's head when she felt someone staring at her. Actually once she met Angela's eyes, "glaring" would have been the more accurate term.

"I'm sorry … I've just missed her so much."

"Now you need to wash your hands."

Nodding and sneaking in a few more snuggles, Maura made her way to sunroom. Depositing Jo Friday inside and admonishing Bass to play nice, she hastily made her way back to the kitchen.

She and Angela fell into a fairly calm routine that consisted of Angela barking orders or worrying aloud and Maura complying or reassuring her that all was well.

Everything was on schedule and looking fantastic. She had selected several bottles of wine that complimented Angela's meal perfectly. In addition to sparkling water, there was soda for Tommy and Frankie. It made her smirk slightly to hear Angela talk about them as if they were still children.

Frankie returned at the same time Tommy arrived. Both men dutifully kissed their mother and asked if they could help. Relieved to be exiled from the kitchen, they scurried to the living room and turned on the television.

"NO TV!"

Angela bellowed so loud that Maura almost dropped the corkscrew. The set instantly went blank. She could hear the younger Rizzoli's murmuring complaints to each other.

It was all so wonderful.

"Maura, keep an eye on the garlic bread in the oven." She blew past the counter removing her apron. "I'm going to get ready."

She halted at the door. "Boys, don't you dare touch anything."

And she was gone.

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But they did touch some things.

Namely Maura's coffee table.

They had moved it to the side of the room and were entertaining her with some sort of wrestling match.

Each of them was bent over with one hand behind the other's neck, their foreheads nearly touching. The main event seemed to consist of them moving in a circle and slapping at the free hand of their opponent.

"What exactly are you trying to do?"

Frankie, full of focus and determination, grunted. "I'm going to take him down."

"Like hell."

The slapping intensified.

Maura had just returned from removing the garlic bread and placing it in the warmer. The house smelled heavenly from all of Angela's efforts.

Tommy swung one foot in a sweeping motion, trying to catch Frankie's leg from behind.

"Ah no … that never works. It just pulls you off balance."

He managed to get his free hand inside Tommy's arm and tried twisting him to the ground, but Tommy scampered away.

They stood breathing hard and grinning, motioning to the other to come closer.

"You've gotten stronger."

"Yeah? You've gotten older."

They came together in the center of the rug, grappling once again, hands anchored behind each other's head.

Maura was fascinated.

"So this is something you do all the time?"

"Used to."

"Not just us. Jane too."

Maura blinked.

"Jane … used to wrestle … like this … with you?"

"Yeah. Best two out of three."

Tommy lunged for Frankie with his arm but got it slapped away.

"Only she was always cheating."

Frankie snorted his agreement.

Without warning, he curled his arm further around Tommy's neck and drove his hip into his side, sending them both hurtling to the floor.

It looked for all the world to Maura like they were fighting now, like two little boys on the playground, only it was more disturbing because they were both grown men.

Frankie was pushing the side of Tommy's face into the rug, and trying to pin him with his lower body.

Worried and hoping to distract them, Maura queried, "How did Jane cheat?"

Barely able to grind out the words, Tommy responded as he struggled.

"She … would … knee … us … in the … nuts."

Maura burst out laughing.

None of them was aware that Angela had returned.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

The speed with which the men on the floor scrambled to stand up was unbelievable.

"I should take you boys outside and wear you out!"

Shamed, they straightened their clothing and shifted their feet, both looking down at the floor.

Angela spun and pointed a finger at Maura.

"And you … why in the world would you let the two of them start something like this? You should know better."

Eyes wide, Maura didn't know what to say.

"I plan one nice evening …"

Frankie and Tommy quickly put the coffee table back in place and straightened the rug.

Sheepishly, Maura moved to finish setting the table.

With his hands in his back pockets, Tommy sidled up to his mother and turned on the charm.

"You look great, Ma."

Pursing her lips and popping the back of his head, she shooed him away. But the smile that played about her face indicated that her bad mood wasn't going to stick.

"I feel like I've forgotten something …"

"Everything is perfect, Angela. Frankie, why don't you start putting some ice in the glasses?"

Grateful to have something to do, he moved into the kitchen.

"You do look wonderful, Angela." Maura smiled warmly at her. "And everything smells divine."

Angela took Maura's hands.

"Thank you so much for letting me do this here."

"This is your home too. Always remember that."

Before either of them could tear up, Angela turned to Tommy and asked him to light the candles on the table.

"Don't know why we gotta be so fancy …"

Shaking her head, Angela gave Maura a "can you believe what I have to deal with?" look. Then she froze as the doorbell rang.

Patting her shoulder softly, Maura whispered, "I'll get it."

She opened the door to find a very uneasy Vince Korsak. Carrying flowers. And a large white paper bag.

"Am I late?"

Hoping to reassure him as well, Maura responded. "You timed it just right."

Frankie greeted him with a handshake as he entered, causing him to juggle the bag and the bouquet.

"Sgt. Korsak. Nice of you to join us."

"Thanks, um Frankie." He thrust the bag toward him. "Your mother said I could bring dessert. Those are the best cannoli's I've ever eaten that weren't homemade."

Once he was free of the bakery bag, he turned toward Maura once again. Separating the flowers into two sprays, he handed one to her.

"These are for you."

Beaming, she accepted them. "Why thank you, Vince. They're lovely." She kissed him lightly on the cheek and watched it flush pink.

Nodding at Tommy, he walked toward Angela. Maura noticed that he was opening and closing his free hand rapidly, as if he were channeling all of his extra energy into that reflexive, repetetive movement.

"And these …" He extended the remaining flowers. "… are for you."

Angela was positively glowing. She took the bouquet from him as if it were the most fragile thing in the world, letting her nose dip down to inhale for a long moment. When she looked up her eyes were shining.

"They're beautiful. And you shouldn't have. It's just dinner …"

She placed a quick kiss on his cheek as well, but this time he turned beet red.

Tommy broke the spell by chiming in. "It doesn't look like just dinner to me. It's some kind of special occasion or something."

As Angela shot a murderous expression toward her youngest, Maura stepped forward.

"Let me take those. I'll put them all in some water."

While she was searching for just the right vase, she heard Angela say, "Please, everyone, sit down."

Despite the inauspicious beginning to the evening, it seemed that everything was falling into place.

Until all of the wine glasses were filled and Angela raised hers for a toast.

Tommy grinned widely. "So, are we all here to celebrate Janie being gone?"

He was too far away for Angela to smack him.

Frankie's scowl matched his mother's. "Why don't you stop being such a tool?"

"Hey! I was just trying to get everyone to lighten up a little …"

"Well, you're being an ass and ruining Ma's dinner."

"Yeah? Well I think you're ruining it by acting all parental and shit. Just because Pop's gone …"

Angela tried to get a word in edgewise, but with their voices raised they didn't seem to notice.

Maura's stomach hurt. Angela had had such high hopes for tonight.

They were all startled by Korsak's loud whistle. Once silence dawned, he spoke evenly and firmly, including both of the other men at the table.

"Your mother was about to say something."

Angela gratefully mouthed "thank you" across the table to him and raised her glass again.

"To family. And finding time to be together."

The other four diners repeated her words softly.

After everyone took a sip and returned their glasses to their places, Angela looked pointedly at Tommy and instructed, "I think it would be appropriate for you to say grace tonight."

With that, they all bowed their heads.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As dinner was drawing to a close, Tommy wiped his mouth and pushed his chair back.

"Ma, that was awesome. I hate to run, but I picked up a late shift over at the distribution center."

Korsak cocked his head. "Is that the one over off of Central?"

Warily, Tommy answered, his body language indicating that he was braced for a confrontation.

"Yeah."

Angela, who had stood up as well, paused and waited for Korsak's reply.

"That's good work over there. An old buddy of mine, Gus Morosek, is one of the foremen at that place. If you run into him, tell him I said, "hello."

Tommy seemed to reevaluate his mother's dinner guest. Smiling, he extended his hand. "I will."

Shaking it firmly, Korsak laughed. "And tell him he still owes me $20."

Visibly relieved, Angela ushered her youngest son into the kitchen so that she could send leftovers and dessert with him.

Maura excused herself from the table to make coffee, leaving Frankie and Korsak to talk shop.

While it was brewing, she went to feed Bass and retrieve Jo Friday.

To her surprise, as soon as the little dog passed the door of the sunroom, she ran straight for Sgt. Korsak.

He was obviously thrilled by the attention. Before she knew it, he had picked Jo up and was holding her in his lap, soaking up the affection being lavished on him.

Frankie, who was clearing the table, made eye contact with Maura and shook his head.

"Who's a good little girl? Who is it?"

Maura was well aware of Korsak's affinity for animals. She knew he rescued strays and was drawn to anything furry or feathered. And that he was responsible for giving Jo Friday to Jane. But she was amazed by how unselfconscious he was cooing and baby-talking to the wriggling pup in front of other people. It was delightful.

She looked up from the endearing display to see Angela returning from seeing Tommy out. At first she was sure that Mrs. Rizzoli would be appalled that the dog was so close to the surface of the table, but she could quickly tell that Angela was captivated by the scene too.

Korsak raised his head and looked from one woman to the other.

"I apologize … I haven't seen her for a while."

"No, no … it's perfectly fine." Angela spoke first. "Jane always has her in her lap at the table."

Maura saw Frankie's head whip around. Meeting his eyes, she gave a ghost of a shrug in response to Angela's obvious fib.

"I was just going to let her out in the courtyard …"

Korsak stood up, still hugging Jo tightly. "I'll do it, if you don't mind."

Maura smiled. "Of course not … it's right through there. Coffee should be ready when you get back."

Frankie had finished scraping all the plates and putting them in the sink to soak. He was still staring at his mother when she came around the counter carrying a serving dish.

"You don't ever let Jane bring the dog near the table …"

"Hush your mouth, Frankie."

Behind her back, he pantomimed a "what the hell?" reaction toward Maura. She shook her head warningly.

"Make yourself useful and get out the dessert plates."

Once again, Maura thought of how blessed she was to be part of everything going on in the Rizzoli family tonight. The bickering and arguing were infused with the solid understanding that the bond between them was unshakable. There was no polite veil that kept everything from being said or anyone from showing real emotion.

She was genuinely touched to be included.

When they were all back at the table again, nursing their last cups of coffee over the remnants of delicious cannoli, it was clear that Angela's evening had been a success.

Jo Friday was alternating between Korsak and Maura's feet. Angela was embarrassing Frankie with stories from his childhood and he made her squirm a few times with tales of his own. Korsak and Frankie fondly shared sympathies of crossing Jane in some way. Each mention of her name bringing a careful look from Angela in Maura's direction.

Angela and Vince were reminiscing about things they had in common from their earlier years, educating the two younger adults with explanations and memories from a different era.

Maura was completely content. It would have been perfect if Jane had been there, but she was happy. Happy for Angela and happy for herself. And the more she learned about Vince Korsak, the more she liked him. She even appreciated her exasperation with Tommy.

This is what family should feel like.

Caught up in her own musings, she lost track of the current conversation. When she tuned back in, they were talking about playing cards.

"It's been ages since I've done that. My stepson and I used to play all the time."

"Whenever we took vacations, that used to be one of our nightly activities. We took turns playing with the kids, so there'd be a foursome."

"I remember those nights, Ma. Good times."

Angela, placed both palms on the table. "We should organize a game soon, with the four of us. Maura and I against you two."

"How about tomorrow night? We can order a pizza, Ma … you won't need to do a thing."

"I'm in if you're serious."

Three pairs of eyes turned toward Maura.

Tomorrow night? She had been agonizing since yesterday morning over how to tell Angela about her date with Phillip. She certainly hadn't wanted to do it like this, but she was being put on the spot. She knew she was about to pop the comfortable bubble she'd been floating in. But she was Maura Isles. She couldn't lie.

"I can't. Not tomorrow night. I've got … a date. But I'd love to another time, if you still want to."

There was a pregnant pause.

Frankie shrugged and seemed to take it in stride. Korsak was watching Angela's face. And Angela's face was unreadable.

"Oh? … oh. Okay."

She almost nodded, but her head barely moved.

Glancing from her to Maura, Korsak broke the ice. "Another time, then."

He turned toward Frankie. "If you're free, I could use you on a stake out I was thinking about setting up."

The card game instantly forgotten, Frankie readily agreed.

Maura was hardly breathing. She was waiting for Angela to say something else. When she did, she gave no further clue as to how she was feeling about Maura's announcement.

"I should start getting this mess cleaned up."

"Please, you've done so much already. Let me get the dishes and take care of the kitchen."

The last thing Maura expected was for Angela to immediately agree.

"Okay. That would be nice."

Korsak glanced back and forth between them once more. When Maura moved to leave the table, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks for having me in your home."

"It was my pleasure, Vince."

"And thank you so much, Angela, for the marvelous meal." He patted his stomach. "I haven't eaten this well for as long as I can remember."

As Maura carried the empty coffee carafe and one of the cups toward the counter, she saw him lean in to kiss Angela on the cheek.

"We'll have to do it again some time."

"Next time's on me."

When Maura came back to pick up the other cups and saucers, the two of them were still gazing at each other.

Oblivious, Frankie threw his arms around his mother from the side, kissing her temple.

"It was delicious, Ma."

Tapping Korsak on the shoulder, he whistled for Jo. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

Absently, the sergeant nodded. "Sure." To Angela he half bowed. "I'll see you at the precinct."

With the water running, Maura couldn't hear what was said as Angela saw them out. A few minutes later, she sensed someone moving behind her and glanced back to see Angela blowing out the candles. Then she stopped, her hands resting on the back of one of the chairs.

When she hadn't moved after a moment, Maura shut the faucet off and spoke to her.

"It was a really lovely evening. You outdid yourself, Angela."

"Mmmm … thanks."

She brought the last of the dessert dishes to the counter and set them down. Maura waited, unsure if she wanted to talk. Unsure of where they stood.

Angela's expression was distant as she backed away from the kitchen.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Maura watched her go. There was no hug. No kiss. No "goodnight, sweetheart." No indication that she would be nearby, listening out for any distress.

She was alone again.

Just like that.

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the end part 15  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Note: Had to do a bit of housekeeping and edit the previous chapter slightly to fix a continuity error I'd missed. There's also a note at the end over there.

And if you're counting at home, there were 4 chapters of Jane on her getaway, and this is the third chapter concentrating on Maura dealing with her absence. Odds are you'll get one more of those ;)


	16. Chapter 16

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 16?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still fairly tame<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: I miss the sound of your voice … Loudest thing in my head …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Maura's plan to fix breakfast for Angela and have a heart to heart was spoiled by the discovery of a body.

Her phone had woken her up just after four a.m. After apologizing for bothering her and proclaiming that he just didn't trust Pike with this one, Sgt. Korsak had given her just the barest details and an address.

It was the first such potential homicide call she had gotten since Jane had left, and it struck her once again how intertwined their lives were.

Her initial observation after she arrived and inspected the deceased was that no foul play had been involved. However, she didn't voice her opinion to the detectives. She wouldn't do that until she was positive they had no murder victim.

And in order to determine that, she needed to spend several hours in her lab with the corpse and the evidence.

She was relieved that neither Detective Frost nor Sgt. Korsak pressed her to do otherwise. Still, it was a bit disappointing not to banter back and forth like she did with Jane over whether or not she could give them a hint.

Nodding at the attendants who would be transferring the body back to the precinct, she removed her gloves and started back toward her car.

The sun had yet to make an appearance.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

It had taken much longer than she'd anticipated.

There were several tissue wounds and markings on bone that had to be analyzed carefully and precisely before she could rule out the use of weapons.

Once her work had been finalized, she was relieved to come to the conclusion she had initially suspected. However painful and traumatic it may have been, the death of the person on her slab had not come at the hands of another individual. To use Jane's vernacular, there was no bad guy to find.

As she drew the sheet over the body and rolled her neck to alleviate some of her soreness and tension, she briefly wished peace on the soul who had felt the need to take his own life by hurtling four stories from a fire escape.

She was grateful that she would not be part of the family notifications.

Releasing her hair from its ponytail, she reached for the phone to give Korsak the news. The thought of his name brought back poignant memories of the night before. She glanced at her watch. After she called Korsak, she had to type up her findings.

Then she would be able to head home and try to repair some of the damage she'd caused.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Entering the house and depositing her keys and purse, Maura thought briefly about lying down for a few hours before finding Angela and pleading her case.

She was worn out even though it was still before noon.

The temptation to do so was immediately derailed when she saw that Angela was sitting silently on her sofa, facing forward.

Perplexed by her presence, and by the fact that she hadn't turned toward the door when she came in, Maura moved cautiously toward her. She didn't want to startle her if she had nodded off.

But as she made her way around the opposite end of the couch, she could see that Angela's eyes were open, alternately looking down at her hands or at the dormant television on the far wall.

"Angela? … Are you okay?"

Without changing her position or seeming to address Maura specifically, the older woman spoke softly.

"I'm just trying to decide whether or not I have a right to be upset. Not having much luck at it."

With her heart in her throat, Maura slid stiffly onto the sofa, most of her back pressed against the arm farthest away from where Angela sat.

"I think you feel how you feel. And that's enough."

Angela nodded but didn't comment.

"Would you like to talk about it? I mean … would it be alright with you if we talked about it?"

Swallowing hard, Mrs. Rizzoli nodded again without looking her way.

Taking a deep breath and looking down at her own hands, Maura tried to find a place to start.

"The last thing in the world … I wanted to do … after all that's happened … was to make you angry with me."

Angela's head finally swung toward her.

"I'm not angry, Maura."

Looking up and meeting her eyes, Maura could see that they were deeply troubled. And so much like Jane's.

"You're not? But …"

"I'm hurt. I'm confused. I thought we had an understanding …"

Searching her face, Maura let her continue.

"I thought that you trusted me enough … that we had come far enough this last week. Honey, why couldn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to! I had planned to … but …"

"But you thought I'd be so offended on Jane's behalf that you couldn't? Even after I've explained that while Jane is my daughter, I want you to do what you need to do?"

"No … that wasn't it at all …" Maura tried to gather herself enough to explain.

"Can you tell me why?"

Although the tone of her voice hadn't changed, Angela's eyes were practically pleading now.

Settling more comfortably on the sofa, Maura sighed and nodded. Closing her eyes for a moment before she began.

"I met Phillip quite by accident on Wednesday. I tripped and he helped me … and he was charming and attractive and seemed like just a decent man. But I didn't think it was anything but that … a chance encounter. So I didn't mention it. When Frankie dropped me off that evening, my ankle was a little sore, but once I got inside … and you were cooking your new recipe for me … I was so happy to be part of that that I didn't think another minute about my day or anything that had taken place earlier."

She glanced up to make sure Angela was still following.

"Then I had that terrible nightmare. And you were so thoughtful and kind. Phillip called and asked me out the next morning and honestly … Angela … at the time I couldn't think of a reason to say 'no' … I mean, under normal circumstances I would be free to date … and he would be the kind of man I would be interested in …"

She trailed off as they both mentally acknowledged why these weren't 'normal circumstances.'

"Maybe it was just a reflex … a way of trying to get things back in order … or maybe I really wanted to, I don't know … but I said 'yes.' And then I forgot about it. Thursday night when we were having such a nice relaxed evening, I remembered and almost brought it up … but I was still struggling with the dream … and the confusion it caused … and I just wanted to be alone and try to make some sense out of it. And I knew that if we had THIS discussion then, that I would only be more disconcerted, so selfishly, I postponed it."

"You're not selfish, dear."

Angela seemed to be encouraging her, so she kept going.

"Then yesterday … well, it was your special day. I had decided on the way home from work that I would bring up my impending date over breakfast or brunch today. I didn't want anything to detract from the meal and the experience you were creating. And, Angela! Last night was wonderful! All of it … until I had to speak up about tonight and my prior commitment. That was dreadful. To spring it on you like that … without warning or explanation. I hated that. Hated it!"

"It was a bit of a shock."

"I'm so, so sorry. If I could do it over again …" She seemed to be having that thought and expressing it constantly of late.

"Maura … listen to me … wait ... have you eaten at all today?"

"No … I was called away very early this morning."

Angela smacked her hands lightly against her thighs and stood up.

"When I came over here this morning … to talk, or whatever … and you were gone, I diverted myself by making some egg salad. Let me fix you a sandwich or something so that we can discuss this without me worrying about you."

Maura almost burst into tears. Everything was going to be okay. Angela was mothering her again.

"I'd like that. Very much."

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Angela watched her beautiful landlord finish the second half of her sandwich with growing satisfaction.

She could've kicked herself for thinking that Maura would hide anything from her intentionally. After the week they'd had, she should have realized that her "other daughter" was much less likely to blurt out information than her biological children. Just because they kept things from her most of the time didn't mean that Maura would.

Besides, she was as much Maura's friend as she was her substitute mother.

She'd just been so thrown by the announcement. That it had come out of the blue, in front of Frankie and Vince when the two of them had been alone so many times prior.

Her feelings were hurt and because they were, she temporarily forgot that it had to be difficult for Maura to bring up the subject of dating in front the only people who knew why Jane was gone. There was a small part of her that didn't want to think about the M.E. dating other people when Jane was in love with her. But she had to live her own life, with or without Jane. And Angela couldn't bear the thought of her doing it without a friendly ear and comforting shoulder.

She'd gotten this far by being honest with the lovely doctor that had part of her heart, so she planned to keep doing what was in her best interest.

"Is this … Phillip … the kind of person you could imagine a future with?"

Maura was in the process of wiping her mouth daintily with a napkin. She looked totally blindsided by the question.

"I've only just met him, Angela."

"Yes, but people tend to go out with other people for a reason. Are you just trying to distract yourself? Share an entertaining evening with an interesting person?" Before she could stop herself, she waggled her eyebrows and added, "Or do you want to burn off some frustration?"

Now Maura looked horrified. And completely embarrassed to have to answer.

"I … I think I said 'yes' because it was a natural impulse. From the limited interaction we had, I liked him. And like I said before, I think I was just desperate for something to be the way it was before …"

"Sweetie, I'm not judging you. Not at all. I'm just trying to help." She pulled a large pillow onto her lap and folded her legs onto the couch.

"If you decide to … and if you and Jane can … remain friends when she comes home, then it's natural to assume that at some point, you will start seeing people, going out with them, start new relationships. Both of you. If you can see this Phillip as someone who could be long term, then there's no reason not to explore that."

She could tell by Maura's expression that she was still wary of the topic. And she could tell the exact moment when Maura's mind absorbed the idea that Jane might have a relationship with someone else.

"You don't think it's too soon … to contemplate … those things?"

"Because you haven't made up your mind? Or because you have and you think that there should be some sort of grace period?"

Maura's brow furrowed and her mouth moved silently. Finally she turned her hands up and admitted, "I haven't been able to think straight, Angela. I'm so torn."

Angela wanted to tell her that it seemed like she knew what she wanted but was afraid to let herself have it, but she refrained. Maura was the only one who could know that for sure.

"Well, you're going out tonight. Maybe that will clarify some things."

"Maybe." Maura's reply was listless.

Okay, it would probably be kosher to push just a little.

"Perhaps it's something you should think more about … how you will feel when Jane finds someone else. If she does." She laced her fingers together on the pillow. "Or what your relationship will be like when both of you have significant others. If and when that happens."

Maura's frown was faint, but easy enough for Angela to detect. Bless her heart, she does know what she wants. She just needs to allow it.

"Did you think you'd both stay unattached forever?"

Now Maura looked truly bewildered. "I … guess I haven't thought that far ahead."

Angela nodded. "You've been dealing with a lot. I've said it so many times, but it's worth saying again. I just want both of you girls to be happy. If not with each other, then with whoever makes you happy."

She paused to let that sink in.

"A best friend can be an extraordinary blessing, even if you have someone else in your life. Even when it seems like you've drifted apart. I don't think I've ever told you about my best friend ..."

"Claudia? I can't remember her last name, but I'm sure I've heard it."

"No, no. Claudia is a good friend, but not someone I'd confide in or call in the middle of the night. No. For many, many years, my best friend was Katherine Jane McGuire."

Even as she said the name, Angela could feel a grin spread across her face. She kept speaking, but her mind was wandering way back in time.

"Katie Jane and I were inseparable. She was the spitting image of her mother – curly red hair, green eyes, and lots of freckles. My hair was dark and straight. We couldn't have looked more different, but we were practically soul mates. All of our plans for the future included each other. We'd finish school, maybe get married … maybe get jobs, together of course. Our children would be friends just like we were …"

She blinked a few times before remembering where she was.

"Then I met Frank. I couldn't wait to tell Katie Jane all about him. She was just as excited for me as I was. We endlessly planned ways for me to run into him, things I could say to make me sound like I wasn't as completely ga-ga over him as I was. He came to pick me up once at her house, and convinced her to come along. We had such fun then."

Without even looking at Maura, Angela could tell she was enthralled.

"We planned my wedding after the third date, I think. Katie Jane was obviously going to be my maid of honor. We sketched dresses and decided on flowers, the whole nine yards. But it just wasn't meant to be. She was the first person I called when I found out I was pregnant."

Angela heard something that sounded like "oh" come from Maura's direction.

"Frank and I ended up at the justice of the peace with my mother and his brother as witnesses. Katie Jane threw me a small, discreet baby shower. Frank worked long hours and she tried to keep me company, but she got a job too. Most evenings she would come by and share stories about her day, the people she met. Try to cheer me up when I had the blues. But soon Frank started to get irritated that she would always be there when he came in, so we saw each other less often."

"We had agreed that I could name the baby if it was a girl, Frank if it was a boy. So when Jane was born, I named her after my best friend. Later when Jane found out, she told me she wished I had named her Katherine, instead, but it wouldn't have fit. Katie Jane was her godmother too. And she doted on the baby. I think Jane was almost three when she met Stuart."

"Did you like him?"

"Oh yes. I adored him. And he adored her. I couldn't be her maid of honor because I was pregnant with Frankie. It was a gorgeous ceremony. Frank was working, so I went alone, but I cried through the whole thing, I was so happy. It wasn't very long after that she called to tell me they were moving to Chicago. Stuart had been promoted and it was such a wonderful opportunity. And while I was happy for them, I was devastated for me."

"Of course you were."

"We kept in touch, of course. Phone calls and letters. They tried to visit on holidays and Jane's birthday. There were long conversations about her wish to have children, despite the fact that it seemed unlikely, even after all of the doctors they'd seen. But she kept up with all three of mine. Never missed an important accomplishment, always with a card or a present. When Jane was 14 and hated me … she was going to run away to Chicago and live with her."

Angela laughed softly at the memory.

"Our lives got so busy. There was less and less contact, as I'm sure is natural. We didn't stop being best friends, but it was more of security blanket than an active, every day thing. Funny, I still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when she called to tell me she was sick. I was chopping celery in the kitchen and trying to get Tommy to clean up after his hockey game. So routine and unremarkable. But then she said 'cancer' … and the world seemed to stop. Somehow I managed not to pass out. She needed me."

Maura moved closer on the sofa.

"We managed to scrape together the money for me to fly out to see her. Jane had joined the academy and was so overwhelmed. Frankie was about to graduate, Tommy was a handful. Frank told me to go, not to worry about anything. I spent an amazing, sentimental, inspiring, and sad two weeks with her. It was like we had never been apart. We laughed and talked and reminisced and held hands and cried. But we didn't say good-bye. I wouldn't let her, and I there was no way that I could."

She smiled through tears as Maura clasped one of her hands. Exhaling deeply, she wiped her eyes with the other one.

"So … all of that to say this: your best friend, your real best friend … will always be that. The miles and years might separate you but you don't lose that bond. You make room for those who come into your lives. Others become your priority and take a larger share of your heart. That's life. But that original connection, if it's genuine, remains strong."

Maura's voice was full of sympathy when she spoke.

"Did you stay in touch with Stuart?"

"Yes. He was lost for a long, long time. Several years back he called me. He had met someone and fallen in love. I think he thought he needed my permission to go forward." She laughed softly. "He remarried and they adopted two children from Russia."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Me too, honey. Me too. But I'm grateful that I knew her. Had her spirit and her devotion and her love in my life. I miss her all the time. Especially the hard times. Like the divorce. But, I had my kids … and I had you … to help me through it."

They smiled at each other, still holding hands.

"Now, enough of that." Angela shook her head as if clearing cobwebs from her mind. "You should go lie down and get some rest before you have to go out tonight. I'll wake you up when it's time to get ready."

Maura didn't protest. As Angela watched her walk toward her room, she said a prayer that the resolution to all of this would be what was ultimately best for all of them.

She just hoped that when all was said and done, her girls ended up together.

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Maura was miles away as Phillip navigated the streets that lead to her house.

Dinner had been delicious, although she had eaten very little. She'd declined his invitation to go somewhere more low-key and talk as they had left the restaurant.

She supposed it wasn't completely sincere to let him believe she was exhausted from her early morning call, but it certainly was convenient And she was mentally fatigued by the inner monologue she'd been listening to since her conversation earlier in the afternoon with Angela.

She had practically encouraged Maura to keep her date with Phillip. Almost as if she were resigning herself to the idea that Maura and her daughter were going to fall back into the roles that they had held before Jane's admission. It surprised her to find that Angela's acceptance of that perceived outcome made her defensive.

And she had brought up the idea of Jane dating … someone else. She'd even asked Maura to consider how she'd feel when that happened. She didn't like how she felt just thinking about it.

Yet, here she was, coming home from a date.

Jane had been right, that day in the elevator. Best friends couldn't wait to tell each other about who they were interested in, who they were dating. She hadn't wanted to tell Jane about her engagement that night because she hadn't wanted to hurt her. But if they agreed to try to be friends just like they'd been before …

Could she envision a time when she would rush to Jane's desk to tell her something about Phillip? Or some other suitor?

It made her slightly sick to her stomach to imagine Jane coming home from a date and calling her with the details. Shouldn't that tell her all that she needed to know?

Once again, Phillip had to bring her out of her reverie. They had pulled into a parking space on her street.

"We're here."

Maura wanted to stop him before he got out to accompany her, but she was moving and thinking in slow motion. He had already unbuckled his seat belt and was on his way around the car to open her door for her.

Her mind sped up rapidly as he helped her out and guided her up the walk, his hand pressed lightly at the small of her back. He was probably going to kiss her goodnight. And she didn't really want him to, did she? She fumbled for her key as the door loomed closer.

"I'm sorry I was such poor company tonight …"

Unlocking the door as smoothly as possible, she turned to lean against it.

Phillip was shaking his head, politely dismissing her apology. "I enjoyed every minute I spent with you." He smiled, and she was reminded again how attractive he was. "Next time, I'll be sure you haven't been bending over a dead body all morning before we go somewhere so stuffy …"

Without waiting for her to respond, he murmured, "Until then …"

When he kissed her she found herself strangely detached, as if she were barely involved at all. Her primary thought was that it was nice. Just like Phillip. Just like the entire evening had been. Nice. But nothing more.

It was obvious by his expression as he drew away that he could tell that she wasn't on the same page.

"Maura?"

He waited until their eyes met. "Is it something I said … or did? Or is it just me in general?"

There was genuine puzzlement in his question and his eyes, but no reproach. She felt terrible.

"No, Phillip … it's just …" She looked down as she searched for a way to say it. "If I were free, you would be exactly who I was looking for …"

Now he was even more confused. "Free?"

"When I met you, when you asked me out, I honestly thought that I wasn't … that there wasn't …"

"Someone else?"

"Yes." While it was a relief to say it, it also made her feel like a bitch. "I wasn't trying to use you, it wasn't like that … while I can certainly see how you would think …"

"Maura …" He looked disappointed but not angry. "I understand. I wish that things were different, but I appreciate you being so honest with me."

"I'm always honest."

That made him smile. "Then I'm even more disappointed that I won't be spending more time with you."

"I am sorry."

He reached for her hand and shook it, bringing his other hand around to clasp hers between. "It was a real pleasure meeting you, Dr. Isles."

With a slight bow, he released her hands and walked quickly toward his car.

Maura slumped against the door, her knees suddenly weak. She marveled at how much had occurred in the last 24 hours. And how all of her confusion seemed to evaporate over the last one.

Now she had approximately one week to find the courage to tell someone besides a near total stranger what her heart had decided.

And prepare to accept the consequences.

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the end part 16  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 17?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still fairly tame<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Though I try to hide it … it's clear …

_(Because of the long, long delay {so sorry!} it might be beneficial to re-read Chapter 16 again before picking up the threads here …)_

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As soon as she arrived, it was quite obvious to Jane that Melody had been mainly responsible for the selection of her second accommodations. Her subsequent environment could not have been more different than the one she had enjoyed before.

The place was some sort of high end yoga retreat. The entire focus was on peacefulness and calm. Everything was designed to create a healthy atmosphere, in the most private and secluded way possible.

There were very discreet testimonials at the check in counter touting the loyalty of several famous customers, including two vaunted literary figures who had written bestsellers while on the premises.

The staff members were nearly phantom-like in their presence and she briefly ached for the personal interference she had been subjected to from Gerard, Miguel, and Celia. Every time her mind wandered to them, she smiled.

It was just as well that this was so vastly different an experience. Nothing would compare to the hospitality and connection she had felt with her new friends. The décor was minimal and functional, but very comfortable in its own way. Besides, the climate and scenery were the real stars of the show.

She vowed to take every advantage the opportunity afforded her. She would show up for the group yoga classes, and maybe even eat in the low-key dining area, but she was going to keep mostly to herself. Not in the way she that she had at the start of her trip. Not at all. She had turned that corner.

This was going to be a week of running and rest and tanning … and preparing. The end of her stay would mark her return to the real world. She didn't want to waste a minute of this one.

Especially after everything she had learned so far.

She mouthed a silent "thank you" to Gerard once again … she'd lost count of the times she had done so since she'd spoken to him … and set out toward the beach. She wanted to get the lay of the land, soak up some of the salty fresh air, and plan her new routine.

She was going back to Boston stronger, fitter, and more centered than she'd ever been.

And damn if it didn't feel good.

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The first thing Maura noticed as she entered her house was the stillness. Complete quiet, save the very, very subdued hum from the refrigerator. She could almost hear her own pounding heart.

She was mildly disappointed to find that Angela was absent. Then she reminded herself that Angela was trying to be supportive of her choices and obviously wouldn't be waiting up for her after a date.

A date.

It had been at least that, she supposed. Phillip had picked her up, taken her dinner, paid for it, and brought her home. He'd even kissed her goodnight. But …

It hadn't felt like a date. Not emotionally or otherwise. She had been so distracted, so preoccupied. Despite the circumstances and setting, there had been no hint of romance, not even a slight pull toward something more meaningful than pleasant company and a nice meal.

In fact, her last two dates had been romantic failures. Void of anything remotely enticing. The first one had felt like a chore to be endured and tonight bordered on a mild betrayal.

Because she was in love with Jane.

The reality and clarity of that thought almost sent her reeling. She stifled what could have been a gasp … or even a hysterical giggle.

Finding her knees weak, she sank to the arm of the sofa in a daze. It had taken her two weeks to come to her eventual conclusion. And the next, lonely week stretched yawningly ahead.

Jane had known first. Had been so sure of it once they had kissed. Maura had witnessed her epiphany. Had been a huge part of it. Had felt it … the full force of it.

And she had run.

Not right away, of course. She'd been too frightened to move while Jane attempted to confess everything she was feeling … going through … on the spot.

She painfully absorbed the echo of what should have been some of the most beautiful and amazing words anyone had ever spoken to her. No, not just anyone … THE one.

"… _I'm IN love with you."_

With all of her being, Maura wanted that moment back.

Wanted to still share her fears but be firmly convinced by Jane's response and reassurances.

Wanted to have been able to say, "As long as we're together, everything will work out … I believe in us."

Wanted to erase all of the hurt her rejection had caused.

Wanted to have Jane in her arms right now so that she could start making it up to her.

She was overwhelmed.

Some genius she had turned out to be! She had never felt more dense or ignorant in her life.

Jane had been certain. Angela had been convinced. Evidently it was obvious to anyone without multiple degrees and a formal, solitary childhood.

She couldn't stop the smile that crept across her face.

She was in love with Jane Rizzoli.

The same Jane Rizzoli that had been right in front of her face – and tangled up in her life – the whole time.

It was agony not to be able to tell her. To throw herself into those wonderfully attractive, strong arms and make everything else go away.

Maura shivered as she remembered the intimate touch of Jane's fingers … the heavenly warmth of her lips …

Standing up, she groaned and shook her head. She was an idiot of the first order.

Yet, despite that fact, and all of her idiosyncrasies, someone as fierce and fantastic as Jane Rizzoli was in love with her.

Briefly, she contemplated going to Angela and insisting on knowing where Jane was. Just as quickly, she chided herself for the impulse. She had no right to that information, the way she had acted.

Jane had earned as much time as she needed … with each teardrop and flash of anger.

If Maura couldn't take the last two weeks back, she could certainly spend the next one getting her act together in anticipation of Jane's return.

Next, she weighed the temptation to run over to the guest house and announce her revelation to Angela. They had already shared so much, and she believed her news would make Mrs. Rizzoli deliriously happy.

However … deep in her heart, she knew that Jane should be the first to know.

That her first declaration of her feelings should be directly to the one she had wounded, the one she wanted. And that she had to be looking straight into those amazing dark eyes when she said everything she now accepted.

That her own eyes would say as much, or more, than her words could.

As she made her way through the darkened house to her bedroom, she whispered softly …

"Please come home to me … there is so much you need to know …"

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Angela was having an extremely hard time not calling Maura to ask about her date with Phillip.

If she wasn't mistaken, the car had pulled up to the main house rather early in the evening. That was probably a good sign. She hadn't gone to the window or listened at the door to see or hear what had happened, but Phillip's car had pulled away not too long after it had arrived.

So he hadn't gone inside with Maura.

Part of her tried to be objective … she shouldn't wish a bad dating experience on Maura if she were truly concerned with her happiness. But he wasn't the right one for her. Nobody was. Except for her daughter.

So much for objectivity.

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The next morning was Sunday and since they had both slept in, it was too late for breakfast by the time Angela was dressed and in Maura's kitchen.

If the previous evening had been a disaster, it was impossible to tell from Maura's demeanor. She seemed rested and in a sunny mood.

Angela was pleased that she suggested going out for brunch. That would mean a personal conversation at the table and a natural conversation starter was …

"So how did it go last night?"

She had hoped to be more tactful, but all of her pent up curiosity caused her to blurt out the most immediate question.

Maura smiled as she cut into her omelet.

"It was fine."

Trying to keep her expression neutral, Angela followed up.

"So he's as nice as you expected?"

Nodding as she finished her small bite, Maura answered.

"Phillip is a very nice man."

Mrs. Rizzoli could have sworn that Maura was toying with her. Trying to force her to blatantly probe for more information. As much as she wanted to surprise her companion by not going the expected route, her desire to find out how the evening in question impacted her dream of having the beautiful doctor as a daughter-in-law prevailed.

"So you'll be seeing more of him?"

This time Maura didn't hesitate.

"I don't think so."

Pleased, but unsatisfied, Angela took a sip of her mimosa to slow down the pace of her inquiry.

"Why is that? If he's your type and he's available and he's nice …"

Maura paused to wipe her mouth with the corner of her napkin.

"He's a wonderful person, no doubt about it. But there's no future there. I didn't feel that it would be right to let him presume otherwise."

"I see. So you told him this already?" Angela knew that Maura was exceptionally frank in her dealings with people.

"Yes, when he walked me to the door."

"Was he upset?" Angela was sure she would have noticed a raised voice.

"No. He was quite appreciative of my honesty."

They ate in silence for a while, only remarking about the food or responding to the server. When Angela just couldn't stand it any longer, she swallowed hard and picked up an earlier train of thought.

"So you don't see a future with him because ….?"

Covering the impulse to smirk with only a little effort, Maura tilted her head.

"Because I had no romantic feelings for him … during the date or after he kissed me."

Aha. There had been kissing.

But no feelings involved. There was hope for Janie yet.

"I see." Angela took another long sip of her drink to keep from smiling. "It seems like you're okay with that outcome."

"I am."

Maura's eyes were openly twinkling now. "After we finish here, would you like to go shopping?"

This time Angela grinned widely.

"I would love to, dear."

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The daily massages at "the new place," as Jane now referred to it, took place outdoors in the private, gated courtyard of her bungalow.

All she had to do was use the iPad provided in her room to schedule her appointment. Through the same process she could stipulate the type of massage and leave any special requests. It was the same way she ordered room service, or pre-ordered the meal she would have in the dining hall.

Almost every day, the attendant was a different staffer. Jane was nice and polite, but there was usually just the bare minimum of conversation. She admitted to herself that she and Celia had hardly chatted the afternoon away, but this was a different kind of silence. She embraced it now because there was no attachment involved.

Her base tan was such that she no longer had to worry about sunburn if she dozed for a while after she was alone. She could hear the ocean, feel the warmth of the afternoon, and let her mind wander … or completely shut down.

It was peaceful.

Something she rarely experienced and now unreservedly cherished.

And if she were being honest, it wasn't only because of the wonderland she currently inhabited. It was about accepting and owning her emotions, her identity … her worth.

She had always sneered at the whole idea of self-awareness seminars and programs. It was all of bunch of hooey in her estimation. She smirked as she wrote her own prescription …

Shock, followed by intense pain … a dose of humiliation, a pinch of rage, a brief but stunningly deep depression … ferocious and powerful maternal encouragement, an almost involuntary change of environment, exercise, key lime pie … and a an overwhelming helping of Gerard.

Anyone could do it.

Stretching on the raised, cushioned bench that doubled as a massage table, she flipped over on her back and watched the clouds drift along the spectacularly blue backdrop.

She was blessed. Her family was unwavering and devoted. She loved her job and her family there as well. She had an incredible and unique best friend.

Sure, she desperately wished that she could alter that last description. With all her heart.

Struggling, she sidetracked herself by playing around with words she might actually use if her wish came true … partner? No, that was Frost. Significant other? That was incredibly formal and slightly snooty. Girlfriend? Better, but some people used it just to indicate female friends. Lover?

Jesus. That made her stop breathing.

Swallowing hard, she concentrated on finishing her riddle.

Sweetheart? That made her smile, even if it was a bit corny. Soul mate? Absolutely. Wife? That one was almost too much for her to contemplate. Wistfully, she moved to sit up and stop daydreaming about the possibility.

She was going to be strong enough to handle whatever she encountered when she went back to Boston. She could be Maura's best friend. It was an honor and a privilege. She could explore her new confidence and outlook. She would enjoy everything that she DID have. And if Maura fell in love with her at some point, she'd be ecstatic.

But she wouldn't push or pine or pretend. She wouldn't even bring it up again. The ball was no longer in her court. In fact she was no longer even in the game. She was so over games.

She was the grand prize.

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Shopping would have normally been an all-day affair, but Maura had made an appointment that morning before Angela had arrived.

There was still plenty of time after brunch to browse a few of the stores that she enjoyed, and in the process, show some of her favorite places to Angela Rizzoli. It was fun getting her reaction to the things that piqued Maura's interest and captured her attention.

Usually when she was anxious or under undue stress, she spent money on extravagant, unique and utterly unnecessary things. Today she was looking for something extravagant, but in her estimation, exceptionally necessary.

It didn't occur to her that visiting a luxury lingerie shop with Jane's mother in tow would make her the least bit uneasy … until they were there.

At first Angela simply ooooh'd and ahhhhh'd over the décor, the atmosphere, and the selection. When it dawned on her that Maura was intent on a purchase, she sidled up next to the younger woman and whispered in her ear.

"Jane really likes purple."

Cutting her eyes and flashing what she hoped was a stern "warning" look, Maura continued her pursuit. After a brief moment of reveling in the M. E.'s discomfort … her face was certainly warmer than a moment before … Angela waved her hands as if to say, "Alright, alright, I'm going" as she moved to another part of the store.

Maura returned her concentration to the task at hand. She wanted something … or some things … special. She knew Jane wouldn't really care WHAT she was wearing when the moment arrived, but it mattered to her. She wanted to look and feel spectacular.

She had gotten so busy and her love life had gotten so stagnant that she rarely visited the boutique. Occasionally she ordered online, but in this instance, the touch and feel of the garment was going to be a major factor in her decision.

The choice was certainly going to be difficult. So much of the merchandise was exquisite. There was a set by La Perla, a dazzling shade somewhere between pewter and, she smirked … purple. She was also drawn to a particular offering from I.D. Sarrieri. The softest silk and fine lace in deep luxuriant jade.

She glanced up to make sure Angela was at a safe distance, afraid that the look on her face and spark in her eyes would give away the secret of where her mind was wandering. Mrs. Rizzoli, as if sensing her gaze, looked up and beamed at her. She held up a gorgeously appointed nightgown for Maura's approval. Nodding and quickly ducking her head again, Maura moved toward a different table.

The most striking combination caught her eye. Gliding her fingers over the bra almost left her breathless. It was white, but definitely not traditional, subtle, or in any way boring. The threadwork was divine. The lace, fabric and ribbon seemed to blend together flawlessly. Portions of each piece were revealing without being crude or gauche. It was an impeccable fusion of sophistication and sensuality. Smiling, she noted that the tag read "Carmen" by Roza. How apropos. The sexiest opera of all time. She had to have this set.

"HOLY SHIT!"

The unmistakable Rizzoli exclamation tore through her reverie. She rushed toward where Angela stood gaping and blinking.

"Are you okay? What happened?" She couldn't imagine what could have caused the sudden outburst.

Angela Rizzoli was practically sputtering.

"H-h-have you seen the prices on these things? I could buy groceries for a month with that!"

Putting her arm around the older woman and leading her toward a quieter corner, Maura spoke with exaggerated calm.

"People don't come here for looking for bargains, Angela. They are drawn to this place to treat themselves … to indulge." She gingerly removed the nightgown from Mrs. Rizzoli's grasp. "Is this your size?"

Still sounding like she was somewhat in a daze, Angela nodded. "But I could never spend that much on something so frivolous. I'm too practical."

"Then it's a good thing you have a friend who thinks it's practically mandatory for you to have something like this just because … just because you love it … just because it's unlike anything else you own … just because it makes you feel wonderful. You deserve it."

Maura draped the satiny item in question over her forearm.

"Honey, I can't let you do that … it's too much." Angela made move as if to take the gown back, but Maura was already out of reach, heading for the counter.

Glancing back over her shoulder, her eyes soft, she responded.

"Not compared to everything you've done for me this last week. Besides, you would hurt my feelings terribly if you refused my gift."

Unconsciously placing her hand over her heart, Angela followed her. Maura passed the gown over to one of the salespeople and murmured something to another who had been hovering closely since the disturbance. The two of them made their way back to the area where Maura had been browsing.

Briskly indicating the white combo she had selected, she didn't hesitate.

"I'll take these. You'll find the necessary size information on my customer card. Dr. Maura Isles."

As the young woman began to hurry away to fulfill her order, Maura impulsively grabbed her forearm.

"Wait …"

Virtually pulling the employee along behind her, she found the table with the possibly purple, possibly pewter La Perla lingerie set. "I'll take both of these as well."

Hastily making mental calculations for the measurements, she repeated them to the clerk before she could second guess herself.

And before she could get carried away picturing Jane wearing her spontaneous purchase.

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Maura had hoped to drop Mrs. Rizzoli at home before she proceeded to the next item on her agenda.

Then Angela had turned to her as they settled into the Prius with a simple ...

"Where are we off to next?"

Unable to lie, even to spare feelings, Maura had no choice.

"Before you came over, I made an appointment at my spa for this afternoon …"

When Angela's face lit up, Maura's heart sank.

Tentatively, she offered … "Would you like to join me?"

She could have sworn that Angela squealed as she clasped her hands together.

"I've wanted to have a "just us girls" day like this for the longest time! It's not something I could really ever share with Jane … I mean, she would try to act like she might not hate it if I really insisted she go, but … well, you know Jane."

Seeing Jane's mother so giddy made Maura melt a little.

"As soon as we get there, I'll check to see if they can fit you in."

"Of course, honey. If they can't I'll just come back later and pick you up." Even though her words said that it would be fine if she couldn't be included, her eyes said otherwise.

Maura approached the reception desk with Angela shadowing her uncertainly. The doctor surmised that the opulence of the interior waiting area was a tad intimidating to her. Reaching back to clasp the older woman's hand, she gave a reassuring squeeze.

"I'd like to treat my friend this afternoon, but she doesn't have an appointment. Do you have anyone available?" Signing in, Maura handed her credit card across the counter.

With the subtlest glance at the register and the card, the well-dressed young man demurred. "For you Dr. Isles, I'm sure that can be arranged."

Looking up and smiling professionally at them both, he inquired, "Will your friend be having anything special done today?"

Before Maura could suggest any options, Angela whispered loudly to her. "I don't want anything too expensive."

Patting Maura's arm, she turned to the attendant and volunteered. "Just put me down for whatever Dr. Isles is having done."

"NO!"

Mortified, yet adamant, Maura shook her head. Seeing the looks on both of the faces staring at her, she tried to get her wits about her and clarify. How was she going to explain?

"Uh … Angela … it's just … I don't think …" Closing her eyes briefly and then motioning for Mrs. Rizzoli to step a few more feet away from the desk, she lowered her voice. "It's not something that you would enjoy … I mean … this is not that kind of spa day …"

Seeing that Angela was still deeply perplexed, and afraid that she would loudly pursue more information, Maura gave up. With a pained expression, she leaned even closer and murmured. "What I'm having done today is extremely… um … personal." Her face was flaming.

"Okay." There was a pause.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh - kayyyy."

Angela pivoted away and slapped her hands together lightly. Addressing the young man this time, she raised one finger.

"I'll just have a facial and a manicure. Want to keep all my clothes on."

"Yes ma'am. Of course. I'll get that set up for you right away." In a flash he was gone.

Maura resisted the urge to flee or cover her beet red face with both hands. Taking a deep breath, she nervously met Angela's eyes. They were burning with curiosity.

The older woman glanced around to make sure that they were completely alone.

"How much are you going to …"

"Angela!"

She wanted to disappear. If this were purely a medical discussion, she'd have no problem with the details. But this was Jane's mother. And they were discussing how she was preparing to … She shook her head.

"Boundaries. We have to have some. Starting right now."

"I understand."

Now Mrs. Rizzoli's eyes were twinkling the same way hers had been at brunch earlier.

Like Jane always said, payback could be a bitch.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gazing at the ebb and flow of the waves, Jane was lost in thought. Well, not completely lost. Maybe just wandering around a bit.

Earlier in the day she had found herself thoroughly transported by her yoga class. After it was over, she marveled that she had always given Maura such a hard time about going. Hell, about participating once she was there.

She would apologize for that at some point. As much a she hated being wrong, she hated people who could never admit that they were wrong more.

A wide grin split her face as she imagined Vince Korsak going through the intricate yoga moves each and every day of the vacation he could have enjoyed if the thing with Melody worked out. It was so not like him to agree to something so far out of his comfort zone.

But it _was_ entirely like him to adjust to circumstances because of how he felt about others. He had been in love with Melody at one time, so he would have been willing to endure even the rituals and restrictions of this place to be with her. To make her happy.

She flashed back to why she had always, albeit reluctantly, agreed to go along with Maura on so many outings that either bored her to death or made her feel like she was raised by wolves. She had just wanted to be there ... in the same space. In her orbit.

In light of everything she had discovered about herself recently, she also conceded that all of her snarky comments, her complaining and teasing when she did accompany her best friend to such events or activities, were crude and basic forms of flirting. Clumsy and awkward, sure. Just like young boys who pulled little girls' hair and practically tortured them to get their attention.

She loved to see Maura flustered or so geekily defensive. It was super endearing and put a crack in the invincible armor of her intellect. So many of the times she had resisted, Maura had pleaded and cajoled … completely flattering Jane's ego that her company was truly appreciated, that she really, really wanted her there.

How long had she intuitively been romanticizing their relationship?

It would be impossible to know. This whole week of contemplating small and large details of her life, she'd been unable to find that moment … that one crystalizing incident or touch or look.

In hindsight, it felt like she'd always been in love with Maura.

Retrospectively, she could pinpoint a few instances when her feelings were particularly strong. Anything involving Hoyt … and the darkness he wrought. Those occasions seemed to sharpen her emotions toward the one she had come to rely on for anything positive or substantial. The one she felt she couldn't do without.

Laughing out loud, she remembered her reaction to Maura's undercover work at the lesbian bar. How could she not have known THEN?

All in all, it hardly mattered. Everything up until now had led to this conclusion. To where she was and how she felt.

Considering how she had emerged from the latest ordeal, she would be hard pressed to say that she would have changed anything. Done anything differently.

Except …

She would have found some way to keep kissing Maura that night. Before the truth and the reality and the pain set in.

Just a few minutes more … she'd have lost herself for just a few minutes more.

Smiling thoughtfully as the ocean breeze picked up, she started back inside.

She'd just have to treasure the memory she did have of momentary utopia.

And what a fine fucking memory it was.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

For the next few days, Maura was a medical examining machine.

She felt like the previous week had been a blur and she wanted to make sure she hadn't missed anything important. Once she had thoroughly inspected her own work, she looked through the other cases that had passed through her office during the same time frame.

When she exhausted that avenue, she worked with several officers on cold cases that had viable forensic evidence to process. She offered consultation with outside agencies and in general, made sure she was caught up in all aspects of her job.

It was late Wednesday night when she received the next probable homicide case notification.

She had been just about ready to turn in for the evening, but changing quickly, she made it to the scene in less than 15 minutes. Korsak and Frost met her at her car. Once again, it was achingly obvious that Jane was gone.

The victim was a young woman. Every indication pointed to the likelihood that she was a prostitute. Maura would not let conjecture or circumstances skew her examination. The evidence would tell her, and subsequently the detectives, the truth about what she found

Around two in the morning, Frost came by the lab to let her know that they were calling it a night. He suggested that she do the same and get a fresh start the next morning. Since it appeared as if they didn't need immediate answers to further the investigation, Maura agreed.

Her "patients" would almost always be in the same condition that she left them in when she returned.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thursday morning, when she brought her findings in report form up to the bullpen, she walked in on a small gathering.

Cavanaugh, Korsak and Frost were standing around Korsak's desk with huge smiles on their faces. Cavanaugh was holding something in his hand. All three of them glanced up as she approached.

Tapping the folder she carried against her palm, she raised an eyebrow.

"Who gets this first, gentlemen?"

Korsak reached for the folder at the same time he seemed to be snatching back whatever Cavanaugh had been looking at.

"Whoa!"

Cavanaugh gave him what Jane always called a "WTF?" look and steadied him slightly as Korsak lost his balance.

Frost teased. "Something in your morning coffee today, big guy?"

Red faced and caught red-handed, Korsak tried to gather himself.

"May I see what you were all enjoying so much?"

With a tiny tilt of her head, Maura indicated the smaller object in Vince Korsak's grasp.

Nervously, he laughed. "You showed me yours so now I have to show you mine?"

This time Cavanaugh cleared his throat loudly and out of the corner of her eye, Maura saw Barry make his own face as he blurted out, "Ewwwwww!"

Really flustered now, Korsak thrust the item toward Maura with a contrite apology.

"Sorry, Dr. Isles. Of course. Here."

It was a postcard.

Since it had been handed to her picture side up, she took in the desolate landscape of limestone formations in the background with the bright yellow superimposed wording that read "Greetings from Hell." Now she knew why Korsak had been so rattled. It was from Jane.

Flipping it over rather nonchalantly, Maura recognized the familiar script of Jane's handwriting.

"_Hello losers!"_

She could hear Jane's voice as she followed the lines.

"_Color me shocked to get here and find out that Hell is NOT located inside our building. (Don't tell Cavanaugh I said that.) Hope you are taking care of business and not letting my absence keep you from catching all the bad guys. Don't touch my desk and clean up after yourselves. Oh, and Korsak, make sure Frankie doesn't kill my dog._

_I'm off to have another margarita and walk on the beach. Jealous?_

_Later,_

_Rizzoli"_

Maura couldn't help smiling either, although it wavered a bit when her eyes scanned the portion of the postcard with the address. _"To my guys, Frost and Korsak."_

She knew that she shouldn't feel so left out. It's not like Jane had included anyone else, either. Slowly she handed the card to Frost.

"It sounds like she's having a great time."

Frost snorted. "I should hope so! It's not every day you win a trip like that. She'd better be enjoying the hell out of it." He smirked. "Did you catch what I did right there? The HELL out of it?"

Cavanaugh rolled his eyes and walked toward the hallway. As an afterthought, he barked over his shoulder, "You mutts get back to work!"

Almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he spun around and sheepishly met Maura's eyes.

"Not you, Dr. Isles. I wasn't … that didn't include you."

Holding up both hands, she waved off his discomfort. "I knew what you meant."

When they were sure he was a good distance out of earshot, all three of them burst into laughter.

Maura was inordinately relieved. Things were getting back to normal.

Jane's guys were still her guys too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That evening, as she rushed in to start fixing the salad she had promised Angela for dinner, the postcard was all but forgotten.

Until she saw it again.

As she slid the mail onto the counter, it fanned out over the surface. There in the middle, she recognized part of the same landscape photo, portions of the same yellow words.

She froze. She wanted nothing more than to snatch it up and read it … but what if it was only addressed to Angela? She didn't want the hurt to show on her face when she told Jane's mother about its arrival. Instead, she flew to the door and yanked it open, calling out to Mrs. Rizzoli as if there were a fire in the kitchen.

Without waiting for her to appear, Maura dashed back to where the mail taunted her. Carefully she removed all of the other pieces, leaving the postcard alone and highly visible. Seconds later, Angela rushed in, her hair up in a towel turban and her clothes slightly askew.

"What?! What's wrong? I was just stepping out of the shower … Maura!? What's happened?"

Feeling slightly guilty that she had alarmed Mrs. Rizzoli over a piece of paper, Maura pointed to where it was located on the counter. Her voice barely above a whisper, she managed, "It's from Jane."

It took a few moments for Angela to put the brakes on where her mind had been racing and shift gears in the direction necessary to absorb what Maura was trying to tell her. She joined Maura in the kitchen and almost immediately, they were on the same page.

"How do you know, have you read it?"

There was no accusation in her tone, at all, but Maura reacted at first as if there might have been.

"No! It's probably for you … and I didn't want to before you did … and … anyway, she sent one just like it to the station."

Angela stared down at the photo and its message.

"What in the world?"

"It's a place in the Cayman Islands. Grand Cayman to be exact. A very popular tourist attraction. They do a brisk business selling and stamping postcards there. It's a play on the phrase, "postcards from hell" that is believed in some circles to have ties to the missives from Jack the Ripper ..."

She trailed off as Angela picked up the card and turned it over. Heads together, both of them read silently.

"_Hi Ma! Hi Maura!"_

Maura hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until she exhaled in relief.

"_I guess Sister Mary Immaculata was right, Ma. I did end up here after all. Ha! Everything is gorgeous (except this place.) Have met some great people. Can't wait to tell you all about it. Please make sure Jo Friday is getting enough exercise and food. Oh, and tell Frankie and Tommy 'Hi.'_

_Miss you both,_

_Jane"_

Heedless of Angela's proximity, Maura brushed her finger lovingly over the signature. As she did so, she was aware of Angela's arm around her shoulders, hugging her close.

"She seems good."

"Mmm hmm."

Maura felt the warmth of Mrs. Rizzoli's kiss at her temple as her hand ruffled the back of her hair before Angela released her and relinquished her hold on the postcard.

"I can't believe she'll be here in two days!"

Maura continued to gaze at Jane's words _"Miss you both."_ Oh, how something so simple warmed her heart!

Two days. She only had to miss Jane for two more days.

After that, she never wanted to be separated from her again.

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the end part 17  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 18?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still fairly tame<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: When I had you there … but then I let you go …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

By Saturday, it was difficult to tell who was more anxious.

Angela had been buying groceries for two days.

Every dish she considered making for Jane's homecoming was discarded and then reconsidered again.

She was torn between having everyone over for dinner to welcome her daughter home, or keeping them all away until Sunday so that Jane would have more of chance to rest and re-acclimate.

Selfishly, she wanted to have her all to herself, but she knew that others had missed her as well.

Of course Maura would be there.

As much as she was looking forward to the girls reuniting, there was a small part of her that wished she could shield Jane from it for a short time. Remember the trembling woman she had held so close at the airport two weeks ago, she prayed that enough healing had occurred in the meantime to make the reunion a happy one.

She suspected that Maura was going to be bursting with the news that she had changed her mind. That she did want a relationship … a romantic one. Even though the M.E. had refused to admit it outright, there was no mistaking the hints, the teasing, and the total transformation Angela had witnessed.

With all of her heart, she hoped that the time would be right, that everything would line up just so. If either of them touched the wrong nerve or said the wrong thing, it could lead to more torment and more tears.

She would be there to wipe them away. She would be there regardless.

But she so wanted a happy ending.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura was beside herself.

She had been so busy on Friday that she barely had time to think, but once she had cleared all of those obstacles, she could do nothing BUT think.

She was making herself crazy. Well, not technically or clinically crazy. The more appropriate descriptor would probably be, in the vernacular, that she was very close to "freaking out."

And she was. Periodically she would have a wave of such intense anxiety that she had to cycle through every known calming method she possessed.

She was fascinated and appalled to find her palms sweating. She also found herself fiddling with things unnecessarily and rearranging objects that were already perfectly positioned.

It was all she could do to stay offline and suppress her compulsion to order random contrivances and expensive shoes.

She had actually showered twice. If that had ever happened before in such a short time span it would have been due to coming into contact with a substance that dictated it … or an event that required it. But she hadn't fallen into anything or been accidently doused, sprayed, or otherwise contaminated. She just decided to take a second shower because she didn't seem to know what else to do to take her mind off of Jane's return.

It was all she longed for all week, but now that it was imminent … she was nervous. And thrilled. And worried. And elated. And on the verge of blacking out.

Outwardly, she could find no real flaw. Her hair, her makeup, her nails … she was as close to satisfied with them as she was going to get. She'd agonized over what to wear to the point that she'd had to summon Angela just to pick something out for her. She hadn't wanted to look like she was on her way out to a soiree or, conversely, like she didn't care at all that Jane was there. Angela assured her that she just looked like "her usual, beautiful self."

Intellectually, she knew that there was no current reason for her obscenely high stress level. After all, Jane was supposed to call from the airport and let Angela know to come pick her up. Maura would have plenty of time to … well … freak out … and prepare once the call came.

Until then, she just needed to pull herself together. And practice what she was going to say.

Or not.

Maybe it should just spontaneous and from the heart. Maybe she wouldn't even need words.

Dear God, how was she going to get through the next few hours?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The expanse of time she had been dreading turned into a far more extended period than either of them had expected.

And they were both getting concerned.

Of course, they were unaware of any actual anticipated time of arrival. Without even discussing it or otherwise having any base evidence, each had assumed an early evening notification. Since they had no way of knowing exactly where Jane was in the Caribbean, it didn't make sense for them to try to look up flights and guess which one might be hers.

Although, with nothing else to do, Maura was perilously close to giving it a try.

When her gnocchi was done, and the bread was prepared and ready to pop in the over, Angela started to pace. As the time stretched on, she pondered whether or not to contact Vince and see if he could calm her fears by giving her more information about Jane's itinerary.

Frankie had called twice. Tommy had texted. She had promised to let them both know when their big sister had touched down, but she also made them promise in return not to drop by and bother her. They would all be getting together the next day for a big lunch. Jane needed a chance to breathe before everybody pounced on her with questions and updates. She and Maura would be enough of a welcoming committee.

Looking at the clock for the millionth time, Maura's nerves couldn't take it any longer.

"There must be someone in the department who could obtain and scan all of the fight manifests … and just let us know whether or not she boarded a plane today …"

As much as she wanted to encourage the thought, Angela tried to maintain her calm demeanor.

"It might come to that, but for right now, let's just try to be patient. We don't know if she's even late … or how late she is … and you know how furious she would be if we involved someone she worked with just to be nosy."

"But Angela! It's after ten o'clock!"

"I know, sweetie. I'm worried too. But let's give it a while longer."

Neither of them looked like they wanted to just stand pat… with passive acceptance, doing nothing … but there seemed to be few other options that didn't include sounding an alarm. Privately, Angela had finally decided to go into another room soon and call Vince. He would understand her state of mind and not be judgmental about her request. But she hated to leave Maura alone even that long. She seemed to be coming apart.

"I know … why don't we have another glass of wine while we wait?"

Maura had already had two earlier, albeit only one in Angela's presence, but she had to do something or she was going to snap.

She forced a cheerful look and started to stand.

"Okay …"

Before she could get up, she felt Angela run her hand lightly over the back of her hair and pat her shoulder.

"I can get it, dear. You try and relax."

Watching her walk toward the kitchen, Maura exhaled deeply. This was torture. What if something had happened to Jane before she ever had a chance to tell her … to apologize …

The thought was too terrible to continue. And it was silly. For all they knew, Jane's flight could be on schedule to arrive at midnight.

Looking up, she met Angela's eyes as she returned with the bottle and they shared an honest exchange of emotions. A mixture of anxiety, hope, reassurance and warmth. As Angela poured a generous amount of the deep red liquid into Maura's glass, she spoke softly.

"She's okay. I can just feel it."

Concentrating on that certainty, they didn't say anything else until they were settled comfortably on the sofa, absently sipping and trying not to count the minutes.

Maura was the one to break the prolonged silence.

"Angela … thank you. So much. For including me now, for being there for me this whole time …"

A bit overwhelmed, Mrs. Rizzoli started to wave off the sentiment … but before she could begin, the sound of the door opening interrupted her. For a moment she was paralyzed with fear. Was someone coming to give them bad news? News so devastating that it had to be delivered in person? Just as quickly she dismissed the thought. Willed it away. It was probably one of the boys ignoring her instructions, as usual.

Neither Angela or Maura had had a chance to move when they heard a distinctive, and very familiar, drawl - followed by a loud thump.

"What's a weary traveler gotta do around here to get some help with her bags?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"JANE!"

Angela was off the couch like she'd been shot out of a cannon. A virtual blur as she raced toward the sound of her daughter's voice.

Maura remained frozen. Her brain could not yet quite process the immense relief and stark awareness that Jane was about to appear. She rose from the sofa in a modified slow motion, her heart mimicking the pace as it drifted up to her throat.

And then, there she was.

The image was brief, almost instantaneously obstructed by Mrs. Rizzoli hurtling into the younger woman's arms, but it was enough for Maura to be astounded by it. To have it burned into her brain and ricocheting through her nervous system.

Jane was inordinately lovely. Literally stunning. As she absorbed the tearful reunion in front of her, Maura marveled at the way the deep tan enhanced the already flawless skin. The finely toned muscles in Jane's arms flexing as they hugged her mother tightly, almost desperately. The cascade of her coal black hair that Mrs. Rizzoli couldn't stop touching. Despite the emotion of the exchange, Jane seemed to be glowing, humming with energy.

Angela pulled back and instantly framed Jane's face with her hands.

"You were supposed to call me! We were starting to think …"

"I'm sorry, Ma … we had to make an emergency landing in Charlotte … something about a light that wouldn't go off … and it took forever … ended up with them having to find a new plane."

She clasped her mother's shoulders.

"By the time we hit Logan, I figured I'd just grab a cab and spare you the drive this time of night." She smiled brightly. "You don't like your surprise?"

Caressing Jane's cheeks almost reverently, Angela was hoarse when she replied.

"I love it. I love you." She grabbed Jane tightly once more, clinging to her for another long minute. "I missed you so much."

Maura could hear Jane's muffled response as she submitted to the restrictive embrace.

"Missed you too, Ma."

Then suddenly, without warning, her attention turned toward where Maura hovered timidly a few feet away. The full affect was breathtaking.

With a slow, affectionate smile spreading across her gorgeous face, she closed the space between them in two strides. Maura couldn't move. She was spellbound.

In all of her mental run-throughs of this moment, one of her options had included pulling Jane in for an extended, passionate kiss. Showing her in the most direct and intimate way possible that her position had changed. Right now, faced with the possibility, she was too helpless to take that course. Jane's eyes had her mesmerized.

She was unceremoniously enveloped by a fierce hug. Automatically she threw her arms around the woman holding her. Clutching her tightly wherever she could. Despite traveling hundreds of miles on various airplanes and passing through at least three airports, Jane's hair still somehow managed to smell like the seashore. She felt amazing. The warmth that surrounded Maura seemed to pass right through her.

She was home.

Jane was rocking her slightly, stroking her hair. Maura felt her breath bathe her ear before she heard her murmur softly.

"I'm so, so sorry. Everything I said … I missed you something awful."

That was the tipping point. The floodgates opened. Maura buried her face further into Jane's neck and sobbed freely.

"Hey … hey. It's okay. Shhh. It's all good. We're good. Shhh."

Inwardly cursing her inability to form a reply, Maura rubbed her hand repeatedly between Jane's shoulder blades and sniffed loudly. She was dimly aware that Jane's lips were pressing into the hair near her temple, and that sensation came close to triggering a full blown collapse. Instead, she forced herself to draw back and raise her head, swallowing hard and trying to recover the power of speech.

Eventually, after what seemed like ages, she was able to choke out a broken, "I … m-missed you … too," which brought on the most dazzlingly smile she'd ever seen from the face she loved so much.

Gently wiping Maura's eyes with her thumbs, Jane ducked down slightly to catch her gaze once more.

"We're good?"

Blinking, Maura nodded. Before she could find her voice again … express more of what she was feeling …

"Friends?"

Jane was looking at her so expectantly. Without thinking, she nodded in reply, eliciting a replay of the brilliant smile that had so thoroughly enthralled her seconds earlier.

Immediately, she was pulled into another close embrace, a full body clinch that made her want to stay there forever. She could feel Jane smiling against her cheek and her heart threatened to dissipate with happiness.

Then, what Jane had just asked her started to sink in. Penetrate through the fog of euphoria that being held in her arms had generated.

She needed to clarify or correct the assumption. She couldn't let that be where they left this. Not after so much trauma and pain. While she scrambling to put her thoughts in order, Jane declared firmly … in a low voice meant only for Maura to hear …

"Best friends, always. No matter what."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Angela watched her two girls interact with tears clouding her vision.

She hadn't realized how deeply distressed she had been by their separation. She'd been more focused on making sure each of them felt safe and valued and healthy enough to make sound decisions. Now that they were right in front of her, hugging like they'd never let go, she felt the full burden of what it might have been like if the rift between them had continued.

Swiping her eyes, she also took notice, for the first time, of what Jane was wearing. The top she had on was thin and sleeveless. The brightly colored pants were barely capris length … and for God's sake! She had on sandals!

"Jane, you've got to be freezing! What were you thinking, wearing that in this weather?!"

Laughing, Jane released Maura and rotated toward her mother once more.

"I was wondering when you'd notice. Of course I was freezing ..." Taking another step to the side, she executed a classic "ta da!" maneuver. "But I wanted to make sure my first impression showed off my killer new tan."

Continuing before Mrs. Rizzoli could stop shaking her head and reprimand her again, she added, "I took my jacket off outside the door before I came in."

"You're crazy. And you're beautiful."

"And you're just saying that because you're my mother."

They both turned at the sound of Maura clearing her throat.

"No … Jane. She's right."

Quirking her eyebrow up, Jane teased. "That I'm crazy? Or that I'm beautiful?"

Trying to hide the ghost of a smirk that threatened her response, Maura offered, "You're crazy beautiful."

Jane beamed like a kid who had just ridden a bike for the first time.

"I'll take it."

Something else clicked in Angela's mind.

"Oh my gosh, you must be so hungry!"

Jane touched her stomach lightly with her palm. "I could eat. If it's something quick. As much as I'd love to catch you guys up on everything, I'm really beat. Think it might be a good idea to turn in early, save the stories until morning."

Angela saw Maura's attempt to mask her disappointment and hurried to answer.

"I made gnocchi. I'll heat you up a bowl … do you want garlic bread? It'll take a few minutes …"

"No, Ma … just the gnocchi would be great." She looked at Maura. "Would it be okay if I crashed with Ma, tonight? In the guest house?"

"Of course! You know you never have to ask me that." Briskly, she strode into the kitchen and took the bowl from Angela's hands. "Let me do this while you help Jane with her things." She shooed Mrs. Rizzoli away from the pasta. "Jane, do you want parmesan cheese on top? I can grate some …"

Jane smiled across the counter. "That would be nice. Thanks."

She hugged her mother fondly as she joined her near the entranceway. "You're amazing. You know that, right?"

Touching Jane's cheek again, making sure that she was real, loving her so much, Angela breathed, "Baby, you can't imagine how happy I am to have you back."

Chuckling, Jane squeezed her tight and started to guide her toward the door. "Oh, I think I can imagine a little … It must be getting old just having Frankie and Tommy to pick on."

She was only mildly startled when Angela swatted her bottom.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had taken a quick shower as soon as her luggage was deposited in her mother's room.

She was so very proud of herself.

She had not experienced an ounce of dread leading up to her arrival at Maura's home. She felt confident and secure and ready to make whatever amends she needed to make.

The two weeks she'd spent away had been transformative and extraordinarily productive. She could do this. She could face any reaction she might receive.

What surprised her the most was the wave of emotion she felt when she saw her mother. It was almost like the time she'd gotten lost in the park as a child and didn't think she'd ever see Angela again. She realized as she held on tightly that she had missed her mother more than she could have conceived.

Perhaps it was due to the fact that she was constantly wishing she could share how much Gerard was doing for her … her growing attachment to virtual strangers. That she was constantly thinking about how relieved her mother would be to know she had recovered so well and was dealing with her issues like an adult.

And because through all of their constant bickering, she hadn't realized how much of a friend her mother had become now that she was out and on her own.

Then there was that thing about no matter how screwed up you were or how far away you'd been, your mother would always, always love you.

It was a combination of all of those reasons, and it was wonderful to acknowledge and absorb.

Her heart had nearly stopped when she'd looked at Maura.

Standing hesitantly in the background, waiting to be noticed or addressed. Not wanting to interrupt or interfere. She was so in love with that woman! The ubersmart, accomplished, world renowned scientist and doctor – fidgeting like a child about to face some punishment. And Jesus! So incredibly gorgeous! Jane needed to calm her anxiety, dismiss all her fears. Damn, she just needed to touch her.

As she'd drawn closer to Maura, the totality of her feelings crystalized into one thought. She would do whatever she had to do to keep this person happy. To keep this person in her life, in any capacity. And it would be enough.

She only faltered slightly when she held Maura in her arms. Felt her body pressed warmly against her own. It took all of her willpower to restrain a more intimate greeting, to keep from crossing the line that had gotten her so heartbreakingly in trouble before.

Then Maura had started to cry.

Every instinct in Jane's being merged. Focused strictly on how to make things right, put a stop to any further anguish or distress.

The words flowed soothingly from her lips. It was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. If it was the last thing Jane did, she would make sure Maura felt safe. Make sure Maura would trust her again.

The only kiss she was going to offer was a comforting one against Maura's temple. The surge of protectiveness only increased as her normally verbose companion struggled to speak. Jane didn't need to hear anything. The look on Maura's face showed her that all was forgiven.

It was such a blessing to dry those strikingly expressive eyes, to have this woman regard her without reproach or caution.

The relief that overwhelmed her when Maura agreed that they could be friends once again was nearly incapacitating. She hadn't damaged them beyond repair. She hadn't ruined everything by overstepping the boundaries and then pouring salt in the wounds. Nothing was broken.

She might have stayed like that forever, rocking Maura in her arms, reveling in the moment, if her mother hadn't noticed her outfit.

Chuckling, she recalled the decision she had made to keep her 'beachwear' on the whole trip. She'd known Angela would react the way she had, but she also wanted to be sure that when they saw her, it would be evident in more ways than one that she had taken full advantage of her time away.

But she wasn't stupid. She'd kept the jacket she'd worn out of Boston on from the time they landed in Charlotte until she was about to open Maura's door. Her feet had been cold, but it was worth it. Stretching her toes, she grinned at the bright red polish she'd chosen at her final pedicure.

She had rocked her grand entrance. The new Jane Rizzoli was ready to roll.

Check that. The true Jane Rizzoli was ready to roll.

Smiling she reflected back to something Miguel had said to her. Something she hoped she'd always remember …

"_Jane … you should never, ever feel uneasy about how beautiful you are. It's just a fact. One made even more special because you don't really seem to know it. You don't have to change, just … accept it. Own it a little."_

Closing her eyes, she whispered out loud, "Don't worry, bartender. I got this."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Angela returned to the kitchen to get Jane's late night dinner, she found Maura standing motionless at the counter, staring at the cheese she had just grated onto the pasta.

"Honey … are you okay?"

Maura's head snapped up, and just as quickly, she gave the impression of her usual self.

"Oh, yes. Angela." She brushed her hands together. "I think the turmoil from earlier is finally catching up to me. It's turned into a really long day. Jane's settling in all right?"

Not entirely convinced by the younger woman's 180, Angela decided to let it go.

"She's in the shower. I thought I'd come get the food so you don't have to deliver it."

Nodding, Maura started to wrap up the wedge of parmesan and put away the grater. "She certainly does look wonderful. I think the trip really agreed with her."

Mrs. Rizzoli was watching her landlord closely. Something was still a bit off. A bit too formal.

"Maura, I'm sure you two will have plenty to talk about tomorrow. I realize tonight was kind of rushed, but I think it went well, don't you?"

Her expression wavering ever so slightly, Maura met Angela's eyes.

"I'm just so glad to have her back. That she's home safely. And that… she … we're … okay." She grabbed a cloth and began wiping the counter.

"That's right. You're both okay. What's past is past … everything from here on is what you make of it." Angela came around the counter and took Maura's hand, squeezing it softly. "And sweetie, you have all the time in the world." She leaned in to give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek.

Exhaling deeply, Maura appeared to relax, the tension slowly leaving her body.

"You're right. Where we go from here is up to us. It's just ..." She gripped Angela's hand tightly. "It's absolutely true what they say about realizing what you have once it's gone. I can't believe I never knew how much I needed her."

"Oh honey. That's human nature. Remember when we talked about you being human?" Angela teased gently.

Smiling in spite of herself, Maura let go of her hand.

"You better take this. We don't want it getting cold."

Angela picked up the tray, giving Maura a stern look.

"You get some rest, dear. It's going to be a big day tomorrow."

As she headed toward the door, she called out happily...

"A great day for me, because both of my girls are here!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was vigorously toweling her hair when her mother came in.

"Jesus that smells good."

"It would have been better with the garlic bread, but that can't be helped."

Placing the tray over her daughter's lap, Angela moved behind her onto the bed.

"Here, let me do that. You eat."

Jane didn't argue. She dug in, moaning her approval as soon as she took the first bite.

"God, Ma … you make the best gnocchi in the whole universe."

"Yeah, yeah. You're hungry enough to eat the frozen kind."

Rolling her eyes, Jane continued to enjoy her food, talking with her mouth full.

"How's Maura?"

Angela rubbed the ends of Jane's hair through the towel over and over.

"She's fine, sweetheart. A little drained from earlier, but good."

"I didn't mean to worry you guys, I swear! But I didn't have my phone …"

Angela shook her head.

"We're not blaming you, honey. We're both just so glad you're here. Speaking of your phone, remind me to give it to you once you finish."

She finished working on Jane's hair and watched approvingly as her first born devoured her dinner.

"Do you want me to … oh, wait … never mind."

Jane turned her head and raised her eyebrow.

"What? Do I want you to what?"

Angela sighed.

"I was going to offer to braid your hair … but I remembered that you told me that night on the phone, when you were … plastered … that you hated me doing that."

"Ma! I don't … I mean, when I said that … yes, I was drunk … and what I was saying was that I hated how hard you pulled it when you braided it when I was little. That's all. You can braid it now if you want. I'd like that. Really."

Without answering, Angela started separating the long strands of hair with her fingers, gradually falling into a pattern, rhythmically crossing and entwining them. It was almost hypnotic and Jane realized how sleepy she was becoming. She placed the fork into the empty bowl and moved the tray off to the side, giving in to the sensations her mother was creating.

"This is going to sound funny, coming from me, but … part of the time I was there, I wished you were with me, Ma."

She could hear Angela swallow as her fingers missed a beat.

"I understand honey. But you needed that time away from all of us."

"I know, but there was so much I wanted to share … about the progress I was making and the way I was treated. I didn't want you to be worried the whole time. And I wanted to introduce the amazing people I met to you. You'd have loved them. And they'd have loved you."

Kissing the crown of Jane's head as she secured the end of the braid, Angela squeezed her daughter's shoulders.

"You can share them with me now … or tomorrow … or whenever a memory strikes you. But I can tell what they meant to you by your tone. And how well you did by how together you are, how strong you are … and by how comfortable you feel talking to me this way."

She crawled off the side of the bed and lifted the tray.

"And by the fact that you wanted to stay with me tonight. You don't know how happy that makes me, baby."

Grinning, Jane lifted her chin.

"Yes I do. Hate to break it to ya, Ma, but you've always been an open book."

Backing up, Angela smirked, "True, but before all of this happened … you were like a locked library … that never had any open hours."

Before she headed out the bedroom door towards the small kitchen, she turned serious.

"I really like having the keys. Don't take 'em back for good, okay?

"Not a chance. Unless you abuse the privilege …"

Her mother halted in her tracks and Jane was afraid she'd struck a nerve. She was puzzled when Angela set the tray down on the dresser and opened one of the drawers.

"You let me forget!"

She tossed a cell phone onto the bed and swept out of the room with the tray.

Laughing, Jane crept forward to retrieve it.

As she pressed the button to turn it on, she was hit by how little she'd missed it. Especially considering how inseparable she was from it before she left.

She had nine messages.

The first one was from Maura.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane checked the date and time stamp on the message again. It had been sent late at night, a few days after she had left.

It was eerie how closely the words echoed her first ones to Maura as she'd hugged her tonight.

"_I'm so, so sorry. For everything. I miss you."_

What would have happened if she had taken her phone with her? If she had seen this message so soon into her 'vacation'?

She would have answered. That much was certain. More than likely she would have called. They would have had a conversation about what had been said, may possibly even have smoothed things over.

Maura might even have asked her to come back, so that they could properly discuss all of the issues between them in person. Putting herself back into the frame of mind she'd been in, she couldn't be sure she would have … or could have …refused.

But … something Gerard had said flashed through her thoughts. If Maura had gone in that direction, would she have done so because felt pressured into her request because of Jane's abrupt absence? Would she have been motivated by guilt and not by a true intention to solve their problems?

Before her time with Gerard and Miguel, she might not have even thought to question. She might have missed exposing herself to their influence all together if she'd been in steady contact with her loved ones.

The invaluable lessons she'd learned were only made possible because she WAS cut off from her 'real life' back in Boston. Because she'd been forced to face herself without distraction.

Her mother had been right to ask for the cell phone. She had no regrets, save for the fact that Maura might have assumed that she'd ignored the sentiment.

She'd bring it up when they talked again.

Moving on to the next message, she opened an adorable picture of Jo, curled up on Frankie's bed. Just seeing the low res image made her grin. And miss the little ragamuffin like crazy. Her brother was kind of sweet, if she had to admit it herself. Most of the rest of the messages were from him featuring Jo Friday. Her favorite was one of the little dog sitting up with a treat balanced on her nose. Frankie was spending some serious time with her.

There was one text from Frost that started, _"Guess who this is from?" _followed immediately by, she assumed, a quote:

"_Hurry back, Vanilla! It don't feel safe on the streets here without you."_

Damn. She even missed Rondo.

The time away had been her salvation, but she was glad to be home. The rest of her life started tomorrow and she was more than ready for it.

Geez, Rizzoli. You sound like you're part of a Lifetime movie.

As she leaned to place the cell on the nightstand, she couldn't stop herself from thinking that she kind of wished she was.

Those always ended well.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

the end part 18  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 19?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still fairly tame<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: You can't make your heart feel something it won't …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Jane was able to make it out of the guesthouse without disturbing her mother.

It was only after she'd closed the door behind her that she realized that she wouldn't be able to just waltz into the main house. Rubbing her bare arms to warm herself, she started back inside. What a doofus she was for forgetting that it wasn't the middle of the day - when she could come and go like she was used to at Maura's house.

The door would be locked first thing in the morning. She paused. It'd better be locked. Turning around suddenly, she decided to be sure. She'd lost count of the times she'd asked Maura to get a security system, to take more precautions with her safety. She was far too trusting even after everything she'd seen and been involved with. Besides, it had been late enough the night before when she arrived unannounced for the door to have been bolted, yet she had just burst in.

Holding her breath, she tried the knob. Locked. Exhaling and feeling a little foolish, she smiled. Good girl, Maura.

Of course if it hadn't been locked she wouldn't be standing outside in her sleep clothes, barefooted, feeling stupid. She was reaching for her mother's front door when she heard the one behind her open, causing her to redirect her attention.

A very tousled looking Maura Isles was reaching for the paper on her doorstep.

Of course her hair was the only element that betrayed her usual style. The almost too tiny expensive nightgown and matching silky robe were photo shoot ready. She was co-ordinated right down to her slippers.

Usually seeing the chief medical examiner in a slightly disheveled state would make Jane think she was adorable. But the way her hair was mussed, combined with the way the nightie clung to her in all the right places … she was knee-weakeningly sexy.

The moment Jane's mouth went completely dry was also the moment that Maura noticed her standing there, staring.

"Jane?"

Maura's eyebrows were raised as she straightened up, holding the Sunday paper in front of her.

Blinking slowly and then swallowing, Jane knew her voice was going to be remarkably husky.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Tilting her head quizzically, Maura persisted.

"You're outside."

"Yeah."

"Did you need something? Is Angela okay?"

"No." Jane finally moved. Shook her head. "I mean, she's fine. I was just …"

"Coming over here?"

"I was going to see if you had any … I don't need any …"

Jane was pointing to the door that Maura had one arm behind as she stood half in and half out of her home.

"Coffee?"

Nodding vigorously now, Jane tried to explain.

"Yes. I was going to make some, but the door was locked … Thank God. It should be locked."

"Well come in! I was just going to have a cup."

"No … um, I don't need it. Thanks. Haven't really been drinking so much … when I was down there … should cut back anyway." She noticed that Maura was starting to shiver. "Go back inside, read your paper… get warm." Now pointing toward the door she had her hand on, gripping the knob tightly, she continued. "I need to get back before Ma notices. I'm sure she has some juice or something."

She yanked the door open, retreating from Maura's baffled and beautifully expressive gaze.

"I'll be over later …"

It was only after she was leaning safely against the inside of the door, arms crossed in front of her, that she realized her toes were freezing. Curling them and practically skipping back toward the warmth of the bedroom, she muttered under her breath.

"Note to self. Avoid Maura in her goddamn smokin' hot jammies if you're going to pull this thing off."

Slipping carefully back into her side of the bed and huddling under the covers, she tried to keep her mind from wandering down the path it so desperately wanted to take.

"Puppies and kittens. Puppies and kittens. Puppies and kittens …"

Rolling over and punching her pillow, she focused on her mother's sleeping form.

That should do it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Jane hadn't realized that she had dozed off again until she heard her mother moving around the room.

Rubbing her hand roughly over her face, she rolled over onto her back.

"Morning, Ma."

"Oh sweetheart, I didn't want to wake you …"

Jane stretched and enjoyed a wide yawn. Sitting up, she noticed some of her clothes on the end of the bed.

"S'okay … What are you doing?"

"I was just going to find your dirty clothes and run them through the wash … so you wouldn't have to do them when you got home."

Jane wasn't nearly as exasperated as she normally would be under the same circumstances.

"I don't really have that many. The resort had a laundry pick up every day." Folding her arms over the tops of her knees, Jane suddenly remembered, "Hey! There are presents in there!"

Angela grinned. "And bottles of booze."

"Ma! I wanted yours to be a surprise. But the booze is for Korsak."

Pretending to be disappointed, Angela dropped a garment onto the bed.

"Do I get the t-shirt?"

Smiling, Jane shook her head. "That's mine."

Her mother reached for something else and held it up. It was the daring outfit she had worn her last night with Miguel … she tried not to think of it as the night she had danced …and ... whatever … with Ivan.

"So … tell me about this one. I presume it's yours since it's in with your things …"

Jane surprised herself by blushing, which was not about to get past her mother.

"Jane …" Angela dropped the material and sat sideways on the bed. "You wore this!"

Ducking her head for a few seconds, Jane made a quick decision. "I did. And I looked damn good in it." Patting the spot next to her where Angela had slept, she indicated that she wanted her to move closer. "Come up here. It's time to catch you up on my time away."

As Angela eagerly complied, Jane realized that she wasn't nervous or hesitant. Sure, she was going to leave out some explicit and embarrassing details, but she was looking forward to sharing her experiences and revelations with her mother.

Angela's reaction to her confession about Maura, the love and support she showed immediately, had broken through a wall … a shield Jane thought she would carry forever.

Now she wanted to erase it completely.

She wanted her mother to know she was okay. That she wasn't damaged. That she was going to embrace the changes in her life.

And impishly, she wanted to see her mom's face when she started talking about Ivan.

"So, I was amazed when I got there at how incredible the place was … and that was before I had even met Gerard …" She grabbed both of Angela's hands and squeezed. "Oh my gosh I can't wait to tell you all about him …"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura had gotten back into bed with her freshly brewed coffee, the Sunday edition of the paper, and a tantalizing mental picture of Jane's nipples pressed against the flimsy tank she was wearing outside in the chilly morning air.

If she'd only been able to convince her to come in …

No, it was probably for the best that she hadn't. Things might have gotten … deliciously intimate … after she told Jane about how she felt, what she wanted. Then they would have had the whole Rizzoli family descend upon them.

Maura needed a great deal of uninterrupted time to have that conversation. To be able to reveal everything in its natural order, the progression of her feelings and her delayed realization … She needed to be able to express herself with no deadline or time constraint or threat of interruption.

Ideally, she would also be wearing the very special lingerie that she'd purchased just for the occasion.

She really had to concentrate on the first three articles she tried to read to make sure she was comprehending the words. Her mind was wandering both due to her inability to stop seeing Jane in various stages of undress and because she had slept very little the night before.

The tossing and turning she attributed to the intense emotion of Jane's homecoming. The almost incapacitating anxiety followed by the rush of relief and vulnerability she experienced had left her exhausted but not relaxed or sleepy.

She had hardly eaten all day and that, topped off by several glasses of wine, meant that she was rather queasy in the night. Despite her fog of fatigue, she'd gotten up and eaten some of the bread that hadn't been prepped with butter and garlic, along with a few pieces of cheese.

As she sipped her coffee and returned to the front page, she smiled as she had a flash of Jane as she'd looked on the doorstep. Her hair had been braided. Maura was sure that Angela had done it and that made her smile even bigger. Then, somewhat reluctantly, she forced the thought of unbraiding it and running her fingers through it from her imagination.

Taking a large gulp of warm special blend, she shook her head slightly. As someone who hated to be uniformed she really wanted to read the newspaper. But as someone who had just recently discovered that she was in love with her unbelievably sexy best friend – who had kissed her like her life depended on it – she wanted to follow her fantasies and desires wherever they might lead her.

Maybe if she just gave into the latter, got it out of the way, she'd be able to focus on the news.

She'd have the rest of the day to catch up on current events. She was only going to be alone in her house for so long.

Tossing the paper toward the foot of the bed, she carefully placed her cup and saucer on the nightstand.

If she closed her eyes, she could practically picture how she would have helped Jane get warm if they had ended up on the same side of her door …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Angela had listened to Jane describe her vacation and the people who had supported her there with interest. She'd also watched her daughter's face and eyes as she spoke, so open and expressive and excited to be sharing her experiences.

Her heart swelled with every passing moment. She was so full of love and thankfulness that she'd thought she'd burst.

First and foremost, she could tell that Jane had really changed since she'd been away. Not in a fundamental way – she was still the same person Angela had taken to the airport – but it was obvious that she had gained quite a bit of confidence and peace about who she was and the course she was on.

She laughed so freely and frequently as she relived some of her stories that Angela couldn't help but join in. She was so fascinated by what Jane was saying and the way she said it that she barely interrupted to ask questions.

All the worry and trepidation she'd felt when she let Jane go at Logan seemed ancient now. Her daughter was radiant and strong. Even when she spoke of the reason she had gone away, it was in a matter of fact way and not self-defeating or regretful.

It struck her that Vince Korsak would never know how much he had given Jane. Partly because Jane might not even realize it herself, but mostly because Angela couldn't think of a way to express her gratitude in kind. It was too overwhelming. She would never be able to describe or explain the invaluable assistance he had provided simply because he loved her daughter. She would never forget it.

And these people, these total strangers, who countless miles from those who really knew her, took Jane under their wings and took care of her. Not because it was part of their role in serving another customer. Not because they felt obligated. But because they were drawn to her. Because they saw in her the same heart and spirit that her family had always accepted. Angela wouldn't be able to thank them enough either for their role in coaxing Jane out and helping her find her way.

Both of them had teared up when Jane related Gerard's message and the promise he'd requested. Angela could see that he had profoundly touched the woman sitting cross-legged in front of her. She had no trouble at all believing that he was indeed magic.

Jane blushed and chose her words carefully the whole time she talked about Ivan - pronounced E-vonn - and her confusing initial attraction to him. Angela had to bite her tongue when Jane got to the part about going back to his room, but as she listened and realized how hysterical the situation really had gotten, she started to giggle. Jane could barely finish telling her about how she'd left him yelling and stumbling around because she was giggling uncontrollably as well.

At that point, she'd slapped her hand across her mouth and gasped, "I can't believe I just told my mother that!" To which Angela had responded, "Your mother is a woman, too" causing Jane to make a face.

When they'd finally gotten the laughter under control and she'd finished the rest of the story about her trip, Jane had asked about Maura.

Angela tried to be as honest as she could without breaking Maura's confidence. She relayed the first few days of Jane's absence in broad strokes, leaving out the pitiful cries she'd heard in the night and the fact that she'd slept with her landlord out of concern and compassion.

She didn't feel right saying anything about Phillip, or the spa trip, or anything else specific. Primarily, she just wanted to convey that she had been there for Maura, making sure nothing got too out of hand.

Seeing the furrow of Jane's brow, she'd reached out to clasp her daughter's forearm, assuring her that Maura had recovered from the argument they'd had, that she had talked to Angela about many things, and that she was okay.

Before Jane could ask any more questions, Angela had held her chin and kissed her nose and cheeks. The last thing she'd said before she scooted off the bed to get ready to prepare lunch was that Jane and Maura had lots of things they needed to talk about – together – and that's how Angela would prefer for her to get her information.

Just as she was about to make her exit, Jane's hand curled around her wrist, stopping her. Her daughter's face was very serious as she spoke. Her eyes unguarded and warm.

"Thank you, Ma. I love you."

Angela couldn't remember when she'd had a better morning.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxx

Maura had fallen into such a deep and peaceful sleep that she didn't know that Angela Rizzoli was in her room until the older woman touched her cheek softly.

Even then, her voice sounded far away.

"Maura, honey … "

Groggy, she opened her eyes and tried to focus them.

"I hate to wake you sweetheart, but the boys are on their way and Jane and I have started lunch …"

At the mention of Jane's name, Maura was wide awake, suddenly remembering why she had been able to drop off so soundly. Mortified, she bolted up and glanced down … she was completely covered by her nightgown and the covers. Waves of relief washed over her.

"It's okay … no need to panic …" Angela was smiling. "You have plenty of time to get ready before we eat. I know you don't do it very often, but it's wonderful that you slept in."

Nodding and trying to regain her equilibrium, Maura ran her hand through her hair.

"But I was going to help you …"

Mrs. Rizzoli waved her off.

"It's practically done. Jane's making a salad. You just join us when you're finished." She started to leave but turned back. "Maura … she's okay. And you two have a lot to talk about. I almost hate that the whole family is going to be in your way!"

Laughing quietly at the last comment, Maura quickly countered.

"No! I love being with your family. Jane and I will find time to have our talk. "

"I know, I know … and I wish you'd think of us as your family too."

Maura returned the affectionate gaze.

"I'm starting to, Angela. Honestly I am."

Mrs. Rizzoli's face lit up.

"That's my girl!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

When Maura finally joined the Rizzoli's, it was obvious that Tommy had just arrived.

She paused in the doorway to take in the scene. Jane was holding Jo Friday with one arm, cradling the pup so that her head was just under Jane's chin. It seemed like Frankie was giving his little brother grief about showing up late. Angela was in the kitchen but keeping a keen eye on her children.

Tommy's grin was as charming as ever as he tried to hug his sister around the small animal she wouldn't let go of.

"Damn, you look awesome!"

"Tommy! Language!

Frankie leaned around his siblings to answer his mother. "'Damn' doesn't count, Ma!" Turning back to his brother, he added, "She just needed to get some sun."

Holding Jane at arm's length, Tommy waggled his eyebrows. "Maybe she just needed to get some."

Jane punched his upper arm in a flash. Frankie leaned back as if he'd been the one taking a shot.

"Hey, oh … that's my sister you're talking about!"

"She's my sister too, douchebag."

"Then act like it and stop being such a tool."

"BOYS!"

Jane got in one more pop on Tommy's shoulder before she escaped to the kitchen.

Still hidden somewhat in the shadows, Maura couldn't stop smiling. Jane was home and the family was back together.

"Jane! Don't bring the dog in here! We have food out everywhere!"

Frankie's head swiveled in his mother's direction. "But she can bring her to the table, right Ma? She's always doing that."

"No she cannot! You know better, Frankie."

"But you told Sgt Korsak that it was okay for him to hold Jo while we were eating dinner … you said that Jane did it all the time."

Frankie was clearly goading his mother now. And she was flustered.

"Hush. I was just being polite and you know it."

Jane was puzzled but definitely interested in the conversation.

"Korsak was here eating dinner?"

"Yeah, Ma invited him over one Friday night while you were gone."

"Ma?"

"It was no big deal, Janie. I had a new recipe … he had mentioned that he liked Italian food, so I invited him. It was a nice evening."

"Korsak likes any kind of food."

"Frankie!" Turning back to Jane, Angela scolded. "That dog cannot come into the kitchen while we're making lunch."

Jane turned and handed Jo to Frankie, who immediately started talking to Jo like she was a baby.

"Who wants to show Uncle Tommy all the tricks we learned? Who's the smartest little girl?"

Fascinated, both Rizzoli women watched him walk back into the living room. Then they burst out laughing.

"You might have to fight him to get her back."

"I'm just glad he took such good care of her."

Jane washed her hands and joined her mother at the counter. Deciding that this was a perfect time to make her entrance, Maura stepped from the hallway.

Just as she was entering the kitchen, she heard Angela say slightly under her breath, "You know a great way to get back at Tommy for that screwy comment is to tell him about your night with Yvonne."

Shocked, Jane smacked her with the dish towel. "Ma! I only told you that because I trusted you never to mention it again!" Still, she couldn't help giggling.

Maura stopped short. Yvonne? Almost instantly, she felt like she was breaking out in an internal rash. Everything under her skin seemed prickly and hot. And she thought she might be sick.

Now she knew what true jealousy felt like.

"Hey!" Jane stopped what she was doing and leaned her hand on the counter. "Ma said you had slept in."

Still reeling from her new discovery, Maura nodded.

"Hey Maura!" Tommy looked up from where Jo was playing dead and yelled a greeting.

Somehow she managed to wave in his direction.

Without looking up from her work, Angela tilted her head toward the area to her left. "Maura, honey, if you could go ahead and put ice in those glasses, I think we might be ready."

Jane stepped closer.

"Are you okay?" Placing her hand gently on Maura's forearm, she continued. "The only time I've known you to go back to bed after you're up is when you aren't feeling well."

Completely discombobulated and irrationally irritable due to what she had just overheard, Maura stiffly shrugged and moved to get the ice. "I was just catching up on some rest I must have needed."

"Ok." Jane was visibly still concerned.

"Boys … go wash your hands!"

Grumbling good-naturedly, Frankie and Tommy stood up. Holding Jo to his chest, Frankie spoke to Maura.

"I'm gonna go put her in the courtyard with Bass, if that's okay …"

Forcing a small smile in return, Maura nodded. "Of course."

She could feel Jane's eyes on her, but she kept concentrating on the task at hand. As Tommy squeezed past to wash up, and she was surrounded with banter and teasing conversation, she couldn't stop picturing Jane with this other woman … this Yvonne.

Was she blonde? Brunette? Gorgeous in a bikini? Cursing the direction her thoughts were taking, she took a deep breath and counted to ten. She'd only gotten to four when she was interrupted by the memory of kissing Phillip on her doorstep.

Damn. Suddenly she could feel the cold of the ice she was holding as it seeped into her hands, chilling her completely.

Why had she expected Jane to keep to herself while she was away? Maura certainly hadn't. A little voice quarreled with her rationale. Jane was the one who professed her love … wouldn't that mean she shouldn't be able to jump into someone else's arms so quickly? Another voice countered. Jane had been harshly rejected. That's exactly what some people do to get past it.

Suddenly Jane's voice was near her ear.

"Are you sure you're alright? You can skip this if you need to …"

Dropping ice into the last glass, Maura wiped her hands.

"No, I'm fine. And I'm hungry. I'll meet you at the table."

She was lying through her teeth and she'd probably pay for it, noticeably. But she needed time to get a grip on her emotions and relax the knot in her stomach.

And she desperately wanted to recapture the warmth she'd felt watching the Rizzoli's from doorway.

She just needed to clear her mind. Focus on the present. Jane was here now.

Looking beautiful. Now that her hair was down, the waves from the braid were tantalizingly lovely. Her tan only made her look more like a Greek goddess. And the way her eyes danced along with her smile, when her brothers amused her … she was indescribably attractive.

Combine all of that with an island setting, swimsuits and sunsets … no one would be immune. She would have had multiple opportunities to prove Maura's rejection wasn't about her own appeal.

Yvonne seemed to be the lucky beneficiary of such a situation. And as much as it hurt her to realize, it was a situation for which she was entirely responsible.

Blinking back tears as Tommy held her chair out for her, she tamped down on her powerful regret.

What was done was done. She had to put it behind her and work on making it right.

After taking a drink of water and settling herself, she met Jane's watchful eyes across the table.

This time her smile was genuine. Raising her glass she encouraged the rest to follow.

"To having Jane back …"

Jane countered, "To being home …"

As each of them toasted to their own version, Maura silently replaced the word 'having' with the word 'getting.'

It was all that mattered now.

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Jane had kept tabs on Maura all afternoon. If something had been wrong with her or if something had been bothering her, by the time lunch was over all indications had disappeared.

She seemed to relax as she ate, quietly participating in conversation and laughing in all the right places as Jane and her brothers fell back into their teasing routine without missing a beat.

Korsak's name had come up again and Jane had taken the opportunity to ask why he hadn't been invited to lunch. Since he was eating with them regularly now, apparently.

She'd been intrigued and somewhat grossed out by her mother's faint blush and lowered eyelids.

"I was going to invite Vince … and Barry … but they were working on a case … and they both knew that if they came by, you'd have to hear all about it. They didn't want your day to be about work. Vince said that you weren't on the clock until tomorrow, so you might as well enjoy one more day away from him."

Her mother made a face as if the last comment was the silliest thing in the world. Jane shot Frankie a "WTF?" look as soon as Angela had said "Vince" instead of "Sgt. Korsak." He'd simply shrugged.

Then Maura caught both of their eyes and made a stern "leave it alone" face. Jane clammed up, chastened. She'd wanted to come right out and say " is Korsak going to be my stepdad?" in her normal "'as if" way … but almost like she had sensed such an outburst, Maura headed her off at the pass.

And Jane let her. She raised her eyebrow and mouthed "you KNOW something" in the M.E.'s direction. Cutting her eyes at Angela, Maura mouthed back "not NOW" …

Then Tommy had called them both out.

"Do you two have something you want to share with the rest of the class?"

Immediately they turned on him.

"Shut up, Tommy" from Jane drowned out the simultaneous, and quieter, "Mind your own business" from Maura.

Grinning widely, he seemed pleased with himself.

"Looks like I touched a nerve, eh bro?"

Frankie just looked disgusted. Hurling a dinner roll Tommy's way, he glared at his little brother.

"Grow up."

They were all startled by both of Angela's hands slamming onto the table with great force.

"HEY! We're having a nice time here! Behave yourselves!"

Poised to return fire, Tommy instead sank back down into his seat.

His "sorry, Ma" was followed by two more of the same and one "sorry, Angela."

It was silent for a long minute before the laughter started. Jane tried to keep it in, but then she saw Maura and Frankie similarly struggling. That was it. Angela shook her head and joined them.

Standing up with her plate, she moved around the table until she had kissed each of them on the top of the head.

"Who wants dessert?"

Tommy was out of his seat in a heartbeat. "Let me help ya with that, Ma."

Wiping his mouth with his napkin, Frankie rose as well. "I'm gonna go check on Jo."

Left alone at the table, Maura and Jane shared an amused smile.

Sighing happily, Jane ran her hand through her hair. "I missed all of this. All of them."

Maura nodded. "It wasn't the same without you." Impulsively, she leaned forward and squeezed Jane's other hand as it lay next to her plate. "None of us are."

It was a moment Jane would play and replay over and over again in her mind that night. She wasn't sure how long it had lasted because she seemed to be reacting in slow motion.

Her eyes were glued to Maura's fingers, wrapped around her own. She could feel the touch of them all the way to her heart. For a second she wished it meant something. Did it mean something? The question must have been evident on her face – hardly a surprise given how transparent her feelings usually were – because when she raised her eyes, Maura's lips looked as if they might try to answer.

"Now THAT'S what I call tiramisu!" Tommy placed the large glass trifle bowl in the center of the table, causing both women to pull their hands back.

Winking broadly at Jane, he called back into the kitchen.

"I thought you only made this on special occasions, Ma …"

Angela emerged carrying dessert plates and clean forks.

"You're absolutely right, Tommy. And this is one of the most special that I can remember."

Her baby brother leaned down to wrap both of his arms around Jane's shoulders from behind. Bringing his face alongside hers, he kissed her temple and muttered. "Welcome home, Janie. You know I love you."

Moved, Jane patted his hands where they crossed in front of her. "I know."

Straightening up and leaning slightly on her shoulders, Tommy got one last dig in.

"And I especially love that you went away so that Ma would make her tiramisu to welcome you back."

Jane could only shake her head as he scooted away from her grasp.

After all of the dishes had been washed and put away, and everyone was comfortable in the living room, Jane remembered the gifts.

When she returned from the guesthouse, she'd brought all of her things with her. She knew that it was time to get back to her apartment, to get prepared for things to go back to the way that had before. No, for the routine to go back to the way it was before. Her goal was to make sure she approached everything in a different way.

The presents had gone over well. Her brothers made the requisite jokes about their island girl shot glasses and wondered where the alcohol was to fill them up. Again she announced that all of the liquor was for Korsak. Her mother had loved the bracelet.

And Maura held the earrings like they were made of the finest metal in the world. Even though they were no more personal that her gift to her mother, Jane was flushed with warmth by the look on Maura's face as she put them on. She'd gotten this one right.

She made Maura hold out her hand and close her eyes for the turtle paperweight. The doctor had never looked more like an excited little girl than when she uncurled her fingers and saw the stone creature. She even squealed.

"I love him! He's so cute!" Holding her palm up higher so that she could examine the turtle from all angles she breathlessly continued. "I'm going to name him Alexander, after Alexander Strauch. He was an important Russian herpetologist who made invaluable contributions to the world's knowledge of reptiles and amphibians."

Typically enchanted by this side of Maura, Jane teasingly responded. "Okayyyy … You know that thing's not alive, right?"

"Of course! But that doesn't mean I can't give him a name."

Still smiling, Jane had thrown her hands up. "Suit yourself."

"Seriously, thank you, Jane."

"You're all very welcome. And thank you … all of you … for making my homecoming extra special."

She awkwardly clapped her hands together. "And with that, I think I'm going to ask Frankie to give me a lift to my apartment. I want to get settled and get ready to go back to work tomorrow."

Frankie was already nodding. "Can I keep Jo one more night? I didn't bring any of her stuff with me."

"Sure. No problem. But you ARE giving her back to me."

Angela hugged her tightly, whispering once again how much having her home meant. Then she hustled away to get the leftovers she'd packed for Jane to take with her.

Tommy threw his arms wide and asked, "Why didn't you ask me for a ride, huh?"

As she'd hugged him affectionately, she ruffled his hair and answered, "I've had about enough of you for one day."

On his way toward the door with her dog, Frankie kissed Angela's cheek and called over his shoulder to Jane that he was taking her bags to the car.

And then it was time for her to leave.

Lightly touching Maura on her upper arm, she murmured. "See you tomorrow, okay?"

"I don't get a hug?"

Jane had taken one look at the mock pout and almost blurted out, "you can have anything you want." Instead, she'd gotten hold of herself and slipped her arms around the smaller woman.

"The clock's about to strike midnight, I suppose."

Maura pulled back with a quizzical expression on her face.

"You know, when everything goes back to normal."

"Oh … yes. I suppose it is."

As she released Maura, careful to keep things friendly, it was Jane's turn to pretend to pout.

"I guess I'll have to put away the bikini's and beach wear …"

Her mother put a large stack of containers into her arms and kissed her once more on the cheek.

"Maybe you can wear some of your outfits around here when it gets warmer."

"I think those are strictly for vacations, Ma."

Not willing to give up, Angela offered, "Or you might find a reason to give a mini-fashion show …"

Jane rolled her eyes and quirked an eyebrow at Maura. "See if you can do something with her."

Backing toward the door, she took a last look at her two favorite women in the whole world.

"Goodnight … next time you see me, I'll be Detective Jane Rizzoli again."

As Frankie opened the door for her and she followed him toward the car, she was committed to the phase of her life that would start the next morning.

It would be tough to embrace some of the things she'd been shown about herself while she was with Miguel and Gerard, but she was determined to do so.

She was proud of who she was. Now she just had to act like it.

And ... she had to act like her heart didn't stop or skip a beat every time she saw Maura.

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the end part 19  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 20?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Still fairly tame<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: I want to be the one to walk in the sun …

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Jane wasn't exactly sure why she hadn't told Maura that she was going jogging Monday morning.

Or why she hadn't brought up how much she had grown to love it. Perhaps it was because it had become such a part of her "recovery." A sort of therapeutic conditioning routine that helped set her mind for the rest of the day. The repetitive sounds of the soles of her feet hitting stride as she ran echoed encouragement.

Live life. Be strong. Don't settle. Be you.

Right as she was pounding down the most secluded turn of the path, she heard something else: A real voice.

"Hello?! Help me! Somebody …"

Jane quickened her already aerobic pace, burst around the curve just where the hill sloped down, and in the process, nearly stumbled over a young woman half-sprawled, half-sitting in her way.

Even though the woman would have had to have heard her coming, she was startled by the fact that Jane had arrived so swiftly. Reflexively she raised her arms to protect her face.

Skidding to a stop and letting her momentum carry her sideways, Jane knelt down and tried to control her breathing. As soon as she was able, she placed her hand on the woman's shoulder and asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

Moving her hands immediately to her left leg, the blonde, in obvious pain, gasped.

"It's my ankle. And I think it's bad."

Jane glanced down and confirmed that suspicion.

"Okay … we're gonna … what's your name?"

"Julie."

"Okay Julie … I'm going to try to stabilize it, but it's going to hurt like crazy."

She scrambled to find relatively straight sticks that might work as splints. Over her shoulder, she called back. "Go ahead and take the laces out of your right shoe."

Jane bit her lip as she rejoined the other jogger and assessed the situation once again. She didn't want to make it worse, but she also needed to get this woman to a doctor as soon as possible.

"How long ago did it happen?"

Blinking rapidly, Julie tried to focus. "I'm not sure …"

"Did you black out?"

Julie shook her ponytail slightly. "No. Almost ... when I tried to stand up."

"Ok … it's good that you didn't remove your shoe. I'm going to adjust it just a bit … and it's going to hurt. A lot. So brace yourself …"

Before she even finished her sentence Jane had straightened the ankle. She watched Julie's face go even more ashen and held on tight as she jumped with surprise.

"You … s s s ... said … to b b brace myself!"

"Yeah, that doesn't really work. It's much better when you don't know it's coming."

Still grasping the injured foot, she pulled Julie's other shoe off and peeled the sock free. Working quickly, she wound the sock as tightly as she could around the ankle just above the shoe.

As much to distract her patient as to keep herself calm, Jane muttered, "If you're going to go out jogging by yourself on these trails, you should really bring a cell phone."

Defensively, the other woman drew herself up slightly and pointed to her right. Jane eyes cut in that direction. Several yards away, scattered pieces of plastic and debris were the obvious remains of an electronic device.

"Sorry."

She heard Julie draw in her breath sharply and felt her flinch as she slid the sticks into the sides of her left shoe. Resting the foot on her own leg, she hesitated for a moment and then raised her arms to strip off her shirt. Wringing it into a smaller piece of fabric, she wrapped it carefully around the ankle and under the sole of the shoe. When she felt it was secured as much as possible, she took the shoelace that Julie had removed from her right shoe and criss-crossed it up and around to tie the shirt in place. For good measure, she took her own ponytail down and used the band to add to the pressure.

"Can you wiggle your toes?"

There was another swift intake of breath as Julie made the attempt.

"Uh … yeah …"

When she glanced up, Julie was staring at her chest, an almost amused expression on her face. Raising her eyebrow she challenged the gaze.

"What?!"

"You're not just some free-lance MacGyver-style heroine running around rescuing damsels in distress … it's your job."

Looking down sharply, Jane realized that when she had removed her shirt, the pouch with her badge had swung free of her sports bra. Flushing slightly, she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, it's a living." She couldn't believe she was practically blushing. "And what's with that word "damsel"? I've always hated it."

"It's derived from the French "_demoiselle_," meaning "young lady." And to be honest, I'm pretty sure I don't still qualify. It can be traced back to the songs and tales of Medieval knights and appears as a frequent theme in European fairy tales and other works, for instance Chaucer's …"

Julie trailed off when she realized that Jane was staring at her.

"Oh my god … I just went total nerd on you! Your question was rhetorical and I'm such a geek …"

Smiling at her, Jane patted her leg.

"No, really. I'm used to it."

In reality, she had been knocked off balance by the very Maura-like response. Her initial impression had been that Julie was a student. The Boston Cambridge University t-shirt and the way her hair was pulled back were misleading clues. But sitting closer to her and really seeing her for the first time, it was clear that she was around Jane's age, maybe slightly younger.

"I don't know if it's the shock and pain of the sprain, or that a stunningly attractive stranger wearing a sports bra and shorts is holding my foot in her lap, but I promise that I don't usually babble like an idiot. I'm normally a reserved, highly respectable professor of literature."

Jane was really blushing now. Clearing her throat, she replied, "So that I'm no longer a stranger …" Holding her hand out, she shook Julie's warmly. "Detective Jane Rizzoli. And we really need to get you out of here."

Easing Julie's injured foot a little higher on her leg to keep it elevated, she reached into the pouch that displayed her badge and took out her cell. Using her best guess of where on the jogging path they were actually located, she called and requested EMT's. There was no way she could carry Julie out by herself and they were far enough away from the center of the park to make it difficult to get back on foot without causing further trauma to the ankle.

"A bus?"

Jane smiled again. "That's just cop talk for an ambulance. Much faster than a real bus. They should be here soon. Do you have anyone you need to call?" She extended the cell toward the blonde.

Shaking her head, Julie declined. "I'm a visiting professor and haven't really gotten that close to very many people here in Boston. My roommate is teaching a class right now and I don't want to disturb her if I don't have to."

Nodding, Jane punched the number for the precinct. After asking the desk sergeant to inform Korsak and Cavanaugh that she would be late and was sidetracked by a medical emergency, she sat back and evaluated Julie's color. She didn't seem as pale.

"How are you doin?"

Julie took a deep breath. "The pain is almost bearable if I don't move it."

"Good. Why don't you lie back and try to relax until the paramedics get here. I've got your leg."

Folding her arms behind her head, Julie reclined on the grass.

"I haven't seen you around here … and I've been jogging here every morning. I'd remember you, I'm sure."

"When did you start?"

"Maybe two weeks ago …"

"Well that explains it. I've been on vacation. Just got back this weekend. This is the first morning I've been out here since."

"I wondered if you were naturally that tan."

"Nope. Courtesy of the Caribbean."

"Damn!"

"That upsets you?" Jane was entertained.

"Of course not … it's just … you just got back and will be running here every day … and …" Julie grunted in frustration. "Clearly, I'm going to be out of commission for a while."

Chuckling, Jane agreed. "Yeah, you'll be off of this for at least two weeks, if not longer."

Julie brought one arm up and laid it across her eyes. At the same time she started giggling.

"Are you hysterical? Because if I were you, I wouldn't think that was funny at all."

Keeping her hand over her face, Julie explained.

"Okay, since I've pretty much embarrassed myself completely at this point …" She sighed and turned her head slightly away. "… if you hadn't been on vacation and I had seen you out jogging this route … after a few days …"

"Yeah?"

"I would have basically stalked you. Probably would have tried to arrange a way to 'accidently' run into you …"

She paused as the obvious nature of their current position hung in the air.

Jane snickered. "Okay … now I'm embarrassed. But … mission accomplished."

Turning back and reaching out her hand for Jane's, Julie formally introduced herself.

"Dr. Julie Bennett, Ph.D. Visiting professor of literature, Boston Cambridge University."

Squeezing back lightly, Jane didn't repeat her own introduction.

"It's nice to meet you. I wish it was under less painful circumstances."

"Me too! This kind of ruins my usual 'let's go for coffee' ploy."

"They have coffee at the hospital. It's epically awful, but we still consider it coffee."

"Jane …" Julie waited until Jane looked down at her. Now her expression was totally serious. "Thank you. I was hoping for someone, anyone to come along after I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk … but I'm so glad it was you."

"You're welcome." Jane patted her leg softly. "And you're just glad you got to see me with my top off."

"Damn straight."

They both laughed as the sound of sirens in the distance grew louder.

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Jane hadn't expected to be so late to work on her first day back. She also hadn't expected to be awkwardly hit on by a cute jogger in the park. Or that she would enjoy it so much.

As the paramedics were wheeling Julie to the bus, Jane held her hand, trying to distract her each time they hit a bump and jarred her ankle.

When they were preparing to lift her into the back, one of the guys called out, "You ridin' Rizzoli?"

"Eyes front, Kenny!"

Scowling at him for his noticeable once over, she glanced down to tell Julie, "I'm going to follow in my car, if that's okay."

Visibly relieved that Jane would be joining her, Julie nodded. Jane had only gotten a few feet away when she heard her say, "I don't blame you one bit, Kenny."

Shaking her head and smiling, Jane opened the trunk of her car and pulled out a t-shirt. Quickly shrugging it on, she watched the ambulance doors close and slid into the driver's seat of her sedan.

She sat for a moment before starting the ignition. It wasn't as if no one had ever flirted with her – male or female. Plenty of women in the past had given it a shot. It just seemed so different now that she knew that it might actually go somewhere … if she wanted it to.

While she was on her trip, she'd let her mind wander to how she might meet someone as she tried to get over the idea that Maura was never going to be more than her best friend. How a date might develop. She'd assumed that she'd go to a bar, like Merch. Hell, it wasn't out of the question that it could happen at the Robber. Besides, she was definitely not the only one on the force that played for the same team. She'd assumed at some point, one of these situations would present an opportunity.

But "at some point" had turned into her first regular day back. And "one of these situations" was nothing like the ones she'd imagined. She'd literally stumbled upon someone.

And she wasn't sure she was ready for what could happen next.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By the time she found Julie in the ER, Jane was wearing sweats and a zip up hoodie in addition to her tee and shorts.

She made sure to wear her badge on the outside.

Julie seemed to be resting as Jane approached the curtained off area where she had recently been deposited. There was a flurry of activity as usual, but none of it seemed to be about this particular patient.

Her eyes fluttered open as Jane lightly touched her upper arm. "Hey. How ya doin'?

Julie was clearly in pain. It was etched across her face and reflected in her eyes.

"Hanging in there, Officer."

"Have they given you anything? Examined you yet?"

With effort, Julie shook her head. "No. The paramedics handed me off and got another call. Then there was some kind of accident that brought in more people around the same time." She swallowed. "Kenny gave me your shirt. I kind of think he wanted to give it back to you in person."

It was a feeble attempt at humor and Jane made an effort to appreciate it.

"Kenny's a perv."

Almost whispering now, Julie grimaced before she smiled. "I think he's sort of nice."

Jane squeezed her arm softly and reassured her. "I'm going to see if I can get something for you."

Snatching back one of the curtains, she surveyed the bustling people in every direction. Then thankfully she made eye contact with a familiar face.

"Rizzoli!"

The big man in scrubs immediately began hustling toward her.

"Hey Max!"

"What are you in for today? Knife wound? Road rash? Pummeling?" His big wide grin was affectionate.

"Nope. I'm not the customer today." She stepped back and pointed to where Julie was lying with her lower leg suspended. "My friend has a pretty nasty ankle sprain … maybe even a break. Do you think you can get someone to look at it, give her something for the pain?"

"I'll see to it myself if you start filling out some paperwork. First find out if she has any allergies to medications or is on anything. I'll need a list."

"Deal. Give it to me and I'll give it my best shot."

It only took him a minute to return with a clipboard full of papers and a pen.

"Get this started and I'll go check and see how backed up x-ray is. Don't worry, I got this."

Smiling gratefully up at him, Jane started to express her thanks.

He cut her off by raising one of his huge palms. "S'nothing. You know you're my favorite frequent flyer."

As she watched him walk away, Jane made note of how many decent people she had met in her life. It was easy to lose sight of them doing what she did day in and day out.

Turning back to Julie, she forced a cheerful tone.

"I'm going to need to bug you about a few things …. Ready?"

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Jane had learned a great deal more about her new friend while helping her fill out the hospital forms.

She was from Indiana, had no history of heart disease or diabetes, wasn't allergic to any medications, had never been pregnant, had really decent insurance coverage, listed her mother as her emergency contact … and was three years younger than Jane.

Her middle name was "Anne" which made Jane audibly jealous, even though Julie groaned while giving it to her.

"You cannot be upset that your name is 'Julie Anne Bennett' … that's the least humiliating name I've ever heard!"

"It's not that … it's just that I wanted at least one of my names to be 'Elizabeth.' I've adored that character since I was very young, and was always frustrated that my parents hadn't been more prescient."

"'Elizabeth Bennett'? From 'Pride and Prejudice'?"

"Yes!"

It struck Jane that until Maura made her watch the movie, she hadn't been that familiar with the story at all. Could that have really been just little over three weeks ago?

"As sad as your situation is …" Jane was practically rolling her eyes. "… you have no idea what it's like to have a truly horrific name."

"Jane is a wonderful name." Julie was purposefully misunderstanding in order to goad her.

"Ha ha ha …"

"What is your middle name?"

"Something no one will ever get me to say voluntarily."

"I'd be sooooooooooo envious if it was 'Austen'."

Smirking, Jane replied. "Well no worries there. That would have been torture during school since I wasn't really the literary type, but I'd trade for it in a heartbeat."

"Come on … I'm injured and in agony … cheer me up a little …"

"Nice try."

Pleading now, Julie was persistent. "Just tell me what it starts with …"

Jane sighed heavily. That much couldn't hurt. "C"

Her eyes lighting up at her small victory, Julie guessed, "Carol."

Jane scowled and raised her eyebrow. "Really? You think I'd be warped and haunted by 'Carol'?"

Just as Julie started to grin, another wave of pain altered her expression. Jane hurriedly offered her hand to grip. She was about to loudly curse the fact that they were still waiting, when Max's booming voice stopped her.

"I'll take over from here, Rizzoli. Got my paperwork?"

Releasing Julie's hand and thrusting the clipboard at him, she murmured, "Got something for her?"

Max nodded and addressed Julie.

"Ms. Bennett, I'm going to give you a shot to numb the ankle and something else to take the edge off, okay? Then I'm going to give you an all-expense paid trip down to x-ray. You'll see more ceiling tiles in one setting than you've ever experienced before."

Stepping out of his way, Jane touched his elbow. "Thanks, Max. I appreciate all of this."

With a small grunt of acknowledgement, he jerked his head toward the hallway. "You can go sit in the ER waiting area with the other civilians, Rizzoli. I'll find you."

After giving Julie one last look of encouragement, Jane started to back out of the curtained cubicle.

"Chastity?"

"Nope."

Laughing, she headed for carpeted area near the front of the building.

What a strange day this had turned out to be.

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Knowing that her mother would be wondering where she was if the message hadn't yet reached her, Jane called her as soon as she was seated in the waiting room.

And she was right.

It took about a minute before she was able to blurt out an explanation over her mother's account of her worried hours. About how she and Maura had been prepared to eat breakfast with Jane in the café on her first day back at the precinct. About how no one could imagine where she might be. About sending Frankie over to check her apartment.

Through it all, Jane had gritted her teeth. When she finally broke through, she reiterated over and over that she had left a message, but nothing stopped the barrage of speech until she said, "I'm at the hospital."

In the silence after that comment, Jane summarized the events of the morning. Her mother was instantly sympathetic when she learned that Julie was basically alone in the city and encouraged Jane to do what needed to be done to get her home and settled in.

Next, she called Frost.

"Please don't tell me you've been out looking for me at my mother's instruction."

"Hey there, slacker. Planning on joining us any time soon?"

"Not if I get a better offer."

"Baby, there is no better offer than spending time with yours truly." He was chuckling into the phone as he used his "sexy" voice.

God, Jane had missed her partner.

"Frost! How many times do I have to tell you not to call me 'baby'? You know I prefer, 'sweet thing'." Her own grin was evident in her tone. "Seriously, did you get my message from earlier?"

Clearing his throat, Frost transformed back into police mode. "Yeah, but not that long ago. Why didn't you call my cell? What kind of medical emergency?"

"It was early, before you were supposed to be in … and I didn't think it would turn into a big deal or go this long. I literally ran across an injured jogger this morning on my route …"

"Excuse me? YOU were jogging this morning?"

A bit defensively, Jane retorted, "Yes, me! You don't know everything … anyway, I ended up doing on-site first aid as best I could and then accompanying the person to the ER. That's where I am now. She's kind of isolated here in town and I didn't want to leave her alone."

"When the message came up, we interpreted it as you saying you were going with a friend to the hospital … and I thought, 'Jane doesn't have any friends … not outside of here' and so I was concerned about Dr. Isles. Then she came up here looking for you and I was really stumped. She couldn't think of anyone either."

Jane knew he was partially teasing her, but the comments stung a bit. "I have friends."

The quiet way she responded must have clued Frost in that his baiting had touched a nerve.

"Hey, I know. Dr. Isles suggested it might be your upstairs neighbor, Melissa. Anyway, do what you need to do, but we're all anxious for you to get in."

"Why? Has something happened? Do you need my help?"

"Naw, nothing like that …" Perhaps realizing he sounded like he was boasting or belittling her contributions, he hastily continued. "You have a package waiting on your desk that's got us all intrigued. Not in a dangerous way … it passed all the screening."

"I'll look forward to it."

"Jane …?"

"Yeah, Frost?"

"Did you bring me anything?"

She smiled again.

"I did … but whether or not you get it is kind of up in the air right now."

"I missed you, partner."

"Me too. See ya soon."

She sat for a long moment with her phone in her hand, staring blankly across the room. She was grateful that, unlike Julie, she was surrounded by people who cared about her. Would do anything for her. Worried about her when she didn't show up at a normal or expected time.

She knew she was blessed to have her family and friends, but Frost was right. She had very few connections on that level outside of the tight circle formed by her job and her relatives.

Maybe it was time for that to change.

Maybe she was as fortunate that she had encountered Julie on the trail as Julie was to be 'rescued' by her.

She hadn't consciously absorbed how much of her life revolved around Maura until Maura had drawn a line in the proverbial sand.

Speaking of sand … she remembered how wonderful it was becoming friends with Miguel. How great would it be if he were closer? She would email and maybe even call, but it wasn't the same. They had just clicked and she wasn't used to that kind of comfortable camaraderie with someone she barely knew.

Thinking of him reminded her that you could never have enough friends and that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't so hard to find them.

Almost on cue, Max appeared to take her back to see her newest one.

Julie Anne Bennett might turn out to be just what the doctor ordered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

end part 20  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Praying for those grieving in Boston.


	21. Chapter 21

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 21?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: I know no one believes that this is ever going to change, but still not higher yet.<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: A breath away from where you are ... I've come home, from so far …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By the time Jane had returned home, showered and changed, it was after lunch.

Her first day back and she wasn't technically "back" until she showed up at the precinct.

When the hospital finally released Julie, Jane had contacted her roommate, Erin - previously described as a perpetual grad student. After introducing herself and giving a summary of the situation, Jane insisted on bringing Julie home. Erin would contact her parents and update them, then make arrangements at the apartment so that it would be easier for Julie to get around.

With doctor's orders and scripts in hand, Jane had wheeled the groggy professor out to her sedan and, with Max's help, deposited her in the back. The crutches were placed in the front passenger seat at an angle. Julie wouldn't be using them regularly for at least a few days.

It didn't take long to find the address given the directions Erin had provided. She was waiting outside on the curb, anxious as Jane pulled up. Two men stood with her, one lanky and wearing wire rimmed glasses, the other bulkier and covered in tattoos. After perfunctory introductions, Jane learned that the studious looking one was Erin's fiancée, Stuart. The hefty fellow was his best friend, Peck … no explanation.

Erin explained that the guys had moved one of their recliners into the living room of the apt she shared with Julie. She was clearly concerned and talking a thousand miles an hour. Peck and Stuart carefully extracted Julie from the car and formed a makeshift "lift" with their arms.

Jane was surprised that Stuart was strong enough to bear his half of the weight. Grabbing the crutches and pressing the automatic door lock on her key fob, she followed them inside.

While Peck and Erin got Julie situated comfortably in the Lay Z boy, she went over the medical and prescription instructions with Stuart. He was calmer and seemed the better choice to take in what she was saying. She was in the process of handing him her card when she heard an elevated-volume whisper typical of those under the influence.

"Erin … Erin … Erin … isn't she hot? Don't look right now! So hot."

Stuart flushed and cleared his throat, but Jane continued as if she hadn't noticed.

"My cell number is on the back. Please keep me updated about her condition." As he took the card and studied it, she added. "Oh, and she's going to need a replacement phone. Hers didn't make it."

Erin hurried to thank her for everything she'd done, but before she could speak, Julie called out in a sing-song voice, "Where in the WORLD is Carmen San Diego?"

Peck burst into laughter. "Somebody is so trippin'… " It seemed fairly obvious that this latest behavior was out of character for their friend.

"Is it Carmen?"

Jane leaned over and patted her shoulder. "Nope. But that's a good try. Get some rest."

Even as she straightened she was fighting a grin.

"Is it Christmas?"

Now Erin seemed alarmed. Before she could get any more worked up, Jane explained. "It's a little game we were playing to keep her mind off the pain earlier. Don't worry."

Turning back toward the fully extended chair, she called out, "No, it's not Christmas!"

Grasping her elbow, Erin walked with her toward the door.

"She is going to be so mortified about this in the morning."

"Only if one of you tells her about it. With what's she's on right now, there is no way she's going to remember any of this."

Smiling and accepting their thanks once again, she hurried to her car. She decided that she might as well grab a bite on her way back to her place.

Once she hit the door at the bullpen, or even the café, she wasn't going to have much time to do anything in the way of eating.

Despite her early morning detour, she was still energized and looking forward to seeing what condition her desk was in.

If Korsak had let it get too messed up, she was keeping one of his gift bottles.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her first stop was Cavanaugh's office.

Despite his usually gruff demeanor, he appeared genuinely glad to see her. For her part, Jane was pleased and touched that as she was leaving, he lowered his voice and said, "No slam on the guys in there, but we need you around here, Rizzoli."

Slinging the bag containing her souvenirs over her shoulder, she made her grand entrance into the bullpen.

It only took a second for shouts of "Look what the cat drug in!" and "So she finally graces us with her presence!" to ring out. Then there was a loud, prolonged round of applause. Most of it razzing and exaggerated, of course, but that didn't stop Jane from raising her arms and doing a slow turn to take it all in.

As the din died down, she grinned and extended both of her middle fingers to the room.

The gestures incited another round of catcalls and even some balled up pieces of paper thrown her way.

Jane loved it.

"Did you guys clear all the good cases while I was working on my tan?"

"No way. We saved all the smelly ones for you, Rizzoli."

"Too delicate for that duty, Simmons?"

"Screw you!"

"Thank you, kind sir, but I'm afraid I'll have to pass."

She ignored a few more jeers and made her way closer to Frost.

He met her halfway and grabbed her in a big bear hug that nearly lifted her off of her feet

"Easy there, Cowboy!" She would have chuckled but he had practically knocked the wind out of her.

As he was releasing her he was adamant. "Don't you EVER leave me with him for that long again."

Before she could respond, he looked her up and down … his eyes widening.

"Damn, girl!"

Jane drew back, startled. "What?!"

Grinning, Frost was back to his smooth self. "I can't exactly say on account of all those sexual harassment seminars, but … Rondo just might have a heart attack when he sees you looking like this. He might even have to change his favorite flavor of ice cream."

Blushing, Jane swatted him.

"What'd you bring me?"

"Hold your horses! Let her get to her desk before you start begging, you infant."

Jane turned and met Korsak's eyes. She wasn't prepared for the wave of emotion that swept over her. He noticed it immediately and seemed to falter.

Before either of them lost it completely he managed to blurt out, "So he gets all the hugs?"

Grateful for the opening, Jane flung herself at him.

She couldn't stop saying "thank you." Each time she said it, she could feel him shrug as if to say "it was nothing."

Pulling back, she looked pointedly at him and said, "Stop it and let me thank you!"

His face was beet red, but he nodded. After swallowing a few times, he murmured, "You're welcome."

Quickly turning her back to Frost and wiping her eyes, she slung the bag around and unzipped it. Reaching in, she pulled out the bottle of rum with one hand and the bottle of tequila with the other and thrust them toward Korsak.

Beaming, he accepted them from her. "And, thank YOU!"

Jane ducked her head and rummaged around in the bag until she found the tissue-wrapped shot glass for Frost.

He uncovered it and smiled at the figure etched on the side. Then, he paused and took a wide look at Korsak, proudly setting the bottles on his desk.

"Not to sound ungrateful here, Jane … but why does he get the weepy "thank you's" and the double fisted good stuff and I get the standard shot glass?"

Jane froze. Like a deer caught in headlights, she looked at Korsak and he rolled his eyes. Once again, he rescued her.

"Because, you big jealous baby, she was out of the office when the guy came around selling raffle tickets and I bought one for her. She paid me back and hers turned out to be the winner. Simple as that."

Frost set the shot glass down on his own desk.

"Was I here? I have no memory of that. And if I wasn't, why didn't you spot ME a ticket?"

Now Korsak was shaking his head as if he felt sorry for the younger man.

"You haven't figured this out yet? I don't like YOU."

Laughing and moving toward her desk, Jane couldn't believe how happy their bickering made her.

She wasn't sure what she was expecting at her work station, but it certainly wasn't what she found.

A grass skirt had been tied around the bottom of her seat. The surface of her desk was basically clear, save for a tall clump, or poof, of purple flowers that reminded her of one of those new feather dusters … that didn't have feathers. Check that, it was also surrounded by tiny white flowers and what looked like, well, leaves and weeds. A garish, plastic lei had been draped around her monitor.

As she pulled her chair out, she drew her eyebrows up and then down severely into a scowl. Hooked over the back was a costume-y coconut bra.

"Ha, ha. Not funny. And I didn't even go to Hawaii …"

Frost fluttered his fingers dismissively. "We tried to tell the guys who did it that we didn't think it was funny … and that you wouldn't think it was funny."

Behind her, Korsak added, "Actually we told them that it was immature bullshit. At least you missed Crawford sashaying around in that thing." He was pulling open his bottom file drawer and carefully placing his rum and tequila inside. "You know those lugs out there, Jane. Not an ounce of creativity among 'em."

"And the purple poofy thing?"

Clearing his throat and trying not to show any expression, Frost answered. "That … arrangement is from Dr. Isles."

Jane looked at it again. Maura's floral presentations were usually so … tasteful. It wasn't as if this one was ugly, per se … but it was weird.

Puzzled, she let her bag slide to the floor next to feet.

"So are you officially back?" Frost was almost rubbing his palms together in anticipation.

"Yeah, I am. What've ya got?"

In a flash he turned and bent over to retrieve something. With a flourish, he presented a box. A fairly standard cardboard shipping box with the usual stickers and markings. He was almost like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"This came for you on Friday. It's been cleared. Korsak shook it, but nothing made a distinctive noise."

Jane cut her eyes at the older man, but he just smiled and shrugged.

"Give it."

Even as she was pulling it toward her, she read the top, where the recipient address was written.

_To: Detective/Supermodel Jane Rizzoli_

Miguel!

It had to be from him. Turning and setting it on her desk, she snatched the drawer open and fumbled for anything that would help her cut the tape and get into the package.

Very calmly, Frost handed her a box cutter. He had clearly been preparing for this moment since the shipment arrived.

With a few short motions, she was lifting the flaps. There was a smaller box inside on top of some tissue. Taped to the top of it was an envelope. In neat printed letters, it said, "Janet." Below the name was a large smiley face.

Jane grabbed it and ripped it open. Oblivious to anyone else in the room, she perched on the edge of her desk and started reading.

_Hey mama!_

_If you're reading this you're back at work. I hope they are giving you mad props on your spectacular tan and your (new?) kickass attitude. Dying to hear about your second week in paradise, but I'm sure you rocked it._

_Thank you so much for the Benjamin, but you know you shouldn't have._

_Some news: Gerard knows your real name and was tickled by your desire to keep it from him because you liked the way he said it "wrong." His old twinkly eyes light up when he talks about you._

_It's hard to tell because of her usual expression, but I think Celia has been moping since you left._

_As for me, I am depressed. I wish I had a video of you eating that key lime pie. Watching that was always the highlight of my night. (Sad, isn't it?)_

_Speaking of mementos, you might want to brace yourself for this next part. I __promise__ it's not as creepy as it's about to sound._

_Like many resorts in the area, we employ a staff photographer. I'm not sure you actually met him, but you sure made an impression! In fact, Jean Marc seems to have fixated on you from the moment he saw you. Another staffer tipped me off about his obsession after you checked out. _

_In the box you will find many, many photographs. None of them are compromising in any way!  
>I noticed that you didn't take any pictures while you were here, so maybe you will enjoy reliving part of your stay. I threw in some shots of resort that he had in his work room. Not as beautiful without you in them, but hey …<em>

_Jane, Grandpa Magic had a long talk with Jean Marc and he has been reassigned. He turned over all negatives and digital files that related to you. And, of course, the hard copies I sent your way._

_There were some duplicates and in the interest of honesty, I kept a few for myself. G-Man did as well. Looking at one of them, he said something about showing it to his niece (?) Anyway, Celia picked out a close up of you smiling and then immediately shoved it into her pocket. LOL_

_I know after talking to Gerard that Jean Marc had no ill will toward you or any perverted motive. He was just enraptured by your supermodel self like the rest of us. Well, not exactly like the rest of us … he took it a bit too far. PLEASE be assured that the issue has been resolved._

_Oh, about modeling … the resort would like your permission to use one of the shots in our promo materials. I've tagged it on the cd. You will be compensated if you agree. I told you that you were supposed to be famous!_

_The rest of the stuff in the package is from me._

_Hurry up and email me, chica. I need updates immediately. In case somebody had to screen this note, I won't mention any names … but don't leave me hangin'!_

_Is it weird that I miss you so much?_

_Your beach boy,_

_Miguel_

Jane had to read it twice for everything to sink in. Her initial apprehension over the stalker-ish Jean Marc was quelled by the fact that she knew Gerard and Miguel had her back and if they said it was handled, then it was. The rest of the note made her strangely homesick, which was impossible really, since she was home.

Before she could absorb anything else, her desk phone rang.

"Rizzoli"

"You're here."

Maura's voice managed to sound surprised and relieved at the same time.

"Yep. That's why I answered my phone."

Jane was grinning, the package momentarily forgotten. Until Frost faked a cough and pantomimed that he had been waiting long enough to see what was in it. She shushed him even though he wasn't speaking.

"They were supposed to call me …"

"I just got in. Hey, come on up … we're about to look at pictures."

She was leaning to replace the receiver when she remembered ...

"Thanks for the … flowers and stuff."

If she hadn't known better she could've sworn that she heard Maura smile.

"The small white blooms with all of the green leaves are trailing arbutus. Sometimes known as ground laurel, but more commonly referred to as mayflowers. They are a symbol of 'welcome.' Despite my research, I could not find any floral representation for 'welcome home' specifically …"

Charmed, as usual, Jane cut in.

"You could have just tied a big 'ol yellow ribbon on something …"

There was a pause. "I have seen that done for returning military members."

"Or newly released prisoners."

Another long beat.

"I wasn't aware of that usage."

Chuckling, Jane prompted, "Tony Orlando and Dawn?"

Sensing that she had really thrown Maura for a loop and was making her uncomfortably confused, Jane changed gears.

"And the purple … things?"

With an audible breath of relief, the M.E. responded with certainty … and soft emotion.

"Those are hyacinth. The purple variety, when presented, mean 'I'm sorry. Please forgive me.'"

Jane was caught off guard and remained silent for a moment. When she was able to speak, her voice was full.

"You didn't … you shouldn't have. But thank you."

Frost's loud, extended coughing broke her reverie.

"Seriously, Maura. Come on up. The natives are getting restless."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Whatever else he was, Jean Marc was an incredible photographer.

Jane had gingerly opened the smaller box, faintly wincing at the thought of what kind of pictures this guy had taken of her.

The photo cd was on top. She slid it over onto the desk near her computer.

Facing up, was an approximately 4x6 inch shot of her face … seemingly from a few feet away, but more than likely taken through a zoom lens. She was gazing into the distance, a few strands of hair caught in the air by the freeze frame.

She looked serious and somewhat sad, but it was an amazing picture.

From over her shoulder, she heard Frost impatiently exclaim, "Are you going to share with the rest of the class?"

Share … she had no idea what was captured in these photos. Quickly she set the box with the photos aside and dug into the tissue paper.

The first thing she pulled out was a bright coral-colored polo like many of the guest service employees wore at the resort. Miguel's had looked amazing on him. A small, tastefully embroidered patch on the upper left side identified her favorite place outside of Boston.

Dropping it on her desk, she reached back in. Her fingers found a white, tank-style shirt with a blue pelican logo on the front. It was the kind of top that you might wear over your swimsuit, long and loose.

The last garment in the box was a heather grey tee with "Rusty Pelican Beach Bar" emblazoned across the front with the same logo bordered by various cocktails and drinks. Twisting it around, she read the back. "Pampered and tanned in the sand."

Frost took it away from her and examined it, then tossed it to Korsak.

At the bottom of the box, nestled into the tissue, Jane found a rectangular object that was awkward to lift and fairly heavy for its size. As soon as it cleared the top of the box and she could see it, she burst into laughter.

It was one of those leather bound table/bar advertisements that resembled old fashioned sandwich boards worn by hawkers on the street. The bottom of each side was connected to the other by a black strap that allowed the display to be laid flat, but provided support when it was placed upright in its usual triangular, tee-pee position.

The laminated card on both sides of this one was a gorgeous image of a generous portion of the resort's renowned key lime pie.

Jane's mouth immediately began to water. Propping it on her desk, she gave a wistful sigh.

"Who sent you this stuff? And who thinks you're a supermodel?"

Korsak pitched the t-shirt back to her. When she caught it, she opened it again in front of her and replied, "Miguel. The fabulous bartender here." She pointed to the pelican and then turned back toward the smaller box.

"Hang on … there may be a picture of him in here."

Raising an eyebrow, Frost rubbed his chin absently.

"Hey Korsak … Jane wins a fantastic trip to an all-inclusive, tricked-out beach resort, where she spends enough time with a bartender to become his new best friend and even receive presents from him when she's back at home … Surprised?"

Flipping furiously through the photos, Jane ignored him.

"Nahhh. Not surprised. Proud! That's my girl!"

Jane glanced up to give him a sweet smile. The next picture she scanned was just what she was looking for. It was taken at the exact time that Miguel was teasing her about her abs. He was standing next to her in the photo, his shirt raised up to his chest. Both of them were looking past the photographer … she remembered that Miguel was asking someone who had the best six pack or something.

Shaking her head, she missed him even more.

"Here he is."

Frost took the picture from her in a flash. Korsak moved back around his desk to join him as they studied the photo.

It only took a second for Frost to blow air through his mouth and Korsak to murmur, "Wow."

They looked like they were going to have a mini tug-of-war over the picture until Korsak released his side of it.

"I can see why you spent so much time at the bar …"

Jane scowled at Frost. "You are so shallow. He's very nice. Besides, you're more his type." She gave him a broad wink.

"I can see why he thought you were a supermodel."

Korsak's cheeks were very pink and he twisted his neck as if his collar was suddenly too tight.

"Yeah." Frost was still staring at the photo.

Jane faked a gag and shuddered violently.

"Ewww." She snatched the picture back. "You weren't supposed to be looking at me in my bikini top! I was showing you Miguel."

"You handed it to me." Frost put on his best innocent expression. "I have eyes."

"Yeah, well put 'em back in your head." She returned the photo to the stack.

"Can we see the rest of them?"

Jane glared at Korsak. "No you may not!" She scooped them up and straightened them against the desktop. "At least not until I've properly screened them." Under her breath she muttered, "Gross."

Flinging the coconut bra off of her chair, she dropped down into it. All three of them noticed Cavanaugh as he stopped in the doorway and stared in their direction. Frost immediately slid back into his seat. Korsak acted like he'd just been interrupted.

"So I'll get those files together, and you take all the time you need to get caught up …"

Jane nodded. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cavanaugh continue down the hall … and Maura Isles walk in.

All of her irritation left her. It was replaced by the now familiar warmth that occurred every time she looked at the lovely doctor.

"Did I miss everything?" Disapointed, Maura looked from face to face. "I had to take an important call and that held me up momentarily."

Korsak dipped his head. "Dr. Isles."

"Nothing really to miss, Doc." Frost almost sounded like he was pouting.

"Did you already look at the pictures?"

"No!" Both men answered in unison before Jane could open her mouth.

"We were side-tracked. I'll tell you what …" She motioned for Maura to come closer, to lean down so that she could speak relatively privately. She instantly regretted it as the first whiff of tantalizing perfume and signature shampoo made her mouth go dry.

Maura waited expectantly.

Wetting her lips, Jane pointed to the stack of photos. "Why don't you take these and sort through them for me … separate them into pictures I wouldn't mind the Neanderthals in here seeing vs. ones I'd only be comfortable showing you and Ma."

"Have you even looked at them?" Maura seemed perplexed. "Where did they come from?"

"I'll explain later. Right now, I've got to dive in to something homicide related or Cavanaugh's gonna have my ass." She placed the pictures back into the smaller box and held it in her palms. "Will you do this for me?"

"Of course. I'd love too. You'll come down later and fill me in?"

"Absolutely. Whatever you do, don't let Ma see them until I say so."

Maura nodded and started to leave. Jane touched her on the forearm to halt her exit.

"Hey … just a sec …" She reached over and pulled a few of the purple blooms from the batch. Extending them to Maura, she met her eyes. "Here, I owe you some of these."

As Maura took them from her, Jane could've sworn an actual current ran between them. But she didn't break the gaze. She was beginning to think that she would never be able to turn away, but then Maura ducked her head slightly.

When she looked back at Jane, her eyes were full of emotion. She started to speak more than once, but finally gave in to a soft smile and a small nod. With that brief acknowledgment, she walked away.

Jane sat staring in her direction long after she was gone.

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end part 21  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 22?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: I'm destined to disappoint you, I'm afraid …<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Oh … why'd you look so sad? Come on and come to me now …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura was in heaven.

She supposed that she shouldn't describe it as such, since in addition to the euphoria of seeing Jane in such a glorious setting, she was also struggling with possessiveness and apprehension. Still, her primary thoughts and emotions were all positive.

She was positive that Jane was the most stunning woman she'd ever seen. And she was positive that she had never looked more heart-stoppingly gorgeous than she did in these photos.

With a pang, Maura flashed back to the way she had looked the nanosecond after they had kissed so intimately on Jane's couch. If she could go back and freeze that moment and completely absorb the impact of seeing Jane so overwhelmed with want, her eyes dark and dreamy, so vulnerable, open and … God … so sexy … she might be able to acknowledge that _that_ image was miles above any of the ones she was holding.

But that would require more courage and control than she could muster.

Besides, her concentration was fully directed at the task at hand.

Each picture was a revelation and an experience.

Jane, pensive and still in a close up, her expression bordering on sadness. Maura's heart went out to her, her finger unconsciously tracing the curve of the perfectly sculpted jaw. She didn't want to dwell on any reason that may have contributed to the melancholy behind those eyes …

Jane, looking like the person Maura recognized from Boston, her gaze following the direction that a smaller, distinguished-looking older gentleman in a uniform was pointing. A faint smile playing at the corner of her lips as her eyes widened in wonder …

Jane, stretching at sunrise, the shoreline faded in the background as the camera honed in on the grace of her body ...

Jane, jogging on the beach, this time the perspective capturing the full glory of the ocean and emphasizing the solitary nature of her exercise … the long stretch of sand that she alone occupied …

Jane, wearing a teal and black bikini top, her hair wild and flowing, both hands pressed wide along the railing of a balcony as she bent slightly forward. Her head tilted up, her eyes closed, taking in the essence of her surroundings. Her facial expression one of pure rapture …

Maura found herself lingering on some more than others, but she was so excited to see each subsequent photo that she didn't pause long.

Questions flitted around her consciousness that she mentally swatted away. Who was taking the pictures? Someone she was spending a great deal of time with? Who was she looking at when this was taken? Who was making her smile? Had she picked out the new additions to her wardrobe on her own? Where was Yvonne?

Several times her breath would catch as her fingernail flipped the next print into view.

She was supposed to be looking at her best friend's vacation pictures, but she felt like such a voyeur.

And she certainly wasn't casting a platonic eye on the main focus of each snapshot.

This one, of Jane wearing a red bikini top, a gauzy, white, open blouse, and a red flower-covered sarong, left her breathless for an indeterminate amount of time. Jane was looking half over her shoulder, as if someone had just called her name. Her fingers were threaded through her hair on the opposite side. She was captured mid-stride so that one leg was forward through the slit in the sarong, one delicate sandal visible. It would not have been out of place in a magazine. Maura was mesmerized.

Almost involuntarily she moved to the next one.

Jane was wearing the same outfit but this time she was facing forward, the bikini top and the low slung sarong accentuating her fantastic body. She looked sun-kissed, tanned and spectacular. Her face was slightly pink, as if she was blushing, but a radiant smile dominated her features. It took Maura a minute to even notice that she was holding hands with an attractive young man.

Grudgingly she had to admit that he also had an impressive form. And a winning grin. It would be completely irrational to hate him.

Several photos later he appeared again. This time leaning on the bar from behind it, beaming affectionately at Jane as she waved a fork at him, the tip of her tongue peeking through her lips. Even the tiny glimpse of it made Maura's mouth dry. The man was still wearing the same shirt he had been holding up while he was holding hands with Jane. From this shot, it was clear that he was an employee.

Quietly she chastised herself for assuming that that fact might preclude Jane from being interested in him. In fact, given her discomfort around Maura's social circle, she would probably be even more drawn to someone like this man in the middle of such a posh resort.

She had to smile as she took in the image of Jane raising her beer in what appeared to be a sarcastic salute to someone. Maura had seen that arched eyebrow and accompanying expression often enough to recognize the tone and teasing behind it. This was her Jane.

Swallowing hard, she heard the words echo inside of her head. Her Jane. Bitterly correcting herself, she muttered. "No, it's the one you sent away."

Emphatically, she flicked that picture down, only to be confronted with one that made her fingers itch.

Jane was still seated at the bar, but her stool was turned sideways. She was bending forward, laughing so hard that her eyes were closed, her hands clasped together as if she'd just clapped them. There was a man's arm on the bar, but his face was out of frame. Standing very close to Jane, with her hand on Jane's shoulder, was a very pretty woman, also laughing. She had rich auburn hair that just brushed her collar bone and she was noticeably paler than Jane.

Could this be Yvonne?

They were obviously enjoying themselves. Maura's eyes lingered on the placement of the woman's hand. She didn't care much for the woman's choice of fingernail polish.

Furious with herself for being so petty, she took a deep breath and scanned through several more prints. The woman did not reappear.

There was a tantalizing shot of Jane making her way up several stairs on a path that was undoubtedly between buildings at the resort. She was clad in a dark sports bra and loose, matching yoga pants, and she'd apparently finished quite a rigorous workout. The angle of the camera was such that it was in front of her, but ever so slightly elevated. Very little of her face was visible as she looked down at her feet. What made the photo so appealing (at least to Maura) was that it was so clear that the rivulets of sweat clinging to Jane's chest, abs and arms were highly visible ... and totally erotic. Maura's temperature rose just looking at her.

Controlling her breath with some effort, she continued her perusal.

One of her favorites was a gorgeous shot of Jane walking on the beach. It must have been taken on the same night as she'd been with the auburn-haired woman, because she was wearing the sarong outfit. The sun was starting to set in the distance and the edge of the surf was playing about her feet and ankles. Her sandals were dangling from two fingers on her right hand. She was looking just a fraction off to the left but her face was not quite in profile. She was the picture of contentment.

Before Maura let her mind wander to the cause of such satisfaction, she realized that the photo was part of an extended sequence, the shots taken in rapid succession. If she thumbed quickly through them, fanning them on the right, she could watch Jane walk toward her. She did it again and again.

There was one frame in particular that replaced the first as her favorite. Jane was smiling to herself as if she had just remembered a private joke, or recalled an especially pleasing memory. Her eyelids were lowered, making her seem almost shy, but the confidence she exuded at the same time was equally intriguing. It was perfection. She was perfect.

Maura slid the print into her middle desk drawer.

As she did so, she skipped around the niggling comparison between these photos and the beginning of the dream in which she'd been summoned by two representations of the woman she loved.

Shaking her head, she rifled through a few shots of Jane running, getting into a car at the front of the hotel, and shopping on a busy street full of sidewalk vendors.

The next photo slipped from her fingers.

The impact was immediate.

It was taken from behind. A woman who had to be Jane but couldn't possibly be, was walking toward the beachside bar in the distance. Her mass of jet black hair hung down her bare back, stopping well before the back of her dress did, right at her waistline. The daring cut of the garment invited examination all the way down to where the fabric swung from her hips.

Her long, unbelievably alluring legs were fully accentuated by the high hemline. The modest wedge heels of her sandals complimenting her calf muscles as she walked. The early evening sun made her bronzed tan glimmer in contrast to the wispy purple and silver material.

Jane would never … would she?

Maura's eyes skimmed back up. There were no tan lines. Dear God.

Tearing her gaze away with some effort, Maura impatiently checked out the next picture. There was no mistaking that Jane Rizzoli was the one dressed to kill … dressed to thrill anyone who could see her. The photographer had done a great job covering several angles.

There was the young dark-haired man again. Touching Jane's face tenderly as she looked back at him, her face full of emotion. Again, Maura felt a surge of resentment that was wholly unfamiliar. She didn't want him touching Jane like that … or Jane looking at him the way she was. She flattened the photo down on her desk with unnecessary emphasis.

Then they were at the bar, Jane in what had clearly become "her seat." Her legs were crossed at the knee and she appeared to be snapping her fingers to music while conversing with the bartender who was so … friendly. Maura was hardly aware of anything in the photo other than the front of Jane's dress. Or lack thereof. How was she even moving in it without it sliding off?

In the following snapshot, it was Jane's turn to be touching the bartender. She had covered his hand with hers and looked as if she was childishly pleading with him to do something. If he could resist, Maura mused, more than his abs were made of steel.

Surprisingly, the next few shots were of Jane and another man. A taller, even more attractive blonde. Leading her to the outdoor dance floor, his hand on her bare back. Several of the two of them dancing, more than one using a blur effect so that the motion and the lights made an artistic background for the good-looking couple. It was evident that Jane was enjoying herself as she danced. Maura imagined that everyone else was taking great pleasure in watching her.

She stared long and hard at the photo of the blonde man holding Jane close, his hand clasping hers to his upper chest. His face was mostly in shadow, but he was probably murmuring in her ear. Jane's eyes were hooded at she leaned against his cheek. Rather than the heightened irritation she had felt earlier, Maura felt like a heavy stone had settled in the pit of stomach.

Numbly, she thumbed the image face down and warily approached the one behind it. Jane had settled closer, her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed as his hands pressed her flush against him. If she hadn't known either of them, Maura would have thought it was beautiful representation of a touching romantic interlude. As it was, it made her want to cry.

But not as much as seeing them barely an inch away from kissing two photos later.

Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As if her wish had come true, the next picture was not a still shot of the actual kiss. It seemed as though even the photographer couldn't bear to witness that.

She sat looking blankly across her office while her mind tortured her. Even if she had replaced the man as Jane's dance partner, she wouldn't have been able to hold her like that … maybe if Jane was barefoot and she wore her 6" designer heels …

The dark snapshots gave way to more from the early morning. Jane jogging. Maura did a double take … there were so many photos of Jane jogging. She was running by herself? On her vacation?

The last few were apparently of Jane's departure. Standing alone in the lobby, her expression clear, her posture straight … her tan, her hair and her overall appearance unusually striking. Again the prints seemed to have been taken in rapid succession. Almost as if the person taking the pictures knew that this subject was only going to remain available for a short time.

Even the photos of the staff seeing her off were taken so that Jane was always facing the camera. Maura recognized the bartender, hugging Jane tight, then blowing her a kiss. She also recognized the older man in the uniform from one of the first pictures in the stack. Once again she smiled at the way he was paternally touching Jane's chin.

The final picture was of Jane gazing out the window as her car pulled away. Her face was caught somewhere between adoration and distress. Her fingers curled as if she were about to wave or had just finished waving. It was a poignant moment, and very personal.

Could she be looking that way and feeling that way about the resort staff? Or had the tall blonde man from the dance floor also shown up to say good-bye? Maybe Yvonne was there, also crying … waving back.

Maura was emotionally drained when she placed the enigmatic photo face down. She had seen them all, and yet she was more curious than ever. She was also mentally bracing herself for the moment when Jane would put the pieces together … narrate the story that was left so incomplete by the visuals alone.

Sighing, she shook her hands and head, casting the negativity away so that she could begin the task that Jane had given her the pictures to complete. She'd make three piles: the benign, the too revealing, and the unsure of which.

When she'd agreed to do this, she'd believed that she knew Jane well enough to know how she thought and what the boundaries were. Now, after the montage she'd just observed, she wasn't nearly so confident.

And she intensely disliked that feeling of uncertainty.

Especially when it applied to Jane.

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Maura was deep into reviewing tox screen reports when she heard the familiar three-beat knock of Jane's knuckles against the open door to her office.

"What's up, Doc?"

Without raising her head or eyes, the M. E. pursed her lips together before she replied.

"There is not a medical professional that I know or have ever met who finds that trite greeting amusing or clever."

"And yet, it's endlessly entertaining to me."

When Maura did look up, she found the incorrigible detective slouched casually in the doorway. The impact of seeing her in the flesh after studying her pictures for half the afternoon was disconcerting. Closing the file in front of her, Maura managed a smile.

"Do you want to come in, or did you become a vampire while you were away and now require an invitation?"

Scoffing, Jane entered and draped herself across one of Maura's chairs.

"You are so weird."

"Admittedly." Maura stood up and gathered the photos from the corner of her desk. She had them stacked in three piles on top of each other, alternating directions so that she could separate them easily. Guiding another chair close to where Jane rested, she slid gracefully into it and placed the pictures on the table. "Is it time for show and tell?"

Expecting a wry grin or sarcastic retort, Maura was mildly surprised by Jane's serious tone.

"Thank you so much for doing this. I can't seem to get a free or private minute up there. And the guys are dogging me to see them."

"You're quite welcome. It was … fun." Before she moved the three sections so that Jane could start going over them, she took a deep breath and forged ahead with one of her main questions.

"Who took these, if I may ask?"

"Of course you 'may ask' …" Jane rolled her eyes. "Evidently the guy employed by the resort who was supposed to take pictures of the guests and sell them back as part of their vacation souvenirs, had a … um, some kind of crush … on me." She cleared her throat. "Nobody knew about it until I had gone. Miguel … he's the one who sent them to me … explained in his letter that the guy was harmless … and they'd confiscated everything that had anything to do with me. So … I guess they are kind of … stalker-ish official resort mementos."

Maura let that sink in. "And Miguel …?"

"Oh, I haven't had a chance to tell you about any of them in detail! Miguel is the bartender I became friends with. He's the sweetest, greatest guy, Maura. I wish he lived near here so I could introduce you."

"And he's very attractive."

"Isn't he just the cutest thing? Adorable, really. He made being there alone so much more comfortable."

"So you were … involved?" Maura hated the way her voice sounded, but Jane didn't seem to notice.

"With Miguel? NO!" Jane waved her hand dismissively. "I'm totally not his type."

Muttering skeptically, Maura's eyes washed over her. "I find that almost impossible to believe."

"Well believe it! He asked me if I had any brothers who were as good-looking as me."

Jane's laughter coincided with a massive weight being lifted from Maura's shoulders.

"Oh … oh! I see." Now she was smiling widely as well.

"I was lucky that Gerard introduced me to him so early in my stay. But then again, Gerard never relies on luck. He always knew what he was doing."

The fondness with which Jane spoke was unmistakable. She seemed to drift for a moment until Maura gently prompted … "Gerard?"

Jane's arm shot out and her hand grasped Maura's elbow. "Oh my god, Maura … He was the loveliest man. He acts as a personal concierge but he's really a guardian angel. It was like he saw right through me … read my mind. They call him "Grandpa Magic" there and I think he is … kinda magic." She nodded toward the photos. "I hope there is at least one of him in there."

Maura smiled to reassure her. "I'm sure there is … now that you mention him. I think there might even be two." She could tell that Jane was impatient to see for herself.

"Okay … I divided them into three categories. I know you had asked for two, but there were several, or more than several, that I was unsure of how to place …" As she set each group on the table horizontally, she felt the warm flush of trepidation flare again. Without warning, her thoughts seemed to burst free on their own accord. "And Yvonne? Will you point out Yvonne to me as well?"

Jane shifted slightly. "Sure … if the guy was really following me around, I guess there'd be …" Suddenly, she stopped and stared pointedly at Maura. "How do you know about Ivan?"

Caught, the medical examiner paused only for a moment. She was a terrible, terrible liar.

"Did Ma tell you …?" Jane was scowling now, her voiced slightly raised.

"No! I … when … you were getting ready for lunch yesterday … I was walking into the kitchen … and I overheard Angela murmuring to you … I didn't mean to eavesdrop … I don't really know anything …"

Jane visibly relaxed, but her face was still troubled. "There really isn't anything to know."

Motioning with her fingers, she indicated that she wanted to start looking at the photographs.

"Let's just see what we have here …"

She began with the "harmless" batch. The first handful of which were generic postcard-worthy shots of the hotel and the surroundings. Maura saw her expression soften as she traveled back to her time there. "This place is really beautiful. I'd love to go back someday …"

Her eyes lit up immediately when she arrived at the first photo of Gerard. She turned it so that the front was angled briefly toward Maura. "He finally convinced me to come out of my room and let him show me around. That was the beginning of everything … he was a master of manipulation. Very much like Ma …"

Maura winced internally at the thought of Jane holed up in her room, so despondent that she didn't want to interact with or experience anything outside of her newly acquired safety zone.

She saw the first faint blush appear as Jane studied the photos of herself stretching, preparing to run. It was almost as if she couldn't reconcile the unqualified beauty of the subject and her own countenance. The same look remained on her face as she came to the one Maura secretly referred to as the "magazine photo shoot."

"I wasn't sure about that one …" She leaned forward. "It's such an amazing picture, and although you are wearing the bikini top, the way you're walking … with the shirt … it's not really very revealing."

Except to someone like me … who loves seeing you so comfortable with yourself.

Jane nodded. There was still a hint of wonder in her eyes as she gazed at the picture.

"I moved all of the other … more conspicuous … bikini photos to the 'not for BPD exposure' stack."

Flashing a grateful grin, Jane moved to the next shot. With great affection, she held it up. "There's my Miguel."

Now that she was no longer jealous of him, Maura was delighted that Jane had connected so closely with someone who had cheered her up, had become such a staunch ally. And she was charmed by the endearment that sounded so foreign coming from her brash friend.

"Ohhhhh … I was eating the pie." She clasped the photo to her chest and closed her eyes in pure bliss. "Maura … that was the best key lime pie I've EVER tasted. I must have eaten several dozen."

Still entertained by this side of Jane, Maura quipped, "Well, it certainly doesn't show."

"I had the whole next week to work it off."

Jane patted her tummy as she placed the picture face down and turned to the next image.

It was the one taken as she was laughing with the pretty, hands-on, auburn-haired woman. Maura was overcome with tension.

Jane clearly remembered the moment. Her smile widened and her eyes danced as Maura felt a steel band contract around her heart.

"Who is she?"

She hoped with all her heart that her question didn't come across as the accusation it sounded like inside her head.

"Um …" Jane peered closer as she bit her lip. "Sharon? Shannon? Something like that. She and her husband were there celebrating their fifth anniversary, I think. It was a fun crowd that night at the bar."

Maura's relief was so palpable that she almost threw her head back and exhaled.

"Those kick-boxing classes nearly kicked my butt." Jane was flipping past the post-workout photo that Maura was so … affected … by.

"I wasn't sure whether or not to include that one in the public display group …"

"Eh, the guys have seen me like this in the gym."

And so have I, but I've never noticed … never acknowledged … how inordinately sexy you are when you're sweating and …

"You left this one in?" Jane's finger and thumb held the picture in question out, breaking Maura's reverie. It was the first of the set that focused on Jane walking up the beach.

"Yes … I didn't think it was too much since it's taken from a distance. There were others taken at that same time that I did pull out. Besides, Jane … it's so lovely."

Jane blushed and looked at it for a minute. Finally shrugging her shoulders, she placed it with the others. Speaking quietly, she explained. "I really wanted to walk along the surf at sunset. At my request, Miguel shooed me away from the bar that evening at just the right time. It was wonderful. I think I had a second piece of pie when I got back."

Chuckling softly, she proceeded.

"This Jean Marc dude really was everywhere. My morning run practically every day, shopping with Harold. That's where I got your earrings." She twisted the photo toward Maura.

Hesitantly, Maura used the opening Jane had just given her.

"You ran every morning?"

For a split second, Jane looked guilt-ridden and awkward. Then both were gone.

"Yeah. I started before I left … you had mentioned once that it was a great way to clear your head. Once I got going, I really enjoyed it. Especially on the beach. Running in the sand was tough, but I loved being inside my own head without having to think … If that even makes sense." She was almost sheepish as she finished.

"Of course it does. I'm glad you discovered it." And she was. Sincerely. But there was a part of her that inexplicably felt left out. Disappointed somehow that Jane found running alone so fulfilling.

Jane was smiling again. Miguel was in the picture. Leaning to get a better view, Maura interjected, "Because of your position at the bar, you can't really tell here that the front of your … outfit is so … open."

When Jane met her eyes, Maura could see mortification in the darkness there.

"There were … others where you can … see …?" She trailed off.

Quick to contradict the recriminations she knew were coming, Maura spoke with absolute authority.

"Jane … the pictures of you in that dress are unmistakably stunning. Remarkable. And positively nothing to be ashamed of. I just didn't think you wanted the whole department to know that you can command that kind of attention."

"I tried it on as a joke, mostly … but then it was like I dared myself to buy it … wear it. I was on vacation, miles away from anyone I knew. It was … liberating. And it's not really a dress. It's made like shorts underneath."

"Well, I'm glad you took that dare. You look amazing in it."

They sat smiling at each other for a long time (at least to Maura) before Jane turned her attention back to the snapshots.

"I was begging Miguel to dance with me."

"Why didn't he?" Maura was sure there would have been at least one photo of them together, dancing.

"He couldn't leave the bar."

As if a switch had been thrown, Jane's demeanor changed. Walls went up and her eyes shut down.

"So I danced with Ivan."

Sure enough, the next picture confirmed her statement. She stared at it while Maura recovered.

"_That's_ Yvonne?"

Jane nodded. "Spelled I-V-A-N but pronounced 'e-vonn.' He was my kickboxing instructor. And the resort's resident player." The last words were steeped in distaste.

Maura's mind was reeling. Angela had said "your night with Ivan." She had just assumed Jane had been with another woman. She wasn't sure that the correction, coming after seeing him with Jane the way the photographer had, didn't make it worse. She was almost stuttering as she volunteered her next comment.

"He is extremely handsome."

Jane flicked the photo away and was confronted with the next one. With her head on Ivan's shoulder, the mood most definitely intimate.

"Yeah, well …" She tossed that one aside too, seemingly relieved that there were no others. "He is also only 23 and a represents a startling lapse of judgment on my part."

Now Maura was totally off balance. "Did you two …?"

Jane covered her face with one hand. After a few seconds, she rubbed it vigorously and propped her head sideways facing Maura. "What's that old saying? 'Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades'?"

"I don't know that one."

"Anyway … I didn't go all the way through with it."

Maura wanted to be elated but the mood in the room was all wrong. "Why not?"

As soon as she asked, she realized that she had no right to know. She was certain that Jane was about to remind her of just that.

The silence was charged with anticipation and something she couldn't quite define.

"Because I didn't want him. Not really."

Now Maura was sure that the rest of her questions were written all over her face. She breathlessly watched Jane's eyes read them as they stared at one another.

When her desk phone trilled, it made them both jump.

Nearly cursing, Maura jumped up to answer it. She'd never wanted to utter the words "hold that thought!" more in her life.

After listening to the speaker on the other end of the line only for a few seconds, she responded. "She's right here."

Holding out the receiver to Jane, she walked back around toward the table.

"Yeah, we're just finishing up down here … I'll be up in a few. Thanks, Korsak."

Jane replaced the phone and looked at it for a moment. Then she clapped her hands together softly and said, "Let's get through the rest of these real quick. I'm needed at my desk."

Picking up the few photos that remained in the original pile, she thumbed through more jogging pictures and the ones of her in the lobby the day she left. She smiled again at Miguel and Gerard saying good-bye to her, but she teared up when she stopped at the shot of Gerard tweaking her chin.

Maura thought she saw her mouth something at the photo, but she couldn't quite make it out.

"It's still so unbelievable how attached I got to these people in such a short time." Jane wiped one eye hastily.

"It's been known to happen when individuals are suddenly separated from their normal support network at or during an emotionally trying time."

Without commenting, Jane picked up the stack that Maura had intended to be the more private memories.

"I'll look at these later." She pointed to the last of the three groups. "These you weren't sure about?"

"Yes, I wanted to leave those up to your discretion."

They included both photos that showed raw emotion on Jane's face. Maura saw her nod slightly when she viewed the first one. She saw her scrunch her eyebrows up a few times and her eyes widen at others. She came to a full stop at the one where she and Ivan were about to kiss. Clearing her throat uncomfortably, she slapped the whole stack against her upper leg.

"I'm pretty sure most of these would go in with the ones I haven't looked at yet."

As she gathered all of them up and placed them alternating face up and face down in the box, she thanked Maura again.

"Seriously. It's been such a long day. I'd invite you over to finish catching up, but Korsak has a box of notes and files for me to go over tonight as homework. Frankie's going to bring a pizza with him when he gives Jo back to me, but most of my night will be focused on criminal behavior."

"I understand." As Jane was leaving, Maura remembered something. "How's Marissa?"

"Marissa? As far as I know she's good. Why?"

Unsettled once again, Maura faltered. "When Korsak and Frost told me that you were taking a friend to the hospital this morning …"

"Ah. Of course. No one thinks I have any other friends." She smirked mirthlessly and then continued. "I came across another jogger early this morning who had taken a nasty spill … really messed up her ankle. She's fairly new to the city so even after she was stabilized, I felt like I should go with her … make sure she didn't need further assistance once she was checked in. I ended up taking her home afterward, which I why I was so late getting in."

"I see." Maura was pondering what she had heard. "I'm sure she was very grateful."

"Nah, she was pretty zoned out on painkillers last time I spoke to her."

"You're wonderful … you do know that, don't you?"

Jane blushed furiously. "Stop! I have my badass reputation to uphold."

"See you tomorrow?"

"I'm counting on it."

With that she was gone.

Leaving Maura behind with mountains of new information to process.

And an avalanche of new questions to answer.

She wasn't sure her genius level IQ was going to be of any use to her this go around. If there was a code here that needed to be cracked, she wasn't going to be able to breach it by using her head.

But she had so little experience with, and barely any confidence in, trusting her heart.

Opening her drawer, she pulled out the single photo that she'd kept. Staring at the woman she loved, the epitome of everything she could ever wish for, she vowed that she wouldn't give up.

That somehow, she would be able to communicate her feelings. She'd make up for any agony she'd caused. Erase any uncertainty from Jane's mind … show her once and for all that she believed that they belonged together.

She just had to find the right moment … and the strength to face it when it arrived.

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the end part 22  
>thanks for reading!<p>

Nothing you confess … could make me love you less …


	23. Chapter 23

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 23?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: I think I should just leave this blank next time<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: I want to be the one to walk in the sun …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane stared at the document in front of her, blinking. If she squinted just right, the words blurred into a black fuzzy line. Closing her eyes altogether for a bit before reopening them, she flipped the pizza crust that had been dangling from her fingers into the grease-stained box.

The quiet thumping noise it made was enough to startle Jo Friday. She raised her head abruptly, waking Frankie in the process.

"Some help you are."

Instead of sitting up, Frankie just rolled sideways on the couch, keeping Jo Friday close to his chest as he maneuvered. Groggy, the younger Rizzoli mumbled, "What?"

Jane shuffled the papers on the table into a pile, then bumped them vertically against the surface in order to straighten all the edges. Sliding them into a folder, she chastised mildly.

"You said you were going to stay so that I could bounce things off of you as I went over these notes." She stretched both arms up high over her head, rotating her neck until she heard a small pop. "Not snuggle up with my dog and take a long nap."

Frankie, not the least bit defensive, rubbed his face against Jo Friday's head, delighted when she bathed his chin with her tiny tongue. "Yeah, well you were mostly just reading silently to yourself. That's boring."

He raised his head again and turned toward his sister. "Anyway, I didn't want to just dump her here and walk out."

Jane was tempted to roll her eyes, but she was genuinely pleased by her brother's affection for her pet. "Thanks again. For keeping her. I mean it, Frankie. I wouldn't have been able to go and not worry otherwise."

He made a face. "Stop. It was nothing. She's so great." Bending slightly, he murmured in a higher pitched voice. "Aren't you? Aren't you the greatest girl? Yes you are."

Now Jane couldn't hold back the long groan such an exhibition required. "Cut it out! You're turning into Korsak and I'm too tired to deal with your baby talk."

Grinning, Frankie gathered the scruffy animal in his arms and sat up. "Jealous?"

Even though a small part of her actually was, Jane shot back, "No! Just normal."

From his new angle, Frankie caught site of the photo prominently displayed on Jane's laptop.

"Who's the dude?"

Jane's eyes cut to the picture . Smiling, she answered, "That's my new friend, Miguel."

She had been skimming the photo cd he had included in the package and had stopped at the one where Miguel was holding his shirt up and asking his friend about Jane's abs. It cheered her up.

Frankie looked skeptical.

Teasing, he interrogated, "Janie, did you get seduced by the cabana boy?"

Now she did roll her eyes … dramatically. "He's a bartender. And no, I did not."

Lowering his eyebrows, her brother peered closer from across the table. "You look pretty cozy to me."

Sighing, Jane flicked off the power to the laptop, closed it, and crossed her arms. "I told you he was just a friend. Besides, he asked if either you or Tommy were as attractive as I was …"

"And you said …?"

"I said that I didn't think of either of you in that way, but I supposed you were decent enough looking."

Frankie looked slightly offended before the realization of what they were really discussing sank in.

"You didn't just tell him that we weren't into guys?"

Enjoying his reaction for a moment, Jane recalled her own thoughts during this particular conversation with Miguel. About the silliness of certainty. She decided to answer honestly.

"I said that I was relatively sure that Tommy was straight."

Now Frankie's mouth dropped open. He seemed to want to speak, but he didn't have control of his vocal chords. Instead he sputtered.

"Y…y…you said what?"

"You heard me. When he asked if either of my brothers might be available, I thought about it and said that I was pretty sure that Tommy was straight."

"B… b…but you know I'm not gay!"

Softening her expression and speaking slowly so that he would know she wasn't teasing or egging him on, Jane leaned forward.

"I would assume that you aren't but I wouldn't really know. We've never discussed it."

Frankie still looked completely dumbfounded. Lost. Definitely confused.

"Janie … when anyone asks me if you're … if you … you know … because you're a cop and you're so tough … like one of the guys …"

She waited patiently for him to finish.

"… I've been asked more than a few times if you're … if you … play for the other team. And I always let them know that just because you aren't always real girly, that doesn't make you a … that doesn't make you …"

His eyes pleaded with her to complete the thought on her own.

"A lesbian?"

Relief seemed to rush out of him like a wave. "Yeah! I always tell them that you're not one." His whole demeanor indicated that she should show him the same courtesy, the same defense.

Jane's heart was thudding ominously now. This was the moment, the opening, she needed. She braced herself, dreading the idea that her closest family member might cut her to the quick with his response.

"Frankie … what if I told you that you were wrong about that?"

She held her breath and watched his face closely. The quizzical expression held for a long beat, then it was like watching a slow-motion morphing video as his features changed. He was incredulous. Stunned.

"But … you … had boyfriends. You've always dated guys …"

Jane didn't know whether or not to interject or let him continue.

"I know guys have slept over … I mean … What the hell, Janie?"

She swallowed several times, cursing how dry her mouth was. "Frankie … I know this is a surprise …"

"Hell yeah it is."

"Let me say something …"

"You could've said something before!"

Jo Friday jumped down from the sofa, disturbed by the tone and volume of their voices.

Jane rubbed her face with her hands, a habit she couldn't seem to break when she was trying to get her thoughts together.

Pushing herself up from the floor at the end of the coffee table, she paced for a minute. Frankie was silent, probably reprocessing all the evidence that she was now telling him was false.

Finally, Jane sat on the opposite end of the couch, one knee drawn up in front of her as she perched sideways facing her brother.

"I haven't lied to you … I promise. I didn't know this about myself, really. Recently … things have happened, things that made it clear to me that … I'm … I haven't been fully who I really am."

She could tell by the question in his eyes that Frankie thought she was speaking gibberish.

Reaching for his hand, she clutched it tightly.

"Frankie … I fell in love with someone, hard. And this person is female. At first I was confused too. But nothing has ever felt like this. It was like something just snapped into place. Like there was a perfectly good reason why all of my previous experiences or relationships were always so doomed or dysfunctional or lacking or disappointing. I know that this is hard to understand, believe me, but I'm sure. It took me this long to figure it out, but I'm not going to end up with a guy."

Her words were met with silence. Frankie didn't move. He didn't take his hand away but he didn't look up at Jane either.

She could feel the tears welling up. The lump about to form in her throat. This was Frankie. Her staunchest ally. She didn't realize until now how much she needed him to accept this. Her voice barely a whisper, she begged.

"Please … say something."

"Does Ma know?"

Still breaking apart, Jane nodded and breathed out, "Yes."

Now her brother sought her eyes. His own full of worry, quickly turning to dismay as he saw that she was about to cry.

"Come here."

He dragged her forward by her hand even as she flung herself into his arms.

"Don't do that, Janie. It's no big deal. I was just feeling selfish … like you had decided that you couldn't talk to me, tell me stuff. And that would hurt. A lot. If you didn't trust me enough with this sort of thing, it would make me feel like a total waste. But now that you said it was only a little while ago you knew … I feel like a jerk for acting like this was about me."

Squeezing him tightly, Jane murmured, "Getting up the nerve to tell Ma was worse."

He chuckled, tickling the hair on her forehead. "Yeah, I bet. What'd she do?"

Pulling back so that she could really talk to him, Jane smiled. "She was so great, Frankie. You wouldn't think so, with all the meddling and the fixing me up … but she was amazing. She just wants me to be happy. I've never felt so close to her."

"Go figure."

Frankie was shaking his head, a sheepish smile on his face, when suddenly he went still. Looking meaningfully at his sister, he prodded.

"And Maura?"

Jane's emotion was too raw, too recent to allow her to cover up anything. She nodded.

"She knows."

Frankie raised an eyebrow. Almost a mirror image of his sister's favorite move.

"She knows that you're a … that you're gay … or that you're in love with her?"

Her little brother was a better detective than she'd given him credit for.

"Both. She knows both."

His grin was immediate.

"That's great! I shoulda seen it coming, really."

Jane drew back further until she was leaning against the opposite arm of the sofa.

"Hate to burst your bubble, little brother, but it's not great. She doesn't … she said that …"

This shouldn't still be so hard. "She just wants to stay friends."

Frankie made a face that clearly telegraphed "as if!"

"We had this discussion Frankie. It's not just my interpretation, my read on things. She does not feel the same way about me. And that's that."

"No way. Now that you've hit me upside the head with it, it's so obvious. She's kidding herself if that's what she thinks."

Jane grinned broadly now. He _was_ the advocate she'd thought all along.

"That's sweet, Frankie. But I need to be able to let it go at some point. She's the perfect best friend. I won't jeopardize that. I can't. Besides, there's a whole new world out there."

"Dammit."

Jane scowled. "You don't want me to be positive and hope that there's someone out there for me?"

"Of course I do … it's just …" He smiled slyly at her. "You've always been able to beat me at everything. Now you're probably going to have a way hotter girlfriend than me!"

Maura's image flashed briefly in Jane's mind. If it could be her, then Jane would definitely win.

"Probably. But it's not a contest."

"That's what you always say. Then you gloat."

"I love you, Frankie."

Blushing hard, he winked at her.

"Love you too."

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It was Wednesday before she told Frost.

Tuesday had been chock full of playing catch up. Jane worked through lunch and still had a long stretch of studying to do when she left. She was shocked to realize as she was putting on her jacket that she hadn't spoken to Maura since they'd both gotten coffee that morning.

A tiny part of her was proud of herself that she hadn't been distracted by thoughts of the M.E. at all during the day. Things might actually be able to get back to what used to be normal.

It would be "normal" for Jane to let Maura know that she was leaving, so she'd called downstairs. Aside from a quick "I'm heading out, lots of homework again tonight" she hadn't had much to say.

Still, the sound of Maura's voice as she'd replied, "Don't stay up too late," was enough to cause the familiar flutter in her stomach that was anything but routine.

She'd thought about how she was going to be Maura's best friend and still foster that feeling all the way home.

Just before she put the key in the door, Stuart had called. For a moment, she couldn't place him, but then he nervously reminded her that she'd asked for an update on Julie.

He reported that she'd had a rough night due to pain, but that her spirits were up and she was looking forward to being able to take care of herself. Somewhat awkwardly he'd added that they were keeping the phone away from her temporarily so that she wouldn't embarrass herself while she was so doped up. The last part had made Jane laugh.

Wednesday morning, she hadn't run into Maura in the café, but she'd finally had time to tell her mother about her conversation with Frankie. Angela couldn't have been more elated. Over and over again, she'd clasped Jane's hand on the counter, repeating "Thank God! You two are so close" several times until Jane grinned and grabbed both of her hands.

"I heard you the first four times, Ma."

"I can't help it! I'm just so happy. I don't like secrets …"

That didn't stop them both from agreeing that Tommy was on "need-to-know" status. It was too hard to predict how he'd handle the information. They cringed at the thought of him showing up at the precinct with "dates" for his sister.

When Jane called down to see if Maura had lunch plans, Susie had informed her that Dr. Isles was on a conference call that was expected to last at least another hour.

She'd barely hung up the phone when a uniformed officer appeared at her desk with what appeared to be a gift basket.

"Detective Rizzoli? This came for you. Cap told me to bring it up."

"Thanks, Russell."

Before she could even find the card amongst the folds of crinkly plastic decorative wrap, Frost was by her side.

"Somebody's very popular all of the sudden. Who else did you 'befriend' while you were away?"

Jane elbowed him in the ribs while digging into the center of the delivery. With a sound of triumph, she retrieved a small white envelope. Sensing that Frost was still too close, she turned sideways as she opened it, blocking his view.

"_Things that start with 'C':  
>Your middle name that is NOT Carol, Chastity, Carmen or Christmas.<br>Also, Chocolate Chip Cookies.  
>And <em>_cám ơn ('Thank you' in Vietnamese - had to really stretch to get that one ;)  
>Seriously, Jane THANK YOU!<br>Oh, and one more – Call me.  
>Julie" <em>

"You're blushing."

Jane quickly reinserted the card in the tiny envelope and shoved it in her pocket. "No I'm not."

"Oh yeah. You are."

Frost was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. She tried glaring at him, but it didn't work. Flustered, she tore into the top of the gift wrap where it was gathered and held together by a thick ribbon.

"You're going to ruin it!"

"Shut up, Frost."

Finally the ribbon gave way and she was able to uncover a pale pink bakery box. She could smell the aroma before she opened it. There were at least two dozen delicious-looking chocolate chip cookies … just like the card had hinted.

"Are you going to share?"

"These? I'm not sure I am." Jane snatched one up and took a big bite, groaning deeply at the taste.

"Well, yeah, that'd be the polite thing to do, but I was talking about the card. You gonna give up the name of the guy who just knocked it out of the park?"

Chewing slowly to delay her answer, Jane was caught. She couldn't think of any reason to avoid telling her partner, but once she did … she'd have even more questions to deal with.

"Uh … they're from the jogger I helped Monday morning. Just a 'thank you' gift."

Frost rocked back on his heels as he sized her up. "Mmmm hmmm. Must have been quite the charmer to cause the reaction I just witnessed." He grinned again. "Tall, dark and handsome?"

Clearing her throat and wiping some crumbs from her mouth, Jane replied quietly. "No… blonde, fit and female."

For a second or two, Frost just stood there. Jane could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes.

"Okay. My bad." Gesturing toward the box, he raised an eyebrow. "So, do I get one?"

"Yeah, take a few."

Without hesitating he pulled two of the cookies from the container. As he was headed back to his desk, Jane called softly, "Hey, Frost?"

Swiveling his head without stopping his steps, he looked back, "Yeah?"

"We'll talk more later, okay?"

The usual light was back in his smile. "Yeah. Let's do that."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They didn't have to wait very long, considering.

Both of them had just finished lunch when they heard Korsak call out, "Frost! Jane!"

His face was flushed as if he'd been hurrying to get to the bullpen. As soon as he realized that he had their attention he slowed down, taking a moment to catch his breath.

"Hey … cookies!"

"Never mind those, what's got you hollerin' down the walls and actually exerting some energy?"

Instantly irritated, the smile that had appeared at the sight of the open bakery box vanished. Korsak looked pointedly at Jane before he answered.

"Kapinski's bodyguard that's been in the wind … the one we haven't had jack to follow up on? The guys over at Vice just sent us a tip of a known location. Somewhere he's supposed to show later today. Cavanaugh wants you two to sit on it. Make sure the freak doesn't slip away into the void again."

Jane was intrigued but surprised at the assignment. "That's not something Frankie and Frost could handle?"

Korsak stepped closer, his eyes sliding back and forth from Jane to the cookies.

"Between you and me, I don't think the boss trusts the boys unsupervised." He ignored Frost's emphatic drop of his pen. "And besides, this doofus could break the Helton murder wide open if we can catch him and get him to roll on his people. Sean wants you on it, Jane."

Nodding, she pushed the box closer to his position and watched him help himself to at least four of the treats. "Understood."

Talking with his mouth full of the first bite, Korsak continued. "You get eyes on him and then you radio the sector cars to join you … this guy's as big as a bear."

"Let me grab a few things and get Frankie to look in on Jo … Frost, you want to pick me up?"

"Always, baby."

Now it was his turn to grin as Korsak grumbled and frowned.

"Oh! Korsak …" Jane scooped up the box, closing it roughly and smashing one side. "Make sure that Ma and Maura get at least a few of these, will ya? If I leave them in here the damn vultures won't even leave crumbs."

She thrust the thin cardboard container into his arms and blew past him on her way out the door.

"Frost! Give me 30 minutes …"

Jane was gone before Korsak could speak. He glanced down at the misshapen box and swallowed the cookie he was working on.

"Where'd these come from, anyway?"

Slipping his jacket on and holstering his gun, Frost smirked.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

True to his word, Korsak delivered the rest of the cookies (minus two more) to Angela at the café.

As usual, she seemed happy to see him.

And as usual, he felt clumsy and dim-witted the moment he made eye contact with her.

"Jane wanted you to have some of these …"

He had tried to make the box look a bit more presentable, but it was a losing effort.

Mrs. Rizzoli was gamely attempting to play along.

"Oookayy. Are we celebrating something?"

Korsak felt like such an idiot. He had no idea what was going on, other than the fact that Jane had a bakery box almost full of cookies on her desk when he went to notify her of Cavanaugh's instructions.

"Uhh, to be honest, Angela … I'm only guessing, but I think someone sent these to Jane. She didn't want to leave them on her desk because the guys upstairs can be real pri … immature about this sort of thing. She wanted you and Dr. Isles to have some before they disappeared. They're really good, too!"

He watched as Angela lifted the crushed lid … Christ, why hadn't he put them in something else before he brought them to her?

"I'm sure yours are better, but these are nice."

At his last comment, Angela beamed. "You're so sweet, Vince. Not everything I bake or cook is fantastic you know."

"No, I don't. But I wouldn't mind being your taste tester until we find an exception."

He had willed himself to stop talking, but it was doing no good. He relaxed a little when she gave a soft laugh.

"I might just take you up on that!" She reached in the box and broke off a piece of the nearest cookie. Popping it into her mouth, she started to nod. "These _are_ very good … and someone sent them to Jane …"

"That's what it looked like."

"I'll put a few in a bag for Maura." She turned to retrieve a lunch sack, but stopped short. "Why didn't Jane bring them down herself?"

"Oh, yeah … she and Frost are on stakeout duty. Just got the call a little while ago."

Instead of looking worried like he'd feared, her expression brightened.

"I should make them some sandwiches. And send some fruit."

Korsak tried to think of a polite way to decline on their behalf, but he wasn't about to burst Mrs. Rizzoli's bubble.

"Sure, that'd be great. I'll radio Frost and have him swing back by …"

"Vince …"

"Yes?"

"How do you think she's doing? Really? I haven't seen much of her since Sunday. She's so busy trying to make sure she's on top of everything now that she's back …"

Finally, something he felt sure about … felt comfortable discussing with her.

"She seems really good, Angela. Like she's in a real good place. I've been keeping my eye on her. There's no trace of the troubled expressions or dark moods like … before. And she and Dr. Isles, from what little I've seen … seem to be …basically back to old times, ya know?"

Angela closed her eyes briefly and exhaled. "Thank God. I'm not as sure about Maura … where her head is right now, but Janie does seem so much more … open and positive ... so strong."

"That might be what it takes."

"Oh, sandwiches!" She slapped both hands on the counter and waved at him as she was backpedalling into the kitchen. "Don't forget to have them pick up!"

Korsak was really smiling now. Frost would hate having the equivalent of his mom chasing down the school bus because he'd forgotten his lunch.

Looking around swiftly, he leaned across and swiped one more cookie, just for good measure.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had been running through series after series of concentrating exercises just to keep her focus on the front of the building.

The dilapidated Chinese restaurant seemed like the last place this particular stone-cold kingpin's shadow would frequent, but maybe that was the point.

It would have been easy to become mesmerized by the torn and faded paper lanterns that twisted near the doorway. She'd played several variations of "'what do you see?" in the peeling gold paint on the large Buddha's stomach. Kind of like a Rorschach test or a child's game with clouds.

Occasionally she checked her phone, but only if she was sure that Frost was alert.

Julie's roommate Erin had texted her Julie's cell phone number … a clear indication that a replacement had been acquired and activated.

_"Call me."_

She really should. To thank her for the cookies. See how she was feeling.

"I don't remember ever having my oranges already peeled for me. Except in those little cans."

Jane shifted slightly.

"What? Were you raised by wolves?!" Grinning, she murmured in a low voice, "I always hated it. Wanted to do it myself. I enjoyed the methodical nature of it."

Frost tossed a wedge into his mouth. "I wouldn't have thought you'd have had the patience."

"Careful now. Or I'll tell my mother you didn't finish your pb&j."

Frost's voice was soft as well. "I'm saving it for later. We might be here for decades."

"Don't jinx it!"

"The lights are still on in there, so it's possible that he'll still show. Vice said that this was based on good intel." He wiped his hands and tossed the napkin into the backseat. "Besides … it's only nine o'clock."

"Is that all? Jesus. We've been sitting here since just after 2:30." She tried to flex her feet and adjust her legs for the millionth time.

"Maybe it would help if you just made that call."

Momentarily forgetting to keep her eyes forward, Jane whipped her head around toward the driver's seat. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, the way you're fidgeting with your phone, you're either expecting a call or trying to decide whether or not to make one."

"Dammit, Frost."

He chuckled. "Gotcha." His eyes were alertly scanning the street and the front of the restaurant.

Jane threw her head back against the headrest and blew air through her mouth in frustration. "I just don't want you to use your powers on me."

"Tell you what …" He stretched as much as he could around the steering wheel. "You take point for a few minutes while I go pee just over there … and then I'll sit on those stairs for a while and watch at that angle."

Jane was grateful, but grumbled anyway. "It's not fair that you can pee standing up without taking your pants off."

Frost was turned toward the door, ready to open it. "Yeah, and it's not fair that y'all get all the lifeboats."

The interior lights had been shut off, so he was out of the car in a flash without causing any sort of distraction. Jane kept her eyes glued to the dimly lit corner across the street. Once she picked Frost up in her peripheral vision, shuffling toward the steps to their left … his oversized coat and knit hat making him appear to be just another street dweller … she flipped her phone over and took a deep breath.

She couldn't for the life of her figure out why she was nervous.

"Step up, Rizzoli, you don't have all night." With a deep cleansing breath, she dialed.

After the third ring, she was inordinately relieved that no one had picked up. Just as the fourth was starting, and she was deciding to press "End," there was a different noise, followed by a quiet, "Hello?"

Shit.

Jane cleared her throat. "Uh, Professor Bennett?"

Moron. That was smooth.

There was a slight pause, then the voice was warmer, stronger. "Yes. Detective Rizzoli?"

Jane could tell she was being teased, even with so few words.

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better now that you called. Why are we being so formal?"

Refusing to be tongue-tied, Jane blurted out. "I have no idea."

The laughter that came back eased the tension she'd been building up.

"My ankle is ugly and sore, but getting better by the hour. I didn't take my full dose of pain medication today, so my head's much clearer. I understand that I was quite entertaining while I was under the influence."

"Have you been able to walk at all?"

"Yes. Today I even went to the bathroom all by myself!"

The triumph was so child-like that Jane grinned. "Good girl."

"Not all the time." This time the tone was practically purring.

Jane felt her face get warm. Before she could speak again, Julie was overcome with a fit of giggles. "I wish I could see your face! You're so much fun to mess with. It's like you've never had anyone flirt with you before."

That statement was true on a certain level.

"Jane?"

Now Julie sounded worried.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I thought that … Monday … you seemed so comfortable with the teasing .."

"No, it's fine. Really. I enjoy it." Christ! "It's just harder to read when you're not face to face."

"Whew. I thought I had blown it."

"Nah, nothing blown." Jane grinned again. "The guys I work with would turn into eleven year olds if they heard me say that."

"Hah!"

Jane shifted again so that she could see Frost. "Listen, I can't talk long, but I wanted to thank you for the cookies. They were delicious. And thoughtful."

"It's not enough. For all your time and trouble."

"Julie … I'm glad I was there."

"Tell you what … the doctor said that I can get out of the apartment tomorrow. I can do as much as I feel capable of …"

"That's great …"

"So, why don't I make you dinner Friday night?"

Jane was speechless. That had come out of nowhere. Well, at least in this conversation.

"You don't have to do that …"

"You don't want me to?"

"No, it's not that, but you aren't 100% …"

"If I can't get around as well as I thought, we'll postpone it. Now … this is going to be awkward, but .."

"But?"

"We'll never have a moment's peace if you come over here … so I suppose I'm also inviting myself over to your place."

Before Jane could answer, Julie exhaled loudly. "Geez. First, I should have asked if you were busy Friday. What a colossal assumption on my part."

"I'm not busy Friday. That I know of … things are always unpredictable in homicide."

There was silence on the other end of the conversation.

"So, dinner at your place then? Friday, say 7:00? Subject to change if I can't hobble around and you can't get away? I'll bring the fixin's …"

Jane nodded even though Julie couldn't see her. "Sure. Sounds like a plan. But don't push yourself. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good to know. But, we're not talking a four course Julia Child dinner here, Detective. Simple and easy and hopefully edible."

"Edible would be good."

Frost was making his way back toward the car.

"Hey, thanks again for the cookies. I'll check with you tomorrow if I can, to see if venturing outside agrees with you."

"I'd like that …"

"Bye …"

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Corabelle?"

Laughing into the phone without answering, Jane closed the connection.

Immediately her gaze went back to the target as Frost climbed in.

"Feel better?"

Frost reached for the thermos of coffee. "Oh yeah. Like a new man."

Pouring a cup for himself and then one for Jane, he handed hers over. "You?"

"Yeah. Thanks. For the nudging. And the privacy."

"That's what partners do."

"You're a good one, Frost."

"I know."

She didn't need to look at him to know that he was grinning. She heard him slouch comfortably against the driver side door.

"So, partner … tell me more about Ms. Blonde and Fit … a name would be nice, for starters …"

Jane took a sip of coffee.

It was as good a way to pass the time as any …

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the end part 23  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	24. Chapter 24

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 24?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating:<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: And I suddenly see you … Did I tell you I need you?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By the time Jane woke up on Thursday, half the day was gone.

And her head felt much like it did the day of her epic hangover. She closed her eyes again and exhaled deeply. Fighting a yawn, she stretched, moving as little as possible on the bed.

Gradually the events of the night came back to her. The stakeout. The Chinese restaurant. Talking to Frost. All hell breaking loose.

It had been past one in the morning when their target had finally made an appearance. He had either been dropped off in the neighborhood or had parked a good distance away, because their first sight of him came as he was ambling slowly up the block from the opposite direction.

He seemed only marginally aware of his surroundings. Not swiveling his head or appearing to scope out the area as he moved.

Frost had radioed in immediately, asking the sector cars in the vicinity who had been briefed on the assignment to provide silent back up at their coded location. Once they had the place surrounded, they could take him down when he exited the premises.

Just as Wojtek, "The Bear" - bodyguard, enforcer, executioner, and all-around henchman for Runo Kipinski - was making his way up the few stairs toward the front door of the establishment, one of the uniforms came back over the radio, his voice pitched high with excitement.

"Nothin' like a late night bear hunt!"

Before Frost or Jane could admonish him, the lights inside the restaurant went off. Instantaneously, Wojtek whirled around and sprinted back the way he'd come.

"FUCK!"

Jane was out of the car and running after him in a flash. She could hear Frost's footsteps echoing behind her, could make out his gasping update over the radio.

"Runner … eastbound … in pursuit."

Angling to cut off Wojtek's path, she streaked around a parked car and screamed at him to stop, identifying herself as police. He faltered long enough for her to take a position in front of him, but he was much quicker than his gigantic frame indicated.

She hadn't even fully raised her gun before he closed in and swatted it roughly out of her grasp. Instinctively, she kicked him in the crotch as he lunged for her. His near seven foot height meant that even though he wasn't standing straight up when she made contact, her leg was raised higher than the maneuver usually required, and she was off balance. It took just a split second and a glancing blow from his forearm to flip her over and send her sprawling face down on the curb.

The impact stunned her, took her breath away. She had too much adrenaline flowing to feel her injuries, but her focus and command failed her, slowing her movements. When she rolled over, desperate to know what might be coming next, she saw Frost swing something from behind, catching the big man on the back of his head as he bent over in agony and dropping him to the ground like a massive bag of sand.

As Frost looked frantically toward his partner, she winced then growled, "My gun!"

Kicking Wojtek to make sure he was definitely out, Frost sprinted toward her piece, securing it in his waistband as he broke out his handcuffs.

Now she could tell that Frost was really rattled. He was cursing up a storm as he tried to clasp the bracelets around the perp's titanic wrists. "Mother FUCKER! Son of a BITCH!"

If she hadn't been so off kilter, Jane would have been proud of his rare blue streak. Sitting up, her hand flew to a spot over her eye that suddenly burned with pain. Jesus, there was a lot of blood. Her wrist was scraped nearly raw, but wasn't bloody … yet.

Frost was huffing and puffing from the effort to secure his prisoner. When he finally completed his task, he slumped against the guy's side and punched his radio.

"Suspect … in custody … need a bus as well as transport."

Throwing his head back and sucking in air, he listened to the confirmation of his request. Then he looked over at Jane.

"You … sure … you're … ok?" He blanched at the sight of the blood dripping from over her eye, down her cheek and neck.

Staggering a little, Jane stood up. "You got something I can press against this?" She looked around. "Where the FUCK are those squad cars?!"

Frost snatched his cap from his head and tossed it to her. As soon as she had applied pressure, she leaned down and motioned for her gun, holstering it the second it was returned to her.

"What'd you hit him with?"

Scanning the concrete all around him, Frost indicated his weapon of choice. "That. Piece of pipe … from that broken ass chain link fence right there."

Nodding, Jane was still trying to pull herself together. "Who knew he could move like a damn ninja?"

She could hear Frost's low chuckle. "We should've known the beast man wouldn't give up without a brawl." His voice turned serious. "Damn glad you're okay. Thought I was gonna puke when I saw him fling you around like a rag doll. Talk about your David and Goliath. You were fighting WAY outside your weight class …"

Leaning against a car nearby, Jane could finally hear sirens. "Awww. You noticed." Now her scrapes and cuts were beginning to throb. "Good work, Frost. I mean it." She tried tilting her head to stem the flow.

"But next time … let's just shoot him."

"Naw. Think how much fun it will be in interrogation when they let him know that a skinny girl and a short brother brought him down by themselves."

Two police cars roared up in tandem, screeching to halt a few yards from where the detectives were waiting.

Frost was on his feet and as angry as Jane had ever seen him. As the uniformed officers exited their vehicles, his voice boomed.

"Which one of you ASSHOLES was chirping on the radio!?"

Three grim faces turned toward a ghostly pale red haired young man. He hesitantly raised his hand. "That would be me, sir. I'm so sorry … I didn't …"

"SHUT UP! They had a scanner on our frequency, you SHITSTAIN! You're damn lucky you didn't roll up here to find one or both of us dead!"

Disgusted, he shook his head and walked a few paces away just as another unmarked joined the party. Recognizing the detectives, he jogged over to fill them in. Two of the uniforms rolled Wojtek on his side and checked his pulse.

Not exactly woozy, but not exactly 100%, Jane stayed where she was against the car. The red head tentatively approached, apologizing as he neared.

Holding up her scraped hand, Jane stopped him. "Just … learn from it."

Swallowing a few times before he could speak, the younger officer ventured. "Ma'am, you should really have that looked at."

Ma'am. Christ.

He was off like a rocket to summon one of the newly arriving ambulance attendants.

Frost hovered while they checked her out, sending signals with his expressions behind her back when she insisted that she just needed to get cleaned up. In the end, she had to submit to a ride in the bus to the ER for stitches.

Three stitches.

Right above her left eyebrow.

They were just finishing up when Cavanaugh walked over to her ER station. Jane had to remain immobile, but she managed to murmur loud enough for him to hear, "My mother does not need to know about this. Not until she sees me."

Trying not to crack a smile, he nodded. "Agreed." He appeared not to know what to do with his hands, so he jammed them in his pockets.

"Just took a report from Frost outside. Despite the excitement, you two did a hell of job. I thought I was going to have to lecture you about waiting for back up again, but after I heard what that numbnuts did to blow the whole thing up, I realize you didn't have a choice. And you got him. Now he's Witsec's problem."

"Thank you, sir." Jane cringed as the ER intern snipped the last of the suture thread. "How they're gonna hide that mothe … guy … with a new identity is beyond me."

"I'm glad you're alright, Rizzoli. Next time tell him to pick on someone his own size." He turned toward the young doctor. "Does she have any special instructions?"

The intern balked at the question, looking back and forth between Jane and the gruff Lieutenant.

"I can tell the patient that she should clean the scrapes on her wrist and hand each day, apply the ointment provided, and try not to get the bandages wet. As for the head injury, it's superficial. There are no signs of concussion, so I would say that if she feels well enough for any kind of activity, there would be no restriction."

Jane tried to grin, but it hurt too much. The doctor was speaking directly to her now.

"The stitches should dissolve on their own, but if you have any trouble, notice any sign of infection, come back to see us or follow up with your doctor."

As he left the emergency room, Cavanaugh had patted her on the shoulder and then pointed his finger at her.

"I don't want to see you or your partner before 12:30 tomorrow, understand?"

"Yes sir. And … thanks."

It had been after three when Frost finally dropped her off and she silenced her cell phone.

She rolled her head sideways and peered at the clock. It was noon. Time for her to check her bandages and get a hot shower.

Dreading what she would see in the mirror when she made it to the bathroom, she forced herself to sit up. Her mother was going to have a cow.

And she had missed her morning run for the first time since she'd returned from vacation. Dammit. Groaning as she eased out of bed, she realized that she'd also missed coffee with Maura again as well.

Maybe if she hurried - if she was capable of hurrying - they could still grab lunch.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura Isles was experiencing something rather uncommon in her world:

Impatience.

Jane was always the one who couldn't wait for results; who insisted on guessing and moving along without all the facts or the complete picture.

Maura had learned over time not to rush the science and that same disciplined approach colored her daily outlook as well. She was methodical and deliberate and felt much more comfortable letting things unfold as they naturally would.

But not now. Now she felt like she was trying to perform an autopsy on a subject who would not remain still. She was totally frustrated and unable to control the situation.

The most important conversation of her whole life kept getting postponed. The window of opportunity she kept looking for was never more than slightly open.

All of the trauma and damage she had caused was going to need more restorative effort than just something she managed to blurt out. She had to make sure she created a safe space … had time to frame her argument, lay out the evidence. She could make this right … make it wonderful … given the chance and the correct environment.

She could tell that Angela was being almost lethally tolerant of her restraint. On one hand, Mrs. Rizzoli's position was very supportive and appreciated. On the other … it was so abnormal and unbelievable that it was grating on her last nerve.

Maura longed to pour her heart out to her tenant about her internal struggle over finding the right moment, the precise words. But she also knew that it was important that Jane be the first to hear those thoughts. And her decision.

She shook her head.

It had only been four days. Five, if you counted the brief interaction they'd had the night Jane arrived home in Boston.

Four days that felt like years in solitary confinement.

And it looked for all the world like it would stretch into at least seven.

Korsak had greeted her in the café with the news about the stakeout duty lasting most of the night. Angela was anxious to know Jane's whereabouts and he quieted her fears by letting her know that Jane and Frost had been "ordered" to get some rest. To not show up until after lunch.

As much as Maura loved the idea of Jane getting that extra sleep, she was powerfully disappointed that the detective was going to miss the whole morning. She needed to see Jane before she left.

After wrapping things up in the lab and making sure she had the necessary items for her trip, she gathered her things and headed back upstairs to the café. She would spend the last few minutes with Angela … and maybe leave a special message for Jane.

She was just rolling her suitcase and her medical valise up to the counter when she saw Angela's face go slack. The older woman dropped the towel she was holding.

Whipping her head in the direction of Angela's stare, she saw Jane entering the room … with a bandage over her eye, some nasty bruising, and a slight abrasion on her cheek.

The banged-up detective raised both hands in an effort to curtail Mrs. Rizzoli's comments, exposing the gauze on her wrist.

"Ma! Ma … wait just a second …"

Angela was around the counter before her daughter could finish. She was practically sputtering.

"Oh m-m-y God! W-w-what in the world!"

Jane was still making "settle down" motions when she reached her mother.

"I'm okay, Ma! It's not as bad as it looks. It's nothing really …"

"It's NOT nothing! You're hurt!"

Jane looked helplessly at Maura and tried again.

"Ma … listen! … I just got knocked down, that's all. It's hardly even worth the bandages …"

Maura had stepped closer, her stomach in a knot as she critically examined Jane's face.

"Tell her, Maura … it's just a surface wound."

But it was such a beautiful surface.

Maura bit her lip as her fingers carefully brushed the hair away from Jane's eyebrow, then prodded gently over and around the bandage, her feather-light touch almost caressing Jane's cheek as she finished her once over.

"She's right Angela. It's not serious."

Even as the words left her mouth, she stifled the urge to envelope the policewoman in a fierce, concerned embrace.

"Yeah … it only needed three stitches …"

Angela's hand flew to her mouth. "Stitches!"

Now Jane was rolling her eyes. "Yes, stitches. Itty bitty tiny little stitches that were done in a second. I barely even felt them."

Maura could tell she was about to start babbling, but she couldn't contain it.

"Head wounds such as this tend to bleed profusely, even if they are minor. There are so many blood vessels networked throughout the scalp and face, almost like mesh … and they are very close to the skin, unlike in other parts of the body. Lacerations in these areas often seem more severe than they are because of the copious hemorrhaging."

Angela shuddered. Tenderly, she took Jane's chin in her hand, searching her daughter's eyes.

"You promise me that you're okay?"

"I promise, Ma."

Jane could barely finish before Angela hugged her tight. Maura thought she heard Mrs. Rizzoli utter a prayer under her breath as she relaxed her grip and released her oldest.

"You shoulda seen the other guy! This Wojtek … real freak of nature that one."

"Do you mean Wojtek, as in 'Wojtek, the Bear'?"

Jane looked at her strangely. "How do you know about Wojtek?"

Maura smiled patiently. "You're pronouncing it incorrectly. It's Polish and so it's more like 'Voy-tech' than 'Woge-tech.'"

"Well excuse me. I didn't stop to ask him if I was saying it right."

"Wojtek," she paused as she enunciated, "was a famous bear that became a soldier and helped fight the Nazis during World War II ... It's a fascinating part of Polish history. Reportedly, he smoked cigarettes and drank beer with the men and followed them into battle. In one particular skirmish, he carried heavy artillery back and forth to the front lines."

Jane was just staring at her. Then she smiled tightly.

"Thanks for the lesson."

"I was just trying to say that if this criminal's … 'street name' … is Wojtek, he must be quite an intimidating figure."

"Yes. Intimidating. Like seven feet tall intimidating."

Angela gasped. "And you tried to fight him?"

"No, Ma. I did not try to 'fight him.' I tried to … we did … arrest him!"

For the first time, Jane noticed Maura's luggage.

"Goin' somewhere?"

Maura glanced down and realized the point of Jane's inquiry.

"Yes, I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to you both before I had to leave …" She checked her watch. "But it looks like I only have a few minutes before my car arrives."

"The conference call I was part of yesterday when you called about lunch? That was with the authorities in Pittsfield. I was trying to reassure them that they are in no danger from the Marburg virus, based on my review of the file they shared electronically. Because of the sensitive nature of the case and their fear of the level of panic associated with these types of acutely contagious illnesses, they would prefer that I draw my final conclusion from an in person evaluation."

"Pittsfield? They expect you to go all the way to Pittsfield just to make them feel better?"

"Jane, I am the Chief Medical Examiner for the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts … and it seems that someone with connections to the state Health Commissioner has family in Pittsfield."

Angela was becoming agitated once again.

"If they're that worried, are you sure that it's safe for you to go there?"

Maura nodded emphatically.

"It's a formality really, Angela. From the photos, reports and charts I studied, there was no sign of a maculopapular rash, no increase in the number of neutrophilic leukocytes and no abnormal platelet aggregation. Someone's imagination is running wild and I just need to sign off on the cause of death after I personally examine the deceased. That should both reassure the powers that be and place any liability squarely on my shoulders."

Still wary but resigned to the fact that the M.E. was going, Angela relaxed.

"How long will this little field trip to Pittsfield take? It's like they just assume that you have nothing to do here. God, I hate political interference."

Maura shrugged at Jane.

"I have a flight into Albany this afternoon. There is a colleague of mine there who has agreed to accompany me as 'back up'." She beamed at Jane as she used the term. "My opinion will be corroborated by an official from New York, the paperwork will be impeccable, and there should be no further complications or protestations."

She grabbed the extended handle of her suitcase.

"It will probably be evening by the time we reach Pittsfield, so realistically we won't get started until sometime tomorrow morning. Depending on the amount of red tape and hand-holding required, I probably won't be home until sometime early Saturday."

Angela immediately offered, "Do you need us to pick you up from the airport?"

Smiling, Maura touched her hand.

"I'm not sure, but I will certainly call you if I do."

Turning toward Jane, she took a step closer. In a lower voice, she inquired, "Do you have plans Saturday evening?"

She held her breath and hoped that her question had sounded casual enough.

"Not that I know of. If you want to do something, I'm free. Did ya have anything particular in mind?"

"Nothing specific. By Saturday, you will have been home a week and I'd really like to spend some time hearing more about your trip … and just … catching up."

Jane's smiled wide and then cringed as she felt the effect of the movement on her injured face.

"I'd love that. It's a d …"

Maura's heart sank as she watched Jane struggle to avoid the term and continue her thought.

"I'll be looking forward to it."

Unconsciously reaching once again to brush the hair away from the detective's eyebrow, Maura murmured softly.

"Take care of this … of yourself … until I get back."

Their eyes met for a moment and Maura was sure she had stopped breathing altogether. Jane's expression was unfathomable but her skin flushed warmly under Maura's fingers.

The short, sharp nod brought Maura back to earth. Made her realize that she was still touching the scrape that shaded Jane's cheekbone. Reluctantly, she let her hand drop.

Readjusting her grip on her bag, she forced a cheery smile toward Angela.

"If you see Bass in the kitchen or living room, there are some strawberries in the refrigerator that you can give him."

"Okay, sweetie. Have a safe trip!"

Other than the nod she had given, Jane had remained motionless since Maura had initiated the last contact. She twisted slightly as the doctor rolled her things toward the door of the café.

"Go knock some sense into 'em. Take care of business and get back here."

Acknowledging the comment with a small wave, Maura lifted her chin.

"I will. And I will see you Saturday."

There.

She had done it.

Despite all of the detours, everything was falling into place.

Now that she had a goal, the hours and activities between now and Saturday were nothing more than speed bumps.

In her down time, she would work on what to say.

Incredibly, a little voice in her head started campaigning for her to just let her heart do all the talking.

Amazed at herself for even considering such a thing, and a bit amused as well, she made her way out of the building.

Being in love might just turn her into a more spontaneous and impulsive person.

If she allowed it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane and Frost spent much of the afternoon retelling the story of their run in the night before. Now that they were both out of danger, teasing was rampant.

"What, you didn't bring any tranquilizer darts?"

"I always heard you should play dead …"

"Rizzoli, somebody said Winnie the Pooh kicked your ass …"

Frost took some of the worst of it. He didn't have a scratch on him.

"I didn't think they let you use female partners as bait anymore."

"Man, you watched her get tossed away like in one of those Sasquatch commercials and you didn't beat him to a pulp?"

"Stop messin' with Frost, you punks. He's a lover not a fighter. Or is it 'he's a loser not a fighter'? Yeah, I think that's it."

"Hey Frosty, are they gonna let you make a rug out of him?"

"We always knew she was the tough one."

Despite all the harsh tweaks and dismissive comments, it was obvious that the guys in the department were proud of the collar.

When Jane came back from the bathroom later in the day, there was a small teddy bear leaning against her phone.

With its eyes X'd out.

The good mood in the bullpen and the handful of ibuprofen she'd taken helped counteract some of the soreness in her face and hand.

But the scrape on her wrist made it really difficult to type up her report.

As she finished she thought about the long email she had sent Miguel Monday night, detailing everything from her week at the 'yoga farm' and her arrival back in the Commonwealth. She tried not to oversell the hug with Maura, the consolation she'd felt that things weren't awkward. Well, except when Maura touched her or was barely dressed.

Because she had written it as if she were having a conversation with him, she described the family lunch and her discovery of Julie on the jogging path. It was nice to be able to confess that she enjoyed all the flirting without having to qualify anything.

Since she didn't send it until well past Frankie's departure, she was also able to include her conversation with him and her overwhelming relief that it had turned out so well.

She'd thanked him profusely for the gifts and photos, mischievously mentioning that several people had remarked on how attractive he was. Even though she remained somewhat self-conscious about the idea, she gave her approval for the resort to use one of the photos of her walking on the beach in their marketing materials.

It was almost pathetic how she had begged for news about Gerard.

As of Wednesday morning, she hadn't received a reply, and she was in too much of a hurry to get to work earlier to check her home account before she left. Even if she didn't have a message tonight, she thought about sending him another … venting about the stakeout and bringing him up to speed on the sudden dinner at her place the following night.

Shit. She should probably call Julie and make sure they were still on.

Yanking her phone out to do just that, she realized how fazed by her late night, and her tangle with Wojtek the Giant, she really was.

She'd never turned her phone back on today.

Jesus Christ.

Roughly activating it, she waiting impatiently for the few seconds it took to be ready. Immediately, she heard the alert sounds for missed calls and messages.

One missed call was from Julie, right before noon. She also had received a text from the professor about an hour later.

Before she read her messages, she punched in the code to retrieve her voicemail. Expecting to hear Julie's voice, she was mildly surprised when she recognized Tommy.

"Hey … ah … Janie. Gimme a call back ASAP, okay? There's a small situation, nothing urgent or really serious, but I need some advice. So … uh … hit me back."

Groaning inwardly and trying to keep her imagination in check, she decided to read Julie's message before dealing with her younger brother.

"_I'm out and about! So far, so good. Pacing myself. Let me know if your schedule still looks friendly for tomorrow night. Do you have any allergies?"_

Jane grinned. Her cheek and eye were hurting less when she did that now.

She quickly sent back:

"_That's great! Let's see how you feel tomorrow. No word yet that I will have to work. Pretty sure I'm allergic to tofu."_

Ducking into the break room, she sighed deeply and braced herself as she dialed Tommy's number.

"Yeah?"

"Hello to you too."

"Jane! Thanks for getting back to me …"

"Make it fast, I'm busy."

'Yeah, okay. Uh, well … I was kinda late for work, so I parked Jerry's truck close to the building …"

"AND?"

"And when I came out at lunch, there was a ticket on the windshield and one of those … whaddyacallits … round things that lock the tires up …"

Exhaling heavily through her nose as she gritted her teeth, Jane supplied, "Parking boot."

"Yeah one of those. Listen, I called the number and the guy tells me that they'll come take it off, but I have to give him cash for the ticket and the … boot … removal fee, which … Christ! Jane, it's like ninety bucks on top of the fine for the parking violation!"

Jane gingerly covered her forehead with her bandaged hand, careful not to put any pressure on either injury.

"Tommy … why are you calling me about this?"

"Cause you're the police! Can't you get me a warning or something?"

Clenching her jaw and counting to ten, Jane forced herself not to yell.

"I have nothing to do with traffic, Tommy. I could lose my job for interfering. You did park where it was clearly prohibited, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah. But like I said, I was gonna be really late …"

"Tommy!"

He was pleading now.

"Can't you just borrow a key that'll release this thing? I promise I'll pay the ticket when I get the money."

"No, I 'can't just borrow a key' … For fuck's sake, you are a grown man! When are you going to start acting like it? "

"I know I screwed up. I get it. But I have another job to go to, and Jerry needs the truck back tomorrow morning. I'll agree that I'm every stupid name you've ever called me, but just help me figure this out, please. Janieee."

Lowering the phone away from her face, Jane swayed backward and sideways in frustration. Anyone watching would have thought that by the way she was shaking her arms, she was trying to fling something distasteful off of her jacket.

"How much do you need?"

"Oh God. Thank you so much! I will make it up to you, I swear …"

"How much, Tommy?"

"The ticket is for …" She could hear him rustling the paper as he checked. ".. uh, shit …seventy five dollars." He cleared his throat. "Plus the ninety to get the thing off … that makes …"

When the pause stretched past a few seconds, Jane practically screamed into the phone.

"ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE DOLLARS! That makes $165." Suddenly she was completely drained. "I'll get it together and send Frankie to drop it off to you."

"NO!"

"No?!"

"I mean … you can't send Frankie. Jesus, don't even tell him, will ya, Jane?"

If she hadn't known better, she would have thought he was going choke up.

"I had to call him about something else barely two weeks ago. While you were gone. He helped me out, but he had a really shitty attitude about it. Said he would make sure I spent the night in jail if he had to save my ass one more time. Janie … please … can we just keep this between us?"

Son of a bitch. What was it about this kid … this man … that made the three of them always give in to him? He had a sweet soul, for sure … but holy hell was he a royal screw up sometimes.

And she was such a sucker for those who needed her help.

"You are going to pay me every cent of this back …"

"Yes! As God is my witness, Janie … you won't even have to ask me … you won't have to say a word …"

"Shut up, Tommy. Tell me exactly where you are."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When she'd arrived, Tommy had been upset by her appearance.

He was all bluster and testosterone. Vowing to "take out" whoever had done that to his sister. When she couldn't get him to rein it in, she punched him as hard as she could in the shoulder with her good hand. He'd crumbled instantly. She had laughed at his indignation.

Then she spent the time waiting for the traffic officer telling him about the bust.

He was jacked up and excited like a fifteen year old just hearing about it. Calling her "sick" "wicked awesome" and "a straight up badass."

She just couldn't stay mad at him.

When the young … very young … traffic patrolman arrived, Jane didn't recognize him. Which wasn't unusual. Between this guy and the Opie look-a-like who thought "silent" backup meant just not using the sirens, it seemed that BPD was raiding junior high schools for recruits these days.

Once the cash was handed over, the boot was removed, and Tommy was free to go, he threw his arms around his sister and hugged her like a drowning man. She'd had to scream "cut it out!" several times before he released his grip.

Then he had kissed her sweetly on the cheek … just like he had every night when he was a toddler before going to bed.

She had melted.

Some "straight up badass" she was. Digging deep for a stern expression, she'd warned him that she better not hear that he'd done anything remotely wrong for at least the next six months.

He had driven off with a wave and his infectious grin.

Jane had stood there watching him leave, shaking her head at the complexities of family relationships.

Hell. Any relationship.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane couldn't stop yawning.

She knew that the entirety of her late night and the associated physical ordeal was bound to catch up with her, and thankfully, she had lasted long enough to read Miguel's email response and send him another update.

Because she was well aware that she could nod off any minute, she'd gotten completely ready for bed before she climbed in it, opened her laptop and scanned her inbox.

She wasn't disappointed.

Miguel updated her on the resort staff before reacting to her news.

Gerard was teaching one of his great nephews to golf, which was only possible because he had the patience of a saint. He had grinned for a whole day after Miguel told him Jane was doing fabulous and had hit it off with Julie.

Celia's granddaughter had come to visit and Miguel couldn't get over the transformation in the stoic older woman. Jane laughed at his description of her fawning and bragging and even swimming (!) with the young girl. He also mentioned that she wore the pin Jane had given her every day.

Just to tease her, he also brought her up to date on Ivan's latest exploits.

As for Miguel himself, he was fine. Had been slightly under the weather and had missed two days of work, zonked out on cold medicine … which is why it took him so long to answer.

Then he launched into paragraphs full of encouragement and thinly veiled mocking of her love life.

He wasn't so sure that Maura was going to stick to her guns about her "just friends" declaration, based on the little Jane had shared.

He was positively giddy about Julie, but carefully and supportively warned Jane not to compare the two women she was "involved" with. To accept Julie's interest in its own right, let her own feelings dictate how she proceeded, not just how they contrasted with her experience with Maura.

And to not feel guilty about anything that made her happy.

Of course, he wouldn't have been the Miguel she knew and now loved if he hadn't thrown in the following:

"_Who knows, bella … you might end up in an awesomely hot three-way."_

He'd ended with a plea to hear everything about her dinner date as soon as she could spare the time.

Somewhat energized by the communication, Jane poured out everything that had happened since Tuesday in her reply. Along with her nervousness and anticipation of the next evening.

She closed with a demand that he hug Gerard and Celia for her … literally. And a caution that she would know if he didn't go through with it.

At the last minute, she took a photo of herself to show off her battle scars, and included that in the message.

She had just closed the laptop when her phone beeped.

Glancing at the clock, she was surprised to find that it was only 8:30. It felt hours later.

The display announced a text from Julie. She totally wasn't used to the little surge of giddy tension that accompanied her interactions with this woman.

"Calliope, Camomile, or Columbia?"

Not even bothering to test the effect of her smile, she swiftly sent back:

"Nope. Three strikes and you're out."

She wasn't prepared for how the next text affected her.

"Damn. And before I even got to first base."

She was still staring at it, when a follow up arrived.

"Stop blushing."

Jane recovered quickly.

"You wish. Get some sleep."

It took a slightly longer for the phone to alert her this time.

"A wish is a dream your heart makes Or actually vice versa. Night, night."

Jane was perplexed. That sounded familiar but she couldn't place it. Shrugging she replied.

"What's that from?"

"Don't you remember Cinderella?"

Ah.

"I hated that. Probably blocked it from my mind. Stupid sexist cartoon. Only guys would think you'd want to wear glass shoes."

Her grumpy side was showing.

"LOL. Touché. Now I know not to leave my walking boot behind."

Jane burst out laughing. She'd never imagined his could be so much fun.

"Goodnight, Professor."

"Sweet non-Disney dreams, Detective."

Relaxing fully back into her pillow, Jane marveled at the changes that could take place in just a few weeks.

She was surprised when her phone trilled again.

But this time, it wasn't Julie.

It was Maura.

"Settled into the hotel in Pittsfield. Hoping to get an early start tomorrow. Just wanted to remind you to disinfect that scrape on your wrist thoroughly before you go to sleep. And if the cut over your eyebrow isn't seeping in the morning, you can probably just use a standard butterfly bandage instead of the gauze with tape. As you're healing, the bruises should present a yellowish tint due to the biliverdin and bilirubin compounds emerging. This is a good thing, Jane. In the meantime, rest is the best remedy available. I hope you are able to tonight."

Jane's heart warmed.

I love you, too, Maura.

"Thank you. Following doctor's orders, but appreciate the reminder and the explanation. Don't let those ass clowns get you down, Maura. You always do the right thing. As early as it is, I'm already in bed, so I promise to rest. You do the same! Can't wait to hear all about how you shamed those pompous jerks on Saturday. Jo Friday should be home then too."

She could practically see Maura's expression as she read the dog's name. She had seen the M.E.'s open affection for the little mutt so many times.

"I won't keep you up, then. Jane, you have no idea how eager I am to spend time with you on Saturday. When we can really talk. Until then, keep taking care of yourself. Try not to drink so much coffee - it can aggravate the blood vessels. Sleep well."

Sighing, Jane placed the phone on her nightstand. As she turned off the light and snuggled into the covers, she couldn't stop thinking about Maura's fingers on her face as she had "inspected" her injuries.

She'd come too far to read too much into such small gestures, but when their eyes met at that instant …

The tenderness of her caress, lingering along her cheek …

Jane had nearly embarrassed herself by closing her eyes and shuddering.

It was pitiful how desperately she still craved her friend's touch. And how her mind would twist any kindness into a reciprocal desire.

Yet, she drifted off reliving every second of those moments. Replaying each gaze and glancing brush as if they were declarations of the same yearning that overwhelmed her.

Over and over and over she pretended that it was real. As she finally succumbed to sleep, the strangest phrase tickled her senses.

A dream is a wish your heart makes.

If only this dream could come true …

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the end part 24  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 25?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Let's see where it goes …<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Is she bright … so well read … are there novels by her bed?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was amazed by how much better she felt Friday morning.

A good night's sleep, the possibilities of the day …

She had taken Maura's advice and used a butterfly bandage on her eyebrow cut. It was far less bulky and obvious, but the small white adhesive would still draw plenty of attention with its stark contrast to the dark bruises surrounding it and to her killer base tan.

Even her wrist seemed to sting less when she applied the ointment after her shower.

Work-related injuries were old hat. It was her personal challenges that gave her fits.

Miguel was nearly giddy about her "hot date" with Julie.

She had rolled her eyes and smirked as she read his lengthy reply to her message. He absolutely did not think it was too soon. Nor did he think that the "straight-laced Catholic girl" he knew still hovered around Jane's consciousness should balk at whatever happened once the dinner was over.

"_Baby, you are a devastatingly sexy consenting adult who should be enjoying her newfound swagger and swerve. And, hey, it's not like you can get pregnant."_

Jane wouldn't let herself think that far. It was a "thank you" dinner. And yes, it was at her apartment where the two of them would be alone, in private … and yes, there had been lots of flirting which made her blush … and she was sure that Julie was interested …

But she could not allow her brain continue down that road.

Not yet.

The first part of Miguel's email had been dedicated to his reaction to the picture she had sent of her face.

He was equal parts distressed and impressed. He also reminded her that her job might cut into her value as a model if she didn't protect the goods. She almost got emotional when he wished he could be there to kiss it and make it better.

As an alternative, he suggested that she get Julie or Maura to do it instead, and Jane couldn't help zeroing in on the feel of Maura's fingers as they grazed her cheek. She had tried closing her eyes to block out the fantasy of that same caress accompanied by a soft kiss just above her eyebrow.

It didn't work.

The last thing Miguel said about the aftermath of her scuffle with Wojtek was for her to remember its saving grace and turn it to her advantage: "_Chicks dig scars_."

Thank God.

She had plenty. Visible and otherwise.

As he signed off, Miguel had pushed his luck a little further.

"_If I hear from you before ten o'clock Saturday morning, you are dead to me. Sleep in (wink, wink) and fix the woman a good breakfast."_

Jane snorted and jotted off a quick, succinct reply.

"_You're worse than my mother. And why are we only talking about MY sex life?"_

As she pressed "send" she couldn't keep the wide smile off of her face.

How could it be possible that three weeks ago she hadn't even known him, and now she was sharing intimate secrets with the man?

Maybe Miguel was a little bit magic too.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura made a point to arrive at the Pittsfield medical examiner's laboratory facility before 8 a.m.

She needed to make sure that she got an early start in case the circumstances of this particular assignment required a full day of scrutinizing and negotiating.

In addition, she wanted her early morning presence to signal how much she appreciated the seriousness and sensitivity of the situation.

Despite her initial misgivings regarding the trip, she had thoroughly enjoyed the ride from Albany the previous evening with Dr. Charles. He had insisted that she call him "Emmitt," but she could only bring herself to refer to him the same way she had when he had been her professor.

The time had flown by as they discussed the events of the years since they'd been in touch. It was obvious that Dr. Charles was quite proud of and impressed by the path she'd taken and the accomplishments she'd recorded.

On her part, it was refreshing to speak with someone who she had admired and respected as a mentor on a peer level. So much so that when he had suggested that they continue their conversation over dinner, she'd readily accepted. It wasn't often that she got the chance to be completely herself away from her core group of friends.

As usual, any thought about her limited circle of confidants and those she allowed close to her brought Jane to mind.

She just needed to get this obligation settled and then she could fully concentrate on what was really important to her.

Starting a new phase of her life with Jane by her side.

And in her arms.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane Rizzoli rarely had company over.

She defined "company" as anyone other than her family, Maura, Frost or Korsak.

Since she didn't know exactly how much time she'd have between leaving work and Julie's arrival, she made a frenzied "sweep" of the place. Hiding laundry, wiping down the kitchen, tossing spoiled food from the fridge. Anything else would have to wait or be ignored.

Besides Miguel, Frost was the only other person she'd told about her pending date.

If she was being completely honest with herself, she knew it was a date. With all the accompanying implications.

He could tell that she was antsy the moment she arrived at headquarters. Thankfully, he didn't acknowledge it or prod for any updates. After a morning of tapping her pen repeatedly on her desk and an inordinate number of trips to get coffee or visit the ladies' room, he finally pulled her aside.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really. Not sure there's anything to talk about."

"Well, for starters … how nervous you are."

Jane slumped. "I know. It's really obvious, isn't it?"

"Only to me. To everyone else, you're always jumpy and moody."

He was rewarded with a threatening frown.

"Thanks."

Jane rubbed her face. "Frost … I'm gonna be a basket case the rest of the day if something doesn't distract me."

"You could tell your mom. That would keep you busy for a while."

After a hard glare, Jane murmured. "I feel like I'm back in high school again."

Frost was sympathetic, but also determined to be supportive.

"Look, she's into you, and you said yourself that she was what I would call a straight up fox … so don't get all worked up like it's some scary blind date."

He placed his hand warmly on her forearm.

"It's not like high school. This time, the cool, good looking athlete asked YOU out. You don't have to do anything but show up and be yourself."

Just as Jane was going to genuinely thank him, maybe even give him a quick hug, he added.

"And brush your hair. Maybe put on something a little more … appealing. And chew with your mouth closed …"

He ducked away in time to avoid her punch.

Shaking her head on the way back to her desk, she tried to focus on the constructive part of what he'd said.

There was no need to agonize over whether or not Julie was going to like her. That part she was sure of. She didn't need to dress to impress … the woman had seen her mid-jog and was still interested. She would be on her home turf, comfortable and maybe even confident in her own surroundings. It was going to be fine. Even if things were to get interesting …

Shit.

Leaning down, she ran her hand up her shin. She hadn't shaved her legs. That would be priority one when she got home.

As she was straightening back up her phone announced an incoming text.

"TGIF. Erin's about to take me on a shopping run. Do you prefer red or white?"

Smirking, Jane hurriedly answered. "Blue."

She could almost picture Julie turning her head slightly sideways as she puzzled over Jane's answer.

"?"

Gotcha.

"Blue Moon. Beer. I don't mind wine but I'd prefer beer. And I have plenty, so no need to buy more."

It took only a few seconds longer for Julie to respond.

"Sounds like a plan. Beer goes with everything. Calla Lily?"

That one made Jane actually snort. Geez, what if?

"No, thank God."

"So, see ya at 7."

"Sounds like a plan."

She had just placed her phone back down on her desk when she heard her partner slyly comment.

"I see you over there … smilin' …"

"Shut up, Frost."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura was surprised to see that the Pittsfield M.E. was so young.

As she introduced herself and Dr. Charles and they all shook hands, he had a hard time making eye contact when he spoke.

"Dr. Lerner. It's an honor to meet both of you." He used the index finger on his free hand to push his glasses up on his nose. "Please, call me Sheldon."

Maura retrieved her hand from his grasp and got right down to business.

"We're here for a consult on your quarantined cadaver."

Bobbing his head up and down, Dr. Lerner motioned for them to follow as he turned and entered the lab.

"I tried to tell them that all of this was totally unnecessary, that it was completely safe to keep the body in a regular storage unit, but … they … anyway, we've isolated him in here … this way."

As they made their way to the sealed off room, Dr. Lerner apologized.

"I'm sorry for the added inconvenience, but you will be required to wear protective gear when entering."

Maura almost felt sorry for the young doctor. She could hear Dr. Charles grunt his irritation.

"It's not a problem, Dr. Lerner. We'll be glad to meet you back in your office when we've finished."

Carefully donning the hazmat suit another staffer provided, she was surprised to hear Dr. Lerner clear his throat. Turning back toward him, she paused. "Yes?"

"It's just that, I had assumed … I would … I would be happy to accompany you both inside."

In her most professional manner, Maura cut off any further discussion.

"It would be best for Dr. Charles and me to examine the body independently. We'll present our findings to you when we've completed our investigation."

Dr. Lerner looked chastened. Backing up slowly, he nearly whispered, "I'll leave you to it, then."

Just before she sealed her headgear, Maura heard Dr. Charles mutter with slight disgust.

"Kids today."

Checking all of her safety equipment, she smiled and clicked on her microphone.

"Let's help get this kid out of the hot water he's found himself in, shall we?"

"After you, Dr. Isles."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane left work well after she'd intended to, but in plenty of time to shower again … and thoroughly shave her legs.

Her injuries were healing fast, but she had to apply another butterfly band aid. The best news was that her wrist bandage was much smaller now as well.

After much deliberation - and a few changes of clothes - she had decided that jeans and a henley were the safest bet. If she looked too dressed up, she might seem desperate. Or at least like she was trying too hard. And there was no point in being uncomfortable.

Pacing, she made one last lap around the apartment.

Jo Friday's toys were put away. There was a sufficient supply of cold beer in the refrigerator. She had brushed her hair. It was nearly seven, so whatever else she had to do, she had to do it quickly.

Shrugging, she reached for her phone as it beeped.

"Meet me outside?"

Exhaling deeply, Jane headed for the door.

Her first real date with a woman started now.

God she hoped she was ready.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura couldn't believe how little it had taken to appease the Pittsfield obstructionists who had so rigidly insisted, just the day before, that she dispel any suspicion of a looming viral threat.

She and Dr. Charles had thoroughly and patiently gone over practically every inch of the victim … subsequent to the several minutes they spent reassuring the lab techs that the toxin-proof suits were completely unnecessary.

It had been somewhat of a lark to banter back and forth with her former professor about rudimentary autopsy procedures and findings. All of the grumpiness Dr. Charles had displayed after their arrival had disappeared as soon as his grinning face had popped out of the hazmat helmet.

They had turned on the recorder and he began a subtly sarcastic and highly pedestrian question and answer session with his "favorite student."

"Dr. Isles, why is it that we have been called in to re-examine the deceased?"

"In order to rule out any manifestation or suggestion of the Marburg virus, Dr. Charles."

"Then let's proceed to do just that, shall we?"

"Of course."

In a fairly theatrical manner, he steered her through a routine checklist protocol, followed by a firm dismissal of each and every known presentation of viral hemorrhagic fever.

Maura tried to keep the seriousness of their perusal in mind as she was responding, but she was openly enjoying participating in this 'game' with her mentor, and had no doubt that the lilt in her voice would be obvious on playback.

When they had systematically cross checked and excluded all possible indicators of any form of hemorrhagic virus, Dr. Charles kept going.

"Do you notice anything else about the late Mr. Dreyfus that might deserve our attention, Dr. Isles?"

For a moment, Maura hovered on the verge of the familiar bout of nerves that would surface whenever Professor Charles conducted a stringent oral exam. But then she relaxed. She was unquestionably capable of holding her own against anyone in her field. Even someone who had once seemed like a such an intimidating figure.

"Yes, I do, Dr. Charles. He has an acute subconjunctival hemorrhage or hyphema … or quite possibly both, which is uncommon. He also presents with severe dehydration … that, taken in tandem with the appearance of the esophagus and membranes inside the mouth, is the probable result of prolonged or persistent nausea."

"Go on."

"Of course. There are small to medium grade sores on the arms and lower legs, which upon closer examination, I've determined to be bites … either rodent or insect in origin. Considering his age, and the accompanying notes from the scene describing the near uninhabitable conditions of his surroundings, it's likely that he contracted a flu-like illness that went untreated."

"The copious vomiting and violent coughing would explain the subconjunctive hemorrhage. He was found in the middle of the floor, so a fall could account for the hyphema."

"Very interesting theories, Dr. Isles."

For a moment Maura was frozen. She'd been caught guessing in front of one of her strictest instructors. Working homicide cases with Jane had obviously affected her adherence to known factual information.

"And ones with which I concur. Let's go speak with young Dr. Lerner."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They found him waiting nervously behind his desk, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

He flew up out of his seat like he'd been surprised by their entrance, nearly standing at attention as he searched their faces for clues to the content of the impending conversation.

"Dr. Lerner, we've categorically ruled out any danger of extreme viral contagion. Neither Marburg nor any other viral hemorrhagic fever killed this man."

"I knew it!"

The young medical examiner seemed embarrassed about his enthusiastic outburst as soon as his fist began to fall from where he'd pumped it above his shoulder.

Maura didn't attempt to hide her smile.

"Can you tell us how this spiraled into such a needlessly volatile situation?"

"Yes, of course … From what I understand, a trainee who was shadowing the paramedics became excited and rather outspoken about the deceased 'bleeding from the eyes.' He was practically shouting it, according to one of the officers on the scene."

"The hyphema and subconjunctal hemorrhaging would probably be enough to cause that reaction … in a layperson."

"Right." Dr. Lerner was once again bobbing his head up and down.

"And then, it spread like wildfire from the old man's apartment that he also had been the victim of some sort of flesh-eating virus."

Dr. Charles shook his head and looked at the ceiling. "Amateurs."

Immediately, Maura made sure that Dr. Lerner knew that he was not included in the general condemnation.

"Didn't you try to explain to them that the hype they were reacting to was the result of multiple insect or vermin bites?"

"Of course I did … but by the time the body arrived, there were already 'officials' here who had been spooked by the field reports. They got in my face and began questioning my credentials without even letting me approach the deceased."

His face flushed red as he remembered.

"They asked if I could absolutely rule out Ebola or Marburg from the information they gave me. I replied that I could not without first thoroughly examining Mr. Dreyfus's body."

Maura was nodding in agreement. "Of course you couldn't. Not under those circumstances."

"One of them even turned to the other and said, 'I knew it! I knew we shouldn't have hired this kid … he's still wet behind the ears.'"

Dr. Lerner was clearly still indignant about the comment.

"Even after I did get a chance to perform the initial autopsy, the wheels were already set in motion to have someone else confirm … or correct … my work."

It didn't escape Maura's notice that he was clenching his fists. She looked pointedly at Dr. Charles.

"I think I'll just go have a word … or a few … with these so-called medical experts. Check what credentials they have to start a citywide panic."

As Dr. Charles left the room with his jaw set, Maura moved closer to the young M.E.

"Sheldon … I'm calling you Sheldon now that I know you, but you should always insist that others refer to you as 'Dr. Lerner' until they are very familiar and trustworthy. Don't give away the power of your title so easily."

He appeared to relax and his eyes were filled with gratitude.

"Sheldon, your age and appearance are going to subject you to skepticism and disrespect. You have to overcome those hurdles with professionalism and science. Be confident in what you know and honest about what you do not. Never stop trying to find the right answers, even when pressured to produce an outcome. You're going to be a fine medical examiner."

She stuck out her hand.

"And don't hesitate to call me or my office if you need anything. Resources, consultations, or just a sounding board." She remembered a phrase that was full of support and validation. "I've got your back."

He shook her hand firmly and seemed to draw himself up straighter as he did so.

"Thank you, Dr. Isles. I will remember that."

"Call me Maura."

She winked at him and turned to leave.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Over lunch, Maura and Dr. Charles shared their newfound affection for Sheldon.

She greatly enjoyed hearing about how 'the suits' … as Jane would have called them … reacted to his brutal evisceration of their tactics and opinions regarding their own medical examiner.

When it came time to head back toward Albany, Maura had a sudden epiphany.

It was early enough in the day that she didn't have to go all the way to Albany to catch a flight. It would only take her a few hours to drive back to Boston if she rented a car. That would save Dr. Charles a trip to the airport and she'd have much more time to think ...

She called Susie and asked her to arrange a rental. She could drop it off at Logan and have a car sent to pick her up there. She didn't want to call Angela … or Jane … because if things worked out the way she wanted them to, her arrival was going to be a surprise.

Once the preparations were all in place, she began to let her mind wander.

This evening could be a pivotal moment in her life.

She needed to make it memorable.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

By the time Jane hit the front steps, Julie and Erin were already out of the car.

She spotted Stuart behind the wheel and waved.

The women seemed to be having a disagreement over something that was still in the vehicle.

When Julie saw her host making her way toward them, she immediately stopped talking and smiled. Until she noticed the bandage and bruising.

"Hey you, what in the world happened?"

Jane moved quickly to take the two grocery bags from Erin, who also seemed slightly alarmed by the difference in the detective's appearance.

"Hey yourself. Hi, Erin … um, it was my turn to bait the K-9 unit?"

When Julie put both hands on her hips and stared at her without grinning, she hastily told part of the truth.

"Sometimes the bad guys resist arrest." She shrugged, clutching the groceries tighter. Looking down at Julie's new walking boot, she added. "Besides, it's not nearly as painful as what you're dealing with."

"Jane, would you please tell Wonder Woman here that she needs to use her cane? The doctor agreed that she could ditch the crutches _IF_ she used the cane to help keep weight off the bad ankle."

Erin, her hands now free, reached inside the back door of the sedan and retrieved a silver cane with a small platform on the bottom supported by four short pegs. It appeared to be standard hospital issue. She thrust it toward Julie who was clearly irritated.

"Jane, tell _her_ that I'm not stupid and will not compromise my recovery in any way. Also, tell her how ugly and unattractive that thing is."

Shifting the grocery bags to get a better grip, Jane winked at Erin.

"I don't know, put a few mini tennis balls on the bottom of the little legs and you'll be the sexiest shuffler at the nursing home."

For a moment, Julie looked like she might stomp her good foot. Jane stopped teasing and softened her voice.

"Tell you what … use it to get inside and into the apartment, and then I'll let you hide it behind my couch."

Rolling her eyes, Julie snatched it away from Erin, ignoring the smirk on her roommate's face. Jane heard her muttering as she took a heavy step forward.

"And here I thought that my mother was over 900 miles away in Indiana."

"Oh stop pouting and have a great evening. What time do you want us to pick you up?"

When Julie hesitated, Jane spoke instead.

"I'll bring her home. It's not a problem, really. You and Stuart enjoy YOUR evening."

Before Erin could say anything in response, Jane had turned toward the front steps. As she was bracing her hip against the door to grab the handle, she heard Julie stage-whisper to her friend.

"Don't wait up!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane kept a close eye on her guest as she maneuvered around the apartment.

As long as Julie was using the counter and furniture for balance, she actually moved pretty well. Sitting across from her on one of the stools, Jane was enjoying watching her lay out everything she had purchased to make dinner.

She was organized, but not in the same way as Maura. She couldn't quite put her finger on the difference, but it just seemed more natural. Like how her mother operated in the kitchen.

Julie had her hair pulled back in a ponytail as she worked. Occasionally sipping on the beer Jane had opened for her as she paused between tasks. In her simple blue sweater and jeans, she appeared relaxed and comfortable in Jane's space.

And very, very attractive.

Taking a swig of her own Blue Moon, Jane was amused by the way she talked to herself as she cooked. It was quiet and not very clear, but wholeheartedly adorable. Jane was almost certain that she had no idea that she was even doing it.

"Are you sure you don't want a stool on that side to sit on while you do that?"

Blue eyes swung in her direction and she momentarily forgot what she'd been saying.

"I'm sure. It's actually more awkward that way. I'll make sure I prop it up during breaks."

Nodding, Jane tipped her beer back again.

"Will you let me help?"

With a grin, Julie tilted her head. "I think there might be enough room over here for you to start the salad."

A few minor directions and adjustments later, and Jane was washing lettuce and chopping bell peppers. Careful not to get in the way or accidently cause Julie to trip, she filled in a few more of the blanks about her work week.

Julie, in turn, tried to describe what it had been like to go from being extremely active to practically housebound for a week.

"I'm actually kind of amazed that you're doing as well as you are, considering how awful everything looked Monday morning."

Swiveling her head around from where she was standing at the stove, Julie caught Jane's eye again.

"Not everything looked awful Monday morning."

Jane could feel the blush coming and was helpless to stop it. Instead she lowered her eyes and murmured, "Are you trying to make me cut my fingers off?"

She could still feel those intense blue eyes on her as she heard Julie reply.

"Are you kidding me? Your fingers are the last things I want you to lose …"

Jane swallowed hard and was surprised to hear Julie chuckle.

"I swear, I've never been able to make someone react way you do to my teasing. It's so freaking cute!"

The last comment earned her a deep scowl. A scowl on a flushed red face, but a scowl nonetheless. Somehow that made the professor laugh harder.

"Seriously, Jane. In past relationships, I was usually … um, the one being … God this is going to sound so egotistical …" She rolled her eyes before she blurted out, "the one being pursued."

Dumping the peppers into the bowl, Jane smiled. "I can totally see that."

"And you? This is new for you too?"

God. If you had any idea …

"Yeah."

"Are you enjoying it as much as I am?"

It was a purposefully light question, but Jane could sense the gravity behind it. She needed to be honest.

"Yes. Probably more."

"Not possible."

Moving on to the fresh tomatoes, Jane cut her eyes back toward the blonde. "Well, unless we're going to throw rock/paper/scissors, I don't think there's a way for us to settle that one."

"Oooooooo I can think of much better ways to figure it out."

Jane looked away, but not before her face flamed warm once more and she heard a soft giggle.

"Tell me this, since we're being so … open."

Julie was stirring something in the saucepan that smelled wonderful.

"Is it a "C" that sounds like an "S" … like in Caesar, Champagne, or Chenille? Or a "K" sound like in Coco, Chrysanthemum, or Caviar?"

Jane let her head drop back and she growled at the ceiling.

"Argggggggggggh. You are never going to drop this are you?"

"Nope. So just help things along by answering my question."

"It's not the "S" sound, as in 'Cease and desist.' It's more like 'Cut it out'."

"Yay! A clue."

"Don't get too excited there, Nancy Drew. You're still never going to even come close to guessing it."

"Wanna bet?"

"I hate to lose."

"So I've assumed."

"Under what terms?"

"How about 'to be named later'?"

"Sure. It's a bet … if you even want to call it that. It's more like, 'tell me what I win' … "

Adding the tomatoes, along with some dried cranberries and walnuts to the salad bowl, Jane cleaned up her area of the counter.

"Anything else I can do?"

Julie beckoned her over to the stove. "You can taste this and tell me if it needs anything."

She dipped some of the sauce onto the wooden spoon and blew on it as Jane moved closer. Cupping her other hand beneath it, she lifted it toward Jane's mouth.

"Careful, it's still pretty hot."

Jane helped steady the spoon by supporting Julie's wrist. Holding her hair back with her free, bandaged hand, she leaned in.

She felt like she was moving in slow motion as her lips reached their goal. Julie's eyes were so clear and so close …

Straightening up, she smacked a few times as she tried to speak.

"That's really, really good."

"Yeah? It's got enough salt?"

"It might need just a touch more, but we can add it at the table. It's delicious."

Seemingly satisfied, Julie twisted to place the spoon back in its cradle on the counter. As she did so, the walking boot slipped on the kitchen floor. Jane reached out to steady her just as she lost her balance, catching her with both arms.

"You okay?"

Julie slid her hands up to Jane's shoulders to steady herself. Exhaling twice with her eyes closed, she seemed a little bit shaky. Nodding, she whispered, "Had a flash of panic there for a moment."

Jane gripped her tighter at the hip to reassure her that she wasn't going to fall. When Julie opened her eyes, she surprised Jane by laughing again.

Puzzled, the taller woman peered back at her. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm sure. It's just that … you have … a little sauce on your cheek, near the corner of your mouth."

Self-conscious all of the sudden, Jane started to raise her hand to wipe it off.

All humor gone from her voice, Julie stopped her.

"No … let me get it."

Sliding one of her hands up the side of Jane's neck, she cupped her fingers behind her ear, under the dark curls ... but instead of using her thumb to clean the smear of sauce away, she drew Jane's face toward hers.

Jane nearly stopped breathing as she felt soft, warm lips brush her skin just to the left of her mouth. Her eyes slammed shut as the tip of Julie's tongue washed the last trace from her target.

Over the buzzing in her ears, Jane could just barely hear her murmur.

"Tastes pretty perfect to me."

Then Julie was kissing her. And it felt wonderful.

She hardly had time to enjoy it, however, because a crashing sound startled them both.

Somewhat disoriented, Jane made sure Julie was braced against the counter before she flew around it toward the door - which was standing wide open.

It took her a few seconds to find the source of the noise … her mind was still racing to connect the dots.

Crouching on the floor, hurriedly retrieving items that she had evidently just dropped, was a very flustered and very familiar figure.

"Maura?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

the end part 25  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 26?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: Do you really want to know in advance?<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Nothing fills the blackness that has seeped into my chest …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura couldn't even begin to register the effect of the scene unfolding in front of her …

The visual seemed to travel back at her like a concussion wave from an explosive blast.

And in micro-slow motion she was shattering from it.

Her genius evaporated and she could not grasp even the most rudimentary elements of cognitive processing.

She had to be in the wrong apartment.

But that WAS Jane.

Yet it couldn't be. Because she was kissing a stranger.

An attractive blonde stranger. In her kitchen.

The pain wave had been only slightly delayed. When it hit, Maura went completely numb. It was almost fascinating how the acute sharpness of it could exist at the same time all feeling drained out of her limbs. She was barely aware that she'd lost her grip on everything she was holding.

Until the resounding clatter broke the spell.

In sharp contrast to how slow the world had been moving seconds before, everything sped up in a rush. Her flight response kicked in. She had to get out of there. Frantically she tried to scoop items up from the floor before she was noticed … before she had to face …

"Maura?"

Jane.

Gaining limited control over herself, Maura took a deep breath, counted to three, and stood.

She was still woefully unprepared for meeting Jane's eyes. And well aware of her inability to successfully conceal information from her.

"I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow."

Jane seemed more bewildered than anything else.

There was a stab of anger that was wholly unfamiliar. You thought ... You thought I'd never know about this … this person … and now I've stumbled right into your secret.

Rationality tried to chime in: Why would Jane need to hide anything from you? She's not your girlfriend. She not ... yours, period.

Blinking, Maura stumbled over her words.

"It didn't take ... as long ... as I thought. I drove back."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the blonde woman move around the end of the counter. But she remained fixated on Jane's face.

"Are you okay? Is everything alright? Something wrong with Ma?"

Jane was clearly trying to determine why she was there, why she had interrupted, why she was acting so … odd.

"I'm fine. I guess she's fine. I haven't seen her …" Maura swallowed. "I just came by to … to drop these off." Weakly she lifted the DVD's in her hands. "I didn't mean to _actually_ drop them …"

"Okay." Jane still seemed puzzled. Or skeptical. Waiting to hear more.

"It's Friday and I knew you weren't 100% after everything …" She nodded to indicate Jane's cut and bandage. "So, I thought that maybe you'd want to rest, to stay in and watch movies."

Like we used to. Before.

Now it was Jane's turn to blink. Perhaps she'd struck a nerve.

Suddenly the detective seemed to remember her other guest. She waved the blonde forward to her side.

"Dr. Julie Bennett, Professor of Literature at BCU, please meet Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts … and my best friend."

There was no sneer or mocking of the last two words like there had been prior to Jane's two week sabbatical. But they struck Maura like a whip. She was hardly able to keep from flinching. Instead she extended her hand, willing it not to shake as she clasped the other woman's firmly.

"Pleased to meet you, Dr. Bennett."

The professor's smile was radiant. "Oh, please. Call me Julie."

Belatedly, Maura caught sight of the walking boot. Something stirred in the back of her mind about Jane helping a jogger who'd turned an ankle earlier in the week …

Jane's prompting cut off any further musings along that line.

"So what'd you bring?"

"Um, it was your turn, so I got … the ones where it seems to be … very difficult to kill Bruce Willis."

Jane's face lit up.

"Die Hard!"

"I love that movie! I've even used it in one of my classes when we discussed the concept of the Byronic hero."

"Like Steve Austin?"

Julie chuckled and placed her hand on Jane's arm.

"No, not even like Jaime Sommers." There was no mistaking the affectionate manner between the two of them. "It's 'By-Ronic' … referring to Lord Byron."

Scrunching up her face, Jane retorted. "Ew. I'll take fighting fembots any day."

Maura had never felt so left out and clueless. Or so lonely.

"That's a very modern approach to opening exploration of the singular protagonist in literature, Dr. Bennett. I'm sure your students appreciated the levity … and the respite from actual study."

Julie shot a quick look at Jane.

"It certainly keeps them involved."

To avoid more awkward conversation, Jane motioned toward the kitchen.

"We were just about to eat dinner …" She held up both palms. "Don't worry, Julie cooked. Why don't you join us? Then we call all watch Byronic protagonist Bruce Willis shoot a bunch of bad guys."

Maura was mortified.

She didn't know if she could spend another minute in their presence, much less become the third wheel on an obviously pre-planned date that was already underway.

"I couldn't …"

"It's nothing fancy … I'm the idiot who made pasta to impress someone who grew up with an honest-to-God Italian mother."

Jane smiled at her.

"Believe me, I'm impressed. I cook grilled cheese."

Maura could feel the panic rising. Or was it bile? She literally felt sick.

Shaking her head, she started to retreat.

"I should go. I drove all afternoon and I'm worn out from this morning." Backing up further, she laid the movies on the table near the door. "I'll just leave these …"

"Maura? You sure? It's gonna be a pretty low key evening. We won't care if you zone out."

I'll bet. The bitterness was raw and unwelcome, but also unstoppable.

"I'm positive!"

Jane was a bit taken aback by her tone. She faltered for a moment.

"Okay." She questioned with her eyes. "We're still going to talk tomorrow?"

Oh god. How could she … how would she be able to …

"Sure."

Nodding more to stall for time than to actually confirm the answer, she stepped over the threshold and reached for the open door.

"It was very nice to meet you, Maura."

Smiling tightly, Maura nodded again. She could no longer speak. The walls were closing in, crashing down.

She was out the door in a flash, closing it behind her, oblivious as to whether or not it slammed, desperate to flee to somewhere safe, somewhere still. Where she could absorb the full impact of what had just happened. And fall apart afterward.

The nature of her departure would probably set off alarm bells with Jane, but she was beyond caring at the moment. She was beyond anything but aching despair and a yawning sense of loss.

She made her way down the hall and down the stairs, nearly blinded by her tears.

Once she was over the shock, the flash fire of emotion, then she'd figure out how to go forward.

Now she just had to get away.

She had to get home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane stared at the door with her heart strangely tight.

Something had definitely been wrong with Maura; that much she knew. The M.E. could never truly hide anything from her.

The most perplexing part of her surprise visit was trying to figure out why she had seemed so distracted and brittle. Hell, almost rude. That wasn't like her. Not at all.

"Do you think she's really okay? She looked a little bit unsettled on her way out."

Julie had moved a few steps further away as she spoke.

Nibbling her lower lip absently, Jane turned back around.

"I'm not sure. She said nothing was really wrong. And if something serious was up, she wouldn't have just brought me movies and taken off like that."

She was trying not to worry, but it showed on her face.

Julie was sympathetic. "She did say that she was worn out …"

"Yeah. But I've seen Maura way more exhausted than that and she was still … present. She just didn't seem … like herself, ya know?"

Smiling slowly, Julie tried to cheer her up. "No. I really don't … know her."

"Right."

"Jane, if you need to go after her, this will keep."

Snapping out of her funk, the detective shook her head. "No, no … I think she needs some time to gear up to telling me whatever it is. And she's coming over tomorrow. We'll hash it out then."

Comforting herself with that thought, Jane walked back toward the kitchen and rubbed her hands together.

"So, when's dinner?"

"As soon as you grab some plates from the cabinet and set the table."

"Gee, bossy much?"

"You have no idea."

The gleam in Julie's eye turned into full blown laughter as Jane's face reddened once again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In keeping with almost all of their prior interaction, dinner was a light-hearted affair.

They were surprised to find that they had so much in common, considering how different their backgrounds were.

Jane decided that the close connection that each of them had with their family was the overwhelming factor that united them. The more Julie spoke about her relatives back home, the more Jane could detect the veiled homesickness she carried with her.

She loved hearing about Frankie and Tommy … and the trouble the three of them would get into as children. She provided similar stories of her own, but about her three sisters. And she was adorably jealous of Jane's rough and tumble childhood with her brothers – explaining that she was the only tomboy in the family and had to coerce her younger sister into all of their adventures.

It was only when she asked about Jane's father that the conversation turned truly serious. Still, she was a fantastic listener, not prying or speculative, and Jane found that she actually felt fine sharing her complicated feelings about what had happened … and was still happening … with her parents.

Julie had a wonderful relationship with her own father, somewhat based on their bonding over sports and the fact that she didn't have a brother to fill that role, but a strong connection nonetheless. She was marginally at odds with her mother on a frequent basis, but nothing that a good hug wouldn't fix. They were very similar and it often caused friction when neither would back down.

She missed all of them terribly.

Quickly she turned the discussion to what she loved about Boston and how she'd found herself fitting in despite her initial qualms. When she'd talked for quite a while, she gasped and apologized for "totally taking over." After giving the universal signal for 'zipping her lip,' she collapsed into giggles when she realized she'd have to ignore it to ask Jane about the trip that was responsible for her marvelous tan.

Opening by saying that it was the first real vacation she'd had in ages, but leaving out the catalyst for the excursion, Jane relished reliving the experience.

Julie interjected occasionally to ask a question or to tease her, but for the most part, Jane entertained her by gushing over Gerard and Miguel everyone else who had made her visit so memorable.

Noticing that Jane had nearly finished her pasta, and realizing that the time she'd spent monopolizing the conversation earlier had left her with much more of her own dinner, Julie decided that Jane needed to talk about something that didn't require her participation – so she wouldn't have to speak with her mouth full.

Laughing, Jane agreed and asked for a topic.

"Tell me about Maura."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was only after sliding into the driver's seat and grasping the wheel like a lifeline that Maura realized that she couldn't go home.

She wasn't supposed to be there. Not until tomorrow afternoon.

If she showed up tonight, Angela would want to ask questions. And if Angela got within ten yards of her, she'd know that Maura was falling apart.

Jane's mother's concerned compassion was not something she could deal with right now.

Overwhelmed and unable to think of anything other than the fact that her one safe destination was lost, she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white and screamed in frustration.

Then, slumping back against the cushioned leather, completely gutted, she surrendered to her emotions and cried.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had insisted that Julie sit on the sofa with her ankle propped on a pillow while she cleaned up.

When she'd cleared the table and put away the leftovers, she grabbed two more bottles of beer from the fridge and popped them open.

Leaving her own on the counter, she brought the other to the end of the sofa where Julie had settled in. She had to lean slightly across the blonde to avoid bumping into her injured leg.

Accepting the cold Blue Moon, Julie smiled up at her.

"Such service."

Jane grinned. "Don't forget to tip your waitress."

Without warning, Julie grasped the front of her Henley near the collar and tugged her down. Jane had to brace her left hand on the arm of the couch not to tumble into her lap. Before she could fully recover her balance, Julie was kissing her again.

This time, though, there was no interruption. She had plenty of time to appreciate the experience.

As they slowly separated, Julie murmured softly, "How's that?"

Inordinately proud that she didn't stammer, Jane waggled her eyebrows.

"How many bottles do you think you can drink?"

Laughing, Julie released her hold on the fabric.

"I've got all night."

"I've got dishes to wash."

Pretending to pout, the professor offered a suggestion.

"If you don't want to risk getting that shirt wet, you should probably take it off."

"You wish."

"You know I do."

Backing away and adjusting the hem of the garment in question, Jane shook her head.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I only do dishes topless on the third date."

Julie groaned and went limp against the back of the couch.

Chuckling, Jane slid their plates into the sink. Turning her head back over her shoulder, she called into the other room.

"Do you want to watch Bruce Willis run around barefoot in his dirty undershirt?"

"Can we make out during the boring parts?"

Jane did her best to keep a straight face as she considered the question.

"Well … you _are_ a guest in my home. I think that means we do it your way."

Triumphant, Julie straightened up a little.  
>"Ya know, you're right! In that case, I'm in."<p>

"In that case, I'll make some popcorn."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Maura finally ran out of tears, she was exhausted.

She'd lost all track of time. Checking her phone, she was surprised to see that it was just a few minutes before nine.

It felt like she had cried for an eternity.

Slowly, she began to put some of the pieces back together.

Jane had a date.

Most likely with the woman she had helped Monday morning. Less than a week had passed and the woman was in Jane's apartment, cooking her dinner.

And kissing her.

Maura shook her head. She had to stop thinking about that part.

Jane hadn't told her anything about this … Julie. They certainly hadn't spoken that much since Jane's return, but still. She was under no obligation to update Maura on her … social life … but it was still something of an eye-opener nonetheless.

She tried to replay all of their private interactions throughout the week. It wasn't very difficult, because there had been so few of them. It seemed that there was always something else intervening. The family lunch, Jane's hectic Monday, the photos, her conference call, the stakeout, her trip to Pittsfield … everything building up to tomorrow when they would finally be alone with time to talk.

Except that she had tried to surprise Jane tonight. To recreate a situation similar to the one she had handled so horribly … to get the ending right this time.

Instead, she had walked right into an alternate reality.

And she had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

She knew what she wanted to do … she wanted to go back in and ask Jane to talk with her somewhere quiet. Or to belatedly accept their dinner invitation and wait until Julie left, keeping them from engaging in anything more intimate than what she'd already witnessed.

Disturbingly, as nice as Julie seemed, Maura wanted to get right in her face and icily tell her that Jane was off limits. That they had both come too far together for an outsider to get in the way now. She wanted to explain that if Jane had met her only a week later, this dinner would never have occurred.

Because by that time, Maura would have poured her heart out; would have confessed how wrong she had been to fear what Jane had offered her.

Bad timing was not going to cost Maura her future.

When she had been sitting alone in her office, holding the picture of Jane that so filled her heart, she had vowed not to give up … to never again let her own reticence stand in the way of her chance at happiness.

Well, for that indeed to be true, she needed to act.

But first she was going to get a cup of coffee and clean up a bit. Checking her face in the rearview mirror, she frowned. She looked practically embalmed.

Leaving her car where she'd originally parked it, she decided to walk a few blocks to a diner she knew in passing. It was a nice night and she definitely needed the air.

Casting a last glance at Jane's building, she forced herself not to imagine what was going on inside.

She'd be back before the date was over.

And once it was, she wasn't going to waste another minute. She was going to tell Jane everything.

Her life – the life she wanted – depended on it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

According to Julie, there were not nearly enough boring parts in "Die Hard."

But she had tried to make the most of the ones there were.

At one point, tasting the salt of the popcorn as their lips met, Jane was struck by images of the tiny crumb on Maura's lower lip the night everything changed … immediately contrasting the near terror she had felt then with the casual ease in which she could kiss Julie on the same couch.

Their positions were reversed. Jane would usually sit on the end, but the way Julie's walking boot needed to be propped meant that she had taken that spot.

She had also let Julie take the lead.

The professor was alternately teasing and intense. She would nuzzle Jane's cheek and whisper in her ear, causing them both to smirk or Jane to blush … then a few minutes later she would pull Jane's face to her own and kiss her like she was running out of time.

It was exhilarating.

After one such breathtaking interlude, Jane moved the popcorn bowl to the coffee table. It was almost empty and definitely in the way.

She couldn't believe how natural it felt to be with another woman like this. She wanted to laugh at how much time she'd wasted, how many awkward instances she'd been in the same situation with a man who couldn't wait to get past "the kissing stage" and round the bases.

Drawing back slightly, Julie whispered against her lips.

"What are you thinking about?"

Without hesitation, Jane answered – truthfully and somewhat amazed.

"About how much fun I'm having."

Julie's grin was infectious.

"Yeah?"

"Hell yeah."

They began the next kiss smiling … but within seconds it was much more serious, much more intimate. Julie's hands slid behind Jane's head, anchoring her in place. Jane could feel the adrenaline rush as the kiss continued, deepened. She could also feel Julie shudder, and it ratcheted her body temperature up several degrees. The sensation of fingertips in her hair, nails grazing her scalp, caused her to press forward.

She was so engrossed in maintaining that contact, savoring the moment, that she was wholly unprepared for the shock of a blunt force impact, and the resulting sharp pain, to her shin.

"Jesus Christ!"

Jane threw back her head and counted to ten.

She could tell from the tone in Julie's voice that she was horrified by the turn of events.

"Oh my god! Jane! I'm so sorry …"

Exhaling deeply through her nose, Jane nodded.

"I've never had to wear one of these, and … oh God … I was so carried away … I forgot I had it on!"

As the stinging and throbbing died down, Jane started to laugh.

"You got me." She reached out and grasped Julie's arm to keep her from moving away. "I was beginning to think things were going far too well."

"I am … so freaking sorry …"

"Hey … stop." Jane's eyes were twinkling now. "It was worth it."

Despite the attempted humor, Julie was still beating herself up about the interruption.

Jane tried again.

"Listen … do you know one of the things that I like most about you?"

Warily, Julie shook her head, her expression remaining troubled.

"You make me feel like I'm not the only goofball in the room."

Julie seemed to regain her previous disposition as a grin slowly spread across her face.

"And here I thought you were going to say my gorgeous blue eyes."

"I said 'one of the things' …"

Carefully shifting so that her leg hung harmlessly against the front of the couch, Julie gathered Jane closer.

"I've seen this movie a million times…"

Without speaking, Jane aimed the remote and shut off the power to the television.

"Yippee-ki-yay, Motherf …"

Julie was chuckling as she smothered the rest of Jane's quote with an enthusiastic kiss.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The lighting in the diner was far from flattering, but Maura was the only patron who seemed to notice.

The place was surprisingly crowded. It took some substantial navigating to make it to the ladies room, and a few minutes of standing impatiently to actually get in.

Once her remedial round of freshening up was completed, she stared at her reflection.

Critical examination revealed that her eyes were excessively red and that the surrounding sensitive tissue was abnormally irritated and swollen.

She looked like she'd sobbed her way through the past hour.

Shrugging matter-of-factly, she decided to see if the kitchen staff would be able to provide her with a few cucumber slices.

That thought process led to her stomach rumbling quietly. Other than her lunch with Dr. Charles, she had not really eaten much all day. She'd been focused on her responsibilities earlier in the morning, and then totally absorbed the rest of the afternoon with her plan to …

No. She shook her head.

Forward not back.

Sighing while she waited her turn in line, she started to debate what her best options were since she was ordering to go and intended to consume her dinner in the front seat of her car.

Coffee was a given. She preferred tea on most occasions, but this was definitely a circumstance that called for coffee.

As she scanned the menu with purpose, the ticking of the quiet clock in her brain started to sneak into her consciousness. She needed to get back and get settled in.

She didn't want to miss the moment when Julie left for the night.

That would be her cue.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

the end part 26  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	27. Chapter 27

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 27?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: No clue<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: And it's so strange to think that I just met you … I almost wish I'd met you long ago …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two hours after getting comfortable in her car and finishing her dinner, Maura was plagued by visions of what she had seen earlier in Jane's apartment.

And what she imagined had been happening since.

She was almost out of coffee and close to going out of her mind as she continued to wait.

Midnight.

First dates would usually be over by midnight, wouldn't they?

She often teased Jane about her reluctance to explore her physical nature and release her sexual tension when given an opportunity. She hoped with every cell of her body that whatever transformation had occurred while Jane had been away hadn't altered that conservative approach.

Jane barely knew this woman.

A voice from deep within taunted her. "You know her better than anyone alive and you profoundly hurt her. Nearly destroyed her."

Shaking her head and downing her last sip of caffeine, Maura refused to give in to self-recrimination again. She only wanted to concentrate on how she was going to begin to repair what she had broken; how she was going to attempt to wipe away all vestiges of the pain and regret her insecurities had caused.

But with each passing minute, it became harder and harder to keep the wolves at bay.

She felt them slashing away at her resolve.

Someone else was touching Jane the way she desperately dreamed she could, and it made her heart ache and her stomach tight.

Someone else was making Jane feel like she should always feel … treasured, sought after … craved.

Maura closed her eyes tightly as if she were witnessing her own thoughts.

Or maybe … by some miracle … they were just talking, or watching a movie. Possibly just holding hands …

It was not often that she prayed. It was even hard to admit to herself that it shouldn't work when she didn't truly believe … but in some moments, she threw her pleas up to the universe regardless of her uncertainty.

Because otherwise she was helpless. Trapped by inaction.

So, with all her heart, she begged any power that would listen to make it so that she would get the chance to prove all of the ways that SHE was the one Jane needed. That she could be the one to show her how amazing love could be.

And that Julie would just leave the damn apartment before she totally fell apart again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had lost track of time.

She was measuring everything by how long she could go without breathing.

Surely she was setting a record of some kind.

She was pretty damn sure she'd never kissed anyone so much … without … well, one thing leading fairly immediately to another.

Not that things weren't progressing.

The smiling and teasing had ceased long ago. Fairly soon after, the kisses had become longer … and deeper … and hotter.

Interspersed between some of the lengthier sessions were increasingly erotic explorations of ears, throats, necks and shoulders.

Whispers and murmurs broke the pattern of their heavy breathing until they were once again silenced by an extended clinch.

Jane was aware of every inch of clothing that touched her sensitized skin. She could also feel every inch of Julie's body that was in contact with her own. Julie's fingers as they played through her hair and down her back … her arms as they pulled Jane tighter into her embrace.

Her own hands seemed to be magnetized to Julie's neck and side. She was moderately bracing herself so that she wasn't lying completely on top of the blonde, but mostly she was giving in to whatever the flow of their movements dictated.

Vaguely she acknowledged that she wanted more. More contact. More skin. More … everything.

Before she could act on the impulse, Julie's hand slid warmly under the back of her Henley, brushing her spine and pressing Jane's abdomen closer to her own.

Groaning, Jane settled against the woman practically underneath her and was nearly incapacitated by her body's response. The need that coursed through her.

The unbandaged hand that had been used primarily for balance immediately searched for the hem of Julie's shirt … crawling underneath until its palm found the satin covered cup of her lacy bra.

As soon as the weight of her grip registered, she was startled and thrilled by the sharp arch of Julie's back, the sudden motion driving her breast further into Jane's hand. The whimper that accompanied the maneuver sent a rough shudder all the way to Jane's toes.

Christ.

As she came up for air again, she could hear both of them panting. In the faint light from the kitchen she could see that Julie was shaking her head, her eyes still closed.

"Don't stop."

Jane's head was spinning. Her heart was racing. And when Julie moved again, the friction of their hips sent her reeling.

Instinctively she dragged her thumb across the fabric, raking the nipple that had been hardening under her hand.

"Jane!"

Hearing her name moaned like that … by a woman's voice … completely distorted by desire …

Jesus Christ. Her head almost exploded.

She felt the aftershocks go straight to her crotch.

And then she felt her top being tugged frantically over her head …

It was the worst possible moment for her subconscious to intervene.

The sudden exposure of her skin as her hemline rose triggered a flash of memory – Maura's blouse riding up, revealing the unbelievable smoothness of her side and stomach …

The other-worldly awe of being allowed to touch … holding Maura in her arms … kissing the woman she loved with all her heart …

Followed by the crippling shock of Maura insisting that she stop … the crushing rejection that had to be spelled out, emphasized … that none of it meant what she wished that it could.

Maura putting the brakes on had been a valiant attempt to save her feelings. To keep things from getting worse.

As if that had been possible.

But Julie didn't want her to stop.

Had pleaded with her not to, in fact. Was making it very clear that there wasn't going to be any such denial tonight. If anything, things were speeding up …

And it felt great … everything felt so good …

Jesus.

Like a jolt of cold water, she realized that she was wrongly comparing Julie to Maura … when the truth was that she should be comparing herself, her own motivations – to Maura's.

She had enjoyed the hell out of meeting Julie … bantering with her … the whole rush of new feelings, the quiver in her stomach at the thought of someone truly interested in her "that way."

Not just someone … a hot-as-hell woman with sparkling blue eyes.

But this wasn't just fun and flirting anymore.

This was dangerously close to fucking.

And if she didn't stop it now, she wasn't sure she'd be able to if it went any further. And if it went all the way, she wasn't sure that she could fix it later. If she could avoid hurting Julie the way she had been …

Damn. Damn. Damn.

She hated knowing what she needed to do …

Maybe just another minute … her shirt was thrown clear of the couch and Julie's hands and arms enveloped her once more, hot on her newly cooled skin.

As she lost herself in the kiss that accompanied the caresses, pressed closer to welcoming body beneath her, Jane's conscience echoed her guilt.

Julie isn't playing a game. You aren't testing a theory. Things are getting serious.

Fuck.

Fuck!

She pulled back … resisting Julie's efforts to keep her from withdrawing.

Practically yanking her hand out from under the material covering it, Jane began to stammer as she tried to refocus.

"I c-c-can't … I'm s-sorry … We can't .."

It took a few seconds for Julie to catch up.

"Jane?"

Realizing that she was sprawled across the other woman, Jane fumbled to sit up … to get some space between them. To steady her breathing.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Julie's face was concerned, confused … and devastatingly sexy.

Nodding mechanically, Jane scanned the floor for her Henley.

"I'm fine. It's just … I … it's just too …"

Adjusting her own clothing and shifting so that she was no longer fully reclined, Julie touched her softly on the arm.

"Too fast? Too much?"

Shaking her head even though both of those suggestions were true, Jane located her discarded top and shrugged it on quickly.

"Um … It's not you … Shit, that sounds so lame! Dammit."

Running her hand through her tousled hair, Jane's eyes were bleak as she sought to verbalize ... justify … her position.

"It's just that … it's too soon … not for us, but … too soon after …"

She couldn't say it. And it seemed as if she didn't have to. Julie straightened even more, meeting her eyes with understanding and obvious regret.

"Maura."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As roomy as she'd always considered her car, Maura felt caged.

Yawning for the hundredth time, she blinked and tried to keep her attention on what her approach should be when she … surprised … Jane again.

Her mind wanted to wander upstairs as badly as she wanted to erase what she'd already witnessed there.

Again she scolded herself.

Stop it. This is similar to a stakeout. And on a stakeout you have to be ever alert.

Jane had been assigned to stakeouts before and she had always been able to handle the monotony and fatigue. Maura had often wondered if she'd be as collected, as patient, as the task would require.

Of course, Jane almost always had a partner along. It would be much easier to pass the time with another person than all by yourself, alone.

Jane wasn't alone right now. .

Forcing her thoughts back to the topic of surveillance assignments, she pondered how the last one of Jane's had turned out. That Bear person had knocked her down … had injured her … albeit not seriously. Still, it made Maura's stomach twist to think about her incapacitated, bleeding. Even for a moment. Even though Frost had been there to help, to contain the situation.

If she had witnessed the altercation in person, she would have been filled with enough rage to step in, she was sure. Jane wouldn't have appreciated the interference, but Maura wouldn't have been able to process anything but her protective impulses in the heat of the moment.

Unbidden, she saw herself shaking with anger, confronting Professor Bennett. Warning her that if she hurt Jane in any way she'd have to answer to … the woman who'd already wounded her so critically.

Some protector.

Disgusted, she shook her head.

However hypocritical it was, it was still somewhat satisfying to picture the blonde woman quaking in the face of her temper. And no matter how ridiculous the scenario seemed, it would be even more satisfying to loudly throw her out.

Frowning, she acknowledged that exhaustion was affecting her judgment.

If only she were similarly imagining how late it had become. Too late to realistically assume that Jane and her date weren't somewhere in the throes of heated sexual activity.

Unless …

She had brought three of those "Hard to Die" movies to the apartment earlier in the evening. She knew Jane loved the series. Maybe the professor was equally excited to watch them.

That could explain why she hadn't seen either of them exit the building.

She'd hang onto that.

She had to if she was going to stay sane.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How did you know?"

Jane had been so stunned at Julie's comment that she had stood up, speechless. Unprepared for the direct hit, and unable to deny it.

Now, after excusing herself, retrieving two more bottles of beer, turning on the lamp, and settling back down on the opposite end of the sofa, knee raised, she felt composed enough to talk.

"Well … two things really tipped me off." Julie picked at the top edge of the label on her Blue Moon.

"The first was the whole vibe in the room when she came by earlier tonight. Couldn't quite put my finger on it then, but now it's perfectly clear. You both acted like you were trying too hard to be … normal … with each other. And I am now very certain that Maura's sharp change in tone and attitude were due to jealousy. She was upset that I was here … with you."

Jane was thrown by this revelation. And skeptical. Maura was jealous?

"And the second?"

"That one was easier …" Julie's expression turned wistful.

"When you talked about her … during dinner … your face, your eyes, the softness of your voice … you couldn't keep your feelings from rising to the surface. And it wasn't so much what you said … it was the way … you changed … when you let your guard down as you spoke. There was much more than friendship behind your words. I got the impression that, despite whatever had broken you two up … whatever had happened between you … you were still in love with her."

Stricken, Jane rushed to respond.

"I am so, so sorry. I never meant to … when I met you, it wasn't my intention …"

Waving her off, Julie interrupted, insistent.

"Wait. Before you finish … I need to say something."

Still feeling terrible about how her words and actions may have wounded such a wonderful woman, Jane nodded and braced herself.

"You are amazing. It's been obvious that I was smitten from that very first morning, even while in excruciating pain."

She took a long sip of her beer.

"And I went with it. You are gorgeous … and funny … and so … real. I wanted to get to know you and enjoy more time with you. But here's the thing …"

Jane was perplexed. She had expected an indignant rebuke of some kind. This sounded like something else entirely.

Meeting the darker eyes with her own troubled blue ones, Julie's voice was firm yet quiet.

"I didn't expect to care as much for you as I do in such a short period of time. Become so knocked off balance and ... start … um … seeing things so differently."

"What kinds of things?"

Almost sheepishly, Julie ducked her head before looking back once more.

"Future things."

Before Jane could interject again, she hurriedly pressed forward.

"The term 'visiting professor' means that I'm not here to stay. I'm going home to continue my career, establish my tenure … live my life. I enjoy meeting new people and I love to have fun … and this was going to be just for fun. And then I … tried to ignore that, tried to forget it … once I felt so drawn to you … so connected to you in so many ways."

It took Jane a moment to absorb the implications of Julie's confession.

"So you see, I never meant to … it wasn't MY intention … to let things get serious. To feel as much. So, I'm sorry too. And grateful that you realized, that you were strong enough to pull away before we were unable to turn back. Before the loss would be too great."

They sat in silence for a minute.

"We're quite a pair aren't we?"

"I'm certain we could have been."

There was none of the familiar teasing behind Julie's remark.

Setting her bottle on table, Jane sighed. "Ya know, I've always thought that in movies, or shows where someone says a line like '… if only our circumstances were different' or 'if I'd met you at another time, when things weren't so complicated' … that it was a bunch of hokey sentimental crap that real people don't say or mean."

Letting Julie see every emotion she was feeling, she shifted back into her place on the couch.

"But now I know. It happens. It's happened. If things were different … with us … our situations, our timing …" She was sadder than she would have imagined. "I think this … we …"

"I know. I have the same sense ... about us."

Julie took her hand, careful not to disturb the bandage there.

"I'm not sure I would've been able to leave you later … and I'm not sure how I would have forgiven myself for trying to get you to leave your family and your job … to go with me. And that's why I'm glad we stopped. The ONLY reason I'm glad we stopped."

Jane managed to nod, her throat tight.

"Because … damn. Tonight would have been … so fucking incredible." She let her eyes roll back before she closed them.

After a moment where they both let their minds go there, they started to laugh softly.

"I know, right?" Jane had never been so melancholy and exhilarated in the same moment.

She squeezed Julie's hand as she wondered about another outcome, a different path.

"Somebody in Indiana is the luckiest person on the planet."

Smiling brightly and then narrowing her eyes, Julie threw her two cents in.

"And Maura is nowhere near the genius you give her credit for …. She should have never let you go."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Given the lateness of the hour, it wasn't hard to convince Julie to spend the night.

That, and Jane would have had to drive her home.

Since their conversation on the couch, they had settled back into the previously familiar, easy-going manner that had been such a welcome revelation to Jane.

Only now there was a hint of heaviness if they exchanged a smile that held for a touch longer, or if they caught themselves lingering over a comment or exchange.

There was a brief bit of awkwardness when Jane insisted that there was no way in hell Julie was sleeping on the sofa, especially with the walking boot. Matter-of-factly, she pronounced her bed big enough for the both of them and that there was no need for them to be silly about the whole thing.

They both understood the situation. And they were grownups.

Grownups who would be sleeping fully clothed.

Once Julie was settled on "her half" of the bed, she revealed that she didn't sleep in the boot when she was at home because she had a more flexible brace that stabilized the ankle but gave her foot and leg a rest. Jane was off like a shot, rummaging around until she found a brace she'd used the last time she twisted her own ankle.

As she was slipping Julie's foot into it after removing the heavy plastic boot, she realized that Julie was holding her breath.

"It's okay, I'm going to go slow … try not to hurt you."

Exhaling, Julie met her eyes.

"I'm not worried about the pain … it's just …"

For the first time since they'd met, Julie's face flushed as red as Jane's had every time Julie had teased her.

Biting her lip, she looked pointedly at Jane's hands. They were holding her lower leg so gently, careful to avoid the darker, purplish areas, their delicate motions almost caressing the skin there.

"Oh."

As quickly as she could, Jane pulled the material into place and secured the Velcro bands. Lowering Julie's leg to the bed, she removed her hands as if she had been burned, allowing the professor to gingerly slide her leg back under the sheets.

Clearing her throat she cut her eyes back to Julie's face.

"How's that? Feel about right?"

Julie nodded.

"Perfect. Thanks."

She relaxed fully onto her pillow and tried to pretend that she wasn't watching Jane bend down to remove her shoes.

"You good? Need anything?"

Two pairs of eyes skittered away from each other as they recalled how much need had existed between them earlier …

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Stop thanking me!"

Jane shook her head in frustration and plopped down on the other side of the bed, chastened when she saw Julie wince as the momentum bounced her foot.

"Jesus! I'm sorry."

She ran her hand through her hair, the new bandage catching on a few strands, making her even more agitated.

"I'm sorry that this is so fucking strange all the sudden. I'm sorry I'm such a screw up when it comes to making other people feel better. I'm so damn sorry that we aren't able to do what we both want to do right now … I'm sorry I still want to … so much …"

She trailed off, feeling even worse.

'Hey … this isn't your fault. I feel the same way. Jane, if we both didn't feel how we feel right now, this wouldn't be so hard. And if I weren't so damn helpless, I'd be able to leave like a normal person, to walk away …"

"Yeah."

The wry tone was back when Julie responded.

"Gee, _thanks_."

When Jane turned to apologize again, she saw some of the humor she'd gravitated toward in the blue eyes looking up at her.

She felt her lips trying not to smile.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"Ok." Jane paused for a second. "Wait … one more … I'm sorry I have nothing here to fix you for breakfast. I wasn't assuming … I mean …"

Now Julie laughed out loud.

"God, you're adorable."

Jane shrugged. And grinned.

"Cold pasta is pretty good."

Julie shook her head against the pillow.

"No ma'am. I cooked dinner. You're buying me a decent breakfast."

"Deal."

Jane tipped her head toward the lamp.

"Lights on or off?"

"Off. Then I can't see how gorgeous you are."

For a moment, Jane's heart skipped. Then she returned the smile she had become so fond of.

"Wait till you see me with major bed head."

Careful not to jostle the mattress too much, she leaned over and flipped off the light. Just as carefully she eased her feet up onto the bed and reclined against her own pillow, arms crossed.

"You're not going to change?"

"Nah. I sleep in my clothes sometimes. Maura hates it."

Julie's comment was almost obscured by a yawn.

"Then she's not completely stupid."

Jane couldn't decide if she should take offense on Maura's behalf or giggle.

After a minute of silence, Julie spoke softly.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I usually sleep on my side … facing out. I'm not consciously turning my back on you."

"No offense taken. You need me to move?"

Julie was under the covers while Jane was lying on top of them. She didn't know if the blonde would have enough "give" to get into her preferred position.

The last part of that thought made Jane smirk.

"No. I don't think so."

Jane felt the tug of the material under her and the shifting of the bed as Julie got adjusted.

"Your foot okay?"

"Yeah. I'm good."

There was a beat. Jane couldn't help herself.

"Well, I'll never know, will I?"

"Oh, I think you have plenty of evidence from which to draw a decent conclusion."

"Touché"

After another long silence, Jane could feel herself starting to drift.

"G'night, Julie." Her voice was soft and sincere. "I really am sorry."

Julie's reply was barely above a murmur.

"Me too."

Before the sadness could overwhelm her, Jane made a decision.

Rolling over until she was basically spooning, she slipped her arm around Julie's waist. Well, as best she could with the covers between them. Julie stiffened as if she was holding her breath, then relaxed.

"Shhhh. It's okay. This isn't gonna hurt anyone."

Maura didn't want her and even though Julie did, any future between them ended tonight. She needed not to feel utterly alone.

"Just a minute."

Julie twisted under Jane's arm until she freed her top one and pulled Jane's back into place, covering Jane's hand with her own.

"There. Better."

Jane shifted slightly so that she was completely pressed against Julie's back, her head just over the other woman's shoulder.

Their breathing fell into a steady pace.

Before she totally succumbed to the warmth and comfort now enveloping her, Jane whispered in Julie's ear.

"It's Clementine."

She could almost feel the smile that followed.

Her hand was squeezed softly and Julie nudged back a bit further, snuggling closer.

"Of course it is."

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the end part 27  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	28. Author's Note between 27 & 28

**Author's Note**

For those of you have been wondering or worrying, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still out here. To those of you sent messages asking if I was okay, thank you.

I've been mostly offline for the last month. Without going into unnecessary detail, I've dealt with too much tragedy and sadness since Thanksgiving to write or take part in the process.

Just to clear things up, I PLAN **TO FINISH** THIS STORY, no matter what. I won't apologize any more for taking so long because if I'm not posting, then real life is too important for distractions.

As for 2014, I am going to repeat the cliché we all hear too often:

Spend time with those you love. None of us is guaranteed future moments with the people who are special to us.

I've read it before as well, and nodded my head and thought about how true those statements are, but until the phone call comes, you never really believe it applies to you.

The phone rang too many times this holiday season.

My resolution is to try to be truly present in the lives of those I hold dear.

I hope you all are well and approaching the next year with optimism and anticipation.

Eppie G


	29. Chapter 28

(Thank you **so much** to those of you who sent me such kind words of encouragement.}

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 28?  
>Pairing: RizzoliIsles  
>Rating: No clue<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.

Notes/Summary: And all the pain I put you through … I wish that I could take it all away …  
>and be the one who catches all your tears … that's why I need you to hear …<p>

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was disoriented for only a few seconds.

Warm and relaxed and groggy, she started to stretch … and then she remembered she was not in bed alone.

Actually, even before she remembered, she was vaguely aware of the body heat and sleight weight against her side and shoulder.

Julie.

The name brought with it a mixture of fondness, humor and regret.

Before she could really ponder any of those elements, her attention was immediately drawn to the way Julie's breathing was dramatically affecting her. Specifically, how it was affecting her chest.

Trying to remain completely still, she took stock of their positions.

She was on her back, one arm under Julie's neck and curled comfortably around her. The blonde was resting mostly on Jane's shoulder, but her face was pointing downward at an angle, the top of her head tucked under Jane's jaw.

The proximity of her mouth to Jane's left breast seemed to be what was causing the problem.

Stifling a groan at the way her nipple was responding to the steady exhalations, she closed her eyes and tried to focus. She should get up … move away from temptation and help tilt the scales against the urge to wake Julie up in a way that they had both decided would be unwise.

She knew she had to ease out of range before those blue eyes opened and threatened her willpower. Slipping her arm free as gently as possible, she started to slide sideways, thankful that she had stayed on top of the covers all night.

Julie shifted, making only the slightest noise as Jane jostled her head during her escape, but just as Jane's hip cleared the edge of the mattress, there was a muted yawn.

Turning back toward the bed, Jane was met with drowsy blue eyes and a quizzical expression.

"Shhhh .., I didn't mean to wake you … I was just going to hit the … I'll be back in a minute."

She didn't pause to see if Julie settled back into sleep. Closing the bathroom door behind her, she finally relaxed. Still, carefully avoiding her wounded wrist, she splashed several handfuls of cold water on her face before taking care of business and replacing her bandages, grateful that she could use a much smaller one below her palm..

When she stepped back into the bedroom, Julie was fully awake but still under the covers, her hair adorably ruffled. Jane was struck with a pang of wistfulness.

"Hey. You don't have to get up … it's just a little past seven."

Julie's eyes twinkled and she patted the mattress beside her.

"You gonna make it worth my while?"

Jane was speechless. And blushing.

The look on her face prompted immediate laughter.

"I just can't get enough of making you squirm."

Rolling her eyes and trying to shrug it off, Jane leveled her gaze.

"You do know I have a loaded gun."

"You don't scare me. And besides it's way too early for weapons."

The mention of time brought a smirk to Jane's face. Then a full blown smile.

"What?" Julie was starting to sit up.

"Nothing … it's just." Jane realized that it hardly mattered now if she told the truth.

"My friend, Miguel, from the Caymans … that I told you about … he knew you were coming over for dinner last night and he was trying to encourage me. To just be myself, enjoy your company … have fun."

Julie nodded, waiting for the rest.

"Well, he was teasing me … I think … when he ended his message by saying something like, 'I'd better not hear from you until after 10 o'clock and you'd better make that woman a nice breakfast.'"

At Julie's grin and raised eyebrow, Jane grew flustered.

"Of course I hadn't in any way indicated to him … that it was more than dinner, I swear. He likes making me … off balance … too. On a first date I wouldn't …"

"Oh my God you are so cute when you stammer!"

Jane's shoulders slumped and she tilted her head back.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. And it's sweet." Julie held up her hand. "Which I know you hate."

Before Jane could respond, the professor obviously had an idea. She sat bolt upright and questioned, "Where's your phone?"

Confused, Jane pointed to the nightstand. "There. Why?"

"Get it."

As Jane moved around the bed to do so, Julie half-ducked back beneath the covers, peeling her sweater off as she moved. Cutting her eyes away quickly, Jane dutifully retrieved her cell.

She heard a muffled, "Just a minute," as she made her way back to where she had been standing before.

Julie emerged, just her head, neck and shoulders visible … looking for all the world like she was naked in Jane's bed.

With a devilish grin, she stated, "Now it's your turn to tease Miguel."

At Jane's deer-in-headlights stare, she chuckled.

"Relax, detective. I still have my bra on. I just lowered the straps." Raising her chin slightly, she coaxed, "Go ahead. Take my picture."

Finally understanding where this was going, Jane complied, quite impressed by Julie's ability to look like she was posing for her … lover. She took several shots.

Sitting down on the corner of the bed with her back toward her subject, she quickly decided on the photo she would send. She texted slowly, giving Julie plenty of time to readjust her clothes.

She hoped.

"_Hey, hotstuff. It's not even 7:30 but I didn't think you'd mind. We might eventually get breakfast …"_

Twisting around, she handed the phone to Julie … just as she was pulling her arm through her sleeve.

"Perfect." She took it upon herself to press 'send.' "That'll make him so proud of you."

"Until I have to tell him the truth."

"Honey, I don't think the truth will change his opinion of you one bit. In fact, it will probably make him love you even more."

This time the warmth Jane felt was not due to blushing. It was the direct result of holding Julie's affectionate gaze. Blinking, she broke the spell.

"Did you … want to take a shower?"

"I thought about that … I'm not sure I can without the shower chair I've been using at the apartment. And without someone helping me in and out …"

The implication seemed to hang in the air.

"So, I think … it would be best, better for both of us, if I just wait until I get home."

Jane swallowed. "Good call."

Standing she clapped her hands lightly together. "I guess I won't either … until later. That way we'll both have that 'haven't been home yet' aura."

"I will need some help getting the boot back on … before I can go to the bathroom. Hint hint"

Jane moved like a flash to the side of the bed where the discarded appliance lay. Julie flung back the remainder of the covers and moved to slide her legs over the side. There was a sharp intake of breath that made Jane look up.

"What? Are you okay?"

Pursing her lips tightly and nodding, Julie regained her voice.

"Yeah … seemed to have caught my foot in the corner there." She nodded to the offending area at the end of the bed.

Swiftly, but carefully, Jane untangled the sheets, basically skimming them off the foot of the bed entirely, so that there would be no more complications.

As Julie swung her leg over, Jane gently and efficiently replaced the brace with the much sturdier and bulkier boot. It took very little communication before Julie pronounced it sound. She needed Jane's assistance to stand, but once she gained her balance, she was good to go.

Just as she reached the doorway, she grinned over her shoulder.

"You might want to run a brush through that gorgeous hair. I like it, but the straight-from-bed look might be a little too sexy for the general public."

The door closed behind her before she could fully appreciate the pink tint that crept over Jane's face.

Shaking her head in defiance and taking a seat on the mattress. Jane bent to retrieve her shoes. As she was slipping the right one on, the unmistakable melody that evoked one of her worst childhood traumas reached her through the door.

"In a cavern … in a canyon … excavating for a mine …"

It was being sung with great gusto and it struck the exact nerve it had targeted.

Groaning loudly in frustration, Jane called out.

"I trusted you with that information!"

After a slight pause, the serenade continued.

"Oh my darlin' … Oh my darlin' … OH my DARLIN' - "

The much-despised name was drowned out by the noisy 'thud' of Jane's thick-soled shoe flying into the door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When the beep beep beep of her alarm went off, Maura couldn't believe it was already time to get up.

It seemed as if she'd only closed her eyes a few minutes ago.

Refusing to open them just yet, she quickly shot her arm out to quell the noise.

The moment her hand smacked into the steering wheel, all of her senses were alert.

She had fallen asleep in her car.

On Jane's street.

Sometime well after midnight.

The beeping noise was coming from a furniture truck that was backing up next to her, the low groaning of the heavy engine blocking out all other sound save the warning signal.

It was morning.

And her eyelids felt glued together.

Slowly she rubbed her fingers over them, all the while trying to regain her equilibrium. Her head was very close to the driver side window. She must have slumped that way to sleep. As she tried to straighten, a sharp pain shot down the side of her neck. A penalty for the position she'd kept it in for so long.

Stretching and twisting, she tried to roll some of the kinks out.

Part of her suspected that her brain was trying to keep her concentrating on such things so that she wouldn't fully realize the situation she'd put herself in.

It didn't work.

Despite the discomfort and the nettles stinging her hand where it had fallen asleep, she accepted the shame and deep hurt that washed over her.

She'd come here to finally open herself up. To ask for the life she wanted.

Momentarily thrown off course by the presence of the blonde professor … there … she'd regrouped and settled in so that once the dinner date was over, she could pick up where her plan had fallen short.

But dinner wasn't all that had gone on upstairs.

It made her sick to acknowledge it. Sicker still that she hadn't driven away once she suspected as much.

Angela might not have questioned her arrival in middle of the night. Possibly. Maybe she would have been able to avoid her altogether by leaving a note saying she needed to rest.

It was a moot point now.

Now that she was waking up at the scene of the … She'd almost filled in the word "crime." Wryly shaking her head, Maura had to admit that no one had committed an offense against her.

She was the one who rejected Jane to begin with. The one that had driven her away. The one who had found out too late that Jane was everything she'd ever wanted, and not just in a friend. The one who had foolishly assumed Jane would be alone when she arrived.

A small fierce voice protested that it was actually not so far-fetched to believe that the woman who had confessed her heart-felt love and who had been so completely devastated by the reception she'd received barely a month ago, would still be unattached.

The tiniest spark of anger flared at the thought. How could she?

Before Maura could begin the internal argument again, her eyes caught a flurry of movement outside of Jane's building.

Her heart stopped beating.

There they were.

The morning after.

With no breath left in her lungs, Maura couldn't look away.

They seemed to be having a tug of war with a silver stability cane. Jane was facing somewhat away from Maura's vantage point, so she could only see Julie's face. Their motions said that they were disagreeing, but the expression she read from the blonde woman was that it was more playful than contentious.

She couldn't hear anything over the groaning, gurgling hum of the idling truck.

Finally, Jane wrested the cane away, laughing as she turned. It hurt like a scalpel slice to absorb how beautiful she was.

Taking two steps down, she leaned slightly forward and motioned for Julie to come closer. Without really having to take a full stride, the professor was able to jump slightly and assume the piggyback position, laughing the whole time as well.

Jane only swayed sideways for a bit before settling her burden and slowly easing down the rest of the stairs. When they reached the bottom, Maura thought that she would lower Julie to the ground and return the cane to her, but Jane kept going toward her sedan. At that point, the pair crossed in front of the truck and Maura lost sight of them.

It was just as well. Their glowing faces were burned into her consciousness.

They were still wearing the same clothes they'd had on last night when she'd interrupted. She didn't want to think any further about it.

She just wanted to stop thinking altogether.

But first, she desperately needed to use the bathroom. She'd had too much coffee while staking out the apartment and wallowing in her own misery.

Glancing up at Jane's window, she decided to use her key.

Since she now knew no one was home, it wouldn't hurt for her to dash in and out. She certainly did not want to appear in public until she'd had a shower and changed.

More than anything, she wished she could wash away the last 12 – 14 hours.

Sadly, she was keenly aware that no amount of water … or alcohol … was capable of that.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They had gone through all of breakfast and were midway through their second cups of coffee before either mentioned the elephant in the room.

Neither of them wanted to spoil the mood.

Julie was the first to brave the topic.

"Damn, I wish I could be friends with you!"

Jane had been laughing at the latest story the professor had so charmingly told, but instantly she sobered.

"You don't think that's possible?"

She knew the answer before she asked, but hoped that Julie had somehow discovered a new angle on the problem.

"I don't think I could … see you and talk to you … and not want … " Julie lowered her voice. "you. Want more."

Nodding and proud that she hadn't blushed, Jane was struck by how similar those words were to her thoughts about Maura. But in that situation she had no choice.

"Besides, you wouldn't move on … or back to Maura, if that's what you truly wanted … if this was a pleasant enough diversion."

Jane was adamant.

"You wouldn't be a diversion."

Smiling softly, Julie touched her hand.

"Thank you for that, but don't pretend that you don't know what I mean. And then there's the other side. I WILL fall in love with you. If I don't take a step back. Far, far back."

Pretending once more anyway, Jane couldn't help but blurt out a response.

"And that would be so terrible?"

Now it was Julie's turn to go completely serious. She looked down at her lap for a beat and then met Jane's eyes. The deep blue there clouded with sadness.

"For me, yes. When I'm in … I'm all in. I have so many dreams for what my life will be like once I've found … committed myself to … the person who melts my heart; who shows me … forever."

Her eyes fluttered away for a moment.

"Jane … you are incredible, and I think we've established that I'm incapable of being less than totally enraptured by you. But your heart, right now, and probably even your soul, isn't in any condition to even meet me half way. I can't have what belongs to someone else. And you can't give it to me."

Accepting every word despite her fleeting wishful thinking, Jane hated the old maxim that the truth did hurt. She also knew that she wouldn't easily get over hurting someone like the woman across the table from her.

With a deep sigh, she squeezed Julie's hand.

"I know. I know all of that. It just doesn't seem fair, ya know?"

It was a woefully inadequate statement for what she was feeling, but she knew it would be understood.

"Oh yeah. I know."

The prolonged silence was almost a benediction. Jane couldn't stop staring at their fingers, mentally saying good-bye.

"Do you want to split one of those big ole' pieces of chocolate cake?"

Laughing out loud, Jane was reminded how easily the blonde could throw her off guard.

"After breakfast? Why the hell not?"

And if delayed the inevitable for a few more minutes, that was just icing on the cake.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura had intended on being in Jane's apartment only long enough to relieve herself.

However, she knew all too well that when intense emotions are involved, sometimes the best laid plans often flew out the window.

As soon as she stepped across the threshold, the night before came flooding back. The shock, the nausea, the pain. She caught her breath and braced herself, almost as if it were going to happen all over again.

But there was no reason to flee. No expression to hide from anyone. The apartment was silent, empty. She was alone.

And in desperate need of the facilities.

Everything else could wait.

When she saw her reflection in the powder room mirror as she was washing her hands, she looked brutally hung over. And she was mortified by her hair.

Reaching into her purse for her brush, she was confronted with an integral part of her previous night's plan. Harshly pushing it aside, she grabbed the brush and tugged it through her tangled tresses, getting angrier with each stroke.

Angry at herself. Angry at Jane. Angry at the beautiful blonde professor who had suddenly appeared … and appeared to be taking her place.

Her scalp protested, but she continued her aggressive grooming until she was mostly satisfied with the result.

Then she tried to do something with the smears of mascara around her eyes.

As she stalked out into the hallway, the slightly open door to Jane's bedroom drew her to it like a moth to a flame. Again, her mind practically ransacked itself to come up with a scenario that would mean her worst nightmare had not come true.

Sure, there had been no pillows or blankets on the sofa indicating separate sleeping arrangements, but … what if they had simply placed them back on the bed or in a chair before leaving?

Pushing the door completely open with her heart in her throat, Maura released any fantasy she had held onto that might have lessened the impact of the night she'd imagined.

The bed was a tousled mess.

The sheets and comforter were haphazardly strewn off the end of the mattress. The pillows, both of them, were rumpled and askew.

If it had been scientifically possible, her blood would have slowly crystalized into ice, she was so cold. But as frozen as she felt, the images in her mind flowed freely. Jane and that woman … writhing and arching, pulling at the sheets …

Without warning, her grief and despair turned into pure rage.

She wanted to smash everything in the room. Channel her venom into actual, physical damage. Give in to raw emotion and blot out any trace of their passionate night together.

But she still held onto a tiny speck of her sanity.

Fighting her urge to take one of Jane's hockey sticks and break things until the crashing, shattering, and maiming relieved some of her agony, she began to strip the linens off the bed in a frenzy. Not stopping until the pillow cases and the mattress pad were piled up in a heap with the rest of the covers.

Then, exhausted and shaking, she collapsed to her knees and sobbed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane had driven from the diner to Julie's apartment with one hand.

The other was resting comfortably in the professor's palm. They had studiously avoided discussing it.

If fact, they had agreed to say their farewells over the last bite of cake. There was just one last bit of business to take care of.

Julie punched her roommate's number into her cell as they were nearing the curb, knowing that with the call, Erin would make her way down to meet them and offer assistance.

The car had barely rolled to a stop before Jane was out of it, hurrying around to the passenger side to open the door. Carefully helping Julie out, she stretched to grab the much maligned walker and set it on the sidewalk.

As she leaned back against the side of the sedan, her hands loosely finding Julie's slim hips, she met her favorite set of clear blue eyes.

"Sure you're ready?"

"Absolutely. And Jane … thank you for this."

Showing her dimples, Jane chuckled low in her throat.

"Are you kidding? Willing participant here."

Casting her gaze to the door of Julie's building, she murmured as she saw Erin start to emerge.

"Here we go."

She pulled Julie to her, sliding her hands down to press the blonde's lower body into the cradle of her hips. She could feel Julie's hands slip up into her hair.

Then they were kissing with no boundaries, no regrets and no embarrassment.

In that minute, Jane immersed herself in all the affection and feeling that had developed in the short time she'd known the woman in her arms. She didn't even try to deny the thrill that surged through her at being this intimately engaged with someone so attractive and so equally enthused about the situation. She could feel the heat intensify and she didn't care.

Erin's small cough … then meek clearing of her throat … was the signal to stop.

Separating slowly, they shared a look that said that everything was going to be okay. As she leaned her forehead against Jane's, Julie tried to catch her breath. When she was able to, she whispered.

"Talk about going out with a bang."

Jane swallowed.

"Yeah. When are you going to tell her? Or are you just going to let her hate me when I don't call?"

Smoothing her hand slowly over the tiny bandage on Jane's brow and down her flushed cheek, Julie grinned.

"Probably tonight if we are alone. Definitely soon. I wouldn't want her to send Peck after you. He might get hurt."

Snickering under her breath, Jane released her hold and turned serious.

"If you … EVER need me, you call me. Promise?"

Nodding, and straightening up, Julie responded.

"And if you … EVER decide to move to Indiana …"

"You got it."

Backing away, Julie gradually stopped touching her.

Finally breaking eye contact, Jane lifted her chin toward the woman standing dumbstruck a few feet away.

"Hey, Erin."

Then she turned and made her getaway without looking back.

It really was better to yank the band aid off all at once.

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the end part 28  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


	30. Chapter 29

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 29 – <strong>Rewrite of the rewrite<br>(I was still not completely satisfied by this chapter … may never be ;)  
><strong>Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles  
>Rating: No clue<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.

Notes/Summary: And I would be the one … to hold you down … kiss you so hard …

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane refused to give in to melancholy on her way home.

She had gained so much over the past week. Not the least of which was a renewed comfort in her own skin. She was not only out to her family and friends, all of whom seemed distinctly supportive, she had managed to survive her first date … and more … with an unbelievably attractive woman.

The fact that the exceedingly short relationship had ended the way it did was not a tragedy. In its own way, it was an affirmation. She could do this. She hadn't screwed it up.

And she was absolutely 100% sure that she only wanted be involved with women going forward.

As she made her way up the front stairs of her building, she thought of Miguel and how he would react when he saw her email. She was certain that he would be shocked. Even if he had encouraged her to "go for it," she knew he didn't think she would. Not so soon and not so fast.

She'd give anything too see his face when he saw a gorgeously disheveled Julie in her bed "the morning after."

Giggling at the wide-eyed, dropped-jaw expression she imagined on his face, she wondered if she should make something of a series out of the prank. She might be able to convince Frost to pose for the next installment.

In return, she contemplated asking Miguel if he could round up a nice picture of Gerard's niece …

Digging her keys out of her pocket she approached her door, her eyes falling on the spot in the hallway where she and Julie had noticed the mysteriously discarded flower as they left for breakfast.

It was weird. A single bloom, right outside her apartment, seemingly abandoned or absently dropped. There appeared to be nothing deliberate about its placement.

She had picked it up and tossed it on the table just inside, forgetting about it once Julie refused to use the ugly cane and they began their good-natured duel over whether or not Jane could make her.

Now that she was back at home, she reminded herself to have another look at it. Flipping the lock and pushing the door open, she was already toeing her shoes off, not wanting to delay her shower any longer.

Uncharacteristically, she'd been so lost in thought about the whole morning … the details, the feelings, the implications … that she hadn't heard any sound coming from the apartment before she entered. She was startled by the noise from the television as she took a step out of her second shoe.

Immediately she assumed that Frankie or Tommy had once again taken it upon themselves to come over and hang out uninvited … a habit they had picked up from their mother. The fact that Jane usually caved and reluctantly allowed her brothers' drop-in visits, after a few choice insults of course, only encouraged them. She might need to rethink key privileges altogether.

But it wasn't a dark-haired masculine form facing away from her on the sofa.

It only took an instant for her to realize that it was Maura.

Once again, she was completely thrown. Disoriented by this turn of events. Her reactions almost randomly assembled in her mind.

Maura was supposed to come over to talk, but later on … tonight … yet she had showed up the previous evening acting strangely … and now …

What the hell?!

Before she could say the words out loud, she was gripped by another thought.

What if something was really wrong with Maura? Something that was making her act so odd and out of character? Fear seized her heart as she moved toward the couch.

"Maura?"

The question was tentative, cautious. As if she was approaching a distressed animal.

When the doctor made no attempt to answer her, not even tilting her head toward Jane's voice, her anxiety skyrocketed.

"Maura … what are you doing here?"

This time she spoke in a stronger voice, but remained encouraging, almost calm.

Nothing could have prepared her for the bitterly cold tone of Maura's answer.

"Right now I'm watching this movie. You two certainly didn't get very far into it."

Jane had carefully made her way around the end of the sofa, her heart beating faster once she saw the set of Maura's face. She was at a loss.

"Okay … you're scaring me …"

Belatedly she noticed that the M.E. was wearing the same clothes she'd had on the night before. Now she _knew_ that something terribly serious was going on. Biting her lip, she pondered inching closer before she spoke again.

With a flick of her wrist that scarcely registered as movement, Maura killed the power to the television, sending the room into instant silence. Slowly her eyes found Jane's, chilling her further.

Jane resisted the impulse to shiver as she ventured on …

"Whatever it is, can we talk about it?"

Jane's words were barely a whisper, and without really being aware of it, she was holding her breath. She flinched when Maura's immediate response was a harsh laugh.

"Talk about it?" Her chin shot up along with one eyebrow, as if she was smirking conspiratorially with the universe. "_Now_ she wants to talk about it."

Exhaling and then taking a deep breath that did nothing to ease the lump in her throat, Jane kept trying.

"You asked me before you left on your trip if we could meet here tonight to talk. I got the sense that it was about something you really needed to share, to discuss … then you came back early without letting me know …"

She lifted her hands as if to say "please help me here."

Even without actually pulling off the maneuver, Maura's lips gave the impression of a sneer.

"I came back early, all right … and walked right in on …"

She clamped her mouth shut firmly, cutting off any further comment. Her arms snapped together tightly across her midsection, her body language shutting out more than her lack of words could.

Still treading softly, Jane tried to fill in the blanks.

"Julie? You didn't want to talk because Julie was here? I tried to get you to stay, but you couldn't get out of here fast enough …"

Maura's eyes flared as they sought Jane's once more.

"Stay?! Stay and watch the two of you with your hands all over each other? No thank you!"

It took a few seconds for her tone, her comment, her demeanor, and her behavior to sink in.

Jane was staggered.

Had Julie been right? All of this … because Maura was jealous? Jealous of what? Not having her … best friend … at her beck and call? Jealous that there was competition for her time? Something more?

Nothing about the whole situation added up and she felt like she was working from behind. Her temper, as usual, was way ahead of her.

"You _know_ that if you had said that you needed to talk to me, I would have gone with you, I would have made time …"

"It didn't matter anymore!"

Twisting toward Jane, her hands clenching into fists as if to rein in her emotions, Maura's retort seemed largely involuntary. And final.

But Jane wasn't about to drop the topic at this point. If it hadn't mattered, why had she spent all night waiting for a chance to face off again?

"What in the hell are you talking about? We are obviously not on the same page … Yes, I had a … guest, but I wouldn't turn my back on you because of that! You know better!"

"I thought I knew! I thought I knew exactly how you felt … but evidently it was fleeting …"

The faintly sneering element was back, along with a haughty dismissal.

Jane was really angry now. What had started off as concern was quickly turning into fury. And her patience for navigating the gathering storm had evaporated.

"For Christ sakes, Maura! Say what you mean! Spit. It. Out. I'm done with guessing and interpretation!"

Rising up from her position on the couch, Maura was indignant.

"I always say what I mean! I have never lied to you! You're the one who said one thing to me and then …" She appeared to struggle to even say the words. "And then … you were kissing _her_!"

Jane threw her hands up in the air.

"You're still not making any sense!"

Maura took a step closer, her finger piercing the space in front of her.

"You said you loved me! That you were _in love_ with me!"

There was the slightest break, a hint of a crack in her voice.

"I guess it didn't take much for you to just 'get over it' … that, or you never actually meant it."

She might as well have thrown ice water in Jane's face. The accusation … coming from the person who had witnessed it all, could not have been more of a shock.

When she regained her composure, Jane snarled back, incensed.

"If I remember correctly, when I said it … bared my _soul_ about it … you said, 'no thanks' … YOU ... you wanted to stay 'just friends.'" Jane swallowed hard. "See, here's how it works: that whole 'there are other fish in the sea' thing? … YOU have no say in it once you've thrown me back!"

Slumping slightly, Maura ran her hands through her hair. A gesture that usually belonged to Jane.

"That night … when you … I was scared! I was so confused and afraid … I couldn't handle it, couldn't begin to process it or deal with it at the time …"

Her arms fell loosely to her sides, almost in defeat.

"And then you were gone, and I …"

She looked Jane, pleading with her to understand. "But now …"

"Unbelievable."

Jane's snort turned into a humorless chuckle.

"_Now_ … now that you've seen me with someone else you have the nerve to … Jesus Christ! You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me either. Un-fucking-believable!"

Spinning around, she stalked toward the kitchen.

"It's not like thatl Jane!"

Maura followed her around the sofa.

"Please … I want to understand it, actually I need to … but I can't … How could you love me like … that … only a few weeks ago and then … and then … sleep with her?"

Maura's voice was laced with pain, but Jane's ears were roaring with rage.

"You don't get to ask me that! You don't even get to DISCUSS her with me. Yeah, friends should share and all that garbage, but you crossed a line. Here's all you need to understand … You destroyed me!"

God, how she hated choking up when she was furious. She struggled to maintain her edge.

"You … broke _everything_ … and I tried like hell to get it back. God knows, I tried. I got my shit together and came home willing to do anything, anything … to be around you, for you … to be part of your life however I could … to be what you wanted me to be, needed me to be!"

She stifled a snicker at herself for being such a fool and let her head fall back.

"Gerard warned me about this. How you might feel backed into a corner … that you might actually give in. Try to make yourself appear to feel, or even convince yourself that you DO feel, the same way in return, not wanting to let me go completely. That you might want to keep me on a short leash so that I'd always be around, never too close, but never too far away. I couldn't imagine that happening … but obviously …"

Maura was desperate.

"No! Please, that's not it at all …"

She scrambled to present her case. Her voice tinged with urgency and regret.

"When you were gone, I was devastated! Totally adrift. Completely lost. Jane, I turned myself inside out trying to figure out why I couldn't accept what I truly wanted, why I was so terrified to be happy … to need you so much."

Tears were slowly easing down her cheeks.

"And I discovered, I finally admitted … that I didn't think I was worthy … capable of feeling deeply enough, of having anything real to share… just plain not _good_ enough for you. That I was too damaged, too dissociated to be who you needed. That you would find out my failings and be so disappointed."

She took a wavering breath and her eyes seemed to glitter.

"But then … Jane! … I realized that you knew everything about me! You already knew who I was, how I really was … and you still … you loved me, despite my debilitating flaws. In spite of all the empty places I have, the potential darkness I carry. "

As usual, seeing Maura cry was gut-wrenching. Jane was torn. Spellbound. And totally mixed up.

She wanted to believe.

"I started thinking about what would happen if I didn't work up the courage to tell you, if I continued to attempt to keep everything platonic between us by concealing, subjugating … my perceptions, my desires … if my insecurities won out and I remained paralyzed and remote … I was terrified that you might meet your Stuart and really leave … for good."

The hell?

"How do you know Stuart?"

As far as Jane knew, she'd never mentioned Erin's aging hipster boyfriend.

Maura blinked rapidly.

"Your mother told me … about how Katie Jane met Stuart and moved to Chicago …"

"Uncle Stu?"

"Yes, and even though she and your mother were still best friends, it wasn't the same … and I knew … that I couldn't just be friends with you, Jane … that I would never survive watching you get involved with someone else, seeing you build a separate life with someone else …"

Jane couldn't move or speak. It sounded like Maura was saying everything she'd only dreamed of hearing. But how could she be sure it wasn't just a reaction to her relationship with Julie? That the anguished epiphany that Maura had so haltingly detailed was not just the product of facing future loneliness? That these were pure and honest, not knee-jerk or manipulated feelings?

She'd promised Gerard. Maura had to earn it.

"I couldn't wait for you to come home. Your mother guessed how I felt, but I wouldn't tell her out right … I wanted you to be the first to know. But then you hugged me immediately … and said, 'Best friends?' and I didn't know what to do … "

Gathering herself, Maura exhaled somewhat unsteadily.

"I thought we'd have time. I thought things would settle down. You'd catch up with work, and your family … and we'd have time alone, so I could tell you … "

She looked up, capturing Jane's gaze.

"I asked you if you would be free tonight because I was going to come over here, away from all of the distractions and interruptions, just the two of us, finally alone. And I was going to hold you close, keep you close, and let you know how I feel …. Show you how I feel."

Jane's mouth went dry.

"When I had the opportunity to come home early from Pittsfield, I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to recreate 'movie night' and have it end the right way this time. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I prepared as quickly as possible for it … I just wasn't prepared to find you with someone else."

Her thoughts whirling, Jane tried pulling the threads together. If Maura hadn't known that Julie would be there, but she had already planned to come clean … then all of this might be genuine, not influenced by a snap judgment or possessive response. She had never wanted something to be true so badly.

Sighing, Maura finally looked away.

"I will admit … I did not handle the situation like an adult. I was hurt … even angry. While I hadn't discussed anything with you, made you aware at all … when I came in, at that instant … I felt, somehow, as if you were cheating on me."

When Jane tried to protest, Maura waved it off.

"I know! It was completely irrational and unfounded, but it was real to me in the moment. When I saw the way you were kissing her … my world ended."

Jane couldn't understand how she could feel so guilty over something she hadn't done.

"I was falling apart and the last thing I wanted was for you to see that, to know that then … that way … so I fled. I made it as far as my car."

Still rooted to the spot where she'd been standing, Jane wanted very much to erase the distance between them, but she didn't want Maura to be sidetracked, to stop talking.

"When I had cried myself sick out there, I realized that I couldn't go home. Your mother would have taken one look at me and would have seen how badly I'd ruined things. And I was still supposed to be in Pittsfield. So … I picked up something to eat nearby and settled into my car, and waited for Julie to leave. I was going to march straight back up here and finally let you know everything … what's that expression? Pour my heart out …"

Oh God. Julie had stayed. And she'd had been in the car all night.

"Maura …"

"No, I need to finish this, Jane."

She clenched her hands together again, holding on for dear life.

"At some point in the early hours, I got the message. Reality set in. But I couldn't make myself drive away. And then this morning, I saw the two of you leave … how happy you were … I resigned myself to the fact that I was too late. That I had missed my window."

Maura was speaking almost as much to herself now as to Jane.

"I only came up here to use your bathroom. I was a mess and I had my key. But once I was here, Jane … my emotions got the best of me. I'm not proud of it, but I completely lost control. Your sheets are in the dryer."

Pausing only for a moment to shake her head, dismissing the thought, she continued.

"When I calmed down, I decided that I still needed to see you. To have any hope of continuing to … have any sort of relationship with you … I needed to tell you how I felt … how I feel. I haven't done any of this the way I had intended, but …"

With one last deep breath, Maura relaxed her hands and stepped closer.

"I love you, Jane Rizzoli. I think I've been in love with you for longer than my consciousness was even aware. I know I've hurt you, so deeply. I would do anything to take my words and actions back, to have another opportunity to respond to your lovely declaration, the gift you so generously offered, in a way your confession deserved. I know you have other options. I know that I may have lost my chance, but none of that can stop me from asking for another one … I love you. And if there is any part of you that can forgive me and accept what's in my heart, I want you to know that I'm willing to fight for it. To do whatever I have to do."

Jane was shaking. This would have been her wish come true at any time over the past few weeks. She wanted it to be her happily ever after. She wanted to say "of course there is."

But more than anything in the world, she wanted to be sure. She couldn't survive the agony again if she was mistaken. God help her, she needed evidence.

Evidence …

A tiny spark of memory made its way forward.

Her voice thick with emotion, Jane gestured toward the flower she'd so carelessly and casually tossed back inside the apartment mere moments after its discovery.

"Did you drop that last night?"

Following Jane's lead and sensing the importance behind the query, Maura simply said,

"Yes."

"You brought it with you?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

She was having trouble even getting the questions out.

"What does it mean?"

Maura made sure she was looking directly into the darkened eyes of the woman she loved as she answered.

"It's a primrose. That particular variation means 'I can't live without you.'"

She'd barely gotten through the sentence when she was crushed fiercely in Jane's arms.

Her own wrapped tightly around the detective, her tears falling anew at the trembling she felt against her, echoing her body's as well.

"I wish I had just …"

"Shhh. Doesn't matter now."

Nothing else did. They were steadily and securely holding each other with no intention of letting go. Certainty, safety and relief surrounding and enveloping them.

Eventually, Jane leaned back slightly, her hands making their way up to gently frame Maura's face. She'd never seen anything so beautiful.

"I love you."

The radiant smile she received in return warmed her to her toes.

"I love you, too."

Without hesitation, Jane kissed her. With no anxiety, no wistfulness, no question. And Maura was kissing her back with no limitations, no apprehension … no awkwardness.

It was glorious. Her heart seemed to fill her whole body, blocking out everything but the soul-deep joy she felt in this moment.

Reluctantly she pulled away. She needed to look into Maura's eyes again.

She couldn't keep a silly grin from her face as she did so.

"Ya know, both times I've kissed you, you've tasted like salt. First from the popcorn, and now from your tears."

Her thumbs caressed the trails they had made down Maura's cheeks.

"Well, both times I've kissed you … you've tasted like forever. The first time it scared me to death … this time, it makes me happier than I've ever been."

With her own tears threatening, Jane kissed the gorgeous M.E. again, softly … reverently, the waves of emotion and pleasure tumbling over each other like ones that had so mesmerized her as she'd walked along the shore.

When she drew back this time, she slowly placed a sweet kiss on Maura's forehead.

"Okay. Um … Okay."

She slid her hands down to rest on the doctor's shoulders.

"Here's what's going to happen ..."

Maura raised an eyebrow, but didn't interrupt.

"You're going to go home. We're both going to take showers and maybe each have a nice long nap. Then, later this evening, you're going to come back over here for dinner … and for a talk that's been postponed far too long already."

At the disappointed look on Maura's face, she murmured, "There is no way I'm going any further with this until everything is out in the open … and I've at least bathed."

Her grin was infectious.

Slowly rubbing her thumb over Jane's lower lip, intentionally invoking the reaction she desired, Maura countered.

"On one condition."

Helpless, Jane was instantly willing to do whatever she wanted.

Releasing the taller woman, Maura walked over to where her purse sat on the table. Briefly rummaging inside it, she came up with a handful of delicate purplish fabric.

"Since I also brought these with me as part of my original "grand plan," I might as well give them to you now. I picked them out just for you. Your mother said you'd like the color."

She smirked at Jane's expression when she mentioned Angela, but quickly turned serious as she handed them over.

"Will you wear them for me tonight?"

With her face burning at the thought of Maura picking out lingerie for her … and why … Jane just nodded as she accepted the gifts.

"I have something special to wear as well."

To keep her brain from exploding, Jane swallowed hard.

"I'll take care of dinner. You'll bring some wine?"

Maura's smile was practically euphoric.

"Absolutely. What should I tell your mother?"

Thrown off guard for a second, Jane realized that Angela was too involved not to question her "other daughter" when she saw her.

"Tell her the truth. She'll be thrilled. Don't go into too much detail though …" She held up the underwear before placing the intimate garments on the back of the couch.

"I'll call Frankie and warn him that if he brings Jo Friday back before I say so tomorrow he's a dead man."

Laughing, Maura took an exaggerated look up and down Jane's body and slyly winked.

"Make sure you get enough rest."

Jane waggled her eyebrows.

"I will. As soon as I put sheets back on my bed."

For a second, Maura looked stricken.

In a flash, Jane pulled her back into a whole-hearted, full length embrace.

"Hey … We'll talk more tonight. You have nothing to worry about. Except maybe a parking ticket." She kissed the frown away. "And even then, despite what I told Tommy, you shouldn't worry. You know someone at the police department very, very well."

Not to be outdone, Maura teased back.

"Yes." Gently nibbling Jane's lower lip with both of hers, she whispered. "By tomorrow, hopefully, inside and out."

Groaning and dropping her head to Maura's shoulder, Jane was reduced to issuing a whining threat.

"You'd better hurry up and get out of here before I change my mind about bathing …"

Maura chuckled and ducked away from her. Grabbing her purse and making her way toward the door, she smiled back.

"It's a date."

"You bet it is."

Jane joined her. Holding the door open as Maura passed through, she dropped a kiss on the M.E.'s cheek. She was going to get so used to this.

"Jane … Thank you. For listening … for …"

Before she could get emotional again, Jane scoffed.

"You can thank me later."

With a sparkle in her eye, Maura vowed.

"Oh, believe me, I will."

Jane's blood flushed hot at the promise.

She stood watching as Maura walked all the way down the hall, glancing back at the last moment to grin at Jane over her shoulder.

She didn't stop looking until her favorite doctor had completely disappeared. As eventful as her time away had seemed, it was nothing compared to the twists and turns in the last week. Damn, in the last 24 hours. She could hardly wrap her mind around it all.

She just knew that it had happened. It was all real. And that this time, when Maura left her apartment, Jane felt like she owned the whole freakin' world.

Once she was fully inside, and the door had closed behind her, it was all she could do not to throw her fist in the air and yell, "YES!" like she'd just sunk a three point shot from half court.

What the hell.

It was her apartment.

"YES!"

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the end part 29  
>thanks for reading!<p>

**Author's Note: Edited AGAIN. Same things still happened, I just used EVEN more words**. **(Almost 500 more, if we're counting)**


	31. Chapter 31

Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)  
>Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 30 –<strong> Actual Chapter Update, At Long, Long Last<br>**Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles  
>Rating: No clue<br>Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.  
>NotesSummary: Nothing you confess … could make me love you less …

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Some of the biggest surprises in Angela Rizzoli's recent memory had included: finding out that her husband didn't want to be married to her anymore; learning that he also wanted an annulment, basically declaring her three beautiful children bastards; losing her home; being invited to live with her daughter's best friend and colleague with the nicest possible arrangements and accommodations; finding out that her daughter was in love with that same female friend; finding out that her super intelligent landlord had rejected her amazing daughter out of fear and insecurity; discovering that her daughter's former partner and current mentor was about as big a romantic as Angela herself was, and had selflessly provided her daughter a wonderful escape from her traumatic experience; realizing that she had developed feelings for the man; and the welcome transformation that had taken place in the relationships she shared with her daughter and her "adopted" daughter after they had both confided in her.

Still, she had been totally shocked when Maura had returned from her trip to Pittsfield and promptly told her that she had walked in on Jane kissing another woman.

She had been so gob smacked by this revelation that she failed to notice most of the sentences that followed … or Maura's overall lack of gloom and despair about it.

Jane and another woman? Since when? Who was this person? How could she know nothing about this?

She had finally waved her hands in front of her frantically to get Maura to stop talking and start over … slowly, and with more information.

When she'd gotten over her initial confusion and had taken in the full impact of what had occurred, she was beside herself. Her girls were going to be together!

Love had won out.

Sure, there were talks and discussions and hurdles and real life issues that would need to be dealt with, but the biggest thing was that they both knew … they both believed … they were no longer wondering or worrying or wishing for things to be different.

And she wasn't going to have to have her own heart splintered between them. Her prayers had been answered.

She was so excited she could hardly stand it.

After making Maura a proper breakfast and getting more crucial, if momentarily troubling, details, she's sent the hopeful younger woman off to shower and get a decent amount of sleep. Not only had she been on a whirlwind business trip and a long ride home, she'd endured the emotional upheaval of all that had gone on after her ill-fated entrance at Jane's apartment. That, plus a night of being cramped and uncomfortable in her car meant that she needed to pamper herself the rest of the day.

Once she was alone again, Angela was itching to call Jane and find out more, but thought better of it. Maura had said that Jane had wanted her to know what had happened, but she'd also indicated that she'd be sleeping part of the afternoon as well. Jane would call her if she wanted to talk before the big date.

The idea of it made Angela smile wide.

She had to talk to somebody!

With barely a hesitation she picked up the phone and dialed Vince Korsak's cell number. It would only be fair that he also know that the rocky road seemed to be getting smoother. He had done so much to help.

Besides, there was a nice little place on Stuart St. that she wanted to try.

They might as well discuss things over lunch.

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After much internal debate, Jane had decided to make the bed up with the sheets Maura had just "anger washed" for her.

Initially, she was just going to put the mattress pad back on and grab some other sheets from the linen closet. But when she pulled the still-warm set from the dryer, they smelled incredible. And felt so comfy.

Maura had evidently used the appropriate amount of fabric softener, something she never seemed to get right and frequently skipped.

Besides, nothing … intimate … had actually happened in them, so …

It struck her how close she had been to crossing that line.

While Maura had been sitting outside in her car, crying.

Shaking her head, she reminded herself that there was no going back. She couldn't change anything. And she'd made the right decision with Julie, regardless of this morning's startling turn.

Tonight she would get to tell Maura about that decision, and hopefully remove some of the emotional weight caused by the M.E's natural assumption.

Even without knowing the truth, in spite of believing that Jane had moved on in at least one aspect of her recovery from crushing heartbreak, Maura had fought for her.

Had fought with her, really. Had laid everything on the line to get them to this point.

It was nearly overwhelming. To have been so far down, feeling so desolate and destructive … and then to have reclaimed, no … embraced … the person she wanted to be, and on top of that victory, to have been granted another chance at making her life more complete … with the person she longed to share it with …

None of her aches or bruises registered. She'd barely felt the sting when she'd replaced her small bandages after her wonderfully hot shower.

She felt marvelous.

And sleepy.

Setting her alarm so that she wouldn't have to rush her further preparations for the evening, she slid into bed. She'd finish making it up later.

The last thought in her drowsy mind before she dropped into dreamland was of Maura … how it felt to hold her without worrying about letting go.

And how wonderful it felt being truly held by her.

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When Jane woke up … and was sure she still had plenty of time … she called her mother.

After surviving endless minutes of the third degree and placating Angela as much as possible without the full explanation about Julie, she was finally able to get her mom's reaction to the big news.

It had been the closest thing to a girlish squeal as Jane had ever heard from her.

They spent a few moments going back and forth about how great it was, finishing each other's sentences and giggling, before Jane tried to bring them back down to earth.

"There's still so much we have to iron out, Ma. I'm sure there will be more tears and hurt feelings before this part is over …"

"Of course there will be, Sweetie. It's a relationship! And the two of you need to clear the air. But, Baby … it's going to be all right. You two love each other so much. I've seen it. I know it. And neither of you will ever give up on the other. It's powerful and beautiful, and if I'm being honest … I'm almost jealous."

"Ma!"

"Not real jealousy, Honey. You know what I mean. I'm so incredibly happy! Beside myself for both of you. This is what needed to happen, what was supposed to happen. I would have supported you no matter what, you know that. But this was what my heart wanted. For there to be a happy ending for my girls."

When Jane had been unable to speak, her mother had grown concerned.

"Janie … are you there?"

After clearing her throat, she managed to whisper.

"Yeah, Ma. Just a little emotional all of the sudden."

"Oh, Janie. It's okay. I love you, ya know."

"You're not making it any better, Ma." Laughing through her tears, Jane regained her voice. "I love you too. And thank you … so much. Really … I can't even …"

"Shush! You don't need to say any of that. It's what mothers do."

"SOMEONE really needs to learn how to accept a sincere expression of gratitude …"

"And SOMEONE really needs to stop teasing me and tell me when Maura's expected to show up over there."

Jane marveled at how natural it seemed that her mother would have a hand in making sure that the other half of this star-crossed pair would be on time.

"Six thirty would be great."

"Do you need me to send anything? Cook anything?"

"No, Ma. Thanks for the offer, but I've got this."

"Yes you do, Sweetheart. Yes you do."

After they disconnected, Jane hadn't been able to stop smiling.

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Frankie had been warned. Her mother had revealed that Korsak was in the loop. She would turn the phone off as soon as Maura arrived so that there wouldn't be any interruptions. If Tommy somehow managed to show up at the worst possible moment, she would shoot him.

Jane had taken every possible precaution to ensure that tonight would be reserved for Maura. And for laying everything out on the table. Nothing should be left unsaid or unexplained … only then could they move forward.

It was that thought, about what would come after the big discussion, that made Jane nervous. Not because she was worried, really. But because she wanted it so badly. And she wanted everything to be perfect. Special.

Her choice of outfit was an outward indication of that goal.

It was the basically backless purple-ish dress/jumper/thing that she had bought at the resort gift shop. She studiously avoided thinking about it as what she had on the night of the "Ivan experiment." It was plenty warm inside the apartment for exposure not to be an issue.

She knew how she looked in it … and had seen the honest appraisal in Miguel's eyes. Eyes she could trust. She was dying to see the look on Maura's face when she saw it. When she knew it was for her.

Everything was ready.

She was more than ready. Even if she wasn't wearing shoes. She'd decided that she'd only have to take them off … before. And she was not about to leave the apartment.

The only thing missing was Maura.

Which summed up how she'd started to think about her life after she returned from her trip.

In a few minutes, she'd have everything she'd ever wanted.

And, by God, she deserved it.

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The knock at her door made her heart skyrocket.

Or more accurately, sent it into hyperdrive.

Jane had to take three deep breaths and remind herself to calm the hell down before she could even move. Then, she ordered herself not to run.

Even still, she practically yanked the door open as Maura was about to knock a second time, slightly startling them both.

Before Jane had time to recover and speak, she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

Maura was breathtaking.

It wasn't new, this appreciation … or awareness … of her appeal. But with her senses already heighted by expectation and excitement, Jane could scarcely take it in.

Her hair, as usual, was flawless. Jane's fingers itched to sift through it, feel it glide between them. Her eyes were wide open, a reaction similar to her own mirrored there. Jane felt like she was falling, weightlessly, into their depths.

A slight glance away to break the spell cast her gaze on Maura's lips and she was totally lost again.

Gripping the doorknob for balance, she tried to focus. The deep teal green dress Maura was wearing was sleeveless, despite the temperature outside. Jane followed the perfection of her arms to where one of them cradled a bottle of wine.

Her brain briefly noted the presence of the one thing she'd requested before it practically shorted out when she realize that dress was skin tight.

Closing her eyes to steady herself, she tried not to follow the train of thought that was racing through her mind. Skin tight. Skin … she wanted more of it. Right now. What she had glimpsed of Maura's unbelievably toned legs as they were showcased by the even more unbelievably high heels …

Jesus. She had to SAY something.

Her eyelids lifted in slow motion, bringing Maura back in full affect.

"Hey."

Jane was painfully conscious of the way the M.E. licked her lips before replying.

"Am I late?"

Shaking her head almost violently, Jane reassured her.

"No! No … um … "

She wanted to kick herself for sounding so lame and so clumsy.

"You look amazing."

Maura smiled and rendered her comment immediately inadequate.

"So do you … I …"

Jane was fascinated as Maura faltered.

"I … should have known that the pictures couldn't do you justice."

Blushing, Jane belatedly remembered that she had longed for Maura's first impression of her get-up. She had been too distracted to care until the attention was turned in her direction.

"Jane, you're absolutely beautiful."

"Thanks."

Maura seemed inordinately pleased that Jane had simply accepted the compliment without deflection or humor. Her smile was brilliant.

"May I come in?"

At least one of them appeared to have regained their footing.

"OH, oh my god … yeah."

Maura's eyes twinkled with amusement as she breezed past the stock-still detective.

Cursing inwardly and mentally shaking herself, Jane was feeling a little more like she was back on her game as she slowly closed the door and locked it.

But then her eyes followed Maura as she walked away … toward the kitchen … and she was speechless again.

Damn.

That dress. Those legs.

Now her mouth was completely dry.

She hoped Maura would open the wine right away.

If she was going to be able to talk at all tonight, she would need to remedy that.

And to stop staring at the way the form-fitting material emphasized Maura's mind-blowing body.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As she reached in the drawer where Jane kept the corkscrew, Maura marveled at the stability of her hands.

She was as mentally prepared as possible prior to knocking on the apartment door, but nothing could have prepared her for the visceral reaction she'd had to Jane as she opened it.

It was more than just the personification of exquisiteness that struck her so forcefully, not that image before her was irrelevant. It was the combination of eagerness and vulnerability and open admiration that Jane practically radiated … added to her own anticipation and emotions …

And the fact that she'd never seen anything sexier than Jane standing in front of her wearing that clingy yet sophisticated ensemble, her hair loose and gorgeously settled across her shoulders, tan all the way to her toes. The tiny white Band-Aid just above her eyebrow only making her seem much more approachable …

And while she'd never come close to an actual swoon triggered by mere visual stimuli, she completely understood the popular use of the word as applied to how she felt when she realized that she would be allowed to unveil even more … to touch and explore …

Somehow, in the ensuing exchange, she'd managed to regain her composure. Jane was as affected as she was, if not more. And that notion was positively thrilling.

As she turned back toward the counter, the wine bottle in one hand and the corkscrew in the other, she was acutely aware that Jane had joined her. Maura was almost giddy that the taller woman was barefoot … due to the height of her own heels, they were closer to the same level.

She was about to comment on that welcome development, when Jane softly cleared her throat.

"I have a confession to make …"

Maura didn't have time to allow the trepidation those words usually caused to take hold before Jane smiled sheepishly and continued.

"I didn't actually fix anything for dinner."

Motioning toward the table where the wine glasses stood at each place setting, she ventured.

"I couldn't imagine actually eating anything before we had a chance to talk … I mean … I'm not terribly hungry … but I have some …"

Charmed, Maura interrupted.

"I think talking first is a wonderful idea."

Jane's smile was dazzling.

"At any time, you just say the word, and I'll make you as many grilled cheese sandwiches as you want."

"You've got a deal."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jane was relieved that Maura had been the one to serve the wine. She never would have been able to keep her hands steady enough to pour. Not with the vision directly in front of her.

In fact, she had to smooth her palms down the tops of her legs several times before she could even reach for the stem of her glass without shaking.

She was proud that she was able to raise her arm and extend it for a toast with no noticeable tremors.

"To tonight."

Looking into Maura's eyes, absorbing the full impact of her smile, the warmth that surrounded her heart turned infinitely hotter as the last of the two words fully registered.

Inclining her own glass to within centimeters of Jane's, Maura's voice was remarkably calm and unbelievably sexy as she countered.

"To many tomorrows."

Jane felt the tiny "clink" of the glass rims all the way to her bones. She barely tasted the first sip as her mind raced to find the words she needed to open the topics of discussion they had to cover and clear up so that she could finally feel free to show Maura what her version of "forever" was …

As she settled the suddenly heavy wine glass back to the table, she cleared her throat.

"Um … I feel like there should be some sort of … disclaimer … or statement given … before either of us starts talking. Similar to a Miranda."

Laughing nervously, she continued.

"Nothing you say may be used against you, and all that."

Maura's lips turned up at one corner.

"Worried?"

Sobering, Jane nodded, but hurried to clarify.

"Only that something I say may hurt you … cause you to doubt … this, yourself …"

"Jane …"

"Let's just say that the point of this whole thing is to tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. But … none of it is intended to … open wounds. To judge … just … I want there to be no more assumptions, no more questions unanswered, no more … wondering."

"I understand. And I agree. Where should we start?"

"I just … want … you, especially you … to know everything. Always."

Seeing the tears form in Maura's eyes caused her to rush a response.

"I think we should start at the beginning … or rather … when I left. But first … I have another confession to make."

Maura blinked quickly, and then raised an eyebrow.

God she was adorable.

"You said that you would come over tonight to talk under one condition, remember?"

She could see Maura running through their previous conversation and could instantly tell when she got to the point Jane was referring to.

"Yes."

Now her expression was somewhat bemused.

"Well, I'm only wearing half of what I promised. This thing … I can't really wear a bra with it."

Maura's eyes immediately roamed over her, verifying her statement. And momentarily making her flush.

With a sultry look and a quick sip of her wine, the M.E. practically purred a reply.

"That's okay. Between the two of us, we have a full set."

At Jane's stunned reaction, she wrinkled her nose playfully in mock disgust.

"Panty lines."

Holy shit!

Jane thought she would pass out.

How the fuck was she supposed to be coherent and make any sense when Maura had just told her that she wasn't wearing underwear?!

Immeasurably delighted with herself, Maura prompted.

"You were saying something about starting around the time you left on your trip?"

Still struck dumb, Jane could only nod.

"You had to get away from me?"

Now Maura's tone sounded softer, almost small.

"No! I mean, after the elevator … I was shattered. But … even more confused. And desperate in a way. Desperate to figure out how I could work with you, be around you with the way things seemed to be headed … toward polite and professional, but with no personal relationship involved. Korsak somehow guessed what was going on and we talked. He suggested that to find the answer … any answer, it would be best for me to do so without the stress of … figuring it out as I went along … constantly confronted with the situation and my lack of … protection from it."

Seeing Maura's brow furrow, she pushed ahead.

"He was going to lose the money he'd invested in these tickets … to the Caribbean … if he didn't use them, so he offered me one of them. Pretty much insisted. And I jumped at the chance to get away … not from YOU specifically … as much from ME as anything. I'm not making any sense …"

"No, you are. I understand. It was all too much at that moment."

Relieved, Jane continued.

"I was miserable when I got there, despite the incredible surroundings. Ma had made me leave my phone with her … she was amazing, really, about the whole thing. But if she hadn't demanded it, I think I would have called you … begged you to forgive me for the things I had said to you …"

"You weren't the one who needed to apologize!"

Grinning ruefully, Jane waved her hand in a dismissive gesture.

"We're not going to get anywhere if we keep arguing over who's more sorry."

Matching her grin, Maura tilted her head as if to say, "touché."

"You're absolutely right. Even though, I am the one who dealt the first blow."

"Maura …"

Jane's warning was cut off by the most marvelous chuckle from the woman she was aiming it at.

"I'll behave. Please continue."

Completely comfortable now, Jane complied.

"Gerard recognized how much I was struggling. He was … seriously, an angel. He built me up in ways that I was unaware of at the time. Gave me the space and the right kick in the pants to start accepting who and what I am … and what I wanted in my life. Miguel and Celia … they were icing on the cake."

She took a deep breath.

"Ivan on the other hand …"

Jane was aware of a subtle change in Maura's demeanor, almost as if she were slightly bracing herself. Meeting her eyes and holding them, Jane hoped hers were reassuring.

"Confession time, again. Ready?"

The somewhat anxious nod was her cue.

"I found myself attracted to Ivan in the kickboxing class he taught. He was very good at it … and he was appreciative of my ability …"

Jane tried not to react to the brief snort that interrupted her.

" … He was attentive. And he was very handsome …"

"I saw the pictures."

"Maura …"

"Sorry. Behaving."

"And I was still wondering: Was I so attracted to you because I was in love with you? Because of our close relationship? Or was I honestly attracted to women? Had my relationships with men been so … unfulfilling … because of I was afraid of the expectations? Or held back by my 'old fashioned' morals?"

She paused to wink at her companion.

"So, I had the perfect opportunity … A perfect candidate to help me test my theory, so to speak. He was interested. He was available with no strings attached … and I would likely never see him again."

Maura swallowed hard.

"And?"

"And so I danced with him … I let him kiss me … you saw the pictures."

Hesitating only briefly, Jane took the plunge.

"He asked me back to his room and I said yes. I could tell how much he wanted me … and once we were alone, well … things happened pretty fast."

Glancing up, she could see that Maura was hardly breathing. She was dying to put the smile back in those eyes, but this had to be done.

"I was responding to him … and it wasn't … unpleasant, just not … Jesus!"

Jane threw her head back and tried to find the right words.

"Suddenly, I thought about how different it would feel if it were you … instead of him … and, God, Maura … I was on fire. And I knew. I knew that I couldn't. Go through with it. Not with him … or really, with any man. I had to stop him. He wasn't very happy about it …"

"No kidding."

The words were dry, but not bitter.

"He was also offended that I wasn't grateful … with me being such an OLDER woman and all."

Jane rolled her eyes and Maura was intrigued.

"How old was he?"

Looking down, sincerely embarrassed, Jane mumbled.

"23."

"That's nothing to be alarmed about! It's perfectly legal and acceptable for a man that age to be with women our age. In fact, some would say it's actually optimum … considering the ages at which both genders reach their sexual peaks …"

"Maura!"

Realizing what she was saying, the M.E. shook her head.

"I'm so relieved that you realized … discovered all the information you were searching for … that you didn't …"

"Me too."

Maura took advantage of the pause in Jane's narrative.

"While we're on the subject, I have another confession to make as well."

"Yeah?"

"The day after you came home, when you were in the kitchen and I overheard your mother mention 'your night with Yvonne' I was so insanely jealous. Of course, the way she pronounced it, I naturally assumed it was a woman. I was nearly ill at the thought of it."

"Oh, honey …"

"I'd never been jealous like that, Jane. In my whole life."

Jane was pretty sure she shouldn't be so happy about this admission. It obviously bothered Maura that it had happened.

"It's only natural. When you care as much …"

"Anyway, I didn't mean to cut you off. About your trip."

"Yes. It was exactly what I needed, even though I would have never planned it or imagined it. Gerard told me toward the end of the first week that …"

Unexpectedly, Jane felt her throat close. She willed herself to finish.

"… that ... I should never accept or believe that anyone had 'settled' if they chose to be with me … that I was the grand prize."

It was her turn to blink rapidly.

"What a wise and wonderful man."

Sniffling, Jane agreed.

"Yeah. Grandpa Magic indeed. Anyway, the second week I was at a very serene yoga retreat. Amazingly enough, I enjoyed the hell out of it."

Maura was unable to hide her surprise.

"I know! It gave me the peace and quiet and calm that I needed to make a plan. For how I was going to be … who I was going to be … when I came back to reality. I was going to be honest, and strong, and exactly the person I was now comfortable with. And I was going to do whatever was necessary within those boundaries to repair my relationship with you. So that I could be your friend. Hence, the hug and the question as soon as I saw you."

"And here I was, thinking about grabbing you and kissing you senseless as soon as I saw you."

Jane's arms fell from the table as her jaw dropped.

"Whuh-at?!

"I guess I should also start at the beginning …"

"Or you could tell me more about the grabbing and kissing …"

"Jane!"

Even as she chastised, Maura was smiling. But she turned serious as she spoke.

"I had a horrendous and agonizing night after we … after the elevator argument. On my date."

She grimaced slightly as she delivered the last word.

"It was truly just an escort–me-to-a-function arrangement, Jane. But I still could barely stand it. I didn't sleep well, if at all. And then your mother was trying to be so kind, making me breakfast, trying to get me to tell her what was wrong … and I just couldn't process how I would begin to fix any of it. How I would explain to her that I had hurt you so deeply … or why."

Jane lifted her chin encouragingly.

"So, _I_ basically ran away. Tried to do anything that would take my mind off of you … and what you had said. The shocking truth in your statements. But it didn't work. I saw you everywhere. Missed you everywhere. I had no idea you had … gone. I resolved to try to act more like I had … before. To just let things unfold. To be YOUR friend again. I didn't know until I got to your desk that Monday morning and Sgt. Korsak delivered the news …"

Her voice trailed off as she seemed to drift back to that moment.

"Ma didn't tell you?!"

"I'm sure she would have … if I hadn't been studiously avoiding her."

Turning to face Jane once more, Maura confided.

"I panicked then. Completely. Right there in the precinct. I'm sure I scared Sgt. Korsak to death."

Jane was pretty sure she was right.

"I don't really remember how I got back to my office. I just felt like I was in free-fall. I had been having these terrible dreams … in which I lost you …"

Maura wavered and Jane had an impulse to reach out to her.

"And it was like my nightmares were coming true. Your mother found me like that. She told me that the two of you had talked. She knew what had happened. What I had done … I asked about where you were … and if I should go to you."

Stunned again, Jane was speechless.

"She said, in that way that she has, that I shouldn't go if I were just lonely or feeling guilty. That I shouldn't go after you unless I could see us ending up on the beach together kissing like in 'From Here to Eternity'."

Laughing softly, Jane whispered.

"That's one of her favorite movies. My mother the romantic."

"I didn't want to make it worse for you and I didn't know exactly what I did want. Not that I would admit to myself. Then, I felt lost."

"I fantasized that you would come after me. That somehow you'd convince Korsak to tell you where I had gone …"

"I wish I had."

"I'm glad you didn't."

Their statements overlapped. At Maura's look, Jane explained.

"I wasn't ready. As much as I would have welcomed you with open arms, and kissed YOU senseless, I wouldn't have been … sure. About too many things."

Now it was Maura who laughed softly.

"That first week was wretched. I couldn't understand why I was so afraid. Your mother ... how can I describe it? ... was relentlessly understanding. She took care of me, all the while nudging and guiding me to face myself and all the possibilities that my decisions could create … or deny."

Jane felt a surge of affection for her mother. And her legendary persistence.

"I think I posed an interesting challenge for her, actually. I'm quite unlike any of her biological children."

This time, Maura winked across the table.

"No kidding."

"And then, I thought I had ruined everything … the camaraderie and connection we had developed. She had cooked this fabulous meal for Sgt. Korsak …"

"Yeah. About that …"

"Later?"

Maura knew that a dialogue regarding Angela's love life might derail, or at least delay, the progress they were making.

"Oh. Sure. Yeah."

"It was such a wonderful evening, despite the fact that you weren't there. Tommy and Frankie and Vince and Angela … couldn't have been nicer. It was an almost perfect night, until Vince and Frankie suggested we get together the next evening. And I had to tell them I had a date."

Jane's head jerked. This was news.

"Earlier in the week, I had run into Phillip, literally. He was a complete gentleman and exactly the type of man I would usually find appealing. It was while I was still wrestling with how to define my feelings for you … I wasn't looking for anything to further complicate the equation, but when he asked me out I said yes. Because … if things had been 'normal' I would have said yes. And I so desperately wanted things to be normal again."

Remaining silent, Jane turned this new information over and over in her mind.

"Angela was surprised and hurt that I hadn't told her about Phillip, or the date. I had intended to, but looking back, I think subconsciously I knew that it would disappoint her. When we finally discussed it, she encouraged me to go. She asked me if I thought that you and I would remain unattached forever, never meeting anyone with whom we could see a future. And then she told me about Katie Jane."

Jane was sitting with one of the most intelligent women in the whole world, but in that moment, she was struck by the idea that her mother was a true genius.

"All I could think about while I was with Phillip was you. Where you were. How you were doing. And I worried that if I was too timid to accept my feelings for you, if I was content to just try to be your best friend, that you would eventually go on with a life that no longer included me. And I would be devastated."

Watching the beautiful doctor as she recalled her emotions, Jane was even more transfixed.

"I couldn't get home fast enough. When Philip kissed me goodnight … it was, what did you say? …'not unpleasant' … but that's all it was."

She had felt Jane tense as she mentioned the kiss and was hoping that her next comments would erase her concern.

"He was the first person I told, oddly enough. When I tried to explain to him why I was so aloof, I said something to the effect of 'You're a very nice man if I were free, you'd be just the type of person I'd be interested in'. But I wasn't free. My heart already belonged to you. And that night, I admitted it. I welcomed it. And I cherished it."

She was rewarded with one of Jane's widest smiles.

"How did … Phillip … take the news?"

"Like I said, he was a gentleman."

Jane rolled her eyes again.

"The second week was torture. Because I knew how I felt and what I wanted, but I couldn't tell you right away. And your mother was going crazy trying to get me to acknowledge it! I just knew that I had to tell you first. And it had to be when we were alone. When I could try to make everything up to you …"

"Hey. We said no more competition with the 'I'm sorry's'."

Maura pretended to be exasperated.

"YOU said! Anyway, we were with your family, then you had so much work to catch up on … you had the stakeout, I had my trip … and somewhere in the midst of all that you met …"

"Julie."

Despite her best efforts, Maura couldn't help the way she pressed her lips tightly together at the mention of the name.

Okay, here we go.

Jane took a giant sip of her wine and tried not to cough as it went down.

She was going to have to hurt the person she most wanted to protect before she could hope to hold her again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

the end part 30  
>thanks for reading!<p> 


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